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Help/Support ► It's not in my head.



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MangaCrazy101

The Blonde
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I know it's weird and all me typing this up here but yeah.
I need help. When I was five and a half I was diagnosed with anxiety (means i worry alot) and depression and misdiagnosed with Ad/HD. I had an abusive father and used to get beaten alot.
My mum finally grew some guts and left my dad so We came to a far country town (where i live now).

I was still scared of pretty much everyone so i didnt talk to people that much and ate my depression away and ended up with real low self esteem cause i was over weight. The other kids used to tease me and I got worse. By the end of kindergarten i was on strong sleeping tablets and 'happy tablest' (anti-depressants).

Around year four i had started hurting myself by banging my head on things, one day I got really baddly teased and starting banging my head on a pole in the playground. I was later sent to a counsellor and was talked to about why i was sad and how i could make myself feel better. By 2 years of counselling I had started highschool and was finally off my tablests cause i was 13.

During that time I still had deep depression and always got worse when i had to see me dad. When I did something wrong i would hurt myself for punishment of what I did wrong. I hate pain so its a good way to remind myself not to do it again.

This year has been bad, heaps of fights with my friends, family fueds and different things I've gone down hill again. 3 other girls in my year suffer baddly from depression. I've started hurting myself again and decided to approach my mum. Now shes scared about how she even looks at me, ive tried to tell her that im still the smae as before and now i feel as its my fault. When i told my friends they didnt beleive me cause im sucha bright and happy person... i dont know what to do.
 

Raiton Kensei

Peace through Violence
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Stop hurting yourself and stop worrying about how other ppl feel about you. I understand that you worry alot and you cant help that but at the same time all you need to do is go through life is a calm way and you wont have to worry.
 

Lancelot

It's the only NEET thing to do.
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If it's gone so far as hurting yourself because you feel it's your fault, I don't know what you could do. Unfortunately when it comes to that specific matter, we tend to be very persistent on the matter. I mean, I know because I still feel the same way about many things like that, despite all of the parental attempts of "it's not your fault". It's just something that's not easily let go. I don't know if I can recommend anything at all in this situation.. I'd just like to say I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, and have been for such a long time.
 

MangaCrazy101

The Blonde
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@RK-san: It is hard to stop but I'm experiencing new ways to vent my worries like drawing and anime`. I hadn't done harm for a while but I just couldnt help my self the other week. I know i need to stop but is it good im seeking help? I don't like worrying others =/

@Kiro- doesnt matter if you can't recommend anything, dont be sorry. 'm just glad I can talk to teens and adults who dont know me enough to treat me different. I've tried explaining but the just don't get it.
 

Lancelot

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Unfortunately some people just constantly recommend thigs to no end, huh? It seems that's their way of "understanding"
 

king_mickey rule

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I feel sorry for you :(
Firstly, I know you said it's hard, but stop hurting yourself and as you did already try to search for something that can help you like drawing or anime without hurting yourself. Also, it's good to write down things that happened that day when it's not going well, it also helps, because you're actually writing down your own feelings (sorta like you're talking to someone and you're saying your feelings but instead of saying your writing), or when something good happens, write it down and when you don't feel good, get those back, read them and maybe you feel better because that way you remember the good things that've happened, I know it sounds ridiculous but you never know, I do this too sometimes and it kinda helps. I hope you'll be ok :)
 

MangaCrazy101

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@Kiro-San: yeah thats how I feel about them they want to understand but they just don't. Then you feel sympathy cause they wanna help but can't.

@KMR: will try that thank you very much. It may help. I re-read my dairy and laugh at funny things so maybe it will be like that?
 

SilentTrinity

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wow i didn't know about this Manga. Im truly sorry to hear about this.
but
1) stop hurting yourself
2) try to focus your pain somewhere else either in art or drawing like you already doing.
This world is crazy and sometimes it can be shit
but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just got to keep going.
:(
again sorry...
 

Finland

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Oh no, that sounds horrible. DD: When depression hits, it's hard to get out of it.
You have no need to hurt yourself if you do something wrong, mistakes are part of life.
If you start to feel bad for meeting your father, then just speak out and say that you feel that way. I'm sure you don't need to face him if it's so hard for you.
If drawing and writing helps, then stick to them. Whenever you feel horrible, just draw or type it out. Sometimes it helps just to fill a paper with a mess - you don't have to think what to draw, just take a pencil and start drawing lines and shapes which have no meaning.

I really hope that your life starts getting better. And I know from experience that talking to people helps a lot, so posting here must have lightened the burden a bit. :3
Good luck. <3
 

MangaCrazy101

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wow i didn't know about this Manga. Im truly sorry to hear about this.
but
1) stop hurting yourself
2) try to focus your pain somewhere else either in art or drawing like you already doing.
This world is crazy and sometimes it can be shit
but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just got to keep going.
:(
again sorry...

Shane-kun sorry i didnt tell u bout this before I just didnt want you guys to worry but know Im seeing a counseler it's easier to talk about. Thanks for being here and you don't have to be sorry it's not ur fault.
Kk night
 

SilentTrinity

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each person has different problems
i hav problems that are best left for another thread..
but yeah depression takes a toll on you
just make sure that it doesn't take away everything away that matters to you.
 

Eternal Snow

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OK, it really, really sucks that your life has been so hard, and I don't think anything that I or anyone else could say that would justify that, but coming on here and asking for help isn't the best way to get un-depressed. It's a challenge you've got to do on your own.

Talking to people and getting it off your chest does undoubtedly help, but to get over depression you've got to learn ways to make yourself happy. Which sounds weird, but it's true. You have to let go of the past because it's gone and there's nothing you can do about it anymore. Realize that what other people do isn't your fault in anyway and so you shouldn't blame yourself because they didn't have to do what they did even if it was provoked.

Everyone has the choice to stop and not do something. So if they choose to do something bad the only person to blame is them, and if you do something bad then do something to make it right, and if you positively can't then again, let go. But don't just don't forget your mistakes and let them pass by, learn from them, too.

Start by finding things that makes you happy. Maybe it's just talking to a certain person each day, or maybe it's watching a certain show after school each day or whatever else. Little things like that can provide relief and then everyday doesn't seem as horrible as it did before. Then slowly build up the little things.

and eventually overtime if you learn to make yourself happy with little things you can sort of repeat the cycle so when you have one of those depressing moments/times that always come around eventually you know how to make yourself happy after.

Like maybe you have to see your dad for a little and that sucks and ruins your day, but instead of moping go and eat some of your favorite food or candy and play video games or whatever else, that I've said multiple times before in this post, that makes you happy.

and I know this post sounds a bit like a cheese-fest, but seriously, being someone who was formerly severely depressed without the help of pills and such, it really is true that you have to make yourself happy, because no one else can really do it for you.

Hope I helped at least a little, ha. But drawing anime when you're down sounds like a pretty good start. I, personally, used to write all the time. There was just something about creating my own world where I could make anything happen that was really therapeutic.
 

MangaCrazy101

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@ES-san- YEah I am trying to make myself happy and I do a bit of creative writing too.
I know I try to forgive and forget but Im not really that type of person.
Im still learning what makes me happy but I will get there eventually.
Thanks for the suggestions :)
 

Akemi N

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I know this might not help much now, but what everyone's saying is very true re: not hurting yourself and finding things to immerse yourself in.

I'm going to start this one by saying I've been through the same thing. And that this is going to pass someday. Some of those feelings aren't going to go away for a really long time, and it sucks, but 'now' isn't necessarily 'forever'. Things will change little by little as time goes on, you'll probably just have to give it a really big push sometimes.

And a strong strong net of support could possibly be the best thing for you. Also, it's okay to feel sad sometimes. Sometimes feelings just overflow and you really can't help it but there's nothing wrong with it. You haven't done anything wrong in this situation.

I'm sorry if that came out strangely at all...
 

Horizon's Knight

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To be honest, I doubt myself and feel like I shouldn't exist as well, but I don't really have any of the stuff that has happened to you. I do have ADHD and social problems though. In a way, I'm kind of like you (except with my parents beating me up and me hurting myself). Just so you know, there are sadly lots of people who have problems like this, so just know that you aren't alone.
 

MangaCrazy101

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I know I'm not alone Hk-san, you sound real kewl. I hate when people judge people by what they're diagnosed with like some of the people at my school. When you say your diagnosed with depression they lable you emo and that... and they dont realise that that hurts.
Thanks for your support
 

Horizon's Knight

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I know I'm not alone Hk-san, you sound real kewl. I hate when people judge people by what they're diagnosed with like some of the people at my school. When you say your diagnosed with depression they lable you emo and that... and they dont realise that that hurts.
Thanks for your support

Your welcome! I always do what I can to help others. BTW, I'm also making my own Manga.
 
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