Fanfiction ► Kingdon Heart's Deadly Dreams

[Son of Sepheroth]

Chapter 1 sorry for my grammer
"This place is dark.........Were am I........."
"It's so........dark"
Sora you fool you have'ntr change a bit.
"Riku......it's you.....were hae you been,and why did you leve the island"
It's none of your bussiness but their coming back said,Riku
"What's coming back"
The Dar.........,Sora wake up,said somebody!
Ahh oh it's just you Kairi and were are we at said,sora
Silly were at the island remember we were just laying down on the floor looking at the sky and then you fail asleep and had a bad dream again.

So....what was the draem about said,Kairi?
It was...Riku again he was going to tell me something but you woke me up.
Oh im so... sorry Sora.
It's alright said,Sora
(Sora get's up) Let's go before we miss school again said,Sora
How nut's we have 1 Hour to get their!
(Sora run's)
Wait for me said,Kairi

(1 hour has past and Sora and Kairi are at school)
You guy's are late again said,Somebody
Sorry Mr.Cooper they both said
I know what they were they were making love.....said,somebody
Sut up for i put my foot were i never put it before Anthony said,Sora
Hey hey hey wacth that language sora said,Mr.Cooper
Now take out your note books said,Mr.Cooper

"Riku were are you riku"
Be quiet for they here us?
"who's they"
Nobodies besides we can talk through you dreams all the time
"Sweet Their was something you were going to tell me untill Kairi woke me up"
I was?
"yea it strated with dar"
Oh yea it was da

Wake sora i know my class is that boring cause this is the last day of school said,mr.cooper
Sorry said,Sora

(School's out)
Hey sora meet me at the island at 5:00 tonight said,Kairi
k said,Sora

(Sora walk's down the Street)
"what was Riku going to say"
"It was da,dar,Dark?"
"i don't know i will have to go to bed lol"
(Heartless jumps out)
No it's them said,Sora
(A keyblade comes to sora's hand)
(sora run's to heartless)
"Die"

the end of chapter 1

 

[Mr.]

WTF. >__>

Please, if you are gonna try to even MAKE a fanfiction, at least, AT THE UTMOST LEAST, do it in script.

In fact, please read TLP's Guide to Grammar before you make another fanfiction.

 

[GuardianOfHearts]

Congratulations on this story. It's quite possibly the worst my eyes have ever had the misfortune to read. It's an adversity to the fan fiction community and enough to make me want to gouge my afrementioned violated eyes out with a rusted fork.

Now here is why this is the equivalent to gum on the sidewalk:

-It's only a small step up from script format.

-The grammar is terrible, the spelling is just as bad, though it shouldn't be, since your lack of interesting vocabulary words should make for easy writing.

-I don't even know what to say about the plot because the way it's handed to me makes it hard to decipher.

-It sounds like a two-year-old talking, not Sora. In fact, it doesn't even sound like the KH characters at all.

-There are no descriptions. At all. Whatever is in parenthesis really doesn't count.

PUT. SOME. EFFORT. INTO. IT.

Get a beta, use a dictionary and a thesuarus, put in some good decriptions and some internal reflection, straighten up the plot, then repost it. And maybe I'll come bck to see if you've improved.

 

[Son of Sepheroth]

Gosh im so....sorry please don't post hate

 

[Mr.]

Yeah, GoH burns you.
I'm kind compared to ANY of the Muffin Soldiers. >D

 

[GuardianOfHearts]

Please don't post stories that have less than half the effort they should. <.<

 

[Son of Sepheroth]

Sorry i guess im not good to write stories

 

[Electropop]

oh for the love of god just to make your spelling a little bit better do this write your chapter on MICRSOFT WORD then when your done use good old spell check to help with it then cut make sure your on the website to paste it and wall la you got it u just need help thats all but you two shouldent bring him down like that hes new to it give him some time im sure he do better anyway just do what i said and give it one more chapter befor killing yourself

 

[Mr.]

oh for the love of god just to make your spelling a little bit better do this write your chapter on MICRSOFT WORD then when your done use good old spell check to help with it then cut make sure your on the website to paste it and wall la you got it u just need help thats all but you two shouldent bring him down like that hes new to it give him some time im sure he do better anyway just do what i said and give it one more chapter befor killing yourself

Same/exact/excuse. >__>

Please shut up and think of something another n00b like you would say before you respond.
Drown your head in a toilet.
KTHNXLOL.

 

[scubasteve]

Sorry i guess im not good to write stories

Yet you decided to write countless other crappy stories? Please, for the love of god, SoS, start taking time on your story. And this is by far, one of your worst stories.

Please, stop writing. Or else you may hurt someone other than yourself.