Help/Support ► Is it true?

[MegaxXxman]

Hi there my names MegaxXxman I'm not quite sure how to start this off so I guess I'll just jump in I have a friend that I met when I first got to where I'm living now a few years ago and as we continued to hang out and whatnot we got to know each other better and one of the things we had in common was we are very shy when it comes to dating and when we do it doesn't seem to go well and before she left last year she said if when we're older and we still haven't found anyone we should date. The problem is though after she left we have barely talked to each other and it may just be me but when we do talk she just seems so distant and I'm wondering if she just dosent want to deal with me anymore so is what she said true? Or am I just holding on to something to keep me hanging on her thumb? Please help me

 

[Ruran]

I'm not great with relationship advice, but speaking as someone who's also dreadfully shy in real life, talking to someone you hardly see, or haven't talked to in a long time, can be just as awkward as talking to a stranger or someone you barely know, even if you were good friends in the past. Shyness varies from person to person and if you're friend is anything like me they have one of the worst kinds of awkwardness. From my end the situation sounds a little too vague to assess so the only thing I can suggest is good old fashioned communication. I want to say to just go up to her and ask her, but I know it can make a person feel like they're being put on the spot so it's something that has to be addressed carefully.

How to do that though, unfortunately I can't say.

 

[MegaxXxman]

Still very good advice thank you

 

[noxy]

Here's the thing...

You're wanting a "My Best Friend's Wedding" (starring Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz and someone else), but expecting to have a happy ending for yourself/Julia Roberts... Where you wind up with the person and all that.

People make these kinds of promises and plans all the time, but I'm inclined to say that they rarely work out, if they ever do.

Sometimes Life has a funny way of keeping 2 people apart who SHOULD be together for a really long time and then bringing them back together... Look at Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis. They're a prime example of that.

And then my grandfather and his first fiancee/high school sweetheart. He was sent to Japan in WWII and she broke off their engagement.

He went on to marry my grandmother, had my dad and his older sister, cheated on my grandmother and married that woman (she was a lovely lady), had 2 more kids and she passed away from lung cancer. And then my grandfather ran into his ex-fiancee.. They rekindled their relationship and got married. He died though and she ran off with all of his money cuz she's a dirty ho.

Anywho. My point is. I wouldn't put too much stock in that plan. Go live your life and have fun doing whatever.

You can still be friends with her, but don't worry so much aboutabout that idea. You can't force a relationship to happen and in trying to do so, you could compcompletely destroy your friendship.

If it's meant to be. It'll happen.

 

[Annoyance]

Hi there my names MegaxXxman I'm not quite sure how to start this off so I guess I'll just jump in I have a friend that I met when I first got to where I'm living now a few years ago and as we continued to hang out and whatnot we got to know each other better and one of the things we had in common was we are very shy when it comes to dating and when we do it doesn't seem to go well and before she left last year she said if when we're older and we still haven't found anyone we should date. The problem is though after she left we have barely talked to each other and it may just be me but when we do talk she just seems so distant and I'm wondering if she just dosent want to deal with me anymore so is what she said true? Or am I just holding on to something to keep me hanging on her thumb? Please help me

Aight so, let's see...

You keeping the ideal that you're going to date long distance is kind of making it harder for yourself and her as well. You say she sounds distant when you talk, but this could also be paranoia, and due to a shallow conversation. You ask one word questions, you get one word answers, ya know? You said you're both shy, and therefor, bad at talking, right? But if you talk online, just talk about your stuff, start up a conversation, say hey this person over here that remembers you also wanted me to tell you he said hi, somethin' like that, an actual conversation, or ask her advice on something, etc.

However. You should be talking to her because you enjoyed being her friend, not because of a silly ideal that was brought up because she was moving away. Those kind of ideals tend to be brought up because of the "what would happen" scenarios. I'm dealing with it right now with my best friend, too, actually. It sucks. But you kind of have to ignore it. Because in the end, moving away is hard, and they need a friend more than anything, before they move, and especially after, because they'll feel alone.