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- Jun 9, 2009
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Gloam: twilight, the time of day immediately following sunset
Yes, gloam is a real word and a synonym for twilight. It also sounds like a combination of "gloom" and "groan" which are two things that I want to do when I read twilight(yes i just used gloom as a verb and groan as in a i-can't-take-this-shoot-me-now groan)
This is where I'm going to post all my mini parodies of Twilight, because I love to make fun of it. If you are a fan of Twilight and can't stand when people make fun of it, go away and please don't flame me, okay?
I'll be making fun of Meyer's writing, word choice(fancy words that make no sense, overuse of murmur and glower, etc), the characters, the plot, the villains, just about everything. If you haven't read the books, then good for you but you probably won't understand these.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series or any of its characters, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Index:
I. Woe is me (6/25/10)
II. Love is Blind (7/2/10)
In an empty hallway closet of the Cullen mansion, Renesmee Cullen was sitting down and murmuring into her cell phone.
“Yes I have a birth certificate,” she said, and tucked a strand of her shiny brown hair behind her pale, super-model looking face. “I want to make the change as quick as possible… Yes I’m over 18… No, first name only…”
As she was speaking, her mother Bella (who strangely looked the same age as Renesmee) burst through the door. The closet was instantaneously filled with light, making Renesmee’s skin sparkle more than a five year old’s arts and crafts project. Renesme took a moment to admire the beauty of her mother, because although she saw her mother everyday, she never got tired of describing her beauty (1). Bella glowered at Renesmee with her chamoise eyes.
“Nessie, what are you doing?” Bella asked.
Renesmee got to her feet and tried to hide the cell phone behind her back, but Bella could hear that the cell phone was on (2).
“RAWR!” Bella growled (3) as she leaped into the closet and wrestled the phone away from Renesmee. Then, Bella crushed the phone into phone-dust in her hand. “What do you think you’re doing Nessie? You know that you’re not allowed to talk to other people, especially not boys.” Bella gasped. “You were talking to a boy at the high school weren’t you?”
“Mommmm,” Renesmee whined, “it’s not a guy from school. I was- I was trying to get my name changed!”
Bella looked at Renesmee in surprise. “I love your name though! I thought of it all by myself. Just me, no one else.”
“Mom, a teacher called me rein-is-me on the first day of school, and now everyone calls me woe-is-me because I cry all day,” Renesmee said while glowering at Bella.
“I would have noticed if that happened,” Bella said and stomped her foot.
Renesmee glowered at the floor. “No you wouldn’t, you’re too busy staring at Daddy (4) all day to even notice that Jacob died and I’ve been crying every day for two months.”
“What? Jacob who? And sorry dear, but Edward and I have plans. We’re going for a drive in hovercar number seven.” Bella threw the phone dust at Renesmee and walked out of the closet.
Edward stared intently at Bella as she walked towards him. “What problem does the Loch Ness monster have now? It’s that werewolf guy isn’t it? I knew he was bad from the moment I smelled him. But you never do what I tell you to do you? Now put on your seatbelt and bubble wrap vest because I might go over four miles an hour this time...”
1. I couldn't resist.
2. This is because the vamps can hear everything. Everything.
3. Stephenie Meyer says that they growl a lot, but she never says what they growl like. I'm assuming that they all sound like dinosaurs, except less cool because dinosaurs are awesome.
4. BWAHAHAHA I just had to call Edward "daddy" once. Just once
Next in Gloam: Bella and Edward put their relationship knowledge to the test
Yes, gloam is a real word and a synonym for twilight. It also sounds like a combination of "gloom" and "groan" which are two things that I want to do when I read twilight(yes i just used gloom as a verb and groan as in a i-can't-take-this-shoot-me-now groan)
This is where I'm going to post all my mini parodies of Twilight, because I love to make fun of it. If you are a fan of Twilight and can't stand when people make fun of it, go away and please don't flame me, okay?
I'll be making fun of Meyer's writing, word choice(fancy words that make no sense, overuse of murmur and glower, etc), the characters, the plot, the villains, just about everything. If you haven't read the books, then good for you but you probably won't understand these.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series or any of its characters, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Index:
I. Woe is me (6/25/10)
II. Love is Blind (7/2/10)
Woe is me
In an empty hallway closet of the Cullen mansion, Renesmee Cullen was sitting down and murmuring into her cell phone.
“Yes I have a birth certificate,” she said, and tucked a strand of her shiny brown hair behind her pale, super-model looking face. “I want to make the change as quick as possible… Yes I’m over 18… No, first name only…”
As she was speaking, her mother Bella (who strangely looked the same age as Renesmee) burst through the door. The closet was instantaneously filled with light, making Renesmee’s skin sparkle more than a five year old’s arts and crafts project. Renesme took a moment to admire the beauty of her mother, because although she saw her mother everyday, she never got tired of describing her beauty (1). Bella glowered at Renesmee with her chamoise eyes.
“Nessie, what are you doing?” Bella asked.
Renesmee got to her feet and tried to hide the cell phone behind her back, but Bella could hear that the cell phone was on (2).
“RAWR!” Bella growled (3) as she leaped into the closet and wrestled the phone away from Renesmee. Then, Bella crushed the phone into phone-dust in her hand. “What do you think you’re doing Nessie? You know that you’re not allowed to talk to other people, especially not boys.” Bella gasped. “You were talking to a boy at the high school weren’t you?”
“Mommmm,” Renesmee whined, “it’s not a guy from school. I was- I was trying to get my name changed!”
Bella looked at Renesmee in surprise. “I love your name though! I thought of it all by myself. Just me, no one else.”
“Mom, a teacher called me rein-is-me on the first day of school, and now everyone calls me woe-is-me because I cry all day,” Renesmee said while glowering at Bella.
“I would have noticed if that happened,” Bella said and stomped her foot.
Renesmee glowered at the floor. “No you wouldn’t, you’re too busy staring at Daddy (4) all day to even notice that Jacob died and I’ve been crying every day for two months.”
“What? Jacob who? And sorry dear, but Edward and I have plans. We’re going for a drive in hovercar number seven.” Bella threw the phone dust at Renesmee and walked out of the closet.
Edward stared intently at Bella as she walked towards him. “What problem does the Loch Ness monster have now? It’s that werewolf guy isn’t it? I knew he was bad from the moment I smelled him. But you never do what I tell you to do you? Now put on your seatbelt and bubble wrap vest because I might go over four miles an hour this time...”
1. I couldn't resist.
2. This is because the vamps can hear everything. Everything.
3. Stephenie Meyer says that they growl a lot, but she never says what they growl like. I'm assuming that they all sound like dinosaurs, except less cool because dinosaurs are awesome.
4. BWAHAHAHA I just had to call Edward "daddy" once. Just once
Next in Gloam: Bella and Edward put their relationship knowledge to the test
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