Help/Support ► Friendships

[Relix]

I'm not used to these sorta talks or anything, well not on here anyway so I wasn't sure how to start this thread off or what to even make the title but I'm just going to try and see what happens

So recently a couple of friends and I have grown distant. We were pretty much the first group of friends we made in college and were awfully close. We shared everything, had those deep meaningful conversations, and pretty much told each other everything we weren't willing to tell just anybody. Basically the closest people I know in my young adolescent life. Yada yada yada

Anyways, these past several months we've sorta drifted apart (one transferred to another school, I got into a relationship, another got a really important job, school assignments, personal issues, etc.) Well we ended up trying to hangout the last couple of weeks and while it seems like old times with some, with others we aren't getting the same vibe. It was ultimately decided that our once close friendship was sort of a thing of the past and that it was okay that we didn't see each other as much.

Well I'm just trying to... Guess I want to have a discussion about friendships and how some friends are okay to drift apart and maybe how some aren't or something. Are some friendships not so healthy, stuff like that. Maybe I'm subconsciously using this thread as a way to justify the decision my old friends and I made or maybe I just like hearing stories.

Long story short: I want to talk about friendships and if you had a time you mutually agreed on letting it drift off or maybe you fought hard to keep it alive. Maybe you think if it's a true friendship, there shouldn't be a need to fight for it. Maybe you don't believe in friendships at all and only a relation between acquaintances.

Either way, how about it?

 

[Reagan Rayden]

I've kept in touch with my closest friends through facebook and skype. It's easier for us to do things since we're on laptops almost every day, so it may not be the same for everyone.

I've had close friends drift off a bit in terms of normal communication, but I still comment on some things they post to facebook every now and then.

 

[KingdomKey]

I had a childhood friend when I was growing up, that I would hang out with every day. We used to do all sorts of things together; going swimming, having picnics, drawing with chalk and playing at the park. We were pretty close for awhile until I stopped living so close by, eventually moving to a whole new state. We kept in touch through letters since the I-net was still kinda new to the both of us back then.

A year later I moved back but, we started to lose touch very fast. The last time I visited him was several years ago but, the promise we had made with each other; soon became forgotten. I think we both came to an agreement that the friendship we once had was finally lost, and that we changed too much to be around each other again. We've seen each other through passing glances but that's about it.

Most of my closest friends are on khi. I keep in touch with them as much as I possible can. There are times when I drift away from some of my friends but, I'll still say hi to them if they're on or comment on a fic of theirs to let them know I still care. I think a few of my friends fight to keep our friendship alive more than I do.

 

[KeyofEvil'sBane]

It is certainly to be acquainted with people in a bad way, but a friendship is really something that is the benefit of both people. It happens sometimes as people mature and change, that the friendship dies away and the people drift apart, but the important thing to remember is what you gained from those memories and experiences.

While I have certainly drifted apart from a number of people over the years, I'm still widely in touch with my core group of friends from high school. Sure, we have facebook and such to talk, but we don't talk quite as much as we did before going our separate ways to different colleges. Nonetheless, whenever we all are home at the same time, we always organize one of our classic get-togethers. I guess the thing to take away from this is that some friendships may drift apart, but that should never be something to be constantly fearful of and guarding against. Often, when you have to fight to make it work, its usually too late

 

[Relix]

I've kept in touch with my closest friends through facebook and skype. It's easier for us to do things since we're on laptops almost every day, so it may not be the same for everyone.

I've had close friends drift off a bit in terms of normal communication, but I still comment on some things they post to facebook every now and then.

Yeah, staying in touch through Facebook still feels like a possible outcome in our future. I've had friendships become this but Infind myself commenting on their posts less and less and they seem to do the same. It could be that we used to be there and talk with each other, lean on one another when we needed someone to lean on...but it's sorta just became "hmmm, maybe I'll rant on Facebook. *rants*" and the rest of us end up just either liking the post or shooting them a comment along the lines of "you'll get through this" or "hit me up" but it never really turns into anything. Though I'd blame that on my friends and I having the lack of effort.

I had a childhood friend when I was growing up, that I would hang out with every day. We used to do all sorts of things together; going swimming, having picnics, drawing with chalk and playing at the park. We were pretty close for awhile until I stopped living so close by, eventually moving to a whole new state. We kept in touch through letters since the I-net was still kinda new to the both of us back then.

A year later I moved back but, we started to lose touch very fast. The last time I visited him was several years ago but, the promise we had made with each other; soon became forgotten. I think we both came to an agreement that the friendship we once had was finally lost, and that we changed too much to be around each other again. We've seen each other through passing glances but that's about it.

Most of my closest friends are on khi. I keep in touch with them as much as I possible can. There are times when I drift away from some of my friends but, I'll still say hi to them if they're on or comment on a fic of theirs to let them know I still care. I think a few of my friends fight to keep our friendship alive more than I do.

I have close friends on khi too that I care for just as much or even more than those friends that I see everyday because it's not like we can see each other or anything. It wasn't till recently that I've been hit hard by life and it's surprises that I found myself being able to be online less and less and I feel that I'm drifting from online friendships too.

It's a strange. I constantly lament over how detached I feel from friends and they generally give off the same feelings of disappointment but we don't really do anything about it. Sure we tried hanging out the past few weeks but it's not the same. Is there a time where you have to actually buckle down and put in the effort to stay in touch? If you want it so badly, shouldn't you fight for it even harder?

Friends come and go but sometimes they don't have to. There are those that will of course no matter what you do but there are those that can be salvaged, if you want them to of course. Rambling, I'm rambling.

So does anyone feel that more effort goes into online friendships than local ones?

 

[Ðari]

I've been out of touch with my bestfriend from highschool since half way through my junior year. I went about 4 years with no contact with him and recently reconnected with my bud. I was ecstatic to hear that he was working on a double major at a pristine university and we talked just like we did back in high school. So where as the conditions of our locations changed, the people didn't and thats ultimately a rare sight today. I find myself fortunate to still have contact with him virtually half a decade after our high school years.

 

[KingdomKey]

Is there a time where you have to actually buckle down and put in the effort to stay in touch?

Sometimes. After a long day/week of juggling multiple things at once, it can be hard to put in the effort to stay in touch with my friends. However this can be overlooked because, I take pleasure in my friends company and enjoy it to the fullest.

If you want it so badly, shouldn't you fight for it even harder?

I think it honestly depends on the person.

If you value your friendship above all else, you'd fight to keep it alive and do everything you can to be with your friends. I can't say it will always work because, some friends eventually do leave and go on living their own lives. But, sometimes it's for the best. However that doesn't mean you should stop fighting or give up on them.

So does anyone feel that more effort goes into online friendships than local ones?

No. I just think it's easier to maintain an online friendship than a local one because, it's what I have time for. If I had friends in real life, I'd try to keep it balance. Putting equal effort into both but, seeing how I don't have any in real life; it's not a problem for me.

 

[Taochan]

Is there a time where you have to actually buckle down and put in the effort to stay in touch? If you want it so badly, shouldn't you fight for it even harder?

Obviously you can't keep up a friendship with someone who is refusing to put in any effort at all, but if you find their friendship worthwhile then it's something that you should seriously consider working for.

Falling out of touch is easy if you let it be, so if these are people you want to keep in your life then you should try your hardest to do so.

Maybe they feel as though you don't care as much about them so they're reluctant to contact you to hangout? It's common that what you're feeling is likely similar to what they're feeling.

 

[Mirby]

Honestly, I feel like if one I called friend turns out to be anything but, it's easier to end it if they're online friends than if they're physical irl ones. After all, there's plenty of ways to ignore them online; irl, not so much.

In addition, a large majority of those I call friends are pretty cool, and I put no extra effort into maintaining online friendships than I do with irl ones; they both get the same amount of attention and care. I see no reason to differentiate the two because of how the relationship is.

A friend is a friend, as I see it.

 

[Rhapsody]

at times the word "friend" is distorted and tossed around so carelessly that the general standard of some friendships involves a sense of artificiality

whether it's one person puts more effort into a clearly one-sided relationship, or the mistake of failing to distinguish "acquaintance" from "friend"

 

[Relix]

I agree that when it comes to keeping in touch, or making sure that a friendship stays strong, that it varies from person to person. I admittedly believe that that there are some friendships worth saving in my life right now...but there are others that are just plain unhealthy or are simply acquantinces.

I spoke to a couple of my friends earlier today after taking in what was said in this thread and there are some of us who'll put in the extra effort. I'll text my friends more. I'll make time to hang out. Although it feels like I'm sacrificing the most, I don't really mind. But like I said there are some of those that I'm not too hurt to see walk out of my life, but that doesn't help that feeling of being a "failed-friend", know what I mean?

What Rhaphsody said is also something I agree with, but can't help but fall into. It would seem that just having an irrelevant conversation, mixed with small talk here and there makes someone a "friend" these days, may not be a close friend, but a friend none the less. I realized a majority of my friends are in fact acquantinces and I seemed to have lost most if not all of my actual friends.

 

[Taochan]

But like I said there are some of those that I'm not too hurt to see walk out of my life, but that doesn't help that feeling of being a "failed-friend", know what I mean?

Never feel like you've failed as a friend or something. Sometimes there are people that just aren't good for you and you need to cut out of your life; there is no shame in admitting that there are people who you don't really need or want around. It's healthier for you to figure it out!

It would seem that just having an irrelevant conversation, mixed with small talk here and there makes someone a "friend" these days, may not be a close friend, but a friend none the less. I realized a majority of my friends are in fact acquantinces and I seemed to have lost most if not all of my actual friends.

If you know who your actual friends are, then maybe it's time to try to get back in touch? Also, sometimes acquaintances turn into best friends. You start with having fun and then slowly find out that these people care about you and you care about them.

 

[Reagan Rayden]

Just to add something to what Taochan has said, the human brain does not fully develop for most people until around the age of 25. In other words: The things that brought you and your past friends together may have changed based on a change of tastes in your minds over time.

What used to bring you all together is now something that has now pulled you apart and it's totally not your fault. It's natural for these things to take place. I've had several friends that I simply don't understand anymore. People I once cared for more than myself are now people I look at with disgust because of how they are now as opposed to how they used to be years back.

Friends come and go. That's just a common fact.

 

[Shadow_]

I'm really in the same boat as you man, I had my best friend in the whole world, we lived right next door to each other, and pretty much did what ever best friends do, we hung out pretty much everyday and just be lazy but in high school we kind of grown a part as best friends, and never really talked. I don't know if he knew that I was Bisexual or what but it was awkward after my Junior year in High school we didn't talk once and it was a shock we both lived next door and I never saw him. It was sad sometimes because at that time alot of people in high school found out that I was gay and made fun of me for it, and I only had like 3 friends that I could rely on.

I guess as you get older you realize what is most important in life, and it gets hard on some friends that they change because it's what they want to do in life, you guys can and always be friends, but just realize that you are growing up now, and life changes quickly sure not for the better, mostly for the worst but don't forget who your real friends are. There will be a time in your life where you life is ready and you are happy, and maybe just maybe you will be able to hang with your dear friends again. Your still young just hold on and focus on your future. I wish I could take what I say into consideration heh I had a rough time high school probably the most hated person at my school just because of my sexuality.

 

[Professor Ven]

Friends are like baking cookies: they either turn out delicious or they get tossed away.​

 

[Reagan Rayden]

It was sad sometimes because at that time alot of people in high school found out that I was gay and made fun of me for it, and I only had like 3 friends that I could rely on.

Finding people you can be friends with who also accept gay people in high school is about as simple as trying to catch a football while walking on stilts. You should consider yourself pretty lucky.

 

[Relix]

I'm still fortunate to have people in my life who enjoy my company and listen when I have something to say. I'm also fortunate to have people in my life that I enjoy listening to and care about what they have to say. Sure it isn't as deep and raw as the conversations I used to have with other people but, who knows, maybe these acquantinces will turn out to be friends.

Maverick, I'm glad you had real friends to stick by you and love you for you. People like that are hard to come by. Even if your relationship with your childhood best friend changed you have people who you care about. I guess I always knew friends and loved ones come and go but it recently hit me that some of the people you shared those memories with wont be there to look back fondly with you.

I'll do my best to keep those who I really REALLY care about closer. And just accept some friends aren't friends anymore. And that's okay.