That won't be for until next Saturday.
Fanfiction ► Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: A tale of four losers!
- Thread starter Lanydx reborn
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I like this story; it's entertaining. And the chapter was good.
Thanks I'll see about the next chapter.
Chapter 3.5
No One Expects the Moogle Subplot Inquisition!
"I'm hungry!" said Fuz as the caravaners made there way to a gate that was coming up ahead.
It was mid-morning amd the sun was shining bright. It was w arm out ioth a slight breeze nd the suns bright light reflected off of the shining gate that the travelers approached.
"Shut up, nerd! We didn't steal you from the chinese man with a japanese accent to complain about stuff. Now shut up and carry your chalice!" said Lee Roy
" You could at least say please!" said Madammina, annoyed with Lee Roy's behavior.
"Yeah I mean I a-"
"Did I give you permission to speak!!!!???," said Lee Roy interupting Fuz " Fine,...Fuz Could you please shut up and carry your chalice?"
"That still doesn't sound nice" Madammina retorted.
" Yeah! Why are you so mean to Fuz?" Lanydx asked. Lee Roy sighed.
" Fuz is our slave isn't he?" Lee roy said.
" Yes.." Maddamina and Lanydx said in unison.
" I am the richest one here, am I not?"
"Yes..." They said in unison.
" Which means I've had the most experience with servants. I know how they work."
"Ohhhhh!" They said "Tell us more, oh knowlegable slave driver!"
" Well, you have to show him who is alpha male so he doesn't walk all over you! We wouldn't want a rebbellion to start now would we?" At that moment Fuz sprang up with a Ring of Fire.
"REVOLT! REVOLT! BY FIRE BE PURGED OPPRESSOR OF THE CUTE AND FUZZY!" Fuz yelled. Lee Roy sparng into action and tackled fuz pinning him to the ground.
"SEE WHAT I MEAN! i STOP ABUSING HIM FOR ONE SECOND AND HE DECIDES TO BE A REGULAR GEORGE WASHINGTON." Lee Roy turned his attention to Fuz "YOU HEAR THAT, FREAK!? WE'RE NOT HAVING A REPEAT OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION OR ANY REVOULUTIOPN FOR THAT MATTER! SO I'M GONNA TAKE SOME CAKE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR!-"
" Guys! Shut up we're finally here!" Zero yelled to the back of the caravan. Lee Roy got off of fuz.
"Are you ever going to try and rebel against his royal majesty, Lee Roy again?" Lee Roy asked.
" No my leige..."
"Ok then! Good boy...Now get back to shutting up and holding your chalice!" As lee Roy made his way to the front with Madammina, Lanydx looked at Fuz.
"Don't worry Fuz we'll have our day. Soon we sghall rise and kill his royal majesty Lee Roy and we will take our place as Emperors of the Caravan! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAH-"
"LANYDX AND FUZ! Stop creating a cliffhanger for a retarded subplot and get over here!" Zero yelled.
"Yes my leige..."
No One Expects the Moogle Subplot Inquisition!
"I'm hungry!" said Fuz as the caravaners made there way to a gate that was coming up ahead.
It was mid-morning amd the sun was shining bright. It was w arm out ioth a slight breeze nd the suns bright light reflected off of the shining gate that the travelers approached.
"Shut up, nerd! We didn't steal you from the chinese man with a japanese accent to complain about stuff. Now shut up and carry your chalice!" said Lee Roy
" You could at least say please!" said Madammina, annoyed with Lee Roy's behavior.
"Yeah I mean I a-"
"Did I give you permission to speak!!!!???," said Lee Roy interupting Fuz " Fine,...Fuz Could you please shut up and carry your chalice?"
"That still doesn't sound nice" Madammina retorted.
" Yeah! Why are you so mean to Fuz?" Lanydx asked. Lee Roy sighed.
" Fuz is our slave isn't he?" Lee roy said.
" Yes.." Maddamina and Lanydx said in unison.
" I am the richest one here, am I not?"
"Yes..." They said in unison.
" Which means I've had the most experience with servants. I know how they work."
"Ohhhhh!" They said "Tell us more, oh knowlegable slave driver!"
" Well, you have to show him who is alpha male so he doesn't walk all over you! We wouldn't want a rebbellion to start now would we?" At that moment Fuz sprang up with a Ring of Fire.
"REVOLT! REVOLT! BY FIRE BE PURGED OPPRESSOR OF THE CUTE AND FUZZY!" Fuz yelled. Lee Roy sparng into action and tackled fuz pinning him to the ground.
"SEE WHAT I MEAN! i STOP ABUSING HIM FOR ONE SECOND AND HE DECIDES TO BE A REGULAR GEORGE WASHINGTON." Lee Roy turned his attention to Fuz "YOU HEAR THAT, FREAK!? WE'RE NOT HAVING A REPEAT OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION OR ANY REVOULUTIOPN FOR THAT MATTER! SO I'M GONNA TAKE SOME CAKE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR!-"
" Guys! Shut up we're finally here!" Zero yelled to the back of the caravan. Lee Roy got off of fuz.
"Are you ever going to try and rebel against his royal majesty, Lee Roy again?" Lee Roy asked.
" No my leige..."
"Ok then! Good boy...Now get back to shutting up and holding your chalice!" As lee Roy made his way to the front with Madammina, Lanydx looked at Fuz.
"Don't worry Fuz we'll have our day. Soon we sghall rise and kill his royal majesty Lee Roy and we will take our place as Emperors of the Caravan! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAH-"
"LANYDX AND FUZ! Stop creating a cliffhanger for a retarded subplot and get over here!" Zero yelled.
"Yes my leige..."
Poor Fuz-chan D:
Heh heh... lol, good chapter. I like it
And noes! Lanydx and Fuz failed creating a cliffhanger XD
Heh heh... lol, good chapter. I like it
And noes! Lanydx and Fuz failed creating a cliffhanger XD
ER.... this one needs work. You need to space out the sentences so what's written isn't all mushed together like that. Also, you need to add description and adjectives to help illustrate what is going on. You just have talking and a tackle.
A few of these comments like, he's a regular George Washington do go a bit into how their acting. But watch what you say about someone or their natonality. All I can say about this chapter is it leaves a WTF in my general opinion. (enough said)
Thank you very much for the feedback but what do you mean by "watch what you say about someone or their natonality"? Just wondering. I just wanna make sure it doesn't happen again.
Well you're comparing 2 people to be acting the same way, (George Washington and Fuz) and if you don't know all the facts about something (Something in this case being the French Revolution) or do but give an insight that could be considered: Racist, False, or ect. (Now from Luxord's point of view) "You'll be carving a road that will only lead you to trouble."
I'm American and it's in Lee Roy's character He is a bigit, but I see your ponit.
I guess it's okay. You need to space out your paragraphs though. Like, double space.
Yeah, you can double space so that it won't be too messy, but other than that it's still okay.
I'll keep that in mind thanks.
Ya well, it's not like I don't have a few of them in my story.
This is funny! I enjoy it
(Hello everyone in KHInsider! This be your own DJ Lanydx on JET SET RADIO!! Bringing you another chapter of Crystal Chronicles: A tale of four losers! I'm flying solo tonight , ladies and gents so wish me luck!)
Chapter 3.5: A Crystal Bearer?
The Crystal Caravan of Lanydx, Fuz, Madammina, Lee-Roy, and Zero stood at the gate to a beach like path. The green hills ended, and what started was sand, a river that was connected to a fresh water river near a beautiful water fall. The beach was not only filled with shady palm trees perfect for napping under the one tree our heroes were looking for was the Mru Tree. It's powerful drop could help save their village, and attract monsters, which is why this little vacation spot was closed off.
After a quick nineteen seconds Madammina, using her lock pick was able to open the large iron gate. The impatient Lee-Roy, Lanydx and oddly Fuz with their weapons and chalice, ready for a fight. Three were about to run to the beach when Zero stopped them.
"Get out of my way Yuke!" Yelled Lee-Roy in an obnoxious manner.
Zero pushed the short, fully armored Lilty a few feet away with just his pinkie.
"Okay people listen up,Cause I'm not repeating myself." Zero stated.
All four of them listened.
"Okay guys I want this done and over with. Also not that I care, but don't die on me. That means don't leave the chalice's shield, because if you do, your gonna die and I don't want to bury any of you. OK now that I'm done lets go." The tall Yuke ordered as he marched off to the beach.
As Lee-Roy was fuming over what happened at the gate He Noticed Madammina looting a dead body and Lanydx with Fuz building a sand castle. He angrily threw his spear at Lanydx and Fuz's sand castle. It was ruined. The poor Moogle started to cry. Lanydx got up and yelled.
"Hey jerk face! What was that for?!" Lanydx yelled.
The midget responded with. "This isn't play time! Stop slacking off and do your job dumb ass."
Lanydx hissed. "You didn't have to ruin Fuz's sand castle. It hurt his feelings."
"Feelings? He's doesn't have feelings. He's a slave and is only good at obeying orders, and you should be looking and taking care of monsters you useless freak!" Lee Roy scoffed.
Lanydx quickly took out his battle axe ready for battle. Lee-Roy had his spear out for a fight. As the two were about to fight. Madammina smacked them both on the head.
"Alright you two, we are not going to save anyone if we keep fighting each other." She stated.
"Well who are we going to fight their are no monsters around the ar-." Lanydx was cut off when They all saw Zero running past them, holding a chest above his head. He was running from a giant red shelled crab. The Monster cornered the five. They all looked at their leader. "What did you do?!" They all yelled at the masked Yuke. Zero lowered his head in shame. "It's a long story.
Lee-Roy quickly grabbed his spear and jabbed it the eye. The crab threw a rock at Madammina in retaliation. She never saw real combat before. She only wrote about it.Madammina couldn't move Lanydx right eye glowed blue and his hands shot a beam of energy that stopped the rock from moving.Lanydx then used the rock to attack the crab.
Zero thought. " A Crystal Bearer? I must report this to Grad Dema Isis."
The yuke jumped in the air and blasted all the magic spells he knew at the crab. fire,blizzard, thunder, earth, Areo, nothing was working.
Fuz was on his hands and knees. "Chuck Norris save us!" The tiny moogle pleaded.
Suddenly in boom of thunder the mighty and powerful Chuck Norris swiftly kicked the crab so hard, it went flying into the sun. None could speak. Chuck Norris vanished out of then air.
They finally reached the Mru Tree. Fuz put the chalice next to the tree's leafs as it drop the only bit of Mru it had for the year.
"That's it? One loosy drop after all that hard work! You got to be kidding me!!! Zero yelled as he shock the tree till it gave more Mru till the chalice was filled one thrid the way.
"That's better." Zero stated.
End chapter.
(Sorry If it's not funny Holden wasn't with me today so I used this chapter for action.)
Chapter 3.5: A Crystal Bearer?
The Crystal Caravan of Lanydx, Fuz, Madammina, Lee-Roy, and Zero stood at the gate to a beach like path. The green hills ended, and what started was sand, a river that was connected to a fresh water river near a beautiful water fall. The beach was not only filled with shady palm trees perfect for napping under the one tree our heroes were looking for was the Mru Tree. It's powerful drop could help save their village, and attract monsters, which is why this little vacation spot was closed off.
After a quick nineteen seconds Madammina, using her lock pick was able to open the large iron gate. The impatient Lee-Roy, Lanydx and oddly Fuz with their weapons and chalice, ready for a fight. Three were about to run to the beach when Zero stopped them.
"Get out of my way Yuke!" Yelled Lee-Roy in an obnoxious manner.
Zero pushed the short, fully armored Lilty a few feet away with just his pinkie.
"Okay people listen up,Cause I'm not repeating myself." Zero stated.
All four of them listened.
"Okay guys I want this done and over with. Also not that I care, but don't die on me. That means don't leave the chalice's shield, because if you do, your gonna die and I don't want to bury any of you. OK now that I'm done lets go." The tall Yuke ordered as he marched off to the beach.
As Lee-Roy was fuming over what happened at the gate He Noticed Madammina looting a dead body and Lanydx with Fuz building a sand castle. He angrily threw his spear at Lanydx and Fuz's sand castle. It was ruined. The poor Moogle started to cry. Lanydx got up and yelled.
"Hey jerk face! What was that for?!" Lanydx yelled.
The midget responded with. "This isn't play time! Stop slacking off and do your job dumb ass."
Lanydx hissed. "You didn't have to ruin Fuz's sand castle. It hurt his feelings."
"Feelings? He's doesn't have feelings. He's a slave and is only good at obeying orders, and you should be looking and taking care of monsters you useless freak!" Lee Roy scoffed.
Lanydx quickly took out his battle axe ready for battle. Lee-Roy had his spear out for a fight. As the two were about to fight. Madammina smacked them both on the head.
"Alright you two, we are not going to save anyone if we keep fighting each other." She stated.
"Well who are we going to fight their are no monsters around the ar-." Lanydx was cut off when They all saw Zero running past them, holding a chest above his head. He was running from a giant red shelled crab. The Monster cornered the five. They all looked at their leader. "What did you do?!" They all yelled at the masked Yuke. Zero lowered his head in shame. "It's a long story.
Lee-Roy quickly grabbed his spear and jabbed it the eye. The crab threw a rock at Madammina in retaliation. She never saw real combat before. She only wrote about it.Madammina couldn't move Lanydx right eye glowed blue and his hands shot a beam of energy that stopped the rock from moving.Lanydx then used the rock to attack the crab.
Zero thought. " A Crystal Bearer? I must report this to Grad Dema Isis."
The yuke jumped in the air and blasted all the magic spells he knew at the crab. fire,blizzard, thunder, earth, Areo, nothing was working.
Fuz was on his hands and knees. "Chuck Norris save us!" The tiny moogle pleaded.
Suddenly in boom of thunder the mighty and powerful Chuck Norris swiftly kicked the crab so hard, it went flying into the sun. None could speak. Chuck Norris vanished out of then air.
They finally reached the Mru Tree. Fuz put the chalice next to the tree's leafs as it drop the only bit of Mru it had for the year.
"That's it? One loosy drop after all that hard work! You got to be kidding me!!! Zero yelled as he shock the tree till it gave more Mru till the chalice was filled one thrid the way.
"That's better." Zero stated.
End chapter.
(Sorry If it's not funny Holden wasn't with me today so I used this chapter for action.)
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"She never saw real combat before. She only wrote about it."
Yeah, that's me. (by why is the girl the only wimp???)
Anyway, work on your descriptions, expand what is going on, work on the flow, but this was funny.
Yeah, that's me. (by why is the girl the only wimp???)
Anyway, work on your descriptions, expand what is going on, work on the flow, but this was funny.
Don't worry She will kick some ass next time around and I didn't mean anything by it.
Oh good. Thanks!
I'm really flattered I'm in here.
I'm really flattered I'm in here.
Well you make good fan fics and I wanted a scholar girl in the fic and I thought of you and I couldn't think of anyone else.
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