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Help/Support ► My own 2008-2009 crisis.



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WhinyAcademic

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EXTREMELY LONG QUESTION

Hi, I'm Chris, a 13-year-old guy who has unreturned feelings towards another 13-year-old, Megan. You better know the whole story, though.

Well, Megan moved here last year, and I just fell head over heels for her. She seemed incredibly beautiful, kind to everyone, compassionate, intelligent, and just plain amazing. But only before the next year's winter break did I finally work up the courage to ask her out. I gave her a pricey crystal cube with 2 kissing angels in it, a paper heart, and a note asking her out after break. Well, only at the beginning of February did I finally get an answer: no. Well, I decided to at least be kind to her and be friendly, even though she wasn't interested.

For Valentine's Day, I gave her a Valentine's Day card, a rose, and the most prestigious gift I've ever made for a woman: a red clay heart (that I was working on for weeks) saying "My Heart" on it, to emphasize that I was giving her my heart. The arrow going through it, on the arrowhead, had the letter 'M' on it. I gave it to her, and a week later, I finally got the answer: She threw the card away, and broke the heart on the ground, and tossed it into the garbage.

Before that day, a group of my friends, boys and girls alike, staged an intervention to get me off her. They warned me that she only pretends to be kind and is so stuck-up; she told her boyfriend she was too good for him. Their words made sense in my head, but not my heart. And I should have listened to them, shouldn't I have? Well, now, I... just still have feelings for her, even after how she treated me.

Well, a sadistic girl named Jessica informed me of the worst news I'd heard since I heard my parents were divorcing four years ago: Megan has a boyfriend. I know I should be happy she found someone, but I still get terrible heartache whenever I see her talking to another guy with that sweet smile of hers... I work on the yearbook, and, seeing as I have partial responsibility and access to the photos, I got a color picture of her. Just every time I see her smiling in the photo, I grin ear-to-ear and just plain blank out. But the fact I got a picture of her got out to all but her, and now my fire- I mean, my Art class - think I'm a stalker. And that sadist Jessica gave me her number... I have the key to apologize, just not the guts.

Some days later, Megan and her boyfriend Joe cut in line in front of me and a few other kids at lunch. I desperately let other kids cut in front of me, hoping to avoid a possible face-to-face with a possibly jealous and definetly more taller Joe. The moment she saw me, Megan rolled her eyes and muttered something to Joe about "that boy." Joe gave me a Death Stare, and I responded with a look that meant fear and a "Please! Please don't hurt me!" sorta thing.

Well, in that day's 8th Period, my friend Emmatt told me that Megan broke up with her boyfriend. I didn't know what to say. My strategy regarding things is after you are told something, you need at least 3 sources to confirm it.

Well, the next morning in 1st period, I overheard a few of my friends(the same ones that held an intervention to get me unhooked on Megan) saying she indeed broke up. I felt happy, like there was good in the world.

Later that day, at lunch, I was in a very good mood. i smiled(which is a big deal, seeing as I haven't had much to smile about the past few years) and said "Hi, how are you?" to everyone I passed. I even smiled at Megan, who looked confused.

In homeroom, my best friend Jeremy told me an interesting bit of news: he overheard some of my friends asking "Why does Megan want to go out with Chris? I thought she hated him." I.... everything went weird...

In eighth period, Emmatt told me that at that day's lunch, he asked her out for me. She said she would think about it. I didn't know whether to thank Emmatt, or do a Happy Tree Friends on him. He took my picture of Megan and put it in her locker. "oh SHIT! What am i gonna do now?" I said.

The next day, the same friends from first period mentioned me. And then they said "Oh shit, he's in here!" I looked over there and asked "What?" They grinned nervously and said "We love you, Chris!"(they're girls) In 5th period, I asked one of the two that are in there what were they talking asbout. She said Brenda(one of the friends who wasn't in there) was getting onto Megan for saying she has a bad life; Brenda has a much worse life. She also told her off for being so horrible to me.

In that day's 7th period, I sat behind Brenda according to assigned seats. After inviting a secret handshake for the two of us(don't ask), Brenda told me about her scolding of Megan. In her words:
Brenda: "I told her to stop being such a prick and apologize to you. You know what she says?"
Me: "What?"
Brenda: "She said 'Oh, we don't talk, he'll just get over it."
After that, I had to explain to the teacher how the table part of the desk came off its hinges.

Soon, I kept getting weirder and weirder signs. That Friday, was by far the oddest day of the week. Megan kept smiling at me whenever I did my usual glances at her. She winked at me. I waved. She suddenly jerked around and pretended to work again. She laughed at my jokes. She stared at me for a while and I felt her eyes on me then. Oddest day ever.

Well, this week has been as crazy as ever. Still odd signals. A gay guy keeps trying to convince Megan to go out with me by screaming perverted things at her.

I finallized a deal with a girl named Cheyenne(lead photographer for the school paper) for a picture of Megan for $20. Hey, I can't help it I likeMegan! I told the others(classmates and cool teacher) that, but they kept saying I'm obsessed. I told them "That picture will be the only way I will ever see her smiling back." And they shut up about it.

Today, April 17, 2009, was the most trying day of my life.

In my homeroom, Megan had to come into my classroom for an errand, and....

My "friend" Manny stole a note I had written that pretty much poured out my heart and shoved it in her face.

That note has been read by many of my trusted friends and has been called extremely sweet and beautiful.

Only two periods later did I find how she reacted.

After reading it, she gave it to her best friend.

Well, now what?
 
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Wehrmacht

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EXTREMELY LONG QUESTION

Hi, I'm Chris, a 13-year-old guy who's in unrequited love with another 13-year-old, Megan.

I was uninclined to keep reading after this point.

Taking a glance at the rest of the story, it's probably in your best interests to listen to your friends.
 

Hypoxium

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Hey, I can't help it I love Megan! I told the others(classmates and cool teacher) that, but they kept saying I'm obsessed.

Listen to your friends. You're too young to be getting this serious over a girl, she's not going to feel the same way as you do.
 

Lifes.Lover

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While I wouldn't go so far as to say that 13 year olds can't have relationship crises, I would say that you are making a much bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.

First of all, you're only 13, by what you have said. Second of all, she's only 13. You're much too young to fully comprehend and believe in love. You're certainly too young to believe that she is, for lack of a better term, 'the one'.

Buying a picture of her is dirty, underhanded, and, to be quite frank, stalker-ish. If anything, the fact that you're coming on so strongly is doing nothing but deterring you. There's a difference between being loving, and being creepy. If girls get the feeling that you're creepy, they're not going to date you. It's just the way it is.

Lose the stalker-ish, creepy vibe, and just try and be a friend. If she's not that great a person, than she's not worth your time in the first place.
 

Firo

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It sounds like she's playing games with you. Just forget about her. Plus paying for a picture, that's way creepy.
 

TheMuffinMan

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Wow, you're being way too much of a creep about this, after she said no the first time you should have given up. Taking pictures of her, writing letters about her, giving her clay models and flowers, all it's doing is deterring her even more from you because you're coming on way too strong and just annoying her.

If you actually leave her alone, who knows, maybe in a year she would get over why she didn't like you before and something could happen, but if you continue to barrage her with gifts or write notes that could find their way to her (which will probably happen a lot because of how your friends act), then you're just going to continually make her uncomfortable and push her away.

I'm giving you advice that maybe something could happen if you back off and give it time, but in reality I think it's a much better option to just stop liking her altogether, because your perception seems to be immensely warped from what kind of person she really is (see: a bitch), and becoming that invested in a person like that who is just going to mess with your head isn't healthy at all.

Also I think you seem to have weird emotional instability issues.
 

WhinyAcademic

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Wow, you're being way too much of a creep about this. After she said no the first time you should have given up, nothing is going to happen. Taking pictures of her, writing letters about her, giving her clay models and flowers, all it's doing is deterring her even more from you because you're coming on way too strong and just annoying her.

If you actually leave her alone, who knows, maybe in a year she would get over why she didn't like you before, but if you continue to barrage her with gifts or write notes that could find their way to her (which will probably happen a lot because of how your friends act), then you're just going to continually make her uncomfortable.

1. I don't think she realized that I DID give up on trying to ask her out. The heart and the Valentine's card were just for Valentine's Day. I asked her friends to tell her that, but... who knows.
2. I don't have a year. School ends the frist week of June, and its mid-April.
3. Did I mention we're going to different high schools?

Also I think you seem to have weird emotional instability issues.

EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY ISSUES?!?!?!?! Whatever.
 

Lifes.Lover

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First of all, don't double post. Second of all, it does not matter what she thinks or anything of the kind about what happened.

Either way, she probably considers you a stalker and/or creepy and does not wish to be around you.

Why don't you give up on her, since she's obviously not interested, and try to move on with your life? If you're going to different high schools, it wouldn't have mattered much anyway. Most relationships don't last when you're not in constant contact. Some do, but it doesn't sound like she's interested enough to make the effort to make it work.
 

TheMuffinMan

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There is no alternative interpretation to a clay figure of your heart with an arrow of her initials to symbolize "I'm giving my heart to you". It's not an innocent friendly gesture, it's just god damn creepy.

As for going to different highschools, if that is that big of an issue, then doesn't that mean if you were to date the relationship wouldn't even last to next year, as presumably you'd hardly ever see each other?

Also, yes, I think you're emotionally unstable. Moodswings ranging from being depressed over her having a boyfriend, to unnerving happiness "felt like there was goodness in the world" when she didn't, buying pictures of her because "it's the only way you could see her smile", something about breaking your desk?
 

WilliamTheWise

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I finallized a deal with a girl named Cheyenne(lead photographer for the school paper) for a picture of Megan for $20. Hey, I can't help it I likeMegan! I told the others(classmates and cool teacher) that, but they kept saying I'm obsessed. I told them "That picture will be the only way I will ever see her smiling back." And they shut up about it.
Look dude, if she hasn't taken an interest in you after all of this I doubt she will. There are more fish in the sea. I meant think of this way, if your too busy focusing on a dead end like Megan you might miss out on dating the girl you might be happier with. Keep your eyes open she's bound to be there. I know it might hurt to give up on her, but if you take a step back you Are Obsessed. You spent $20 on a picture of her.
 
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I disagree with most of you; I think he's at the perfect age to have this sort of an obsession with a girl, because if he was any older it would be seriously creepy. He is thirteen, so the fact that he's a socially awkward douche is forgivable, and he has plenty of time to improve himself.

Chris, you are more in love with the idea of having Megan all to yourself than you are with Megan. It isn't about love as in caring, it is about property as in ownership. This is why you reacted with such disgust to Megan having a boyfriend other than you, and why once they had broken up you were perfectly content even though you personally were no closer to her than before. This is why your friends are actually having to stage interventions to get you to let her go -- like an addict. I could go on and on about how obviously you have self esteem issues, but that isn't necessary. Bottom line, it is an obsession, it is extremely unhealthy, and you need to move on.

That is what is wrong with you. Megan's problem is that she is a pretentious bitch, but that really has nothing to do with you.

EDIT: I'm also going to throw in some advice for any young men who might be reading this; if you and your girlfriend go to different high schools, she is going to fuck somebody else at least once.
 

WhinyAcademic

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I disagree with most of you; I think he's at the perfect age to have this sort of an obsession with a girl, because if he was any older it would be seriously creepy. He is thirteen, so the fact that he's a socially awkward douche is forgivable, and he has plenty of time to improve himself.

Chris, you are more in love with the idea of having Megan all to yourself than you are with Megan. It isn't about love as in caring, it is about property as in ownership. This is why you reacted with such disgust to Megan having a boyfriend other than you, and why once they had broken up you were perfectly content even though you personally were no closer to her than before. This is why your friends are actually having to stage interventions to get you to let her go -- like an addict. I could go on and on about how obviously you have self esteem issues, but that isn't necessary. Bottom line, it is an obsession, it is extremely unhealthy, and you need to move on.

That is what is wrong with you. Megan's problem is that she is a pretentious bitch, but that really has nothing to do with you.

EDIT: I'm also going to throw in some advice for any young men who might be reading this; if you and your girlfriend go to different high schools, she is going to fuck somebody else at least once.

Socially awkward douche? *Laughs* Thanks... ;)

No, really! I do regard her as a person! If you actually think I'm shallow, you oughta hear the crap other guys say.

I dunno, I just really felt happy when she broke up with her boyfriend.

I actually have a lot of friends, not just nerds or something.
 

Ophan

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I disagree with most of you; I think he's at the perfect age to have this sort of an obsession with a girl, because if he was any older it would be seriously creepy. He is thirteen, so the fact that he's a socially awkward douche is forgivable, and he has plenty of time to improve himself.

Chris, you are more in love with the idea of having Megan all to yourself than you are with Megan. It isn't about love as in caring, it is about property as in ownership. This is why you reacted with such disgust to Megan having a boyfriend other than you, and why once they had broken up you were perfectly content even though you personally were no closer to her than before. This is why your friends are actually having to stage interventions to get you to let her go -- like an addict. I could go on and on about how obviously you have self esteem issues, but that isn't necessary. Bottom line, it is an obsession, it is extremely unhealthy, and you need to move on.

That is what is wrong with you. Megan's problem is that she is a pretentious bitch, but that really has nothing to do with you.

EDIT: I'm also going to throw in some advice for any young men who might be reading this; if you and your girlfriend go to different high schools, she is going to fuck somebody else at least once.

I agree with this completely in the fact that guys and girls that age or even less can
act a little more aggressive than they should, but given the time to understand that
leaves better communication or acts to show someone that you like them in a less
disturbing matter. Writing letters to that person is probably the best option in my
opinion, because if they are not willing to respond, or give little detail in response,
you most likely don't have a chance. That of course doesn't mean you should give up
, because if you really like someone your going to try your best to impress them, but
you have to do it in a manner that isn't stalker-ish, and annoying. I would say it's way
too late for you at this point, but if you ever have the chance, you have to try and slowly
get to know someone, without any usage of technology like sending text messages,
and shit. It is important to have a friendly relationship in where you would gradually know
that person, instead of just jumping on the finest piece of meat you've seen. That's the
problem with most ppl, and not just kids, and it's always the same story after that.
People always say that they want to meet right person, and yet they aren't really looking
for that.......so much for fairytales.
 

_EX

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I still think its lust, not love.

Thats pretty much it yeah.

Hormones in peuberty seem to give early teens that illusion of love.
But no ones going to listen when people say they are too young. They will try it out and figure out that they were wrong. That happened to me but i have to say I really needed to find out so the experience was good.

Youre not going to stop having feelings so your are going to have to work out a limit of the extreme things you do like giving a rose saying "my heart" on it to someone who you obviously didnt know had a negative view about you and who is also a real bitch. Play it cool before you carve her name in your leg and the next day realise you dont like her anymore.
 
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