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Fanfiction ► Dark Corridor

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New member
Oct 1, 2005
This fiction has nothing to do with any of the KH series except the ideas of keyblades, magic, and ect.Characters from the series are NOT in here. This is my first fan fiction.

Chapter 1- Red Corridor

Setting: The General's Room
Time: 9:30am

An old man sat behind the desk reading a bunch of archives. Then a knock came from the door.
*knock* *knock*
Old Man: Enter!
a young boy (age about 18 or so) with red spiky hair [Not Axle] entered through the door.
Boy: Lord Desel *Bows* You summoned
Desel: Indeed, you may rise
*He gets up*
Desel: Ziel Reison 2nd Lt. of the Veron Empire under the command of Colonel Headswar Reisel, I have excellent news for you
Ziel: And what news is that, sir?
Desel: As General of the Veron Empire I hereby promote you Ziel Reison.
Ziel: (A promotion!) sir.
Desel: Yes, from your last missions you have exceeded my expectation and with that, you are promoted and along with your new rank you are given a new assignment immediately.
Zeil: (Asignment)
Desel: Your new rank is Captain, along with that you will be offered a new uniform and a new keyblade.
Ziel: Promoted by 2 ranks?! Sir, I'm honored but......
Desel: But?
Ziel: Well, being promoted by two ranks and giving me an assignment on the same day, don't you think that we're taking this a bit too quickly sir.
Desel: Nonsense, I have my reasons and you are the perfect candidate for this assignment. That is why you deserve this new rank as well as this assignment. Now here is your assignment.
Desel handed Ziel a folder
Desel: Inside you will find all the necessary information you need to know along with description of the four Lt.'s that will accompany you. They await you at the designated place. No need to travel, I have made the arrangements already.
Desel slowly twisted and squeezed his hand at an empty space near Ziel and created a dark corridor
Desel: I wish you luck soildier. *salutes* You are dismissed
Ziel: Sir! *salutes*
Ziel steps through the corridor and vanished along with the corridor
Desel: *deep sigh*
???????:Why so down General?
Desel: ???!!!!!! Jena, have you been eavesdropping.
Desel turns around to see a young woman (probably in he mid 20's) sitting on top of his desk conceitably in a rude manner.
Jena: It seems that you don't want me around John. Should I make it up to you somehow *wink*?
Desel: Show some respect, you filthy harlot!!
Desel creates an orb of light on his palm and throws it at Jena. Jena disappeared before impact and the desk took the damage. The desk was destroyed and the room was filled with pieces of paper flying around in the air.
Jena materializes behind Desel.
Jena: My, my, my, aren't you the tempered one. Is it old age that's making you upset or are you having another episode
Jena lays her arm over his shoulders
Desel: Enough of your salaciousness manners you vulgar girl
Desel grabs Jenna's arm.
Desel: Now tell me what business do you have with me?
Jena: Hmph! No need to get so aggressive.
Jena's arm faded away out of Desel's hand and fades back to normal.
Jena: I just wanted to tell you a small rumor I heard
Desel temper begins to grow
Desel: I am not here to prattle! My office is not some persona Grata! Here be a General's military office of the greatest kingdom of light, this is not a tavern!
Jena: No need to shout or get angry, I promise you the information is worthy
Desel: It better be Jena, anger me with your atrocity again and I'll......... (Jena interrupts his sentence)
Jena: It has something to do with Ergo.
Jena: It seems that Ergo let the rabbit slip away
Desel tightens his fist
Desel:..........you are dismissed
Jena: Hmmm is that all, you don't want to hear the rest of........
A large white spark emitted from Desel's body that filled the room for a quick second.
Jena: Fine, I see that I'm not welcomed anymore. Ciao
Jena faded away as she walked past through a wall as if she were a ghost.
Desel looked at the mess he caused and a certain piece of paper on the floor caught his eye. It was Ziel's profile and he picked it up along with the attached photo.
Desel: Such a young lad. It's a shame really, that a young soldier like him would go to such a waste.

scene ends

Report 225845
7 days ago a dark corridor appeared at a nearby world from Lalu. Unlike other Corridor's this corridor seems to be unstable, it's color is red and there seems to be no passage to the corridor. Also this corridor seems to be still active after 7 or more days. Analysis shows that the corridor is incomplete so nothing can pass nor can enter the corridor. This goes against the rule of Vahul 16XX for this corridor has meddled with world and it has already caused the inhabitant's awareness, thus immediate action is required.Only a key master can seal this type corridor. Though we've tried shutting the door with other masters, none were successful. We request that a Captain or higher ranking officer lock the corridor. I have enclosed this document with a picture of the corridor. BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH (Ziel's talking) Needs requirement, Yada Yada Yah, who gives a........ Signed by
Sgt. William Roel

Ziel:............... Sheesh, they obviously picked the wrong guy for this job.
Ziel picked up the photo of the corridor. He closely examines it
Ziel: (Why do I have this feeling that this may end up badly)

End of Chapter

So what do you think? I won't post another chapter unless I get at least three good reviews.
Last edited:


New member
Sep 26, 2005
meh, it's allright but you need a bit more work on your grammer. For an example
"Jena faded away as she walked past through a wall as if she were a ghost"
you could have said
Jena walked towards the walls and faded.
Basically you need to put more work into this.


New member
Oct 1, 2005
meh, it's allright but you need a bit more work on your grammer. For an example
"Jena faded away as she walked past through a wall as if she were a ghost"
you could have said
Jena walked towards the walls and faded.
Basically you need to put more work into this.

I have alot to learn. Nah! I really don't care about the grammar, it's the idea that really counts.
BTW it's grammar not grammer, don't you feel foolish now.
PS "allright" is misspelled for alright in standard abbreviation of all right in regular form.
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