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Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts: The Lost Keyhole



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Efflictim

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Chap. 8! Enjoy!



Kingdom Hearts: The Lost Keyhole
Chapter 8:


Sora was the last one to hop in the Gummi Ship as the group was heading to Disney Castle.
"All aboard?" asked the king.
"Yes sir!" replied everyone.
They lifted off, leaving Twilight Town behind, but before they went into space Sora saw someone, it was Riku!
"Your majesty, stop! Riku's down there!" yelled Sora.
Mickey started to land the Gummi Ship.
"You know people are gonna think we're crazy for taking off and landing again" said the king.
Sora ignored what the king said and ran out of the ship to get Riku, but Riku wasn't there.
Sora went on his hands and knees where he saw Riku.
Sora started to cry.
"He was asking us for help, and then he disappeared!" cried Sora.
"Sora! Get back on the ship, we're on a mission!" said King Mickey.
Donald and Goofy dragged Sora by his feet into the ship as Sora was sobbing.


When Sora got into the ship a bird flew into the window of the Gummi Ship, the bird held a letter.
Sora went out and picked up the letter:
You're on the right path, but you need to find me before you can go any further.
"Your majesty, that sounds a lot like Riku" said Sora.
"I know, has he been leaving the letters for us?" asked the king.
"We've been getting these letters ever since he started to act funny"
"Maybe it's because he had turned to darkness but he still wanted to help so he wrote the letters" suggested the king.
They ran to the ship and took off.


Terra was starting to worry about the king and the rest.
"They shoulda been here by now" said Terra.
"It'll be okay Terra" said Kairi.
"Did anyone miss me?" asked a familiar voice.
Riku came out of the Library with the queen, Kairi ran up to Riku and gave him a hug.
"You're hurt!" cried Kairi as she was looking at a big spot of blood on Riku's shirt. Kairi took his shirt off and started to doctor his shoulder.
"How did you get this?" asked Kairi.
"I got into a fight with this loon who's been leaving false letters for the king about The Lost Keyhole" replied Riku.
"Don't worry, they're coming" said Riku.
"So how do you know they're false Riku?" asked Terra.
"I have a hunch that the Keyhole is back at my home" replied Riku.
"You mean the Islands?"
"Yes"
"From my research the Keyhole is in The Land of Keys"
"Yes, that's true" said Riku.
"But how is it at the Islands?" asked Terra.
"The Land of Keys was never destroyed, it was just disguised" said Riku.
"It was disguised as the Islands?"
"Yep now the Crossroads are covered by homes"
"I just found out when I had a flashback of me and Sora having a wooden sword fight there" said Riku.
"So why did you leave the king and Sora?" asked Queen Minnie.
"I felt Ansem in my heart again, I was turning into a moster"
"He's the one who's leaving them the false letters"
"He's wanting them to come find him so he can kill them when they arrive" said Riku.




Sorry it was a short chapter but I just wanted to give you guys an update on what's going on. So think of this as Chapter 7 1/2 xD
 

Iridium

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Considering this is well, you're first fan fic right? It's not all that bad, but there are points where some things could be paused; an interjection in place of dialog if you will (basically a small description of the surroundings, general atmosphere etc.). Also the chapters seems somewhat short, unless that's what you're planning on doing, otherwise there would be a large amount of chapters.

If that's the case I suggest you link all of the chapters in the main post to make things easier for the reader to find your works instead of back tracking page, after page, after page to find a specific chapter. Though I somewhat hate simple grammar, it's good that you aren't over complicating things; this is KH we're talking about.

/critique
 

Axelfan008

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I liked it. A little choppy at times, but otherwise very good. It keeps to the Kingdom hearts style, whereas mine sounds like a manga with keyblades and disney added in.:wink:
 

Efflictim

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I'm taking a couple of days off from the fanfic so the new chap. won't be out for a few days
 

Zipporahss

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I read 4 chapters and I gotta say this is cool! But why?! Riku why?! NOOOOOO! Come back to the light!!!

Anyway, I like your story. I do.

Hehe, I like who your chapters are sure yet so interresting!
 

Efflictim

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Chapter 9.

Kingdom Hearts: The Lost Keyhole
Chapter 9:


Sora felt sad from leaving Twilight Town but that was because Roxas was the one that was sad.
Mickey was driving the ship like he had been the whole jouney.
Mickey looked out the window and saw something black growing just in front of them.
"Is that a black hole?" asked Goofy.
Mickey tried to turned the ship around but it was too late, the hole was getting larger and it was pulling them in.
"Oh crap... another unscheduled stop!" yelled Sora.
They were pulled in the hole.
The hole disappeared after they were sucked in.


"Where are they?" asked Terra.
"Settle down, they'll be here" replied Riku.
Terra was looking out of the window of the tower at the top of the castle.
Kairi came up to give them some tea.
"Thanks..." said Riku taking the tea.
Terra grabbed the cup but he dropped it and it broke.
"Oh... sorry" said Terra as he picked up the broken glass.
"It's okay Terra" replied Kairi who was helping him pick it up.
"Riku aren't you gonna-"
Riku was gone.
"-Help.." said Kairi.
Kairi and Terra headed down to the Hall of the Cornerstone to find Riku and Queen Minnie.
"What are you doing?" asked Kairi as she was looking at Riku who was rubbing the Cornerstone of Light.
"We're trying to find a way to attract Maleficent here" replied Riku.
"I've got nothing, unless we take the Cornerstone to Hollow Bastion where I assume she is hiding"
"What if she's listening to us now?" asked Kairi.
"I didn't think of that" replied Riku.
"We need a code from now on" suggested Minnie.
"Yeah"
And the group huddled up.


Sora got up his shirt torn on the front.
He had a little bit of blood drip out of his mouth.
The room was dark but he could still see, and it smelled terrible.
He looked behind to see his friends still knocked out.
He also saw the Gummi Ship was torn to shreads.
"Guys wake up" said Sora nudging Donald.
The rest got up.
Sora pointed to the smashed Gummi Ship.
"How are we gonna get out here now?" asked Donald.
"We just gotta find some tools and Gummi parts, I'm pretty sure there's some around here" said Mickey.
Sora and Donald went into a dark cave on the far left of the room.
Sora was looking around but he couldn't find any.
Sora looked for another door and found one on a balcony.
A man in a black suit came out of the door.
"Hello Sora, did you miss me?" asked Ansem.


I hope that was a little creepy for ya. Hope you liked it.


 

TwilightRiku_13

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Oh no!!! Our heroes have been kidnapped by Ansem. That can't be good. I hope Sora ends up kicking the living hell out of Ansem. Also, I like how you make Terra feel anxious. He always seems so stern and hard, it is good to see him feel other emotions; makes him seem more human. Anyway, awesome update, and I look forward to more.
 

Efflictim

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Terra and Ansem didn't swear. Only Sora and it was only the word Crap
 

Zipporahss

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Holy Smoke! Riku's feeling better, Terra is awesome, and The FF gang is safe! And wow! just wow! The land of Keys is on Destiny Island! Nice touch! And the letters! All by Ansem! This is awesome! Hurry up and Update! I gotta read more!
 
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