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Help/Support ► Am I way too nice?



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BufferAqua

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I have a strong habit of giving people a second chance, and I may give them respect and trust even though I probably don't get it in return. I'm afraid of stepping up for myself at certain people because I may be too random or make a very flawed argument. I feel like I'm not direct or straightforward enough to do so.

So, the question is, am I way too forgiving or... nice? It is a flaw or is it a good thing?
 

VoidGear.

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I have a strong habit of giving people a second chance, and I may give them respect and trust even though I probably don't get it in return. I'm afraid of stepping up for myself at certain people because I may be too random or make a very flawed argument. I feel like I'm not direct or straightforward enough to do so.

So, the question is, am I way too forgiving or... nice? It is a flaw or is it a good thing?

It is a good thing as long as you don't harm yourself with it.
Being able to forgive others is a great thing, but if you hurt your own feelings in the process, that should be the second to stop.
 

catcake

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Hard to say since I don't know you, it depends on the situation. It's good to be understanding and all, but sometimes it's important to try and see the situation... more objectively? Rationally? Not sure what word I'm looking for, but basically don't let the feeling "I don't want to upset anyone" and the fear of being left alone for demanding respect and good treatment for yourself affect your decisions too much. It's better to be alone than be surrounded by people who treat you badly, even if it might not always feel like that in the moment.

Or something like that. Not sure how to explain it.
 

BufferAqua

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It is a good thing as long as you don't harm yourself with it.
Being able to forgive others is a great thing, but if you hurt your own feelings in the process, that should be the second to stop.
Hard to say since I don't know you, it depends on the situation. It's good to be understanding and all, but sometimes it's important to try and see the situation... more objectively? Rationally? Not sure what word I'm looking for, but basically don't let the feeling "I don't want to upset anyone" and the fear of being left alone for demanding respect and good treatment for yourself affect your decisions too much. It's better to be alone than be surrounded by people who treat you badly, even if it might not always feel like that in the moment.

Or something like that. Not sure how to explain it.
Thanks, guys! I just feel like I don't have the right words to defend myself, who knows?
 

Divine Past

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Well you do need to learn how to be assertive of your own thoughts and opinion. That comes with age and knowledge so it makes sense when you are young not to be as confident in your thoughts.

Being nice is better than the alternative but not when it's directly detracting from you accomplishing a goal. Though most people report they are too nice so you aren't alone. But like I said when you gain experience in real life you learn when to be nice and when you need to confront someone. I do think you need to start to think more selfishly because you have to look out for yourself first and foremost.
 

BufferAqua

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Yeah, thanks. I should start thinking more of myself, though, I might think when it's the right time to stand up for myself. I could try building up more confidence to do so.
 

VoidGear.

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Yeah, thanks. I should start thinking more of myself, though, I might think when it's the right time to stand up for myself. I could try building up more confidence to do so.

You should do that either way.
Even if you're not "too nice" to people, you'll get used if you don't accept and see that you are worth way more than that.
 

BufferAqua

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You should do that either way.
Even if you're not "too nice" to people, you'll get used if you don't accept and see that you are worth way more than that.
Thank you, Void. I just felt really down for about a month now, I'm starting to feel a lot better due to advice.
 
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