Help/Support ► Alone and Depressed

[Crimson Crashing]

I am usually a pretty happy guy, no matter what is thrown at me.
I have amazing friends, and I normally have a pretty active social life when it comes to girls.
It just seems that everything is going downhill.
I was in a relationship for almost two years, which ended a couple months ago, even though I feel like emotionally, I was broken off from her much before that. I was clearly happier and better off outside of that relationship.

In terms of my family, about 2 months ago my Mom and her boyfriend broke up after 9 years. She became a lesbian, I stayed with her boyfriend. After 9 years of being my "Stepfather", it wasn't awkward. He said as long as I needed a place to say, I could be there. After about a week, my Mother kept trying to use me as an excuse for her to come into the house. I was under strict orders to never let her in. But he didn't trust me, he told me on a Saturday night around midnight to pack my bags and get out. So I have been living reluctantly with my neighbors ever since. I see my Mother every once in a while, but I refuse to live with her and her girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong, I have long been a gay supporter, but...it's different when it's your Mom...
Anyway, while I'm here, I get about 5 bucks a week, which I am supposed to buy school lunches with.(School lunches are 2 bucks a day...you do the math.) But while I am here, I feel like I am in the way, so I literally do not leave the room except to get a bottle of water or go to the bathroom. I feel like they all despise me here for some reason. I try not to eat anything, I would say I take in less than 500 calories a day.

The only time I get out of here is for school, and my friends on the weekends.
I have been going to Bonfires at like everyones house, you know, early Summer activities.
My friends make me so happy when I am with them, they are some of the greatest bunch of guys.
I really do fit in with them, it's just lately, every single one of them either has a girlfriend, or has a girl that has mutual feelings of compassion of some sort.
And you know, I never thought that it would be a problem with me.
It's just for a while now, I talk to a lot of girls that I(Not all at once) have developed crushes on.
And my friends, they call them "Crushes" for a reason.
I get to the point where I feel strongly for them, and they give me nothing back, just clearly not interested. I have had NO luck since my last relationship.
I just hate being single, flirting with someone and getting flirted with is great and all, but it just leaves you with a sense of...empty satisfaction.
I mean, I don't like bragging or pointing out things that aren't flaws, but...
I mean, I am a decent looking guy, fairly intelligent. I know how to hold a good conversation. The one thing I actually give myself credit for? I know I'm a funny guy, I make everyone laugh.
I guess there is just something there, or not there that makes me not good enough.

My problem?
I need to do something...I can't stay in this house too much longer without going absolutely insane.
I have developed thoughts/plans of suicide, not exactly something to brag about but hey...

I feel so god damn alone, every second of every day.
I just want someone to be here with me, or for me, or whatever.


Sorry if it's a little lengthy, I haven't talked to anyone about my problems but you guys, it actually feels a little better.
If you read all the way through it, thank you.

 

[State]

You have a bunch of friends, talk with them. Maybe one of them will offer a room in their home to you, or a couch. Considering your case, sleeping in a couch in a friend's home should make you happier. Once you've gotten ahead of your mother's... "case", go and live with her again, I don't see the difference between living with a heterosexual couple and a homosexual couple.

So, this could just be a point in your life to look for other things to make you happy or spend more time with your friends.

 

[burnley95]

Suicide is never the answer. You should consider getting a job for money.

 

[Crimson Crashing]

You have a bunch of friends, talk with them. Maybe one of them will offer a room in their home to you, or a couch. Considering your case, sleeping in a couch in a friend's home should make you happier. Once you've gotten ahead of your mother's... "case", go and live with her again, I don't see the difference between living with a heterosexual couple and a homosexual couple.

So, this could just be a point in your life to look for other things to make you happy or spend more time with your friends.

It's not even a normal place, My Mother, her girlfriend, and my 7 year old sister are all in a ONE bedroom apartment.
If I moved in?
No privacy at all, for anyone.

I have all ready talked to my friends about a place, it just isn't easy finding one.

Suicide is never the answer. You should consider getting a job for money.

I do not live anywhere close to a place I could work.
I have no car and really no means of transportation.

 

[Solar]

Try some writing if you have the materials. Write anything. Write a story, a poem, or anything. Heck, you could rant to your paper if you wanted to. Don't think, don't worry about feeling dumb, just write. Write your heart out. Then take a deep breath and exhale. Crumple the paper up and throw it away if you feel like it, or keep it or whatever

 

[Trag]

You have legs. Go fucking walk away from the situation you're in. And if you don't have friends who aren't willing to give you a place to stay at the drop of a hat, you should consider hanging with a different crowd. Just don't be a fucking pussy and kill yourself.

 

[Archetype00x]

Well, have you been living in that same one bedroom apartment with your sister, your mom and her boyfriend? I don't see how living conditions would be different if the boyfriend was swapped out with another partner. Or is it different? I'd like to help, but I think I'm quite grasping the situation here.

 

[Mason Stark]

If you can talk to your friends when you're feeling lonely, do it. If you can tell them about your situation too (unless you've already said something about it), just tell them. Who knows? Maybe something good will come out of it and help make things better.

If your friends aren't around to talk when you do feel lonely, however, write about it. I've sorta-kinda been in your situation (in terms of feeling lonely and depressed) and writing about it makes it feel better, even if it's a part of a story rather than a direct journal entry. Don't keep feelings bottled up or things will feel a little worse than they are.

With your mom and such, it might seem really hard to move back, but if you have no other choice, then transition back into it if you can. That's not saying flat-out saying "go move back with your mom." If you need to move back in with your mom, then do it slowly, even if it's just calling your mom to start with. But, if it seems way too weird to try and move back, then look for a different solution, like asking one of your friends if you can stay at their house for a bit.

Hopefully that's helpful? 8D; Sorry if it's not. But, one more thing: remember that things always get worse before they get better. It might seem absolutely horrible right now, but things will look up.

 

[Fortissimo]

In terms of loneliness, I get where you're coming from (all my friends have significant others save for 2). When you feel like you are at a falling point, call them and talk, or arrange to meet them somewhere. If you really need them and let them know you really need them, then they should be there to help you. As far as living arrangements go, do you have any relatives that live near you? If so, maybe staying with them for a while would be a good idea.

Hope this helps in any way it can.