cosmetic entropy

[Reflection]

i would like to live
among the blind; hunched over
and stymied by sound.

i'd like to rip up these pin-ups—
these cocky shutter-smiles
and sweet grimaces in war-paint.

callous! in blissful ignorance,
grey over my hands and wrinkle my mind,
because soft skin tears so painfully.

but cosmetic entropy and poison paint
do not trouble the doe and steady oak
with its gnarled, rough flesh.

as for me, walking in the wrong direction
should not be so easy to do
when you are blessed with sight.

 

[scubasteve]

Nice Rhyme Scheme

 

[Reflection]

there is no rhyme scheme Idiot *jumps off playground slide*

 

[Nyangoro]

this is actually... pretty decent, tbh

i mean, this is probably one of the only things in this section that actually uses, you know, actual imagery

the message sounds a little pretentious to me, but that's probably the point to an extent, so idc

the only thing i'm not a fan of is the mixed delivery. part of it implies that you don't want to see it, while the other implies that you want to be rendered a state where you can never become it. having them both is fine, but the final stanza (which, from it's wording, seems encompass the poem as a whole) only goes back to the former and not the latter, so the latter struggles to find its purpose through that perspective

but whatever i'm proly just jealous that you can use imagery

 

[Reflection]

ooh that is a good point! i did feel like the last stanza didn't totally wrap EVERYTHING up. thank you nyanchan<333