Re: Inchoate Reflection [Kingdom Hearts]
I thought that this would make two chapters in one month, buuuuut it seems I posted the last one a month ago (BUT LESS THAN FOUR ENTIRE WEEKS, SO I'M GOOD).
Okay, here's the next chapter, this time a bit longer, and with some new swag characters. (^:
The first and only dream Roxas remembered when he woke up was one of a boy getting in some sort of white capsule. It was blurry and made no sense at all, vanishing only to leave the voice of a girl saying: “I knew I'd find you snoozing down here.â€
Roxas sat up, immediately holding his head because it hurt. “Sora? Kai...Kairi?†he asked himself, even though he had no idea who either of these people were supposed to be. For some reason though, it only made sense to him that the brunette boy in his dream had been Sora, and the chiding voice belonged to a girl named Kairi.
“How long have I been out?†he asked no one in particular before getting up from his bed. He had trouble standing on his legs, indicating it had in fact been a long time since he had last used them.
The meeting room was entirely empty except for Saïx, which of course was Roxas's luck again. The second in command didn't really look too happy – then again when did he – upon seeing the number 13 enter the room.
“I see you woke again. I did not imagine you would.â€
I missed you, too, grumpy, Roxas thought even though he obviously hadn't missed Saïx ever in his life, and would also never dare to say this out loud.
“How long has it been then?†he asked and looked around the room, still surprised that no one else was here.
“Twenty-four days.â€
He blinked once, twice and felt himself shaking his head. That was...almost as long as the time he had been part of the Organization before falling asleep.
“I see. Where is everyone?â€
“Doing their missions, obviously, which you by the way should get back to as well, as soon as possible.â€
He chose to ignore the spiteful tone and just nodded at that, no matter how much he wanted to summon his keyblade and start a fight. It was a weird desire he kept noticing since the day he had first met Saïx, just that it was getting more intense with every single day.
“I'll be on my way.â€
Roxas did not go on any missions on any of the next days. There were plenty of reasons for him to skip anyway, but usually the thought of being turned into a dusk was scary enough to make him obey. This, although, was too much.
“Obliterated? What are you talking about?!â€
Just the thought of Saïx's arrogant, self-righteous face made him want to destroy something, but he didn't. None of the things in his room were actually his own belongings, but nonetheless the only ones he could call his.
“Do I need to repeat myself? The members who have been sent on a special mission have been struck down and erased in battle. That is all you must know.â€
“It's not! You're lying! Tell me where they were! Tell me what happened!â€
But Saïx had ignored him and disappeared. Roxas was unable to cope with what was going on in his head. While his rationality tried to make him understand that he was a nobody, thus not supposed to feel any kind of emotion, his heart – or the spot where it should be – spat out hatred and anger like a blazing fire, causing him to punch the wall right next to his room's door, even though he knew it wouldn't change a thing.
“Axel...you didn't die, did you? You couldn't have...â€
There was nothing he cared less about right now than collecting hearts, so he did the thing that felt most natural and went to their usual spot, the clock tower in the world of constant afterglow.
It was the same as every time he came here alone – different, wrong, and he couldn't stop feeling like this wasn't the place he was supposed to be at. He stared at the trains passing by, closed his eyes and felt like he heard the ocean waves in the back of his mind, calling for him desperately, so close, yet so far away.
He opened his eyes and shook his head. None of this was real. None of this could be real. If he really had a past like Axel and the others did, why should he be the only one who couldn't remember it, or at least not properly?
“Isn't there anyone who can help me stop this?â€
Of course there wasn't a reply, and with Axel gone, Roxas wasn't sure if he would ever get any.
For some reason, Saïx didn't show up on the next day at all, which left Roxas to himself. No one else was around, which of course wasn't surprising, considering how half of the Organization was supposed to be…
No.
He just couldn't bring himself to think it. None of this made sense. Not staring at the sofas in the meeting room, not wondering if there was a reason to keep on fighting. Should he just give up?
“I'm so sorry for all of this.â€
He turned around, shocked and scared, because he had definitely heard a voice there. It reminded him of the girl named Kairi he had heard upon waking up, but wasn't the same.
“Who's there?!†he found himself asking, almost screaming, even though there clearly wasn't anyone in the room. What was happening here? Was this voice speaking to him in his head?
“Roxas...can you keep a secret?â€
He frowned, not sure what that was supposed to mean. He didn't know this person, so why would she tell him a secret and why would he feel obligated to keep it?
Nonetheless, he found himself nodding slightly, then realized he wasn't sure if she could see him somehow.
“I think so.â€
Whoever this was, and for whatever reason she wanted him to keep a secret for him, it could only be better than everything he had left in this place. Grumpy old people telling him what to do and using him. No, he didn't want that.
“It won't be long until they find me here.â€
This time, he knew she was here. He swung around again, only this time he wasn't greeted by nothingness. There was actually someone there, standing a few meters from him.
She looked insecure, cautious, hands folded in front of her body, but she was smiling slightly.
“Hello, Roxas.â€
“Who...are you?â€
She hung her head, as if she were at least remotely disappointed that he didn't know that, but other than the connection to Kairi, he didn't think he knew anything about her.
“My name is Naminé. I am not supposed to be here, but...I can help you go to the place you're longing for.â€
He shook his head, but realized that she probably did know about it, and better than he did himself, so found himself nodding eventually.
“I don't even know where it is, or why this desire is taking over so much lately. It's just...there. And I really want to go, but...How do you know about that?â€
She shook her head slightly, before turning away and raising her arm, opening a corridor of darkness.
“I can't stay long enough to explain that. You will eventually understand. Find the place where you once belonged, and things will start making sense. I promise.â€
He wanted to object, but realized it wouldn't be fair. She helped him a lot already, by just granting him this wish. Of course, who knew if she was fooling him into something? He had no reason to trust this girl, yet it felt like the only logical thing to do.
“Thanks, Naminé,†was the only thing he said before entering the corridor to look for what occupied his mind. Water as blue as the sky, sand as golden as the sun.
What greeted him on the other side was so much more than just that.
Whatever his expectation had truly been before seeing this, it couldn't have possibly been even half as good as what he actually found.
The sand creaked softly under his shoes, the sun shone brightly over the glistening sea, waves calmly caressed the shores. A gentle breeze wafted through his hair, and the smell of salty water tickled in his nose.
It's perfect, was the only thing he could think off, even though the concept of perfection was entirely unknown to him.
All the things that had been on his mind since joining the Organization, be it a reason to live, a reason to fight for them or even just the question who he actually was...all of them immediately vanished into nothingness as long as he could stare at the resplendent horizon.
He made his way over a bridge to a very small, second island-like structure with an awkwardly shaped tree on it. The fruit, unlike the coconuts hanging from every other tree, were shaped like a star with leaves on it, but no way would Roxas try to tear one of them of. All was good as it was.
Sitting down on the tree, he was actually able to make out the schemes of another, bigger island somewhat far ahead, but probably reachable with something like a boat.
This is where the three of them live, right?
He shook his head, confused by his own thought. The three of them? Out of all things, it entirely made sense to him that Sora and Kairi lived here, but where did the thought of a third person come from? Neither had he seen someone else in his dream, nor was there any name left in his head that filled the blank. It definitely wasn't Naminé, that much he knew.
Just why is it like I've been here forever, yet at the same time never?
Naminé had said that things would start making sense, but to be entirely honest, everything only got more confusing, now that Roxas was here. The place he had been longing for, the place he was able to call home.
“But is it really my home?â€
“That's a good question, impostor.â€
He jumped to his feet and flung around, only to see someone dressed in a coat just like his. But for all Roxas knew, he was not part of the Organization.
“Look who's talking! You're the one wearing one of our coats! Who are you?!â€
But neither did he get an answer, nor did he really have the time to even summon his keyblade before being struck down and pinned to the stoney ground by yet another keyblade being hold dangerously close to his throat.
“I wonder which of his memories you stole to find this place.â€
What was he supposed to say or ask? A million questions flooded his mind. Why did this boy, hardly taller than him, yet so much stronger, have a keyblade? Up until now, Roxas had believed himself to be the only one being able to wield it, because that had been all everyone had been telling him.
And at the same time, he didn't understand the accusation at all. Steal someone's memories? Was that even possibly? And even if so, then he surely wouldn't know how.
“I have no idea what you're talking about! I'm not a thief, and none of what you're saying makes any kind of sense, Riku!â€
He flinched at his own words, and he saw the boy flinching, too, before backing away.
“And you're telling me you didn't steal his memories, huh?â€
But Roxas didn't listen anymore. He felt almost comatose, and even more, scared. Riku. Now that he had said it, it only made sense. This boy, even though his face was hidden, was definitely Riku. It was in his voice, in the way he spoke, that Roxas had noticed it.
But how? He knew absolutely no one named Riku, he knew absolutely no one overall, because all of his memories and everything that might have once belonged to him seemed to be lost!
“I did not steal anything! I don't know why my head is so certain that you're Riku, but it is. I cannot get anything in order right now, but that doesn't give you the right to attack me like that!â€
He got back to his feet, and backed away just a little more to be safe. This time, he would summon his keyblade in time, but as long as Riku stood there shocked, seemingly not attacking, Roxas wouldn't provoke anything.
“First a thief, now a liar, too. Maybe I should put an end to you before all of this can get even further out of hand.â€
This time, Roxas was prepared, and had summoned his keyblade just in time to block the hit coming at him. However, he immediately knew that he was going to lose eventually. He'd been comatose for weeks and only doing a few missions some days ago before going on a strike and just staying in the castle.
“You're weaker than I thought. What a waste of time.â€
“I might be...weak!â€
He managed to fight back enough to push Riku away from him, even if not far.
“But unlike you, I still have a conscience. And it's telling me you're on the wrong side!â€
Expecting another attack, he kept his guard up, but instead, but instead, Riku just lowered his keyblade.
“I've heard these words before, months ago. Do you remember that?â€
Roxas blinked. Once, twice, before shaking his head. Heard them before? What was that supposed to mean?
“I don't understand anything you're talking about! I'm...â€
But instead of trying to explain himself, he figured that losing this fight and dying here now was even worse than being turned into a dusk by Lord Xemnas one day.
He made best use of the small time frame Riku's confusion gave him, and left the island through another corridor of darkness.
Even hours later, when Roxas was sitting on his bed again, still overwhelmed by all that had happened today, he was unable to get Riku's words out of his head.
“I wonder which of his memories you stole to find this place.â€
He already had a headache from thinking this sentence over all the time, yet no explanation came in mind.
And then there was also Naminé, who had sent him to this place with only generous thoughts behind it – so he chose to believe – but hadn't given any reason for it either.
Had it been a trap after all?
I'm so sorry for all of this, she had said. For all of what though? What had she done to him? Was she the one responsible for all of this, and what even was all of this to begin with?
It was no use, Roxas decided. Whatever was going on here, he needed to get stronger. If he trained enough, he might be able to win a fight against Riku, and then he would be the one standing, asking the questions.
But for now, the only thing he was left with was deep despair, and a single tear silently finding its way down his face.
______________________________
AN: What Riku claims to have heard before is part of what Sora says to him after he kidnaps Pinocchio:
"Heart or no heart, at least he still has a conscience. You might not hear it, but right now it's loud and clear. And it's telling me you're on the wrong side!"
I thought that this would make two chapters in one month, buuuuut it seems I posted the last one a month ago (BUT LESS THAN FOUR ENTIRE WEEKS, SO I'M GOOD).
Okay, here's the next chapter, this time a bit longer, and with some new swag characters. (^:
-----------------------------------------
Chapter Three: Pieces of Home
Chapter Three: Pieces of Home
The first and only dream Roxas remembered when he woke up was one of a boy getting in some sort of white capsule. It was blurry and made no sense at all, vanishing only to leave the voice of a girl saying: “I knew I'd find you snoozing down here.â€
Roxas sat up, immediately holding his head because it hurt. “Sora? Kai...Kairi?†he asked himself, even though he had no idea who either of these people were supposed to be. For some reason though, it only made sense to him that the brunette boy in his dream had been Sora, and the chiding voice belonged to a girl named Kairi.
“How long have I been out?†he asked no one in particular before getting up from his bed. He had trouble standing on his legs, indicating it had in fact been a long time since he had last used them.
The meeting room was entirely empty except for Saïx, which of course was Roxas's luck again. The second in command didn't really look too happy – then again when did he – upon seeing the number 13 enter the room.
“I see you woke again. I did not imagine you would.â€
I missed you, too, grumpy, Roxas thought even though he obviously hadn't missed Saïx ever in his life, and would also never dare to say this out loud.
“How long has it been then?†he asked and looked around the room, still surprised that no one else was here.
“Twenty-four days.â€
He blinked once, twice and felt himself shaking his head. That was...almost as long as the time he had been part of the Organization before falling asleep.
“I see. Where is everyone?â€
“Doing their missions, obviously, which you by the way should get back to as well, as soon as possible.â€
He chose to ignore the spiteful tone and just nodded at that, no matter how much he wanted to summon his keyblade and start a fight. It was a weird desire he kept noticing since the day he had first met Saïx, just that it was getting more intense with every single day.
“I'll be on my way.â€
Roxas did not go on any missions on any of the next days. There were plenty of reasons for him to skip anyway, but usually the thought of being turned into a dusk was scary enough to make him obey. This, although, was too much.
“Obliterated? What are you talking about?!â€
Just the thought of Saïx's arrogant, self-righteous face made him want to destroy something, but he didn't. None of the things in his room were actually his own belongings, but nonetheless the only ones he could call his.
“Do I need to repeat myself? The members who have been sent on a special mission have been struck down and erased in battle. That is all you must know.â€
“It's not! You're lying! Tell me where they were! Tell me what happened!â€
But Saïx had ignored him and disappeared. Roxas was unable to cope with what was going on in his head. While his rationality tried to make him understand that he was a nobody, thus not supposed to feel any kind of emotion, his heart – or the spot where it should be – spat out hatred and anger like a blazing fire, causing him to punch the wall right next to his room's door, even though he knew it wouldn't change a thing.
“Axel...you didn't die, did you? You couldn't have...â€
There was nothing he cared less about right now than collecting hearts, so he did the thing that felt most natural and went to their usual spot, the clock tower in the world of constant afterglow.
It was the same as every time he came here alone – different, wrong, and he couldn't stop feeling like this wasn't the place he was supposed to be at. He stared at the trains passing by, closed his eyes and felt like he heard the ocean waves in the back of his mind, calling for him desperately, so close, yet so far away.
He opened his eyes and shook his head. None of this was real. None of this could be real. If he really had a past like Axel and the others did, why should he be the only one who couldn't remember it, or at least not properly?
“Isn't there anyone who can help me stop this?â€
Of course there wasn't a reply, and with Axel gone, Roxas wasn't sure if he would ever get any.
For some reason, Saïx didn't show up on the next day at all, which left Roxas to himself. No one else was around, which of course wasn't surprising, considering how half of the Organization was supposed to be…
No.
He just couldn't bring himself to think it. None of this made sense. Not staring at the sofas in the meeting room, not wondering if there was a reason to keep on fighting. Should he just give up?
“I'm so sorry for all of this.â€
He turned around, shocked and scared, because he had definitely heard a voice there. It reminded him of the girl named Kairi he had heard upon waking up, but wasn't the same.
“Who's there?!†he found himself asking, almost screaming, even though there clearly wasn't anyone in the room. What was happening here? Was this voice speaking to him in his head?
“Roxas...can you keep a secret?â€
He frowned, not sure what that was supposed to mean. He didn't know this person, so why would she tell him a secret and why would he feel obligated to keep it?
Nonetheless, he found himself nodding slightly, then realized he wasn't sure if she could see him somehow.
“I think so.â€
Whoever this was, and for whatever reason she wanted him to keep a secret for him, it could only be better than everything he had left in this place. Grumpy old people telling him what to do and using him. No, he didn't want that.
“It won't be long until they find me here.â€
This time, he knew she was here. He swung around again, only this time he wasn't greeted by nothingness. There was actually someone there, standing a few meters from him.
She looked insecure, cautious, hands folded in front of her body, but she was smiling slightly.
“Hello, Roxas.â€
“Who...are you?â€
She hung her head, as if she were at least remotely disappointed that he didn't know that, but other than the connection to Kairi, he didn't think he knew anything about her.
“My name is Naminé. I am not supposed to be here, but...I can help you go to the place you're longing for.â€
He shook his head, but realized that she probably did know about it, and better than he did himself, so found himself nodding eventually.
“I don't even know where it is, or why this desire is taking over so much lately. It's just...there. And I really want to go, but...How do you know about that?â€
She shook her head slightly, before turning away and raising her arm, opening a corridor of darkness.
“I can't stay long enough to explain that. You will eventually understand. Find the place where you once belonged, and things will start making sense. I promise.â€
He wanted to object, but realized it wouldn't be fair. She helped him a lot already, by just granting him this wish. Of course, who knew if she was fooling him into something? He had no reason to trust this girl, yet it felt like the only logical thing to do.
“Thanks, Naminé,†was the only thing he said before entering the corridor to look for what occupied his mind. Water as blue as the sky, sand as golden as the sun.
What greeted him on the other side was so much more than just that.
Whatever his expectation had truly been before seeing this, it couldn't have possibly been even half as good as what he actually found.
The sand creaked softly under his shoes, the sun shone brightly over the glistening sea, waves calmly caressed the shores. A gentle breeze wafted through his hair, and the smell of salty water tickled in his nose.
It's perfect, was the only thing he could think off, even though the concept of perfection was entirely unknown to him.
All the things that had been on his mind since joining the Organization, be it a reason to live, a reason to fight for them or even just the question who he actually was...all of them immediately vanished into nothingness as long as he could stare at the resplendent horizon.
He made his way over a bridge to a very small, second island-like structure with an awkwardly shaped tree on it. The fruit, unlike the coconuts hanging from every other tree, were shaped like a star with leaves on it, but no way would Roxas try to tear one of them of. All was good as it was.
Sitting down on the tree, he was actually able to make out the schemes of another, bigger island somewhat far ahead, but probably reachable with something like a boat.
This is where the three of them live, right?
He shook his head, confused by his own thought. The three of them? Out of all things, it entirely made sense to him that Sora and Kairi lived here, but where did the thought of a third person come from? Neither had he seen someone else in his dream, nor was there any name left in his head that filled the blank. It definitely wasn't Naminé, that much he knew.
Just why is it like I've been here forever, yet at the same time never?
Naminé had said that things would start making sense, but to be entirely honest, everything only got more confusing, now that Roxas was here. The place he had been longing for, the place he was able to call home.
“But is it really my home?â€
“That's a good question, impostor.â€
He jumped to his feet and flung around, only to see someone dressed in a coat just like his. But for all Roxas knew, he was not part of the Organization.
“Look who's talking! You're the one wearing one of our coats! Who are you?!â€
But neither did he get an answer, nor did he really have the time to even summon his keyblade before being struck down and pinned to the stoney ground by yet another keyblade being hold dangerously close to his throat.
“I wonder which of his memories you stole to find this place.â€
What was he supposed to say or ask? A million questions flooded his mind. Why did this boy, hardly taller than him, yet so much stronger, have a keyblade? Up until now, Roxas had believed himself to be the only one being able to wield it, because that had been all everyone had been telling him.
And at the same time, he didn't understand the accusation at all. Steal someone's memories? Was that even possibly? And even if so, then he surely wouldn't know how.
“I have no idea what you're talking about! I'm not a thief, and none of what you're saying makes any kind of sense, Riku!â€
He flinched at his own words, and he saw the boy flinching, too, before backing away.
“And you're telling me you didn't steal his memories, huh?â€
But Roxas didn't listen anymore. He felt almost comatose, and even more, scared. Riku. Now that he had said it, it only made sense. This boy, even though his face was hidden, was definitely Riku. It was in his voice, in the way he spoke, that Roxas had noticed it.
But how? He knew absolutely no one named Riku, he knew absolutely no one overall, because all of his memories and everything that might have once belonged to him seemed to be lost!
“I did not steal anything! I don't know why my head is so certain that you're Riku, but it is. I cannot get anything in order right now, but that doesn't give you the right to attack me like that!â€
He got back to his feet, and backed away just a little more to be safe. This time, he would summon his keyblade in time, but as long as Riku stood there shocked, seemingly not attacking, Roxas wouldn't provoke anything.
“First a thief, now a liar, too. Maybe I should put an end to you before all of this can get even further out of hand.â€
This time, Roxas was prepared, and had summoned his keyblade just in time to block the hit coming at him. However, he immediately knew that he was going to lose eventually. He'd been comatose for weeks and only doing a few missions some days ago before going on a strike and just staying in the castle.
“You're weaker than I thought. What a waste of time.â€
“I might be...weak!â€
He managed to fight back enough to push Riku away from him, even if not far.
“But unlike you, I still have a conscience. And it's telling me you're on the wrong side!â€
Expecting another attack, he kept his guard up, but instead, but instead, Riku just lowered his keyblade.
“I've heard these words before, months ago. Do you remember that?â€
Roxas blinked. Once, twice, before shaking his head. Heard them before? What was that supposed to mean?
“I don't understand anything you're talking about! I'm...â€
But instead of trying to explain himself, he figured that losing this fight and dying here now was even worse than being turned into a dusk by Lord Xemnas one day.
He made best use of the small time frame Riku's confusion gave him, and left the island through another corridor of darkness.
Even hours later, when Roxas was sitting on his bed again, still overwhelmed by all that had happened today, he was unable to get Riku's words out of his head.
“I wonder which of his memories you stole to find this place.â€
He already had a headache from thinking this sentence over all the time, yet no explanation came in mind.
And then there was also Naminé, who had sent him to this place with only generous thoughts behind it – so he chose to believe – but hadn't given any reason for it either.
Had it been a trap after all?
I'm so sorry for all of this, she had said. For all of what though? What had she done to him? Was she the one responsible for all of this, and what even was all of this to begin with?
It was no use, Roxas decided. Whatever was going on here, he needed to get stronger. If he trained enough, he might be able to win a fight against Riku, and then he would be the one standing, asking the questions.
But for now, the only thing he was left with was deep despair, and a single tear silently finding its way down his face.
______________________________
AN: What Riku claims to have heard before is part of what Sora says to him after he kidnaps Pinocchio:
"Heart or no heart, at least he still has a conscience. You might not hear it, but right now it's loud and clear. And it's telling me you're on the wrong side!"
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