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Danica Syer

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Alright. I'll give you what I know and what I have to say about this:



1.Yes there is true love. You'll see it in married couples, your parents (if they're not divorced, otherwise never mind), and anybody you knew that got engaged and or married. It can also exist in music (people are always singing about it) , movies (they tend to be in exaggerated but it shows in certain ways) ,and books (like movies but maybe more realistic because they tend to give advice or stories basing on thier love life and or at least writing stories about it) and of course in real life. It's something that's out there and waiting to unviel (spelling problem?) and once it unveils, it's a beautiful thing because a great feeling comes with it unless you gave up on long a time ago because you couldn't take another shot at it,claiming it 'hopeless' when it's not. In your situation, yours would be unrequieted love from it seems....



2. You can't make her love you. It's like forcing her to well, do the impossible if you know what I mean. In this case, She has to choose in this situation. If she says 'Don't think about it' it can be warning sign that she's obviously like her relationship with one your close friend and she's trying to tell you that she only sees you as a friend n, noo matter how hard you try to tell or at least confess to her how much you like her.DO NOT go beyond the 'Just friend' zone as others have already avised you. It will ruin everything.



3. That's also her descision. Instead of confessing to her right now....support her and your other friend being together. A true friend should be happy for one another and if you come between them anyway, it will risk you of losing both of your friends because you'll not only end up losing them and blaming yourself somewhat in the end. So instead of trying to get her, realize whose needs more important at the moment: yours or theirs. Also try to think on what you would feel if you were her and put your them yourself in her shoes.







Okay that's all I can say for now, sorry if that was somewhat harsh instead of helping but that's the truth and if she did like you back, wouldn't she give you signs/hints and also be broken up with her boyfriend by now? For now, just deal with it and maybe she'll come around later when she's broken up with your friend. And I don't intend to say that she'll come running to you after that but maybe she might or maybe might not at all. What I mean to say is: DON'T set your expectations too high. It never works, at least that's what happened with me and schoolwork. Only time will tell.
 

SuperEclipse

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2.you can't make someone like you, if they don't like you for you then their not worth it.
Sure you can..

Some people used to call me names all the time.. Like freak etc.. But later when we had a class together and had helped each other.. We become good friends.. In fact they said'' I'm sorry for calling you those names, you really a cool and nice guy..

Happened to me alot really..


Wish more girls got to know me.. Before they call me names.. Oh well, once a loner always a loner.. I guess..
 

mesmerized

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Sure you can..

Some people used to call me names all the time.. Like freak etc.. But later when we had a class together and had helped each other.. We become good friends.. In fact they said'' I'm sorry for calling you those names, you really a cool and nice guy..

Happened to me alot really..


Wish more girls got to know me.. Before they call me names.. Oh well, once a loner always a loner.. I guess..

Well the thing is, you didn't "make" them like you. Their opinion about you changed, and they decided to let it change. The problem with most people is that they prejudge before getting to know people and wa-la, you get your prior situation.
 

CAB_IV

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i don't think i trust that guy. i want to know it from girls if all that stuff is true. 'cause it's nearly impossible to penetrate the mind of the other gender. know what they want. know what they're looking for in a bf/gf. it's just too hard.

For one thing, you just generalized individual people into a gender. the girl you like is not just a girl. She is an individual with her own needs and things. However, that guy is absolutely correct in that looking desperate and pathetic is not a good thing. So far, he has been right in every situation i can find.

This thread has made my headache 10x worse. Well, not just the thread in particular... some of the replies to me more exact. "There's no such things as love." "Yes there is..." "No theres not" "Yes there is."

Never said love isn't real. Making a distinction out of any particular piece of love is the trouble. There is not such thing as that invincible true love that everyone wants to believe in here. I'mparticaularly angry that you call flaming. once again, i'm just making my case. Flaming would be if i started questioning his intelligence or preference of gender, which i do not. he can obviously hold an intelligent conversation, which is why i continue.

Its impossible to know what a girl wants. Wanna know the biggest secret that women hold? We don't even know what we want.

Thats the thing. You can't go into specifics. You need to carpet bomb the subject. It needs to be understood that you can't win every battle, and so its not like that link was the ultimate guide. However, when you strip down all the entertainment out of it, he makes an excellent point.

You might not know what you want, but i garuntee you don't want some crazy guy who worships your existence, and who has no confidence or is dependant on you and others. You also might not want to go out with the guy that you've been sharing all your secrets with and that you've established as a friend.

those are not attractive traits. what the article suggests is that guys need to also show that they are capable of being fun under their own power, and that they have self esteem and that they are dependable and good people. In other words, girls don't like pathetic guys. You can't use that kind of "give me sypmathy" approach, because it will never win a girls heart.

Like I said, this doesn't garuntee win, because like both you and i have said, girls are their own individuals with their own wants, if they even know what they want at all, and so every case will be different in detail. Its just important to cover the basic stuff.


Nintandy²;2681268 said:
Firstly, everyone, help the guy out. All these posts going back and forth, mesmerized is correct O_O. This thread started out with barely anything, and suddenly it's full of all sorts.

I hate to be pessimistic, but his girl is currently with someone else. In short, there is nothing he can do. Not yet. might as well use this thread for some in depth discussion so that we may all learn things.

Onto topic, wow Hiro [if you don't mind me calling you that ^^], you really remind me of myself, a lot. Whilst people debate about true love, I must agree, it's a difficult and spontaneous emotion, and CAB_IV is quite right in saying that true love can be a delusion at times. But of course, love is real, and I think I really summed up all my points in my last post :). I personally think it's alright to call it true love, after all it's so strong an emotion it's not so easy to sum up in words. False love? I actually think such a thing does exist, with labels being used, in situations such as physical relationships - the partners call it love but really that is in denial of the truth; it is merely for personal gain.

I think that you would sum up that physical attraction as either lust or infatuation, which i suppose could broadly be defined as false love.

I too can be shy, and I've grown to be quite inward, so I know how you can be feeling. You sound like a really friendly guy ^^. I've given you most the advice I can already to be honest. Someone here stated that trying to be a close friend and not a lover could bring harm.. well as you said you already are her best friend. My friend is going through the same as you are, and she has had to find ways to cope with her friend and unrequited love. It is possible, and taking on the ideas of true love not really existing, I think it's alright to assume you can find someone else, with patience, and that you too can find that happy ending. I don't think it's worth destroying the friendship, that would just be a waste, and I've known that to happen with my own friends. It's pointless, and can only bring harm in some cases. She means a lot to you, so be a friend, and push on. You're doing a good job in supporting them, so they must be grateful - already I think you've given them one of the greatest gifts of all.

Take care and good luck with everything.

-- Andy

I totally agree with the above paragraph. THe tough part will be finding someone else. being stuck on someone in the long term will always be a pain to let go in the end, but it can be done.


now, see? the girls them selfs don't even know what they want. but i still want a reply about this from at least two other girls. there are all sorts of them, so some may know if that guy is right. even if it is right, you shouldn't use a cheat-sheet for love. it's just wrong. (yay! a fortune cookie moment of my own!)

You are asking people to know what their heart tells them. thats not applicable here. We are talking about attraction. there needs to be attraction for love to start. You don't just fall for someone without there being something about them that pulls you there. Love doesn't form by itself. it has to develop and grow. part of that development is finding things you like about a person, other wise known as attractive traits. Specific ones might be tough to match with, but that isn't the important part.

The main point of that article was to demonstrate basic behavior that the opposite sex will find attractive. In fact, i could almost refine it down to such basic ideas that its undeniable.

Girls don't like pathetic dependant guys who need that girl just to feel alright. Girls also dislike jerks in the long run. The objective is to find the middle ground. It makes sense.

Once again, You'll probably see it more as you get older.


Well the thing is, you didn't "make" them like you. Their opinion about you changed, and they decided to let it change. The problem with most people is that they prejudge before getting to know people and wa-la, you get your prior situation.

I agree with the above statement.
 

Hyakkimaru Hiro

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[...] might as well use this thread for some in depth discussion so that we may all learn things.

Woohoo, so that makes me one who made something good out of something bad, eh?

Well, anyways, I like where this thread is going... discussions about abstract things often amaze me.

What I think is this:
'False Love' = Lust [or some other reason to be with the person, like money]
'True Love' = Love [the person is reason enough to be with her/him]

...where friendship is also love, just in a different 'scale', I guess. I don't really think I'm good at explaining things [specially if it's out off my mind o_O].


edit:
mesmerized said:
Well the thing is, you didn't "make" them like you. Their opinion about you changed, and they decided to let it change. The problem with most people is that they prejudge before getting to know people and wa-la, you get your prior situation.

Just wanted to say I also agree with this, in this situation. What I mean is, people can fool others with acting and maquiavelic plans, if you know what I mean.
 

CAB_IV

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Woohoo, so that makes me one who made something good out of something bad, eh?

There is always a silver lining. ( of course, i just opened shots on myself with silver lining doubters! i'm telling you, its not swamp gas!:toungesmile: )

Well, anyways, I like where this thread is going... discussions about abstract things often amaze me.

What I think is this:
'False Love' = Lust [or some other reason to be with the person, like money]
'True Love' = Love [the person is reason enough to be with her/him]

...where friendship is also love, just in a different 'scale', I guess. I don't really think I'm good at explaining things [specially if it's out off my mind o_O].

Now this can as i have said, include physical attraction, or emotional attraction.

I should point out that this stuff we have come to lable false love isn't necesarily bad. Its often the opening shots of a relationship. it just depends on where it goes.

If you are lusting for a girl, that might bring you to get to know her, and maybe that lust will be put away for something more real.

If you are infatuated, you might actually be able to throw the ideas of the girl away, and find the true parts of her that make her special to you.

Of course, all of those can go wrong, which is why you have to be careful, and most importantly, Honest with yourself. Don't get in a relationship via lust, then try to trick yourself you want more than you do. its going to end bad. people just need to come down to it and search their feelings to see if they are really honest.

I just felt that important fact was left out of my rest of my rants.
 

Leonard

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Okay, I think we're kinda off topic now.

So Hiro, has the answering of your three questions helped in any way and how will you go on? Of course if you've got more things you need help with, then ask. (I just think we should get back on track ^^ and continue where we left off)
 

Hyakkimaru Hiro

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I'd say everybody helped. ^^

I think know what I have to do, more or less... which is to try to understand their situation [and mine], try to move on [let her go, but keep her as a friend], change some aspects of myself... things I knew I should have done before [it's been, *gasp*, one year and a half since I met her].

I don't know for sure if this will make me change what I think, but I hope so. [like, subcontiously dreaming or remembering this site when dealing with a situation]


Well, if all fails, at least I had some fun! =D
 

Vanguard XIII

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If you truly think of her as a marvelous person and she thinks of you the same way, then yes. This is love. Obviously, you can't go all the way constantly keeping your emotions hidden, but you can't blurt them all out at the same time either. Try to be subtle, taking it little by little, and that way, she'll come to see the kind of person you are. Keep in mind: You can make a person hate you in a split second with the wrong words, but you can't make a person love you instantly with even the right words. Give it time and tend to it often, and she'll return your love.
 

CAB_IV

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Okay, I think we're kinda off topic now.

So Hiro, has the answering of your three questions helped in any way and how will you go on? Of course if you've got more things you need help with, then ask. (I just think we should get back on track ^^ and continue where we left off)

No, techinically wer are still on track. We are exploring different views on love and rommance, so that we can all better attempt to find it once he has moved on. Its important to identify all the stumbling blocks and have strategies to get passed them. With the knowledge learned from our discussion, our friend may be able to further improve himself and find the happiness he seeks out.

off topic would have been saying that "Vanilla ice cream">"Chocolate ice cream".

I'd say everybody helped. ^^

I think know what I have to do, more or less... which is to try to understand their situation [and mine], try to move on [let her go, but keep her as a friend], change some aspects of myself... things I knew I should have done before [it's been, *gasp*, one year and a half since I met her].

I don't know for sure if this will make me change what I think, but I hope so. [like, subcontiously dreaming or remembering this site when dealing with a situation]

Hopefully you can apply the ideas discussed her to furthering your pursuit of happiness.

Well, if all fails, at least I had some fun! =D

Thats the spirit!
 

blendedhearts

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well, i've sort of moved on from the girl i mentioned earlier, maybe you can move on two. there's a new girl i think i like. we've been friends for a little while, and i think i might like her so, maybe theres someone else out there for you.

sorry, i'm talking more about me than you, but i'm sort of trying to show you not to give up hope. after all, there are millions of fish in the sea. so just hook on some bait, and cast your line.
 

PathtoTwilight

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That happened to me last year. I confessed my liking to a girl and I crashed and burned. She and I are still friends. Confessing was the best thing to do. If she doesn't take you in then that's her problem. If you're a nice enough guy, I don't understand why she doesn't like you back.
 

CAB_IV

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well, i've sort of moved on from the girl i mentioned earlier, maybe you can move on two. there's a new girl i think i like. we've been friends for a little while, and i think i might like her so, maybe theres someone else out there for you.

there is the problem. You've been friends for a while. PM on how it goes, i have a hunch...

sorry, i'm talking more about me than you, but i'm sort of trying to show you not to give up hope. after all, there are millions of fish in the sea. so just hook on some bait, and cast your line.

don't be. He seems to be resolved with his problems as he indicates in his post. We have all given our same adivce repeatedly over time. He also seems to enjoy this thread bringing good to the many. as long as we discuss stuff on these lines, I think we're fine.

However, i don't like that fish in the sea quote. not any particular reason... it just sounds to.... Fishy... :toungesmile:


... ok no more dumb jokes.

That happened to me last year. I confessed my liking to a girl and I crashed and burned. She and I are still friends. Confessing was the best thing to do. If she doesn't take you in then that's her problem. If you're a nice enough guy, I don't understand why she doesn't like you back.

Thats because you aren't supposed to confess your love. Do you have any idea what that does to a girl? its like, instant turn off, and its also super creepy. its the fastest way to weird a girl out.

What you need is self control. If you truely want to be with a girl, you have to hang out with her, and then maybe invite her to do things just you and her when she is comfortable around you (but not so comfortable that she is sharing secrets and emotions). She has to become attracted to you, and then she will feel open to you. once you think you've got her hooked, just ask to go farther, but still don't confess your love. Let it got a tiny bit longer, then start dropping bits and pieces so that she knows you really do care, without being creepy and weird by nuking her with your feelings.
 
Last edited:

khluva010

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wow. It sucks that she goes out with your friend. Did you tell your friend that you liked her before they were going out? I hope this'll help you.


(I acidently deleted the first ?'s. lol)

1. I think there is. I also think you can learn to fall in love (or find your true love) more than once in your life. This might be hard to here but you might feel this way about her but the real question is: how does she feel?

Hyakkimaru Hiro;26772962. said:
Does a chance exist of being able to change the feelings of a person for you? [in this case 'making' her love me?

Yes but for now you should just get to know her better. Be there for her, but not too much! Right now, you should try being her friend let her get to know you. The key is: bring her closer, don't push her away. If you're feeling serious about this girl, then take your time.


Hyakkimaru Hiro;26772963. said:
Do you think she would allow me to be a closer friend of hers, now that she knows how I feel about her?

Well... to be honest I'm not sure. Of course keep trying no matter what. I know it's hard to keep your emotions inside sometimes but "you gotta play it cool" as they say. lol But yeah, like they say: if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. ;]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


My advice for you: keep on trying boy!!! you obviously have the confidence so all you gotta do know is take that confidence and subtract it by two and bam! a friendship. I hope things get better for you!! you can PM me whenever you want. ;]

and sorry if this doesn't help you at all. :/
 

Hyakkimaru Hiro

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Did you tell your friend that you liked her before they were going out?

That's going to have a big no as an answer. Unfortunately, I am not the type that exposes his feelings to others, most of the time. [c'mon, it took me one year to tell her that I liked her.... and she's actually the first one I've ever told that]

Yes but for now you should just get to know her better. Be there for her, but not too much! Right now, you should try being her friend let her get to know you. The key is: bring her closer, don't push her away. If you're feeling serious about this girl, then take your time.

That's what I've been supposedly doing since I told her. I thought that was the best/only thing I could do. I still think that, anyway.

I hope things get better for you!! you can PM me whenever you want. ;]

Thanks! I'll PM you, if I get in to more trouble. xD



He seems to be resolved with his problems as he indicates in his post.

Yeah, and everyone that's watched Bleach knows that resolve = win.
[sorry if you don't get this .-.]
 

khluva010

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That's going to have a big no as an answer. Unfortunately, I am not the type that exposes his feelings to others, most of the time. [c'mon, it took me one year to tell her that I liked her.... and she's actually the first one I've ever told that]

oh okay good cause that would of been messed up if your friend knew. :eek:

That's what I've been supposedly doing since I told her. I thought that was the best/only thing I could do. I still think that, anyway.

Well idk. No one can really know expect for you. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on use. :]


Thanks! I'll PM you, if I get in to more trouble. xD

For Sure!! ;]

Yeah, and everyone that's watched Bleach knows that resolve = win.
[sorry if you don't get this .-.]

lol
 

blendedhearts

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there is the problem. You've been friends for a while. PM on how it goes, i have a hunch...



don't be. He seems to be resolved with his problems as he indicates in his post. We have all given our same adivce repeatedly over time. He also seems to enjoy this thread bringing good to the many. as long as we discuss stuff on these lines, I think we're fine.

However, i don't like that fish in the sea quote. not any particular reason... it just sounds to.... Fishy... :toungesmile:


... ok no more dumb jokes.
i shouldn't have posted that. you know why?
Spoiler Spoiler Show


but yeah, the "fish in the sea" thing was just something i thought to do.<P
 

GIIIIIIIIIRLZ :D

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This doesn't really pertain to the thread topic (sorry), but I just wanted to say;

CAB, stop generalizing girls.>_>;; Every girl is an individual with their own personal preferences; some don't know what they want, some do. And when they do, believe it or not not ALL of them go for the same type of stereotype you depicted in this thread earlier on. It's simply a matter of being in taste of the girl's preference, nothing else.

And Hyakkk...yeaaah, I have a message for you: just be who you are. Certainly don't make any adjustments for the miss you're currently (or were?) in love with, but do it for yourself if you know it will make you yourself feel better.
 

CAB_IV

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i shouldn't have posted that. you know why?
Spoiler Spoiler Show

Yeah, that really pushes it as far as age goes. You also need to consider her level of maturity. She might not be ready for a relationship, and you are probably a freshmen in high school, which means you to have a little while to go anyway. I don't think it has a chance of working until she is atleast in the 8th grade, or a freshmen itself. What you'll find is that the age and maturity differences will likely cause thins to collapse. Thats just my personal expierience with friends and people i know. highschool is a huge world different from the 6th grade, and unfortuneately i think this will cause you to grow apart if you try to go for it.

but yeah, the "fish in the sea" thing was just something i thought to do.<P

yeah, i'm just playing on words. See? i'm not all that bad! I'm pretty fun guy, lol.


This doesn't really pertain to the thread topic (sorry), but I just wanted to say;

CAB, stop generalizing girls.>_>;; Every girl is an individual with their own personal preferences; some don't know what they want, some do. And when they do, believe it or not not ALL of them go for the same type of stereotype you depicted in this thread earlier on. It's simply a matter of being in taste of the girl's preference, nothing else.


YOU! I CALL YOU OUT FOR YOU INABILITY TO READ! If you actually took the time to read what i have said, instead of skimming (because i don't think anyone reads what i have to say in it's entirety), you'd notice that i did in fact mention that all girls are different. Unfortuneately, its true of all human beings that there needs to be attraction. So yeah, i just stereotyped the whole human race. sue me.

I don't generalize girls. I take insult to that kind of comment. that advice is usually the first thing that guys do. they all ask "what girls want". They don't realize everyone is different. All i attempted to do is give a strategy for success, and reasons why it would succeed. I make no claims (and i do note this in my posts) that this is how thigns are, since anything is possible.

And Hyakkk...yeaaah, I have a message for you: just be who you are. Certainly don't make any adjustments for the miss you're currently (or were?) in love with, but do it for yourself if you know it will make you yourself feel better.

This is the most foolish advice ever. I tried that. and look where i am? emotional hell. If you let this kind of one sided love grow and then you can't succeed with it, you'll be stuck with it in your mind, and it won't leave. It will slowly eat away until you are half insane.

the real advice is BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE. don't stagnate. Don't do something you find wrong, but don't stop yourself from expanding yourself into other areas, don't be afraid to try new things and make them part of who you are.
 
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