Fanfiction ► K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (Chapter Five/ In progress)

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE WILL BE FINISHED.)

Durol I forgot about him, English teacher sounds good.

Though I still would like to see Braig as the (boys) Gym Teacher just because I could picture him blowing a whistle, assembling the class, and he yells pretty loud. (just my imput, don't have to take it if you don't want to)

Also Yo-yo what does Ansem teach? Math, English, History, any of the following? (never made that entirely clear)

Durol= English teacher

Braig= Awesome gym teacher I ca imagine that too. XD

He teaches history.

No problem! And yea axel rules!

You are now awesome because of that comment.
:Gives you awesome cookie:

Sure, you can use my ideas; I like sharing ideas and have no problems with people wanting to use them. Also, I like Dawn Rebirth's idea of having Aleaus as the counselor; his quiet demeanor and experiences could make for a good listener who gives nice advice. If you use Aleaus as the counselor, then maybe you can use Dilan as the gym teacher; he looks like a big, athletic guy. Oh, another suggestion, you could have Luxord's somebody as the English teacher; that would be the best role for him. That's all I got for now.

Dilan... Maybe he could be the gym assistant for Braig... And Arlene is the gym teacher for the girls...

Nice, YoYo!
I really wanna see Lea and Luxord's part... XD

Thanks!!!

 

[Dawn Rebirth]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE WILL BE FINISHED.)

(not to be rude) Alright, enough with the devising of the story let's move on with it.

Also thanks for answering my Q, Yo-yo

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE WILL BE FINISHED.)

CHAPTER ONE HAS FINALLY BEEN COMPLETED.
GO BACK TO THE FIRST PAGE.
​

 

[Dagey]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

No axelyoyo!!! Your making me wait to know what the note says! But great ending! Can't wait for chapter 2. I think I have a feeling what the note says.

 

[Dawn Rebirth]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

... Lumaria in a ponytail ... mmm ... not so sure I can picture that well ... I would imagine he would look similar to Miguel from CC. (without the glasses) Regardless, it wasn't much but it's likeable, wish you best on the next chapter

BtW can you tell me what class Lumaria teachs? please?

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

... Lumaria in a ponytail ... mmm ... not so sure I can picture that well ... I would imagine he would look similar to Miguel from CC. (without the glasses) Regardless, it wasn't much but it's likeable, wish you best on the next chapter

BtW can you tell me what class Lumaria teachs? please?

Okay... Next time, no ponytail.

He teaches math.

 

[Deleted member 71005]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

A few grammatical errors here and there.So far your description of the characters and everything good, but try putting a bit more detail into their surroundings so the reader can get a better idea of what the school looks like and stuff. No need to go into and a hyper amount of detail, just enough too give the reader a sense of the size and everything.

The main weakness you need too work on in your writing is the sentence efficiency. I'll go into detail on how to make the sentences more efficient if you want me too... There's something you can do too make the sentences interact with one another. There are some other weaknesses but I can make them disappear. That is, if you even want my help...

I like how you gave Kairi a last name... Seeing how you approach characters in your fanfictions is always interesting....

About Character Development:
Even though this is a fanfiction you should go in assuming that we know nothing about these characters. You're doing a good job with this so far but I wanted too mention it in case you felt like you had too make a character a certain way. This is your fanfiction so you can do whatever you like with them.

 

[Deleted member]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L

Aw, that was so cute!!! I am so rooting for Riku and Ion to get together; they are just so cute together. So, Lumaria is the math teacher. I guess I can see that; I really don't know who could have been the math teacher. Anyway, great job, and I look forward to more.

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER TWO WILL BE FINISHED.)

Chapter two

Sora stared at the clock. School was almost over, only four minutes left. The boy was glad that school was almost over. So far, he had been yelled at by his math teacher, history teacher, and music teacher, he was the laughingstock of his gym class and he lost five dollars in a bet with another student, Lea.


"Ugh... I hate today...." Sora muttered, shaking his head. He felt someone tap his shoulder. Sora turned around and saw Lea grinning at him.

"WHAT?" Sora growled. Lea held up his hands.

"Wow. Someone's grumpy. Are you mad about the bet? It was your fault, betting all your lunch money," Lea said, pulling out the five dollars. Sora shook his head in disagreement.

"I'm not mad about that... I just had a bad day," Sora sighed heavily. Before Lea could say anything, the bell rang. The two boys got up.

"Hey, Sora...." Lea started to say something, but stopped himself. Sora turned to him.

"What, Lea?"

"Um.... Never mind. Next time." Lea smiled once more, turned, and disappered into the crowd of students.

"Sora!" the boy turned around to see Kairi running up to him. She stopped and adjusted her bag. She looked worried.

"You okay, Kairi?" Sora asked. The girl shook her head.

"I can't find Riku! I waited for you two outside, but you didn't come...." Kairi pushed some of her hair back behind her ear. Sora quickly searched the crowd with his eyes, hoping for a flash of white hair. No luck.

"Well, he might be out there now! Let's check."

"Okay." The two teens manuvered their way through the ocean of students and made their way to the entrance. Sora pulled the silver handle and let Kairi out first, then himself. Kairi skipped down the stone steps and stopped at the bottom. She stared out at the school parking lot, hoping to see Riku. Sora stood next to her. For the next hour or so, they stood there, waiting for Riku. But all they could see were cars and students. Soon enough, they were the only ones left at the school. Kairi sighed and sat down.

"I guess he already... left," she said softly, dropping her head. Sora sat next to her. He stared at her with a sad experession on his face. How can she care so much for HIM? When I'm the one that spends more time with her.... Sora cupped his face in his hands. I guess... I'm just not enough.
​

 

[Deleted member]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER TWO WILL BE FINISHED.)

Aw, poor Sora. That sucks when you get yelled at by teachers, look stupid in gym class, and lose a bet to a classmate; trust me, I can relate because that happened to me in middle school as well, but I never lose any money to bets because nobody had money to make bets. So, what does Lea want to talk about with Sora? Does it have to do with a girl? I have a feeling it might be. Anyway, great job, and I look forward to more.

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER TWO WILL BE FINISHED.)

Aw, poor Sora. That sucks when you get yelled at by teachers, look stupid in gym class, and lose a bet to a classmate; trust me, I can relate because that happened to me in middle school as well, but I never lose any money to bets because nobody had money to make bets. So, what does Lea want to talk about with Sora? Does it have to do with a girl? I have a feeling it might be. Anyway, great job, and I look forward to more.

I know... >_< I always get yelled at by my math teacher. XD
It is about a girl..

 

[Dagey]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

Awesome! Lea is here! And I just noticed that I received an awesome cookie

 

[Deleted member 71005]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

"Hey, Sora...." Lea started to say something, but stopped himself. Sora turned to him.

"What, Lea?"

"Um.... Never mind. I'll tell you later, 'kay?" Lea smiled once more, turned, and disappered into the crowd of students.

Just wanted too point this out in case you were going for accuracy personality wise. Lea isn't really the type too say something in this way. He would say something more along the lines of "next time" or he would try too brush it off and simply say "later".

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

Just wanted too point this out in case you were going for accuracy personality wise. Lea isn't really the type too say something in this way. He would say something more along the lines of "next time" or he would try too brush it off and simply say "later".

I changed it : 3

 

[Deleted member 71005]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER ONE/ FINISHED.)

I changed it : 3

I know, I already read it Do you want too help you with your sentence structure efficiency? It's really your only major weakness.... I would love too see how much your writing evolves

 

[Dagey]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER TWO/ FINISHED.)

Awesome chapter!! Can't wait for the next one!!

 

[AxelYoYo]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER TWO/ FINISHED.)

Awesome! Lea is here! And I just noticed that I received an awesome cookie

Yes,yes he is. :3 Yes, you did recive one.

Awesome chapter!! Can't wait for the next one!!

^ ^

 

[Ovafaze]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER TWO/ FINISHED.)

cool beans. That's actually pretty good. Now I feel like writing a story. lol not a fanfic, but just my own story, and I think Luxord or whatever his somebody's name is would make a great math teacher imo. After all, he is a gambler. lol

 

[Dawn Rebirth]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER THREE IN PROGRESS.)

Sora just happens to have the rottenest of luck. (play the games he's in and see for yourself)

I myself am not a bettin' man, Ovafaze has a point (maybe not the strongest of points, but one nonetheless)

A girl ... for Lea or Sora? Kairi seems to be a lot more into Riku from Sora's perspective, but she probably cares about him:

Spoiler Show

Just like Xion cares for Roxas

 

[Diomedes]

Re: K I NG D OM HE A R T S ~ MI D D LE SC H OO L (CHAPTER THREE IN PROGRESS.)

This looks like it could be pretty good, and does anyone else think of Mikoto-Cat's 'Secret Mission: High School' when reading this?