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Monologue



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chaywa

A Picasso Reality
Joined
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Tis a bit of a long'un folks. Just wrote this for University Student Arts Event this evening, it's basically a dramatic monologue about a guy who has a weird evening. Always imagine there is someone else who the guy is having a conversation with...

Be warned, this piece contains a lot of swearing.

The initial starting location is a club in Norwich (where I am at the moment), was too lazy to take out Lx and Sx cues. Comments please, cheers.

_________________________________________________________________

Lx – Spotlight Only
Sx – Club Music


Start with spotlight on stage, albeit I won't physically be entering it for a while (the rest is blackout)Club-esque music plays in the background, albeit at low levels


Always imagine that there is at least one other person that I am talking to, albeit I never give them a voice or any physical presence


Hey man, another double vodka red bull please....


What do you mean I can't have another one


I've only had a few


Seriously i've only had a few, there was the pint I had earlier, the 3 shots which Julie and I downed, the pint Sam owed me, the pre drinking before hand, the can of Strongbow I smuggled in in my bag, and oh-


Surely you want more business though don't you, this place nearly closed down last year if I recall


Who do you think you are, the fucking manager!


Oh I see, well i'm sorry...


I beg your pardon.


BANNED, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT???


Oh fine, go and call security you fucking prick, i'm not leaving until I get myself another drink.


I'm not the one promoting an image of responsible drinking <sarcastically> you're the ones selling shots at only a quid each. This is bloody ridic...hey get off me you pricks. I said get off me, hey get the fuck away <i throw myself into the spotlight>


Sx – Club Music fades


ARGGHHH...THIS ISN”T FUCKING OVER I TELL YOU! I HAVE RIGHTS YOU KNOW...twats.


I stand up and get accustomed to my surroundings, and start shivering.


Oh shit its fucking freezing out here tonight, wish I listened to Sophie and brought a jacket with me, instead of this flimsy piece of crap. <touches shirt>


I reach into my pocket and pull out my mobile phone, and start texting.


Oh shit don't you die on me you stupid thing...low battery my arse. Don;t you fucking dare, I said don;t you fuckin...bastard. <throws mobile phone in bag>


Shit, guess i'll just have to wait until the next bus comes along then.


<Reaches in other pocket to get out wallet, albeit it's not there>


Oh where the fuck is my bloody wallet, i'm fucking screwed if I don't have this on me.
Scrambles around in bag to see if its there, to no avail


I can't fucking believe this, first i'm kicked out of this bloody club in the middle of bloody winter all by my bloody self, and next i've got no money to get home with. Things can't get much worse can they.


I walk back out of the spotlight to the club and speak to the bouncers at the door


Hey guys, erm sorry bout earlier and all, I kinda said a few things I didn't really mean okay. Friends right <extends hand to shake, albeit not reciprocated>. Is is all right if I pop back in and see if my wallet has been handed into lost property...


I”LL HAVE TO WHAT...


I CANNOT FUCKING COME BACK AT 11AM WHEN THE RECEPTIONIST RETURNS, I'VE GOT A FUCKING POLITICS LECTURE THEN


THEN HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET FUCKING HOME AT THIS TIME OF THE FUCKING NIGHT WITH NO MONEY, AND NO WORKING MOBILE FUCKING PHONE


Oh fine then, i'll guess i'll just have to fucking walk it then won't I...pricks.


<Walks away, still out of the spotlight>


I can't bloody believe this, tonight of all bloody nights as well. Oh great, the bloody street light network isn't working either, whoop die fucking doo. Christ it's cold, Soph had the right idea about not coming out this evening it seems. HEY WATCH WHERE YOU”RE FUCKING WALKING ALRIGHT


LX – Background wash comes on to about 60-70%, no spotlight

Oh I'm sorry, here let me help you up.​

No really I'm sorry it was my fault I wasn't paying attention in regards to where I was walking. Hey have we met before.​

That's odd, your face looks remarkably familiar. What's a pretty lady like yourself doing out here on her lonesome on a night like this.​

You got kicked out of a taxi, why??​

Oh I see, must have had a few too many Tequila shots this evening then eh? <jokes>Don't blame you for throwing up, that stuff's nasty.​

50 quid, it costs 50 quid to clean a fucking taxi, that's a fucking rip off.​

No really I know how you feel, some bastard seems to have stolen my wallet, so I've got to brace the cold and walk home. You are a first year right??​

Yeah I thought so, I think i've seen you around before. Were you in the library earlier reading in the American Literature section??​

I thought so. What book were you reading?​

Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger eh, it's one of my favourite books...​

You don't like it, why ever not??​

But it's suppose to be pessimistic and angst ridden, it's not a Disney fairytale or a romance book where the noble princess accepts the street urchin as her lover. Life's not fucking like that...​

Each to there own though I guess, albeit at times I wish I was one of those deaf mute bastards. That way I...​

<the girl speaks in unison with me on this bit, somewhat joking tone>

...That's right wouldn't have to put up with any goddam stupid useless conversations with anyone. If only eh...​

<Awkward silence beckons for about 10 seconds or so>

So where on site do you live then eh?​

Colman eh, those are the ones by the Drama Studio right??​

Me, well I live in Norfolk Terrace...​

You're joking right, you don't know where Norfolk Terrace is?? It's the big monolithic concrete pyramid structure by the Science labs.​

Yeah that's the one, the fugly looking building. Meh can't complain though...​

Yeah that is one slight annoyance I guess, it's not particularly fun trying to unclog other people's hair from the communal shower's every morning.​

Nah didn't really feel the need to opt for en suite in the end, would've been too expensive if I got anywhere else. Albeit I wouldn't want to move anywhere else either, after all I live with some great people.​

Sorry what I can't hear you​

Why am I by myself then? Well you see my phone died and my wallet got nicked so the only way I can get home is by the ancient art of walking. <chuckles>

My bus pass was in my wallet, so it looks like it's gonna be just you and me for the next 45 minutes or so...​

I'm guessing you've never walked this far home before eh, it's not too bad, we'll be there in no time at all.​

He he, no we shouldn't get hypothermia at this time of night, so long as we walk at a brisk pace then.​

Well take you're bloody heels off then you crazy woman.​

No socks, you chose to come out in the middle of winter wearing a short skirt, high heels and no bloody socks.​

Well I won't be waiting for you if if you fall behind.​

<Walks away at a quick pace, stops and looks around at the girl>

Look i'm sorry come here, tell you what, i'll give you a piggy back ride home if you like.​

On one condition though, you don't throw up on me.​

He he i'm serious though, I had to carry a mate of mine back to his house back in London once, and he threw up all over my favourite denim jacket. Cost over 20 quid to get it clean as well...actually he still owes me for that, prick.​

OK, three, two one, hop on. Whoa whoa whoa....there we go. You OK?​

Glad to hear it, i'll be as quick as I can...​

Sorry can't quite hear you.​

What's London like, why you've never been?​

You don't look like an international student, you don't sound like one either, where are you from?​

Ah Amsterdam I see, I was there last week with LawSoc, man I drunk far too much those few days, missed all of Monday's lectures as a result of it, got too much work to catch up with. Lovely city, lovely nightlife, and uuh, lovely women if I say so myself.​

I AM NOT A PERVERT MISSY, I JUST ENJOY THE ATTRACTIONS THAT AMSTERDAM HAS TO OFFER THAT'S ALL !!​

No I did not go into any of the brothels...i'm not that sad.​

Well yeah, you can't go to Amsterdam without sampling some of the greenery the city has to offer, i'm surprised how controlled you all are when it's all pretty much legal out there.​

I'd like to see Gordon Brown try and legalise that as well, albeit Westminster is just full of complete power hungry assholes these days, and the media would never let it down.​

No I don't deal with that sort of stuff, I don't fancy being chucked in jail for something like that, have you heard the stories from prison showers, they sound horrifying. I like my rectum just as it is thank you very much.​

So what's London like eh? Meh it's not that great, maybe that's because i've lived there all my life until now and it's just become monotonous. Must be great seeing it as a tourist though, the Natural History museum must be great fun if you don't walk past it every day like I do, knowing all the exhibits and the layout like the back of my hand. The London Eye though is great fun, albeit if you pick the wrong day it can be pretty dull.​

You don't like heights, eurgh another vertigo sufferer. You won't want to go to Thorpe Park then.​


Thorpe Park, it's a massive rollercoaster theme park on the Western fringes of London, in a place called Egham.​

It's great fun, you should go there one day, albeit if you're not a fan of heights then you'll likely spend most of the day on the dodgems.​

Tell you what, if you're ever down in London i'll show you around the sites, smells and dodgy kebab shops that london has to offer.​

Only got food poisoning once, albeit the place that served me has been shut down for a while now, something about someone nearly dying because they found traces of rat poison in the mayonaisse, glad I missed that one eh.​


The time, uuhhm one second <looks at watch> it's 3.47am. Oh shit i've got a maths seminar at 9am. Meh may skip it, it's pretty easy stuff in all honesty.​


Yeah I know its not the correct work ethic – but I easily value an extra hour in bed than listening to that sod for an hour. How about you??​

Lucky, I'm envious of people with 3 day weekends, albeit it seems as though you're going to need it to recover.​


Pardon.​


Hey hey hey don't fall asleep on my back, I can't control myself that well when you do that.​


Whoa <falls over backwards>

AARGH SHIT, LANDED STRAIGHT ON MY FUCKING ELBOW AGAIN, HOLY CHRIST THAT FUCKING HURTS – I SAID DON'T FALL ASLEEP YOU LITTLE...​

<Turns around>

Hey, you alright – wake up.​

I said, wake up.​

FOR FUCK'S SAKE WAKE UP <with a sense of desperation, examines the body>

Oh shit she's she's bleeding. Oh shit. Fuck it's from the head, she must have landed on a stone or something. HELP CAN ANYONE FUCKING HELP ME HERE!!​

<Pretend jogger runs into the scene>

Oh thank god sir, can I borrow your mobile phone to call for an ambulance.​

SHE'S BLEEDING FROM THE FUCKING HEAD THAT'S WHY!!​

OK thanks <dials 999> Hello Ambulance please, my friend is bleeding from the head, she fell off something.​

Corner of Bluebell Road, Norwich.​

Ten minutes – i'm not sure she can last that fucking long.​

OK, i'll put pressure on the point of impact​

<takes shirt off and applies it to the head>

Here (looks at imaginary jogger), take this and tell me everything she says down the phone...​


WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THE PHONE DOWN <desperation tone builds up>


I CAN TELL SHE'S NOT FUCKING BREATHING​


THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO THOUGH <breaks down in tears>

SHE'S DEAD ISN'T SHE​

SHIT...​

Lx - Blackout
 
C

Charlie

Guest
Hot damn,
This monologue is definitely engaging. The entire time, I was literally putting the missing pieces into where you left the gaps in from the other characters. I like the dynamicism that you add to your focus character here. Even though it's in the nature of a monologue for your focus to report their surroundings in their dialogue - I like how strong and honest he is. That alone shows that your audience isn't going to be lead astray by any of the material.

*I also enjoyed how smoothly the transitions here moved along from one mishap to the next without you needing to force in a situation. The setting was a bad night of drinking where anything could have gone wrong; so the movement within this piece set the tone for that.

*As a focus character - I'm fond of how the situations you placed him in challenged his nature as a person, and his initial reactions to a rougher change of things. Who would have thought that he'd be the unlucky one to have to give a drunken and random girl a piggy back ride of all things? I read how your writing just flowed into that situation, and I seriously lmao'd
at how calm he was doing it, yet ended up falling and dramatizing everything by 65%.

**How long did it take for you to write this up?
**Were there any points that were nerve racking because you couldn't think of anything else to add onto them at that moment?

+Rep for this, by the way.
In all honesty, I want it to continue.
Astounding work, in my opinion. Even critically - I can't point a finger at anything that you could change. Maybe a couple of spelling in corrections here or there, but nothing to jump the gun about. You know, there for, 'their,' things like that.

:}

~B
 

chaywa

A Picasso Reality
Joined
May 15, 2005
Messages
4,787
Age
34
Location
Bald Mountain
Hot damn,
This monologue is definitely engaging. The entire time, I was literally putting the missing pieces into where you left the gaps in from the other characters. I like the dynamicism that you add to your focus character here. Even though it's in the nature of a monologue for your focus to report their surroundings in their dialogue - I like how strong and honest he is. That alone shows that your audience isn't going to be lead astray by any of the material.

*I also enjoyed how smoothly the transitions here moved along from one mishap to the next without you needing to force in a situation. The setting was a bad night of drinking where anything could have gone wrong; so the movement within this piece set the tone for that.

*As a focus character - I'm fond of how the situations you placed him in challenged his nature as a person, and his initial reactions to a rougher change of things. Who would have thought that he'd be the unlucky one to have to give a drunken and random girl a piggy back ride of all things? I read how your writing just flowed into that situation, and I seriously lmao'd
at how calm he was doing it, yet ended up falling and dramatizing everything by 65%.

**How long did it take for you to write this up?
**Were there any points that were nerve racking because you couldn't think of anything else to add onto them at that moment?

+Rep for this, by the way.
In all honesty, I want it to continue.
Astounding work, in my opinion. Even critically - I can't point a finger at anything that you could change. Maybe a couple of spelling in corrections here or there, but nothing to jump the gun about. You know, there for, 'their,' things like that.

:}

~B

Why thank you, I came up with the idea for it about 4am yeasterday morning, and it only took about an hour or so to write (mainly in my economics seminar which I probably should've been paying attention in, ah well). I didn't really have any stuttering moments either, took a little while to hit the tone of the Catcher in the Rye sequence but other than that I was surprised how quickly and efficiently it flowed.

Spelling mistakes are purely because I wasn't paying attention typing wise when writing, I knew I had a deadline and couldn't honestly give a crap :p

It's amazing how easy it is to remember lines directly after you've written them. Finished writing about 4.30, was on stage (opening act) acting it 7.30 - seems as though the audience really enjoyed it (even if my elbow is a tad messed up now), which was great - especially considering all the other acts were written by Drama/English students, and I'm just a guy who does Politics who enjoys creative writing occassionally.
 

chaywa

A Picasso Reality
Joined
May 15, 2005
Messages
4,787
Age
34
Location
Bald Mountain
This is very good. I love like the entire thing. Hope you do well if and when you get to perform this! =]

Done so already...last night. Went rather well (especially as I was opening the entire production. I'll try and get some video (we were filming for a DVD release as well) from a mate of mine in the next few days.

Curse this writing thing is infectious, i'm drafting another idea at the moment. Albeit I really should be writing this philosophy essay <_<
 
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