Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts: Disappearance

[Darknessshadow]

(Note:I beg that you please be merciful in regards to my writing. I don't like dealing with beta's, and I often don't like to go back through my work ((it was hard enough writing it the first time!)) So please just try and enjoy. The stray spelling error or slightly grammatically akward sentence shouldn't hinder the basic idea's of the story.)

(2nd Note: This story mostly involves original Characters. That is, it will probably involve nothing but original characters. I'm currently done with Chapter 6, and not a single character from the games has appeared. Fair warning.)

Enjoy.

Kingdom Hearts: Disappearance

Prologue
Beginnings

~Unknown World, Fourteen years ago~

Marcus hated this place. So vast, and he was just so... out of place.

The young boy sat curled up on a beach, in the middle of the night. The water crashed against the shore, drifting up, almost to the tips of his shoes, and then going back. His short black hair swayed gentle as the wind blew he stared out over the water, at the moon.

"Hey." A voice said. It was stronger, and rang with authority. Marcus turned slowly. There, standing only a few feet away, stood a man in a long black coat. He wore Black jeans and a Black button-up shirt as well. A chunk of armor was attached to his shoulder. His bright gold eyes squinted as he struggled to look Marcus up and down with the breeze blowing his dark brown hair across his face "Aren't you cold? You should go inside, Kid."

"I don't want to." Marcus replied, turning away from the man, and looking back at the moon. The water edged near, and Marcus shivered.

"And why's that?" The man asked, walking over until he was standing directly behind him.

"I'm not wanted here." Marcus sighed, looking out over the world. "I'm only a burden here..." He averted his eyes to the sand now. "There's no point in me going back..."

The man stood still for a long, long time, before he slowly bent to one knee, and held up a weapon, that looked like an enormous key. It was jagged and sharp, and dark as the night sky.

He took a deep breath, and then extended the hilt towards Marcus. His voice rang again with authority. "In your hand, take this Key. So long as you have the makings, then through this simple act of taking, its wielder you shall one day be. And you will find your purpose, your power, friend - no ocean will contain you then. No more borders around, or above, or below, so long as you wield, true to your heart, the powers I bestow."

Marcus stared at the man for the longest time, grasping how huge this decision would be.

Then, steadily, he grasped the hilt of the keyblade.

~~~Meanwhile, Elsewhere~~~

Alynn stared quietly. There was no one here. Not a soul. Just the smouldering remains of her home. Where was everyone? Where was the house? This had to be a mistake.
The four year old blonde looked at the charred mass, shifting uneasily in her pink dress. “…”

“Was this…your house?” The voice sounded kind, and concerned. “Little girl?”

Alynn looked up at her. “Huh?” She asked, stunned. She shifted uncomfortably, and felt tears welling up in her eyes. “Yes… I… I lived here…”She whimpered.

“I see.” The woman was tall and dressed in a long blue Jacket that looked almost like a dress. She had long blonde hair, and bright blue eyes.

Alynn felt herself start to cry. “Where are my mom and Dad… are they…?”

The woman bent and gently pulled Alynn into a hug. “Shhh.” She whispered quietly. “It’ll be alright. I’ll take care of you.”

“You….you will?” Alynn whimpered.

“Of course I will.” The woman stood. “I can sense a great light in you. One day, you will have the power to stop things like this. I promise.” She took the smaller girls hand. “My name is Lylien. What’s yours?” She said as they walked away from the burning wreckage.

“Alynn.” The small girl said, rubbing her eyes. “Where…Where are we going?”

Lylien smiled. “To the place where I train keyblade wielders.”


Chapter one
Preparations

~~~ The Chaos Castle, Present~~~

Marcus had never seen that man again.six years after meeting him, he first managed to manifest the keyblade. His Keyblade in a particular was long and thin, with incredible reach, and colored pitch black. The teeth stretched into the figure of burning flames, and the hilt guard held the appearance of a waterfall on a dark night.

Then, at the age of eleven, Marcus met Master Zeratus.

A tall, older man, Zeratus too wore the long black coat the other man had worn. He was older and had long, graying hair that was usually combed behind his head.

And he agreed to be Marcus’ Master, and teach him to become a keyblade warrior. So, for the last seven years, he had been training to become a Keyblade Master.

And today was the day. He would be going to the Land of Awakening to take the Mark of Mastery exam with a student from a different world. He and Master Zeratus were both keyblade wielders who used Dark powers, while the other, and her master, both focused on using powers of the light.

He was dressed in what his Master had deemed his ‘uniform’; black armor, with a black Hakama.

“I’m ready to leave, Master.” Marcus said, somewhat impatiently. He had been waiting forever for this.

“That’s fine. “Zeratus nodded. Despite his older appearance, his voice was firm and strong. “We can leave now. Open the Dark Corridor.”

Marcus nodded. He had to focus, but when he motioned, the Dark corridor burst into life.

“Very good.” Zeratus nodded approvingly. “I’m sure you will pass, and become a Keyblade Master. You have made quite a bit of progress since I first found you.”

“Thank you, Master Zeratus.” Marcus nodded. “But.. .I’m kind’ve worried They might not permit me to pass.. due to our ties to the Darkness.”

Zeratus nodded quietly. “Marcus, listen. The darkness is usually affiliated with evil beings. People who seek only to hurt others, or gain powers solely for themselves.” He shook his head. “But utilizing the Darkness does not make one inherently evil. It doesn’t mean one only tries to harm others.” Zeratus turned towards him full on and pointed at him; right where his heart would be. “It’s how you use those dark powers, that matters.”

Marcus considered for a long moment. “I see. Thank you.” He said, and they left into the dark portal.

~~~The Land of Awakening~~~
The land of awakening was a vast, open plain surrounding an enormous skyscraper. Unfortunately, as long as anyone could remember, only the first floor had been accessible.

Alynn was stretching quietly in the field on the left side of the building. She was dressed in a light blue t-shirt with shorts, and a bright blue Jacket on.

Master Lylien smiled at her as she watched. She looked as she did that day; A blue coat, long enough to almost look like a dress, and long blonde hair, her intricate, keyblade, which looked like a flowing stream, clasped at her side. “You seem eager.” She smiled.

“Eager.” Alynn agreed. “And nervous.”

Master Lylien shook her head. “you have nothing to worry about. I’m sure you will pass.”

“I hope so.” Alynn admitted. Master Lylien had become the closest thing to a mother Alynn had. The last thing she wanted to do was let her down.

“I know so.” Master Lylien nodded. “But I sense that Master Zeratus and his pupil have arrived.” She nodded.”I’m going to go make sure he’s ready, and then we’ll signal when we’re ready.”

Alynn nodded. “Very well, Master Lylien.” And watched her leave. She resumed her stretches.

There was no way she was going to lose.

~~~
Marcus and Master Zeratus stepped out of the Dark Corridor and onto a field to the right of an enormous skyscraper.

“Hmmm. Alynn and Lylien are already here.” He muttered, rubbing his chin. “They must have been preparing.”

“Preparing?” Marcus asked. He didn’t want to be at a disadvantage already!

“Don’t worry. I have to go inside and see if Lylien is ready.” Master Zeratus laughed, shaking his head. “Just stretch, practice a bit if you wish, and we will signal when we are ready.”

Marcus nodded, and began to do squats. “Very well, Master Zeratus, I will not let you down.”

“Indeed.” Master Zeratus sighed, shaking his head, and moving towards the building.

However, after twenty minutes, no signal had come from the skyscraper, and Marcus had finished stretching and preparing. “Hm… Perhaps I should-“

However, before he could finish his thought, the whole lower floor of the building glowed for a brief moment, one white, and then dark blue-purple.

Marcus immediately felt panicked. Surely that wasn’t what the signal was meant to be?

A burst of darkness flew from the open doors as he ran inside.

The main hall was simplistic in that it was simply a hallway with a carpet leading to the other end, where chairs had been set up. However, as Marcus entered he found that bits of the room were either smoking with dark essence, or sizzling away with the aura of light.

Something had gone horrible wrong, and worse yet-

His master was gone.

 

[Evello]

Not bad. When you said to ignore grammar mistakes, I got that frightened feeling that I was about to need to decipher and translate someone else's story into English. But that wasn't bad at all.

I know you said you don't want to edit the story, but I would highly, HIGHLY, suggest you do it. Your writing is actually quite good, so it seems a bit of a shame that those little hiccups are there to bring it down, even if only slightly. Most people around here won't care, though, so I wouldn't worry about that. However I happen to be one of the more critical readers, so this is probably some of the worst you'll get, unless you actually submit this to the critique request thread.

And I know you said to ignore grammar mistakes, but I couldn't help but notice one mistake that was repeated a lot (not really a mistake, more like a misunderstanding). Dialogue in quotations needs to be ended with a comma -- not a period -- if there is a 'he said' bit after it. If there is no 'he said'-like segment, or the sentence after the quote is unrelated to the quote, then a period is fine, but a comma is needed if the two connect. Not a huge deal, but I figured you might like to know.

Also, near the end, you seemed to be throwing a little bit too much information at us. I noticed that I personally skimmed the 'previously in Marcu's life' section, just because there was a lot of description, and nothing really interesting happening. I would suggest avoiding this and trying to reveal that stuff in chunks through Marcus' dialogue and thoughts. Especially the description of his keyblade; we already see it later, so just describe it then, when it's needed.

Again, if you don't want to go back and change anything, I understand, I just figure that if you want the help you can use my advice, if you don't you can ignore it.

Keep posting, this is good. I love all-OC stories.

 

[Professor Ven]

Could be better, have more paragraph structure, more details, more reader-immersion stuff. Looks like a script, to be honest.

 

[Darknessshadow]

(>>)

(@Ragnell:Hmmm. I see. I've actually enjoyed writing this story quite a bit so far, so chances are higher I'll go back and rewrite things. I'll remember your advice, when it comes to that.)

Chapter 2

Apprehension

Footsteps from behind him startled Marcus out of his line of thought, his stunned attempt at trying to determine what had happened.

When he turned, a young girl stood behind him. As old as him, albeit a bit shorter, she was a petite young girl in a blue shirt and shorts, and a blue jacket. She raised her hand, and a keyblade formed in her hand, a bright blue keyblade that was straight and uniform, with teeth like crashing waves, and a hilt as ornate as if it was meant for a queen.

She pointed it at him, her face filled with confusion or despair. “What is going on here?”She said, her voice harsh, accusing. “What have you done to my master!?”

Marcus frowned and turned to face her. “Listen. I haven’t done anything. I just got here as well, and my master was supposed to be here too.” He motioned. “But if you want a fight-“he said, and he raised his hand. In an eruption of black flames his keyblade appeared in his hand. “I’ll be more than willing to oblige.”

She stared at him for a long time before lowering her keyblade. “No…No, fighting here would be pointless. You’re right. You’re just a keyblade wielder in training like me, and your master is missing to.” She waved her hand, and her keyblade vanished. “Fighting wouldn’t change anything.”

“Shame.” Marcus shook his head. “I was looking forward to that fight. But no matter, how will we go about finding the Masters?”

Alynn shook her head. “I’m not sure. Look around for clues.”She said, stepping towards the chairs where their masters would’ve sat for the course of the exam. “I’m Alynn, By the way.”

“Marcus.” He replied checking behind one of the two curtains on the far side. “There’s Dark and light residual energy everywhere.” He shook his head. “If there was a fight, It was a big one.”

“Your master probably tried to kill mine.” Alynn frowned at him.

“What!?” Marcus frowned. “Master Zeratus wouldn’t do that!”

“Look around!” Alynn said, and waved her hand across the entrance hall. “Notice something?”

“Hmm?” Marcus glanced around. “It’s pretty beat up?” He shifted and ran a hand along a wall that had a huge mark from a burst of light energy.
“No.” Alynn frowned. “There’s more residual dark energy than light.” She reached down and ran herh and through a section of the floor that had been struck with light energy and glowed faintly. She held her hand out, affectionately placing it in the light. “He probably ambushed her and expelled a lot of his energy in one attack.”

“Oh?” Marcus frowned. He couldn’t refute that evidence. “Then why isn’t he still here, if he so obviously won?” He shook his head. “Look, standing around here speculating isn’t getting us anywhere.”

“What do you suggest?” She frowned, looking up at him.

“I suggest that if we want to know the truth…”He turned and motioned out the door, towards the sky. “We go out there, to other worlds, and find them ourselves.” He turned back to her. “The only way we’re going to know for sure is if we work together, and find them ourselves.”

Alynn stood, and nodded slowly. “You’re serious? We’re technically not masters… Do you think we can handle it out there?”

“If we want to know what really happened here…” He walked towards the door and out of the skyscraper. “I don’t think we have a choice.” He smirked and turned to look at her. “Heh. Do you know what to do?” He asked, tapping his armor. The black chestplate suddenly became a full suit of armor, with the helmet quickly closing over his head.

He smirked and summoned his keyblade, and tossed it into the sky, where it dropped back down. It came down in a motorcycle-esque shape, with the hilt guard forming a point at the front, and the teeth making reflective bumpers on either side. He hopped on and pointed it towards the sky. “Well? Let’s go!” He teased, and blasted off.

Alynn frowned and watched him go, stepping outside. She reached down, grasping a charm attached to her shorts. Immediately, she was encased in bright blue armor with Gold trim. She summoned her keyblade, and raised it slowly. “…I never thought…”She threw her keyblade and it came back down a floating platform, with the symbols and design still resembling her keyblade. She hopped aboard, and floated to the sky, before spotting the way that Marcus had gone.

“Master Lylien… I will find you!”