Help/Support ► So I'm Left with a Decision...

[Love Machine]

There's this girl, Kaylee, I've known for about 3 years, and she's been in my class every one of them. Before those years, I only heard about her and saw her in the hallway occasionally because she was dating my friend. When I got to know her, we started to get into it. I liked her, she liked me. (she wasn't dating my friend atm)

Now back to the present. I've recently found out that she likes to drink and (maybe) do drugs. She's 14; same as me. Now, I strongly disagree with underage drinking, underage use of tobacco, and the use of drugs. Kaylee suddenly decides that she wants to be more than friends again, and I'm left with a decision: should I just suck it up and live with the fact that she's an ignorant idiot, or should I just forget about her as a relationship option completely?

 

[Marly]

Where's the option where you date her and try to get her to stop her unhealthy habits?

If that's not an option why would you even consider dating someone you consider an "ignorant idiot"? That's stupid.

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

If you don't agree with her lifestyle, tell her and make it sort of a promise she won't do those things if they start dating. Or date her then say that.

 

[Taylor]

well, you're only 14, so i can't imagine this relationship is going to go incredibly far anyway no offense or anything.

if her lifestyle isn't one you agree with or want to affiliate with, i'd say just move on. you don't need to be subject to that stuff anyway.

 

[Love Machine]

Where's the option where you date her and try to get her to stop her unhealthy habits?

If that's not an option why would you even consider dating someone you consider an "ignorant idiot"? That's stupid.

She knows I disagree with all of that stuff I mentioned, but she just shrugs and keeps telling me to try it with her sometime, which I ignore because I'm not going to fall victim to peer pressure anytime soon. Yet, afterwards, I look at her and I can tell she's upset because I disapprove of her. I call her "an ignorant idiot" because I seriously do believe she could do better. Perhaps I could try to convince her to stop, but then there's her friend the "Skuzz" who which she does all of that stuff with, who obviously dislikes me for making Kaylee feel bad, even though I know much better than her when it comes to this stuff. She has a rough life at her home, what with her parents and siblings. I'm just kind of... stuck.

well, you're only 14, so i can't imagine this relationship is going to go incredibly far anyway no offense or anything.

I also realized this a long time ago. I'm not getting into anything serious (if that's even possible at my age) atm. I'm just living life as it is right now, but it's still life.

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

Well, if you feel there is any chance of making her change and making a relationship work, go for it. If not, forget the relationship. You can still be friends and help her.

 

[Vani]

She knows I disagree with all of that stuff I mentioned, but she just shrugs and keeps telling me to try it with her sometime, which I ignore because I'm not going to fall victim to peer pressure anytime soon. Yet, afterwards, I look at her and I can tell she's upset because I disapprove of her. I call her "an ignorant idiot" because I seriously do believe she could do better. Perhaps I could try to convince her to stop, but then there's her friend the "Skuzz" who which she does all of that stuff with, who obviously dislikes me for making Kaylee feel bad, even though I know much better than her when it comes to this stuff. She has a rough life at her home, what with her parents and siblings. I'm just kind of... stuck.

If you feel stuck then just move on. No need to stress over a girl you think is an "ignorant idiot."
Just give it to her straight. You can be a couple/close-friends/whatever you want to call it if she grows out of her ways. The fact that she wants YOU to do it with her just makes it all the worse.

 

[Love Machine]

I "yelled" at her once about her to stop it because I'm not ok with it, and she started to cry, which, IMO, was kind of immature given the situation. I shouldn't stress about it, I suppose. It's hard to find anyone in a small town that isn't affiliated with drugs/underage alcohol use, which is also a factor of my trouble.

There isn't a lot of people I can relate to in my town/school. I'm more... mature, I suppose. I know right from wrong better than most kids.

 

[Vani]

Then just wait. You really don't need a girlfriend at such a young age.

 

[Love Machine]

Then just wait. You really don't need a girlfriend at such a young age.

It's not that I need one, it's that... Well when you have feelings for someone, and you suddenly realize that they drink and possible do drugs, it can tear you up. So it's not that I need one, but more of I have the opportunity.

 

[Vani]

The sooner you accept it, the better you'll feel. If you do really have feelings for her, do your best to set her right. If nothing works than just drop it. No matter how hard it seems, it'll be better in the long run. And if you can stay friends, try and go for that. It'll probably not be the same but at least its something.

 

[valorform24]

I'd say just move on. You are fourteen and do not need to be dragged into such behaviors, inadvertently or not. There will be more chances but I think that soon enough you'll be over the crush and you'll get another "opportunity".

 

[lilVon]

Hey kid lots of people do drugs & drink, most of my friends are pot heads, but it dosnt bother me none, & like you I don't do that shit, its not to hard to look over, the main thing is to make sure YOU don't do that shit. & if you really want her to stop, calling her an ignorant idiot isnt gonna help none.

 

[valorform24]

Hey kid lots of people do drugs & drink, most of my friends are pot heads, but it dosnt bother me none, & like you I don't do that shit, its not to hard to look over, the main thing is to make sure YOU don't do that shit. & if you really want her to stop, calling her an ignorant idiot isnt gonna help none.

He is 14 and in middle school though! I can understand being around this stuff in high school, I am, but it is not something I think he should be involved in at such a young age.

 

[AkiraKiyoshi]

I suggest to move on.

It really all depends on whether or not your feelings for her is more important than your morality. Trying to get her to quit probably won't work, since she acts that way when you scold her and all. If you get into the relationship without getting her to stop or anything you'll just end up putting up with it and letting your emotions eat yourself up inside, though maybe I'm just that much of a pessimist.

Anyway, which ever you choose, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[blueheart]

He is 14 and in middle school though! I can understand being around this stuff in high school, I am, but it is not something I think he should be involved in at such a young age.

14 is the new 16, it seems to be lately.

That, or being a shitty parent is more common nowadays.

 

[ChaoticHeart]

Dude, I was in a similar situation when I was 11, I was crushed to find out my oldest friend was doing cocaine and smoking hash, while drinking 70cl's of vodka like they were water, he was 12 at the time.This continued until he was 19, just last year in fact, when he was caught in a raid on a known drug dealers house. Try to have a proper talk with her, not telling her it's bad, but asking why she's drinking and scoring, especially with some fool called the 'Skuzz', because odds are drink and drugs are going to bonk up her life phenomenally.

 

[King Sora X]

If you think you can persuade her to change her ways, then why not take a shot? She's your friend, and obviously likes you heeps, but as you said, she's so fucked up on drugs and such, she's "ignorant", though I wouldn't use that word as the best way to sum it up. It is true you're young, and probably don't know what it means to like someone in that way, but she's your friend nonetheless, and you should do all you can to help her. If it means taking some risks, then it should be worth the reward.

You're call dude. Just be smart bout this and you should be fine...not that I'm promising anything, but you know. xD

 

[Evello]

I actually had a similar situation recently, oddly enough. I'm against drug use and underage drinking as well, and I figured out a girl I really liked had done all of that (although it sounds like drug use was not common). She was extremely forward that she liked me too. I was pretty torn, like you, but I think it might work out. In my case, she recognized that I was uncomfortable with her getting drunk (I really don't care about drinking per se, just getting wasted), and so she agreed to stop. Not only that, but she's actually pretty much proven that she has stopped. And then her best friend was hospitalized after drinking, which I think freaked her out enough that she might really quit for good.

Now, in your case, I don't know if it'll work or not. If she really seriously brings up starting a relationship, I would just say something like "I'm not really comfortable getting into a relationship with someone who uses drugs and alcohol frequently." That leaves her the option of replying that she will try to quit or whatever. But if she really refuses to even think about quitting, then I'd say move on. Whatever you do, DON'T say "quit drugs/alcohol or I won't go out with you." The way I worded it before leaves her the option of agreeing to quit, without it sounding like a demand. Hopefully she'll get the implication.

Just make sure you don't get sucked into that stuff. Good luck.

 

[Wehrmacht]

You could just not drink or do drugs yourself and let her do what she wants, if her behavior isn't TOO destructive. Fact is that people may do things you personally wouldn't do, but it hardly makes them bad. If her "bad habits" are enough that it's destroying her life it's a different story, and in that case you should just move on.