Book 3 Ch. 8 - Never Say Nefir
Successful with forging an alliance with one foreign kingdom, albeit 3000 miles away, it was time to establish one with the gambling kingdom of Getzistan. Iago was well prepared as he had a "system". Genie poofed out of his lamp during the flight. "OK Iago, I got the marked cards, the loaded dice, and the X-ray specs. Sign here. What do ya need all this stuff for anyway?" "That's quite a system."
"What, I'm trying to be practical. We got a genie with semi-phenomenal, nearly-cosmic power! Okay, I was cheatin'! Sue me!" Iago's plan was exposed. Genie was too busy looking at his hand through the x-ray specs. "Ooh, look at the bones!" Just then they stopped. Where the kingdom should have been was a pile of rubble in the shape of a casino paradise. Just then a portly man appeared. Al recognized him as Pasta Al-Dente. "Welcome to Getzistan! I am your host, Sultan Pasta Al-Dente. Smiles everyone, smiles! In Getzistan, everyone smiles! It's the jolliest place on earth!"
Genie thought for a minute that there was something screwy here. Pasta clapped his hands and immediately a band of odd looking creatures appeared. "There's the problem! Imps! Oh, imps are bad news, Al! I've seen 'em strip the flesh off a cow in less than 15 seconds! Or is that piranhas? In any case, I say we lay some traps!"
"That won't be necessary. These imps are the best contractors money can buy. And uh, they're uh, well, they're, they're uh, just remodeling a showroom or two." Pasta was right, the imps were working on restoring the city. From atop an ornate tower was their leader. "What are you doing standing around?! Every idle moment is money out of my pocket, food out of my mouth, blood from my veins!" "That's Nefir. Nefir Hassanuf. He's the head imp."
The griffin-faced imp paced around looking over the guests and glared daggers at Genie, emitting the same response. "There goes the neighborhood. Back to work! Time is money! All play and no work makes Nefir a poor imp."
The imps worked at lightning speeds, something that Genie couldn't do even with his semi-phenomenal nearly-cosmic powers. "Imps! Why did it have to be imps?!"
"You're remodeling the entire city?" "There is one disadvantage. It gets very expensive doing this every day."
"Every day? You rebuild the entire city every day? This isn't just a little remodeling. What's going on here?" "It's because of Samir the Destroyer. He destroys our town every night. It's a curse, or something. Like warts, or a brother-in-law who moves in with you! That kind of thing. Lucky for us the imps repair things so fast. Now if we could only bring back the tourists."
"Why don't you just get rid of this Samir the Destroyer?" The lightbulb lit up in Pasta's head. "What a brilliant idea! Hey, Nefir! Yoo hoo! Aladdin is going to get rid of Samir!"
Nefir, still drinking a martini, spat his out. "Do you realize how much money I'll lose if that boy and his Genie stop Samir? Get back to work! You lazy crap for crap!"
That night, Iago was hitting the slots at Club Nest Egg. "I can't believe you let Karnack here talk you into this. You do your civic duty of being smashed to a pulp." Aladdin and Genie were on a watchtower, looking for Samir. Aladdin started hearing Ponicelli's Dance of the Hours. And then out of nowhere was a gigantic anthropomorphic pink rhino. This was Samir. Rather than go gung-ho over the city, he was dancing a very dainty dance. DANCING! It could only work for hippos, ostriches, and alligators, but not rhinos. But in his melodic trance, Samir was also breaking the buildings that made up Getzistan.
Genie pulled out a tranquilizer gun and fired at Samir. The dart bounced off of his thick hide and hit Aladdin. "Pretty good job, for a genie!" Nefir was laughing his ass off at Genie's expense. After the first movement, Samir was gone and all of Getzistan was in rubble like that morning. Aladdin finally woke up "Did we get him?" "Well, uh, almost?"
Genie spent most of the next afternoon making a city defense mechanism. It collapsed on its test run, thanks to Nefir being determined to keeping Samir on the path of destruction. The griffin-imp turned to Aladdin. "Come, lad. I'll help you out with Samir. My men are the ultimate in efficiency. We'll build you a nice reliable catapult that'll fling Samir the Destroyer clear into next week!" "Hmm, makes more sense than rebuilding the city everyday." Genie's jaw dropped. "But, Al! You used to like it when I fooled around."
Following this shocking revelation, Genie spent the rest of the afternoon moping about the city. As if on cue, Nefir arrived. "I just wanted to congratulate you on your valiant effort last night: You almost beat Samir." "And if I hadn't knocked out my best buddy, he might have seen that." "Look, not everyone can almost defeat a giant dancing rhinoceros. That's impressive. It's all a matter of timing. If I were a genie, I'd go capture the monster while he sleeps. All day in a cave in the next valley. Totally defenseless."
"I can deal with that. Yeah, capture Samir! That would impress Al! Where's that cave?" Nefir pointed Genie in the direction of the valley. Genie arrived there armed with a hammer, to find the giant pink rhino sleeping. Suddenly Samir woke up, but to his surprise…
"Hi!" The monster was friendly, even if it sounded like he smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day. Genie and Samir were having a pizza and drinking from a punch bowl. "…I learned a lot from that relationship, and that's when I decided to come to Getzistan." "But what's with the dancing? The city? The destruction?" "It's these shoes. I woke up one day, and there they were, right there on my feet. I can't get 'em off. Every night, I hear this fun-kay music. And, well, you know I... 'Gotta dance!' It's the darndest thing, really." "But who would want to destroy Getzistan every night?"
"Me. And my real fun-kay band!" It was Nefir! With a snap of his fingers, Genie was wearing shoes much like Samir's. After charging him 7 grand, his band began to play a mockery of "Friend Like Me." "Hey, like Samir said, 'Gotta dance!'"
Aladdin, Iago, and Abu waited next to a postbox for the weapon that Nefir promised to make them. A scroll was in it. "'Dear boy, bird and monkey: Sorry we didn't build you a catapult. Something came up. Have fun fighting Samir without your genie! Signed, Nefir. P.S. Please remit 700 coppers for the mailbox.' Ooh! I don't believe those guys!" "Wonderful! No catapult, no genie- No way!"
The mocking "Friend Like Me" was still playing as Samir and Genie began dancing their way to the city, bound to cause chaos and destruction. "I'm, I'm so sorry, Al! I really messed up this time!" "Genie, just stop dancing!" "I-I can't! It's Nefir! He used his imps to put magic dancing shoes on Samir! And now I've got 'em too!" "But why- Of course! Nefir's running a royal scam! Genie, you were right about those imps!" "I was right? I was right!"
Nefir watched his incoming "paycheck" waltz its way to the city. "With two monsters dancing, the city is destroyed twice as fast! How efficient. I can destroy the city twice a day!" Suddenly, Samir and Genie started dancing in a different direction, led by a snake charmer's flute played by Aladdin. "What? What are they doing? No fair, no fair! Quick, something louder!" The imps began playing reggae music. "We need something softer!" Genie, despite being cursed, helped out with Aladdin's group. It was a battle of the bands! After minutes of musical battling, the magic shoes burned out. "As for you shorty!" Genie grabbed Nefir and flicked him like he did Jafar's lamp.
Pasta applauded, now with Samir as a cheap laborer who can get the job done 100 times over and faster than the imps. "All of Getzistan thanks you, Aladdin!" "Actually, I couldn't have done it without some phenomenal cosmic power!" "Semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic power thank you! Hey, what's the problem, Bird man?" Iago walked by with a barrel covering him. "The Club Nest Egg is the problem! I lost my shirt! The tables are fixed. Rigged, I tell ya! Let's get out of this dump!"
Successful with forging an alliance with one foreign kingdom, albeit 3000 miles away, it was time to establish one with the gambling kingdom of Getzistan. Iago was well prepared as he had a "system". Genie poofed out of his lamp during the flight. "OK Iago, I got the marked cards, the loaded dice, and the X-ray specs. Sign here. What do ya need all this stuff for anyway?" "That's quite a system."
"What, I'm trying to be practical. We got a genie with semi-phenomenal, nearly-cosmic power! Okay, I was cheatin'! Sue me!" Iago's plan was exposed. Genie was too busy looking at his hand through the x-ray specs. "Ooh, look at the bones!" Just then they stopped. Where the kingdom should have been was a pile of rubble in the shape of a casino paradise. Just then a portly man appeared. Al recognized him as Pasta Al-Dente. "Welcome to Getzistan! I am your host, Sultan Pasta Al-Dente. Smiles everyone, smiles! In Getzistan, everyone smiles! It's the jolliest place on earth!"
Genie thought for a minute that there was something screwy here. Pasta clapped his hands and immediately a band of odd looking creatures appeared. "There's the problem! Imps! Oh, imps are bad news, Al! I've seen 'em strip the flesh off a cow in less than 15 seconds! Or is that piranhas? In any case, I say we lay some traps!"
"That won't be necessary. These imps are the best contractors money can buy. And uh, they're uh, well, they're, they're uh, just remodeling a showroom or two." Pasta was right, the imps were working on restoring the city. From atop an ornate tower was their leader. "What are you doing standing around?! Every idle moment is money out of my pocket, food out of my mouth, blood from my veins!" "That's Nefir. Nefir Hassanuf. He's the head imp."
The griffin-faced imp paced around looking over the guests and glared daggers at Genie, emitting the same response. "There goes the neighborhood. Back to work! Time is money! All play and no work makes Nefir a poor imp."
The imps worked at lightning speeds, something that Genie couldn't do even with his semi-phenomenal nearly-cosmic powers. "Imps! Why did it have to be imps?!"
"You're remodeling the entire city?" "There is one disadvantage. It gets very expensive doing this every day."
"Every day? You rebuild the entire city every day? This isn't just a little remodeling. What's going on here?" "It's because of Samir the Destroyer. He destroys our town every night. It's a curse, or something. Like warts, or a brother-in-law who moves in with you! That kind of thing. Lucky for us the imps repair things so fast. Now if we could only bring back the tourists."
"Why don't you just get rid of this Samir the Destroyer?" The lightbulb lit up in Pasta's head. "What a brilliant idea! Hey, Nefir! Yoo hoo! Aladdin is going to get rid of Samir!"
Nefir, still drinking a martini, spat his out. "Do you realize how much money I'll lose if that boy and his Genie stop Samir? Get back to work! You lazy crap for crap!"
That night, Iago was hitting the slots at Club Nest Egg. "I can't believe you let Karnack here talk you into this. You do your civic duty of being smashed to a pulp." Aladdin and Genie were on a watchtower, looking for Samir. Aladdin started hearing Ponicelli's Dance of the Hours. And then out of nowhere was a gigantic anthropomorphic pink rhino. This was Samir. Rather than go gung-ho over the city, he was dancing a very dainty dance. DANCING! It could only work for hippos, ostriches, and alligators, but not rhinos. But in his melodic trance, Samir was also breaking the buildings that made up Getzistan.
Genie pulled out a tranquilizer gun and fired at Samir. The dart bounced off of his thick hide and hit Aladdin. "Pretty good job, for a genie!" Nefir was laughing his ass off at Genie's expense. After the first movement, Samir was gone and all of Getzistan was in rubble like that morning. Aladdin finally woke up "Did we get him?" "Well, uh, almost?"
Genie spent most of the next afternoon making a city defense mechanism. It collapsed on its test run, thanks to Nefir being determined to keeping Samir on the path of destruction. The griffin-imp turned to Aladdin. "Come, lad. I'll help you out with Samir. My men are the ultimate in efficiency. We'll build you a nice reliable catapult that'll fling Samir the Destroyer clear into next week!" "Hmm, makes more sense than rebuilding the city everyday." Genie's jaw dropped. "But, Al! You used to like it when I fooled around."
Following this shocking revelation, Genie spent the rest of the afternoon moping about the city. As if on cue, Nefir arrived. "I just wanted to congratulate you on your valiant effort last night: You almost beat Samir." "And if I hadn't knocked out my best buddy, he might have seen that." "Look, not everyone can almost defeat a giant dancing rhinoceros. That's impressive. It's all a matter of timing. If I were a genie, I'd go capture the monster while he sleeps. All day in a cave in the next valley. Totally defenseless."
"I can deal with that. Yeah, capture Samir! That would impress Al! Where's that cave?" Nefir pointed Genie in the direction of the valley. Genie arrived there armed with a hammer, to find the giant pink rhino sleeping. Suddenly Samir woke up, but to his surprise…
"Hi!" The monster was friendly, even if it sounded like he smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day. Genie and Samir were having a pizza and drinking from a punch bowl. "…I learned a lot from that relationship, and that's when I decided to come to Getzistan." "But what's with the dancing? The city? The destruction?" "It's these shoes. I woke up one day, and there they were, right there on my feet. I can't get 'em off. Every night, I hear this fun-kay music. And, well, you know I... 'Gotta dance!' It's the darndest thing, really." "But who would want to destroy Getzistan every night?"
"Me. And my real fun-kay band!" It was Nefir! With a snap of his fingers, Genie was wearing shoes much like Samir's. After charging him 7 grand, his band began to play a mockery of "Friend Like Me." "Hey, like Samir said, 'Gotta dance!'"
Aladdin, Iago, and Abu waited next to a postbox for the weapon that Nefir promised to make them. A scroll was in it. "'Dear boy, bird and monkey: Sorry we didn't build you a catapult. Something came up. Have fun fighting Samir without your genie! Signed, Nefir. P.S. Please remit 700 coppers for the mailbox.' Ooh! I don't believe those guys!" "Wonderful! No catapult, no genie- No way!"
The mocking "Friend Like Me" was still playing as Samir and Genie began dancing their way to the city, bound to cause chaos and destruction. "I'm, I'm so sorry, Al! I really messed up this time!" "Genie, just stop dancing!" "I-I can't! It's Nefir! He used his imps to put magic dancing shoes on Samir! And now I've got 'em too!" "But why- Of course! Nefir's running a royal scam! Genie, you were right about those imps!" "I was right? I was right!"
Nefir watched his incoming "paycheck" waltz its way to the city. "With two monsters dancing, the city is destroyed twice as fast! How efficient. I can destroy the city twice a day!" Suddenly, Samir and Genie started dancing in a different direction, led by a snake charmer's flute played by Aladdin. "What? What are they doing? No fair, no fair! Quick, something louder!" The imps began playing reggae music. "We need something softer!" Genie, despite being cursed, helped out with Aladdin's group. It was a battle of the bands! After minutes of musical battling, the magic shoes burned out. "As for you shorty!" Genie grabbed Nefir and flicked him like he did Jafar's lamp.
Pasta applauded, now with Samir as a cheap laborer who can get the job done 100 times over and faster than the imps. "All of Getzistan thanks you, Aladdin!" "Actually, I couldn't have done it without some phenomenal cosmic power!" "Semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic power thank you! Hey, what's the problem, Bird man?" Iago walked by with a barrel covering him. "The Club Nest Egg is the problem! I lost my shirt! The tables are fixed. Rigged, I tell ya! Let's get out of this dump!"