Help/Support ► Emotional Wreckage

[Nojerom]

Yeah, since it's a bad idea to use up all my minutes trying to get someone to pick up the phone, I figured I'd turn to all you guys.

Background stuff first, so you know where I'm coming from. My older sister, Becky, has this enormous beef with my other sister, Kathy. I come from this real Christian, religious/conservative-like family. My heritage has a latino backdrop or whatever, my real mom was Nicaraguan, my mom is Peruvian, and my dad is Cuban, so we have our customs and all. Becky was the favorite, and she always made herself out to be like she was the perfect little angel, always going to church, reading the Bible, all that, you know. She and dad were like best friends, and she was dad's favorite anyway, and that was whatever. Who cares?

But then you know, she hung with this shithead mexican I never liked named Israel Guzman. I never ever liked him, me and my bad vibes. And she started sleeping with him, haha, perfect little angel, right? It was whatever. It was tough, and we was all grinding without Juan [my brother] and Kathy because they was at the Air Force for the longest time [basic, tech school] so it wasn't like they knew what was really goin on. To make a long story short, she basically ditched us for this retarded man. And she got married like December 22 or something like that in Mexico without dad's blessing and all that. This is how bad she forgets about her family. She was going to get married on the anniversary of our mother's death [My, Kathy, and Becky's mother]. The only reason she didn't was because she forgot and Kathy was like "Why are you getting married on the day our Mom died?" I don't remember my mother and I remember what day she died. Bullshit, right?

But see, Becky's beef with Kathy grows worse. Yeah they always had a beef between them, and it really wasn't Kathy's fault because Becky was always fanning the flames. [out with it all] Ever since Kathy was born, Dad says, Becky was always trippin over Kathy. He said he walked in on Becky when she was a baby choking Kathy to death. She was doing a good job, supposedly she was blue and purple. But the beef grew worse cuz Kathy had been dating someone[Chamual] ever since she was 16, and she's gonna be 21 in September. Last year around this time, Chamual proposed, right? Cool, that was more than whatever, it was great, Cham had the blessing and everything.

So in about March this year, Becky decides to send Kathy hate-mail, and calls her a prick and all that shit on the email, which really pissed me off, and basically says Kathy is the fakest person to walk to planet, which is a lie. Yeah, yeah. Over time, I forgave her, in like June.

So it's July 25. The wedding day. We all go get our hair done. We check out the flowers and come back. Guess what? Becky's home. Greaaat. I was mad. I wanted to go and destroy her with my recently painted nails, but I kept my mouth shut and my eyes cool. Becky walks into our room [me and Kathy shared rooms] "I just wanted to say hi."

My cousins Florencia and Macarena say hi. Kathy: "I thought you were mad at me."

"I'm not."

Me: "That ain't what you told me, you said you was mad at-"

Becky: "I'm not."

Kathy: "So you're talking to me? I thought you didn't want me to talk to you."

Becky: "I didn't, it's okay."

I twitched. But it was whatever.

Kathy: "Oh, so we're talking"

Becky: "A little."

Kathy looked so happy, you know, like her older sister talking to her was better than her own wedding. I felt different. I knew something was up, you dig? I could feel it in my bones. Kathy hugged her, and I relaxed a little. Kathy was cool with it, and I would relax.

I leave them alone for two seconds and Kathy comes back upstairs, "Marian, can you get my dress?"

"Weren't you just downstairs."

".. I don't want to see her."

"Why?" See?

"Because she said all that stuff that happened with the relationship was all my fault."

Are you fuckin serious? I wanted to go downstairs and grab her by the hairs and kick her the fuck out of my house, dammit, with her slutty see-through pants and shirt walkin around like the biggest whore ever. Oh, but I wish I could, but our family from Florida was still in the house. I was so mad I was shaking.

So I got the dress, and Mom totally ditched us, so I was the only one to help Kathy put on her dress. I wanted to cry, I wanted to blow a hole in the wall, I wanted to go to Mexico and throw Israel to the gangs so he could get destroyed. But it was okay, just keep my cool, and when I go to the church, stay attached to Jessica [Kathy's best friend] so I don't fly into the pews to pound her to a pulp. Even Matt and Steven [groomsmen or whatever] could tell somethin was up. So everything's cool, and Kathy gets marriend, I sing badly, even though everyone said I sang "beautifully." I make this toast at the reception, and I realize now I was scorning Becky through some of the words I said. "Kathy did everything right." Haha.

They make their getaway. Everyone cleans and it's just me, Mom, Dad, and Becky. I go to the car after everythings done and cleaned, and my feet are killing me. I was pretty sad. Hey, Kathy's married. I'm all alone now. No more sisters. Becky comes up and was like "you should carry the cake in your lap." All I said was, "no, no, this is my future homecoming dress."

Becky really thinks people must respect her. "Don't give me that attitude, just turn around, don't talk to me like that, you can't talk to me like that." Dammit, I wanted to slap her. She really thinks I see her as my fucking sister. I snapped. The emotional stress. I was grinding the whole week, and I snapped. Mom comes in the car, and I'm like silently crying cuz I'm just so angry. And Mom's like what's wrong? I screamed bloody murder about Becky in spanish for about five minutes.

Now I'm an emotional wreck. Cuz the next day, I looked underneath my bunk to see if Kathy was there, and I was like, "Oh she's married and on her honeymoon." Ehh. Becky came lookin like a slut again. Dad begged me to keep my cool. My Dad is 54 years old, an ex-army grunt; he does not beg. I was like "fine, but I ain't talkin to her." We all went to Aunt Doris's. Later we shot the guns, and Becky shot okay. I shot better. Hahaha, that's real immature, but I just wanted to kill her so I don't care.

Alright so the big thing is, How the hell do you deal with this stupid shit? It's like Kathy left, and Becky suddenly came back and trying to act like she's the big sister when she ain't. I'm so mad my grammar on this thing is probably hard to understand, haha. I'm all by myself, kids, and I really don't know how much I can take. I'm an emotional wreck, guys. That's sort of without all the other retarded details in my life.

Help?

 

[DarkNova]

Damn, it seems like your in a pretty tough situation sista. Well, I think you should try to do everything you can to talk things out between you and Becky, I mean after all she is your sister. If that doesn't work then don't waste anymore time with it, let her figure out the error of her ways. From what you said about Israel, he's a loser, he's not worth the time of day so fuck him. But my best advice to you is to not hate because it is just extra baggage. The world is filled to the max with hatred, so the best thing to do is let things unfold as they should. I am sorry that I cannot give you any better answer than this but using your mind first before anything else is the best move you can make during times like these. Things do get better with time so be patient and peaceful. Keep your head up high and proud, don't let shit like this get you down.

It will get better, trust me.

 

[Nojerom]

Becky's one of those persons that always thinks she's right, and she has an excuse, so if you say something, you're automatically wrong in her book. It would be easier to beat her up, you dig?

I'll try to let it go.

Thanks, dude.

 

[DarkNova]

Becky's one of those persons that always thinks she's right, and she has an excuse, so if you say something, you're automatically wrong in her book. It would be easier to beat her up, you dig?

I'll try to let it go.

Thanks, dude.

Well, i'm not saying totally forget about, but i'm not saying to kick her ass either. Think about it and handle it the best way you can think of, it sounds very generic but violence doesn't solve shit, it only worsens problems that are already very heated.

And no problem, everyone has their ups and downs now and again.

 

[Nojerom]

Yeah. I know. It's best to be the better person.

 

[Unabomber]

Alright so the big thing is, How the hell do you deal with this stupid shit?

tell them to grow the fuck up and act like normal human beings.

 

[Nojerom]

Bahaha, I wish I could do that, but man, it seriously isn't that easy.

 

[krexia]

Wow, it's shit like this that makes me realise I don't have sisters. Girls are crazy.

That said, I'm with DarkNova: family is family, and hatred and violence solve nothing. It takes a big person - a huge person - to make the effort to understand and bridge a gap like this, but if there's any way you can manage to reconcile things with Becky it'll make a huge difference to you and the rest of your family in the long run.

I'm having to guess based on very sparse information here, so prepare for some wild speculation based on purely anecdotal evidence.

Being the wonder-child isn't easy. When a kid feels that they're the favourite, they also feel pressure to live up to their perfect reputation. When a kid genuinely is happy and comfortable with who they are, this isn't a problem. When they have self-esteem issues, living up to the 'favourite' standard can be pressure enough to force them completely the other way.

I had a friend who was absolutely brilliant at maths and sciences at school, an Asian girl with a stereotypical Asian mother who bragged about her to friends and always pushed her to excel. At about 17 she basically went totally off the rails academically - stopped studying completely, decided she hated school, went off to a fine arts college to be a painter and hardly speaks to her mother any more.

In my experience, kids who can't cope with parental pressure never actually admit it. Instead they pretend they don't care what others think, acting out in ways they know will be disapproved of to convince themselves that they don't need approval. The whole thing generally stems from self-esteem and self confidence issues and the stress of not thinking they're good enough to live up to the ideals set for them. If they don't try, they don't have to worry about failing.

Again, totally wild speculation here. But my take on Becky is that as much as she pretends not to give a shit, she's not happy with the life she's been living. Her ranting at Kathy is rooted more in jealousy than anything else - she puts Kathy down to feel better about what she's messed up in her own life, the same way bullies intimidate other kids to hide their own fear. The always-needing-to-be-right thing, in my experience, is another classic symptom of someone with low inner self esteem, someone who always feels the need to prove themself, always feels the need to show their worth.

I may be way off base here so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. But even if I'm wrong about Becky's reasons, there is a reason for the way she acts, and if you can find it in yourself to make an honest effort to understand it and to understand her, it'll be a hell of a lot easier for you to deal with her and possibly even forgive her at some point in the future.

You may not think it's worth your time... but if family isn't worth that kind of effort, who is?

 

[Deleted member 74488]

When you find the answer tell me.

I am trying to deal with my step sister. She is the very opposite of your Becky except for her pride. She's even doing her wedding now...argh...Try your best...

 

[Nojerom]

Wow, it's shit like this that makes me realise I don't have sisters. Girls are crazy.

That said, I'm with DarkNova: family is family, and hatred and violence solve nothing. It takes a big person - a huge person - to make the effort to understand and bridge a gap like this, but if there's any way you can manage to reconcile things with Becky it'll make a huge difference to you and the rest of your family in the long run.

I'm having to guess based on very sparse information here, so prepare for some wild speculation based on purely anecdotal evidence.

Being the wonder-child isn't easy. When a kid feels that they're the favourite, they also feel pressure to live up to their perfect reputation. When a kid genuinely is happy and comfortable with who they are, this isn't a problem. When they have self-esteem issues, living up to the 'favourite' standard can be pressure enough to force them completely the other way.

I had a friend who was absolutely brilliant at maths and sciences at school, an Asian girl with a stereotypical Asian mother who bragged about her to friends and always pushed her to excel. At about 17 she basically went totally off the rails academically - stopped studying completely, decided she hated school, went off to a fine arts college to be a painter and hardly speaks to her mother any more.

In my experience, kids who can't cope with parental pressure never actually admit it. Instead they pretend they don't care what others think, acting out in ways they know will be disapproved of to convince themselves that they don't need approval. The whole thing generally stems from self-esteem and self confidence issues and the stress of not thinking they're good enough to live up to the ideals set for them. If they don't try, they don't have to worry about failing.

Again, totally wild speculation here. But my take on Becky is that as much as she pretends not to give a shit, she's not happy with the life she's been living. Her ranting at Kathy is rooted more in jealousy than anything else - she puts Kathy down to feel better about what she's messed up in her own life, the same way bullies intimidate other kids to hide their own fear. The always-needing-to-be-right thing, in my experience, is another classic symptom of someone with low inner self esteem, someone who always feels the need to prove themself, always feels the need to show their worth.

I may be way off base here so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. But even if I'm wrong about Becky's reasons, there is a reason for the way she acts, and if you can find it in yourself to make an honest effort to understand it and to understand her, it'll be a hell of a lot easier for you to deal with her and possibly even forgive her at some point in the future.

You may not think it's worth your time... but if family isn't worth that kind of effort, who is?

Actually, you're not off. You're actually pretty accurate. Haha.

I told Dad I didn't want to be the favorite, so it's all good. But I get that part of your friend, I've seen it happen alot, too.

I always said she was jealous of Kathy because no one respected Becky without Dad's blessing!!! I always said that and no one believed me.

Mmm... I guess I'll try to talk to her. Without fighting. Or beating her up.

When you find the answer tell me.

I am trying to deal with my step sister. She is the very opposite of your Becky except for her pride. She's even doing her wedding now...argh...Try your best...

For sure, dude, I will try to help you out.

 

[Darkly Aesthetic]

She sounds like a bitch.

You should have a good ass long talk with her.
Tell her how you feel.

If that doesn't work, call her a whore and slap her.

Tene buenos dias.

 

[krexia]

Mmm... I guess I'll try to talk to her. Without fighting. Or beating her up.

You know, I reckon your best bet for the moment is just to wait a while until you cool down. Give it at least a few days, no point trying to talk to her when you're still mad. (And probably the last thing you want to do is accuse her of being jealous directly - if you're right, that's only going to make her more defensive.)

 

[Nojerom]

She sounds like a bitch.

You should have a good ass long talk with her.
Tell her how you feel.

If that doesn't work, call her a whore and slap her.

Tene buenos dias.

I like second option better, baha. But you guys are right.

Gracias.

You know, I reckon your best bet for the moment is just to wait a while until you cool down. Give it at least a few days, no point trying to talk to her when you're still mad. (And probably the last thing you want to do is accuse her of being jealous directly - if you're right, that's only going to make her more defensive.)

Beating her up is just so much easier.

Ehh. I'll try, I guess, after I cool down. That might take a while, though. EEE

 

[qster]

Becky's one of those persons that always thinks she's right, and she has an excuse, so if you say something, you're automatically wrong in her book. It would be easier to beat her up, you dig?

I'll try to let it go.

Thanks, dude.

Sounds like my older sister, except she is only 16 and has no boyfriend or anything relationshipwise. I usually just go in my room and don't do anything for like an hour and just lay down. I don't guarantee this with you (heck, I don't have a door for my room, just a curtain) because it sounds like the two of you share a room. If that doesn't work, put her in a headlock when no one is around. I do that to my sisters, but then again she'll probably tattle on you. I'm not really sure. I guess that's my

 

[qster]

Becky's one of those persons that always thinks she's right, and she has an excuse, so if you say something, you're automatically wrong in her book. It would be easier to beat her up, you dig?

I'll try to let it go.

Thanks, dude.

Sounds like my older sister, except she is only 16 and has no boyfriend or anything relationshipwise. I usually just go in my room and don't do anything for like an hour and just lay down. I don't guarantee this with you (heck, I don't have a door for my room, just a curtain) because it sounds like the two of you share a room. If that doesn't work, put her in a headlock when no one is around. I do that to my sisters, but then again she'll probably tattle on you. I'm not really sure. I guess that's my advice.

 

[Nojerom]

Becky's 22 years old.

And Kathy's 20.

They do not live in the house.

 

[Teiku 5]

this is one of those kinda things where you just gotta wait it out and try not to start problems. you're gonna have to deal with stupid problems, but try not to let them get to you. as long as you can focus on the good things in life, you're wont worry so much about the bad stuff.

 

[Crossroads]

Dayum.

So Becky's a whore eh? I think I like Becky. j/k

Sounds like typical family stuff. Black sheep fucking everything up. You know what's a great thing to do? Ignore the fuck out of her. It'll work out real nice. Don't get emotional over dumb stuff like that. Sounds like you're just worrying about things that aren't really your problem. Trust me she'll feel like shit before she dies.

So live your life. Don't get wrapped up in subtleties and emotional bull. Don't let your family drive you insane.

 

[Nojerom]

I really want to beat her up for trying to fuck up shit on her wedding day.

It's not my fault Becky decided to get married in Mexico without us cuz we too poor for that shit.

I'm reallly not tryin to grudge against her, but it's getting harder to do the right thing, following all your guys' advice and all.

I mean, I guess I'll let myself cool off and wait for it, and maybe just ignore it all together, but part of me is slightly going crazy with all this bullshit that's been happening;; I can only last so long until I break. And I'm cracking. Cuz I haven't been so mad that I was shaking for a loooooooong time.

 

[Leonard]

I mean, I guess I'll let myself cool off and wait for it, and maybe just ignore it all together, but part of me is slightly going crazy with all this bullshit that's been happening;; I can only last so long until I break. And I'm cracking. Cuz I haven't been so mad that I was shaking for a loooooooong time.

Okay, cooling off doesn't sound like such a good option right now, to be honest. I think you need to let it out, and talk it out with your family before it causes you to do something stupid.

For me, I feel like you've come down to doing one out of three things right now:

1. Talk it over with your family and Becky.
2. Ignore it and keep it to yourself.
3. Beat the shit out of her and go nuts.

Obviously, 2 and 3 are the less advisable choices if you ask me, but meh.

I don't think you'll be able to handle this by yourself. You seem far too mad and worked up right at the moment to take care of this reasonably alone. I suggest you sit down with the rest of your family and try to tell them how you feel. Then you can let them tell you about their opinions and try to work out a plan on how to deal with Becky and/or conciliate with her. Gather your opinions and try see it from their perspectives too. Maybe it'll help you see things clearer.

But primarily, try to let her know how unfairly treated you all feel because of her actions. But also let her see that you're willing to conciliate.

And you don't really have to talk it out with Becky personally afterwards, you can just write her an e-mail or a letter or something. Whichever is easier for you to deal with.

If she admits her mistakes, great. If she doesn't, then it's her own fault. Missed her chance.

Also, you should bring up the points that krexia mentioned. She might change her attitude if you show her that you are able to understand her and see things from her perspective. Maybe it'll help if you try to approach her in a more understanding way. She might even start admitting her mistakes like that.

If I can think of anything else, I'll add it later.
Hope you manage everything. Good luck, Mar. :3