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Fanfiction ► Kai and Geddy: Freelance Police!!

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Jun 17, 2005
Senior Leader's Course, Cold Lake Air Base, Albert
Prologue: The Spirit of Police

It is the dark of night, and in this part of the city, crime is rampant. Crooked police men are bribed to look the other way as even petty criminals get away with murder under their cherry-donut-stuffed noses.

Oh look, there goes one of the petty criminals now. He approaches a nice looking antique car, a black 1961 DeSoto Adventurer, with medley of vinyls, including a string of little white stick men. He takes out an unwieldy crowbar, and attempts to Gordon Freeman the door when-

SMACK! A bowling ball collides with his head.

Above, the two owners of the car, a blue tri-tailed kitsune, and a blackish-blue jackrabbit with a white bandanna around his head, (both an anthropomorphic 5 feet tall) were looking out the window. "Nice shot Geddy." The kitsune said to his co worker.

They both moved into their Office. The Office, with a capital O, was furnished rather interestingly. A big two-seater desk covered in junk, and nameplates for the both of them. It was just for show really. Like with the big filing cabinet that's basically just a host for storage weapons. There's a bulletin board that's actually in use, with an odd assortment of followings on it. And a hand puppet in Geddy's likeness.

"C'mon Kai, when are we gonna get another case?" Geddy asked impatiently as he sat down on a couch far to the side. He flicked a remote a song dubbed "2121" started to play. He began to air guitar firecely as if he were playing Geetar Hero or, worse, actually playing it live.

Kai shrugged, "When the commissioner calls, I guess, or somebody else..."

As if on cue, the phone began to rang.

"I GOT IT, I GOT IT!!" they both yelled as they fought each other on the way to the phone. Eventually, Kai got the upper hand by grabbing Geddy's neck, and holding it out at arm's length.

"Mhmm, Refrigerator trouble's got ya down? You say you lost three repairmen to it already? And you have no idea what the hell is wrong with it? Holy mother of pearls on Neptune's neck! we're on our way!" Kai exclaimed, answering the mystery caller.

"Who was that Kai?" Geddy asked while being let go of.

"A distress call from our very own Q Division in the basement of this apartment building!" Kai answered, "We have a demoniacally possessed fridge in Bonnie's lab!" Kai grabbed his partner, and they raced down the banisters outside their little corner of life and sped into a basement that looked more like the Bat Cave went and had children with a 15 year old girl's obsessions for music and mayhem.

Chapter One: The Thing that Couldn't Stop It.

"What took you guys so long?" a teenage girl asked from her chair overlooking an even more cluttered desk that our heroes'...though in this case the desk was actually be used. "In short, it sneaks up behind me, it tries to eat me. And it doesn't keep my soda cold!" This girl, another anthropomorphic animal, took her shape in the form of a mouse. A rather long haired white one at that. "It's eaten three repair-"

"Stand aside, Bonnie, we'll handle this." Geddy said as both Freelance Police members drew randomly high caliber guns. Kai took out an over-sized Luger pistol from previously unmentioned white pants he was wearing the whole time, and Geddy took a similarly over-sized MP5 from a similarly unmentioned white backpack. Depressing both triggers as fast as their mechanisms would allow, two clips of bullets riddled the fridge door.

"Oh man...I can't believe I shot an innocent vegetable..." Kai remarked.

"Oh man...I can't believe I said 'chill'" Geddy remarked at the same time.

"Oh Well...nothing overtly spooky or otherworldly here." Kai muttered disappointingly.

Bonnie shrugged, and explained, "It's an old fridge, give it a second to warm up."

As if another cue was blatantly slapped in our faces, a Green light vortex began to emerge from the fridge.

"The light...it beckons me so...." Geddy muttered, walked forwards to the fridge, only to be stopped by Kai's furry blue hand.

"Well...gee thanks, if you're not willing to go in there, how the hell is my fridge gonna get fixed?" Bonnie asked, with an annoyed tone.

By this point Geddy had gotten past Kai's hand, and began to climb up into the light, poking around in what used to be the freezer. As Kai pulled him out, he asked, "Can ya stick me in further, I couldn't find any fudgeicles." Unable to find a reason as to why not, Kai obliged. This only managed to anger the presence in the fridge, and it motioned in what could only be explained as a face plant, driving Kai and Geddy into the portal, and into frozen parts previously unknown.

*Unknown, presumably short, amount of time passed.*

Our Freelance Police had, in the time it would have taken to actually write a decent joke about it, managed to forge a sleigh together using oversized fries found in the parallel freezer dimension that is Bonnie's Freezer. Pulled by Geddy, and Kai as the overlord with a licorice whip (I'm not gonna ask) they flew along the snow drifts. "Quickly Geddy, we need to find the repairmen, and the demonic taint before dinner time!"

"Woof Woof." Geddy replied half-excitedly, half-in-character.

They came upon a....gingerbread farm house (again, wouldn't ask. It IS Bonnie's Freezer) in a field dotted by scare crows. "Crude...but effective." Kai remarked.

"How so?" Geddy asked, scratching his head.

"There's not a crow in sight, and the corn hasn't been touched." Kai answered, pointing to a bag of frozen corn in the middle of the field.

"Bud-dum, Che. Now can we look inside old man Smither's house?" Geddy asked impatiently, jabbing a thumb in the general direction of the previously mentioned farmhouse.

They walked in, and walked through a short cave, and Kai had to remark,
"I feel like we're being watched in a movie cliche type of manner."

"Yeah, like in those teenage gory horror flicks. Don't strip for a shower unless you wanna buy the farm!" Geddy cried happily...for whatever reason unbeknownst to the author. Then, on another cliche cue, the lights went off! In the dark, fighting noises were being made, and who knows what the hell was happening! And If I don't know what's happening, you guys are screwed.

Until I turn the lights back on, and reveal the three repairmen, and Kai strung up like meats waiting to be roasted with Geddy looking triumphant. With a glare from Kai, Geddy reluctantly untied the four of them, and they noticed a kitchen-like setup around them. Interesting. Getting them cups of coffee from a hotpot (lolwut?), the first repair man was a square-built man, and not a furry. He apologized with a gruff voice "Sorry 'bout that, we thought you were," He looked around suspiciously, "the thing" And a dramatic glare was cast upon his face.

"Le Gasp!" Geddy said, holding the casting flashlight grabbed from one of his nonexistent pants' pockets.

"It's a gelatinous monstrosity of unspeakable evil! It stalks us day and night!" The second repairman said...though he looked more like a mustached Italian plumber than anything else, all dressed in green. "More sticky buns?" he asked.

Silently, the third repair man reached out with a non-describable hand so bland it was non-describable. And fourth human and hand reached out too. Looking behind him, he asked, "Who's the new guy?" Before anyone could answer, the non-repairman human changed into a monstrously horrible gelatinous blob! With tentacles. Said tentacles snatched the repair man, and grabbed the stickybuns, and sauntered off, pleased with his new meal.

"That's exactly why I quite my job at the petting zoo." Geddy remarked, looking nearly calm about this.

"Who the hell would hire you?" Kai asked, then went on to something completely different, explaining, "Wait...a sec...Geddy...eat this." He pointed to a green slob that the monster had left behind.

Sticking the glowing goo in his mouth without regard, he told of its components, "Hmmm....peach cobbler, boot-dry steak and gravy...and some radioactive slop in a leaky bag."

"Just as I suspected. IT'S A TV DINNER GONE HORRIBLY BAD!" Kai diagnosed.

"So all we have to do is eat it?" the repairman left asked.

"Let us hope it doesn't come to pass." Kai mourned, and brought out a flamethrower from Geddy's seemingly-inter-dimensional backpack.

~More time passed that the author cannot joke about.~

"Freezer Burn, come in Freezer burn." The repairman said from home base over a microphone. Whimp. Inside a frozen cave, the reported habitat of the monster, Kai and Geddy answered, flamethrowers at the ready, "Heat 'n' serve, this is Freezer Burn ov--Oh crap! It's HERE!" Geddy exclaimed, "IT'S HERE ANd we're testing sound equipment. Thank you." He smiled, then asked Kai, "Why the heck are we doing this again?"

Kai responded with a shrug, "Bonnie would kill us if we just left it here. We may as well rescue the poor saps too."

"Ah, and here I was thinking it was just so we could torch things." Geddy said malevolently.

"Well that goes with out saying."

"Helllllllllppppp!" A call cried out. Following the trail of its echoes, out Freelance heroes found on of the repairmen inside a frozen tv dinner tray. "For the love of mike! LET ME OUUUUUTTTTT!!"

Unfortunately, in another cliched plot device, the monster was drawn out the the screams! Ahhhhh.

"FREEZE ENTREE! WE'RE PACKING HEAT!" Exclaimed Geddy at the top of his diminutive lungs, and both Policemen fired upon the monster. Pardon the pun. As the thing melted away, Geddy muttered above the flames, "I don't know why, but I think we're missing something, as if we're jumping a crucial scene in character development."

"You crack me up, little buddy." Kai smiled as he turned off the flamethrower. Satisfied with their job, they walked out, and headed for the exit...where ever that may be.

"Jeez. Stupid furries, leaving me behind like a bit character." The repairman muttered.

Chapter Two: The Second Show Ever:coming soon to a thread near you.

Complementary info: Based loosely (read as ripped off) off another freelance policing duo, this story will essentially be a series of semi-related episodes of short stories. Also, I'll give a prize out to any who can guess all of the made references correctly. (Warning, prizes may suck)
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New member
Jun 26, 2007
Sam & Max: Freelance Police. For the fridge part, that's from the very first episode "The Thing That Wouldn't Stop It" of the television series. There's Half-life in there and some other crap. Eh.


New member
Jun 26, 2007
Why not just do a Sam & Max crossover into KH world. Might be more interesting.
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