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Help/Support ► Khinisder...help me figure out this girl. I need advice from the experienced.



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sora364

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This is fairly lengthy. So bear with me please. If you don’t like reading, you might as well leave now.

There is a lovely female I have a gargantuan crush on. I believe she’s attracted to me as well, but can’t be too certain. It initially began as her “stalking” me in a sense. Every morning she would literally stand and wait for me (we cross paths on the way to our classes) and “coincidentally” walk pass me the instant I arrived. I find this strange, considering the times I get to school are variable. I can be late, I can be early, but she was always there.

There was this one instance where I had to go to her class. After taking one look at me, she immediately started to whisper to her friend while giggling uncontrollably (A LOT) for no real reason (and her face turned beet red. Seriously, I didn’t do anything remotely comical.)

Outside, I found her staring at me like a piece of meat a little while ago. My friend even told me he caught her staring at my ***<_<…

Eventually, I generated the testicular fortitude to talk to her. When I did, her eyes virtually lit up. And she had a huge smile on her face the entire time. I began speaking with her for about a week (and she constantly referred to me as “Georgie”). The ongoing flirting went on for about a week, until she finally asked me to add her to her Myspace. You’re most likely asking yourselves why haven’t I asked her out yet, right? Well…

The very same day, she dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she had a boyfriend. I was shocked upon hearing this. I was so baffled she asked “Does that surprise you?” then I said “No. It’s just that you’re boyfriend’s a lucky bastard” and left it at that.

So the following Monday, I ignored her (trying to get her out of my head, she is engaged in a relationship after all, right?) Well the same day she messaged me asking how come I did not speak to her.

After making some BS excuse, we talked on Myspace for about an hour afterwards. We had a considerably interesting conversation.

Sometime afterward (not long AT ALL) her and her boyfriend broke it off. At any rate, her innocent stares at me continued on for a while. At this point, I became extremely flustered and wanted to see if she had genuine interest in me or not. So on my Myspace, I put “can’t get her out of his head!” on my status. Naturally, if she bore any interest in me, she’d wonder who this “girl” was, correct? Planned worked perfectly, she messaged me in little less than an hour asking was it her that I couldn’t get out of her head. Boy was she unto something…and she seemed overwhelming anxious to see who it was…>_>


So with that, I sang like a canary and divulged all my “feelings” about her. It really didn’t go anywhere past an “I’m glad you told me how you felt” sort of thing. So not very long after, we and a couple of her friends got into the subject of dating. She said she “almost” had a boyfriend and glanced at me for about 2 seconds before we both made eye contact and she turned away. She also refused to tell me who her “almost” boyfriend was (despite him “supposedly” not going to our school)

Fed up with all this, I finally decided to ask her out. In the end, she REJECTED me saying how she was “kinda talking to someone else” (which I’d presume was this mystery guy) but the expression on her face made looked like an on the fly excuse.

Finally she told me she sees me as “just a friend”. Though her actions spoke louder than her words. Now lately, she’s been staring at me like crazy and it’s beginning to get on my nerves. If you just see us as friends and “almost” have a boyfriend, why the hell do you keep looking at me?! I already asked you out, what more do you want from me?


Alright, KHI, what should I do next? I ask, because I’m seriously getting ready to throw in the towel. Suggestions? I’m very much into her, but at the same time am tired of playing games.
 

Iridium

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Simple:

Find someone else new, there are plenty of other girls out there that are right for you.
The mind games are a part of the chase, but if she says she's not interested in you take the hint and buzz off.
 

Nyangoro

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And here we have a series of long and winding events (even a MySpace scheme) that led absolutely nowhere.

In all seriousness, though, if she is interested in someone else at the moment, don't push anything on her. Just stay friends, you'll have another opportunity when/if she breaks it off with this new guy. She could very well be one of those "friendly to everybody" people, and truly does see you as just a friend.

Basically, stay friends and don't try and rush/force anything.
 

Chris

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It seems to me as if she was infatuated with you, or merely attracted to you, and when she got to know you she was turned off by your personality. Feel free to correct me, but I really can't think of any other reason that a girl who was on the verge of stalking you would suddenly no longer like you when she got to know you. You probably scared her away. Nothing else I can really think of. You were probably too overbearing. Move on, she probably isn't worth it.
 

sora364

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Simple:

Find someone else new, there are plenty of other girls out there that are right for you.
The mind games are a part of the chase, but if she says she's not interested in you take the hint and buzz off.

I have practically the same outlook as you, however the problem is, there are no other prospects that grip my interests right now. And while I’m slowly getting over this last girl, a part of me refuses to move on. I’ve “buzzed off” and left it there, but regardless as of to what she says, it’s contrary to what she’s actually doing. That's what's bothering me. If she practiced what she preached, this wouldn't be an issue with me. But yeah...you're probably still right.



And here we have a series of long and winding events (even a MySpace scheme) that led absolutely nowhere.
In all seriousness, though, if she is interested in someone else at the moment, don't push anything on her. Just stay friends, you'll have another opportunity when/if she breaks it off with this new guy. She could very well be one of those "friendly to everybody" people, and truly does see you as just a friend.

Basically, stay friends and don't try and rush/force anything.

You’re absolutely correct. I’d never persist to push it beyond that. Even with all this, I've been led on a seemignly everlasting trail to nothing. I don’t want to come off as obsessive. And as for getting a second opportunity…I digress. I would feel like some consolation prize. But thanks nonetheless.


It seems to me as if she was infatuated with you, or merely attracted to you, and when she got to know you she was turned off by your personality. Feel free to correct me, but I really can't think of any other reason that a girl who was on the verge of stalking you would suddenly no longer like you when she got to know you. You probably scared her away. Nothing else I can really think of. You were probably too overbearing. Move on, she probably isn't worth it.


No…you have a valid standpoint. That truly feels to be the case. I think I know what part off my personality may off turned her off, but I am far from overbearing. And as for her “not being worth it” I’m starting to feel that way myself. But moving on is difficult when you don’t care for anyone else that way…
 

Iridium

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I've been in a similar situation, but in the end I gave up on her since she didn't really want a relationship; and quite frankly I think I freaked her out.

If this is bugging you at least don't pursue her, if you can get some time alone with her and at least talk about the reasons for her rejecting you, the real reasons, then maybe you can finally get a conclusion and will be able to move on from this pointless venture. It's also possible that she's just on the fence about liking you, it seems somewhat like that so maybe giving her time to know you better will give her the realization that she might in fact see you as more then "just a friend".

Last options being is to find someone else, sometimes that person is right under your nose which turned out to be the case for me which, believe it or not be my best friend. But that's just in my case.

Only other thing you can do besides questioning her, pursuing her or going for someone else is to give up or at least take a break from relationships altogether. At 18 you have many more important things to worry about such as your future, grades and college (if you plan on going). So try and take those things into account first before taking any action, if you plan on taking any action that is.
 

sora364

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Thanks a bundle Iridium. You've helped more than you could imagined with that last post. I appreciate it. My priorities are organized, its only that reading this girl is intricate. I'm not necessarily stressing over it...just pondering.
 

Annoyance

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Girls are confusing fucking creatures. Fuck, I am one and I don't understand some of these girls.

But feelings come, feelings pass, feelings return, regret, etc.

She could still like you, though. She's probably confused like the rest of us. Don't stop talking to her, though. Who knows, maybe she'll like you more and more.

Sorry if I don't know what I'm talking about. :3
 

Dogenzaka

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The amount of text in this thread already encourages me to tell you to find a simpler, more down-to-earth girl that isn't into Kira mindgames.

A lot of girls are like you described, and they are confusing. She could be the flirty type that just LIKES looking at you because you're spiffy to look at or something, but really has no interest in you relationship-wise.

Find a girl who does what she says what she means what she thinks. It's hard, but there should be a few out there.
 
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Alright, KHI, what should I do next? I ask, because I’m seriously getting ready to throw in the towel. Suggestions? I’m very much into her, but at the same time am tired of playing games.

It's a little ironic that you're talking about "testicular fortitude" when it's blatantly obvious that you have none to speak of. No self respecting guy should EVER approach a girl by baiting her on fucking MySpace of all things. Your profile says you are eighteen; if that is true, you are painfully underdeveloped where socializing with the opposite sex is concerned. When you're interested in a girl, you fucking talk to her like she is a human being. It's really that simple.

Honestly, reading your first three paragraphs or so, my first thought was that you are delusional and you probably allowed your own infatuation with her to deceive you into believing she was reciprocating that attraction. But -- even though almost everybody else in this thread who's post has contained the word "mindgames" beat me to it -- I'll answer your question under the assumption that everything you've said is accurate and unbiased, though I'm sure it isn't. Here is what you do:



  1. Acknowledge that she is fucking with you.
  2. Salvage a platonic relationship with her if you think it's possible and you want to.
  3. If you truly feel that she's continuing to stare at you, ask her to stop.

I don't know why you fucking kids make situations like this so complicated.
 

Nutari

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Ok listen. She loves playing mind games with you. I think she just likes screwing w/ you. And if she does like you make her jelious. But i say move on. She is being a stalkie person. Let her know that you are totally creeped by that look she keeps giving you. Also if she liked you before, she washed her hair. She doesnt like you anymore, so she is just trying to make u not like her.
 

PKKzelfar

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Mhmmm....yeah, most girls are like these now, practically, she's just messing with you now, it's like, if she's looking at you sweetly, she may be attracted, if she's looking at you, in a big eyed disturbing way, then I tell you, she's just messing with you, find a girl who is more Honest to you
 

Princess of KH

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well...i've heard of stuff like this before. this is what i think:
she liked you when she first started following you around & staring at you. then her bf & her broke up, most likely because he noticed she wasn't into him anymore & things weren't the same about her. when you talked to her, she probably thought that meant you knew her ex bf & her weren't together anymore, & maybe you liked her & were talking the chance to get her to like you. when she asked you if she was the girl you 'couldn't get out of his head', she definately wanted you to say it was her. when you aked her out & she said no, she probably found some other guy who she liked more than you, & hoped she would have a chance w/ him. when she said she just saw you as a friend even though she keeps staring at you, she probably still likes you some & said that just to make you think she was over you (she probably still liked you a little, but was lying to herself, hoping that eventually she would get over you), & she keeps staring at you cause she obviously isn't over you yet & is wondering if there could've ever been anything between you two.

now, my advice: move on. i'm not saying it'll be easy, cause i know it won't if you really like her. & the fact that she sorta "stalked" you & stares at you like that proves to me that she'll probably find another guy to follow around like that soon. she's most likely just looking for attention, & since you didn't give her what she wanted, she decided to find another guy.
this is my opinion...but if it helps, i'm a girl, so i know how girls are. i've seen girls like this before.
good luck.
 

Eternal Snow

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From a girl’s perspective: She’s definitely going for the whole mind games angle. Probably because she’s go some giggling friends telling her that that’s what she’s supposed to do, and if you’re looking for a high maintenance girl who will drop you for another guy without a thought, then congrats, you’ve probably found her. So as everyone else before me has basically said, move on, find a more down to earth girl and stay friends with her if you’re really still interested. Get to know each other personally, and if she becomes interested again and you’re not completely repulsed after getting to know her better, then make the next move.
 

Lifes.Lover

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Hate to admit, because I am a girl, but we do like to stare at guys who are cute and/or hot, without really having any intention of going near them, talking to them, or even date them. Hell, my mother, who is 58, married, with 3 kids and 2 grandkids, likes to oggle guys in the mall. I hate it when she does it around me, but whatever. We're girls. We like to look.

However, it sounds like she might have wanted more from you, but this mysterious new person has caught her fancy now, and you got short shafted. Either way, give up the goose and let her go. She's not worth it, because she sounds really flighty. It might do you some good to stay friends with her, though. It'll show to her that you're not dettered in getting to know her, and, in the end, that might earn you some respect points in your favor, if you still want to go out with her.

In my opinion, find someone else who isn't so obviously checking you out, and, when you ask them out, will actually say yes.
 

Shade737

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I would cuss her out man, but that's just me I hate mind games when it comes to girls that I like.
 

Joy

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This is fairly lengthy. So bear with me please. If you don’t like reading, you might as well leave now.

There is a lovely female I have a gargantuan crush on. I believe she’s attracted to me as well, but can’t be too certain. It initially began as her “stalking” me in a sense. Every morning she would literally stand and wait for me (we cross paths on the way to our classes) and “coincidentally” walk pass me the instant I arrived. I find this strange, considering the times I get to school are variable. I can be late, I can be early, but she was always there.

There was this one instance where I had to go to her class. After taking one look at me, she immediately started to whisper to her friend while giggling uncontrollably (A LOT) for no real reason (and her face turned beet red. Seriously, I didn’t do anything remotely comical.)

Outside, I found her staring at me like a piece of meat a little while ago. My friend even told me he caught her staring at my ***<_<…

Eventually, I generated the testicular fortitude to talk to her. When I did, her eyes virtually lit up. And she had a huge smile on her face the entire time. I began speaking with her for about a week (and she constantly referred to me as “Georgie”). The ongoing flirting went on for about a week, until she finally asked me to add her to her Myspace. You’re most likely asking yourselves why haven’t I asked her out yet, right? Well…

The very same day, she dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she had a boyfriend. I was shocked upon hearing this. I was so baffled she asked “Does that surprise you?” then I said “No. It’s just that you’re boyfriend’s a lucky bastard” and left it at that.

So the following Monday, I ignored her (trying to get her out of my head, she is engaged in a relationship after all, right?) Well the same day she messaged me asking how come I did not speak to her.

After making some BS excuse, we talked on Myspace for about an hour afterwards. We had a considerably interesting conversation.

Sometime afterward (not long AT ALL) her and her boyfriend broke it off. At any rate, her innocent stares at me continued on for a while. At this point, I became extremely flustered and wanted to see if she had genuine interest in me or not. So on my Myspace, I put “can’t get her out of his head!” on my status. Naturally, if she bore any interest in me, she’d wonder who this “girl” was, correct? Planned worked perfectly, she messaged me in little less than an hour asking was it her that I couldn’t get out of her head. Boy was she unto something…and she seemed overwhelming anxious to see who it was…>_>


So with that, I sang like a canary and divulged all my “feelings” about her. It really didn’t go anywhere past an “I’m glad you told me how you felt” sort of thing. So not very long after, we and a couple of her friends got into the subject of dating. She said she “almost” had a boyfriend and glanced at me for about 2 seconds before we both made eye contact and she turned away. She also refused to tell me who her “almost” boyfriend was (despite him “supposedly” not going to our school)

Fed up with all this, I finally decided to ask her out. In the end, she REJECTED me saying how she was “kinda talking to someone else” (which I’d presume was this mystery guy) but the expression on her face made looked like an on the fly excuse.

Finally she told me she sees me as “just a friend”. Though her actions spoke louder than her words. Now lately, she’s been staring at me like crazy and it’s beginning to get on my nerves. If you just see us as friends and “almost” have a boyfriend, why the hell do you keep looking at me?! I already asked you out, what more do you want from me?


Alright, KHI, what should I do next? I ask, because I’m seriously getting ready to throw in the towel. Suggestions? I’m very much into her, but at the same time am tired of playing games.

Talk to her say "If you like me, tell me, and dont' make excuses like it seems you've been making. I want to know. If you don't like me, I don't want to be hung up on someone that doesn't like me. I can't do that to myself."

That would be the last straw, if she said no, end it.
 

Danica Syer

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My advice: If you want her, GO FOR IT! But don't rush it and if she doesn't want you as she did before, DON'T fret there are other fishes in the sea. If she's staring at you alot and seems to be cold towards you now and or whatever, then she might be deciding between you and the other guy but I'd say actions speak louder then her words, so I have a feeling that I think she likes you even if she's seen "another" guy or whatever.

Hope this helps. BEST OF LUCK!
 

UltimaKey

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Something like that happened to me and let me tell u: It's not worth it, okay so maybe she'll go out with u but what might happen after. she might find someone else like before. Find an honest girl that u really like and go after her.
 
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