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Poetry ► A Series of Poems (1: The Train),



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SoulXaldin

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It might be very sudden but after watching a movie that was kind of thought-provoking and deep, I was hit with a creative brick. I hope you guys don't mind if I put out a little poem, so here I go:

On the train
I contemplate
Towards who shall I express my disdain
For those I mentally exfoliate?

On the train
I contemplate
The pretty girl I see everyday
Wondering if I'll confident enough to talk

Although I think she's older
It's just a number
Reality be damned

On the train
I contemplate
Is my music playing too loud?
Who did I irritate?

On the train
I contemplate
This is really awkward, standing in a crowd
I have no where else to look but down, up, sideways

The floor and ceiling are becoming monotonous
So I do at times, struggling to refrain, look at others
Just to see whats going on

When I get off the train
I contemplate
I'm ready for a long day
I'll collect today's thoughts and contemplate some more later on

Sorry if its really crappy haha. I'm not exactly the best writer but I want to get better at it eventually. If there's something I need to work on, let me know. I really want to keep doing more.
 

KingdomKey

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You took me on a journey with your poem, SoulXaldin. It felt incredible human because, we do exactly that whereever we go. Be it a train, a car, a plane, or anywhere else we travel. I could relate to this on quite a few levels because, I equally feel self conscious about my music being played too loud or not. Contemplating all of the same things each day, but in different ways. I absolutely love how real it felt, cause I felt like I was seeing through this person's eyes on the train. And I really enjoyed your poem. It was really good.

I can't really critique your poem because, I know nothing about poetry per se. Also, what movie inspired you to write this? I'm quite curious. lol. xD And keep going! Keep writing poetry, or anything else you set your mind to! I'd love to read anything you write!
 

SoulXaldin

Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2017
Messages
350
Awards
5
Location
Outer Heaven
You took me on a journey with your poem, SoulXaldin. It felt incredible human because, we do exactly that whereever we go. Be it a train, a car, a plane, or anywhere else we travel. I could relate to this on quite a few levels because, I equally feel self conscious about my music being played too loud or not. Contemplating all of the same things each day, but in different ways. I absolutely love how real it felt, cause I felt like I was seeing through this person's eyes on the train. And I really enjoyed your poem. It was really good.

I can't really critique your poem because, I know nothing about poetry per se. Also, what movie inspired you to write this? I'm quite curious. lol. xD And keep going! Keep writing poetry, or anything else you set your mind to! I'd love to read anything you write!

Aww, thanks Cinder! Glad you liked it :). I'll definitely write more some time soon. As for what inspired me, it was a movie called Short Term 12. It's completely unrelated to my poem, but the sense of thematic depth and creativity gave me inspiration to interpret that same level of depth into something of my own creation. It wasn't the best attempt, but I'm proud now that I know that someone appreciates my effort :redface:.
 
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