So, I just realized something. It came to me as I was sitting in math class today, giving a rather bored look-over of some questions. This would lead into the first of my conundrums.
"I'm bored."
No, not your typical 'sitting in class, almost suffocated by the stale atmosphere and monotonous work...' kind of bored. Rather, it's as if my intellect is begging for something more challenging. Something that actually makes me feel like I want to take it head on. Dear god, someone just give me something that makes me think, on an intellectual level.
I've realized that I get this feeling with almost all my classes. This is in no way exclusive to just Math. I get this whenever I'm in English; When I'm in Social; When I'm in Science; and most of, if not all of, my optional classes. The only two that really makes me think, ( much to my enjoyment, ) is my Computer Programming Class, and my Philosophy class.
Both of the aforementioned classes make me actually feel excited about going. They not only make me think, problem solve and talk, ( like the other monotone classes, ) but they make me do it on a level of intelligence that just makes me ecstatic, and glad to be there. It's a wondrous feeling.
But, the other classes, that usually make up the other five of my six in a day classes. I can't stand them. I can't stand being in the class. I feel so damn suffocated by the work, and it isn't from the difficulty of the work. I feel that way because there's no thought process involved for me. I sit there, and just repeat the answers, ( which I had just heard from the teacher moments ago ) back. And holy crap, I do well when I do this? That shouldn't at all be.
Now, what do I really want? I simply want to do work that's going to make me think. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I want to work, think, and discuss on an intellectual level. I simply can't stand the environment I'm placed in at school.
And because I can't stand it, I almost always have the hardest time getting myself out of bed, and into school. This has been the biggest concern for me with both my parents and teachers. I'm failing most of my classes because of this. My parents and teachers treat me as if I'm nothing more than the 'dunce' kid, and look down at me.
And this leads into the second and third of this series of independent, ( but also loosely connected, as a paradox. )
I rarely socialize with real people, and I generally feel underappreciated. I will sometimes act goofy with some 'friends' at school, ( in the boring classes, ) but after the bell rings to go home, I usually stay at home, rather than hanging out with them. My mother disapproves of this greatly, by the way.
And I actually already know why I don't just kick it with them. They don't interest me on an intellectual level. I may hang out with them during class and school, but I do that because I usually just want to get away from the dull work. You guys have no idea how much I would enjoy a nice stimulating conversation about the philosophical ideals of Aristotle; discussing poetry; having a dialogue about politics.
The only person whom I've found I can discuss such things with on a semi consistent basis is my dad. And even then, it's a very rare occasion. If I manage to have any conversation with anybody, this is usually the highlight of my day.
There is a severe lack of any intellectual thought in real life for me. The only place where I find this is online. This has so far been the only place where I can just IM up one of my friends, and ask him an in-depth question, and get a diverse answer in return. I also really enjoy my job here at KHI on the Inferno, because my job has me creating a universe for our players to go through, and I usually make sure that universe has as much depth as possible.
But, problem is, my mother disapproves of my lack of a real social life. As far as I can tell, she thinks it's as simple 'lol int3rnetz ad****shun'.
And this goes into my feeling of under appreciation. No one in real life sees the 'intelligent' me very often. They see the lazy, class-skipping, loser Denver they've always seen. They've tried once or twice to get me to open up, but what the hell do I say? What do you say to someone who you feel just looks down on you as inferior?
It's just so damn infuriating sometimes.
I'll think I'll stop this here for now. But as a summary for those who tl;dr:
Lack of intelligent work at school making suffocating me.
And...
General lack of social life and under appreciation.
"I'm bored."
No, not your typical 'sitting in class, almost suffocated by the stale atmosphere and monotonous work...' kind of bored. Rather, it's as if my intellect is begging for something more challenging. Something that actually makes me feel like I want to take it head on. Dear god, someone just give me something that makes me think, on an intellectual level.
I've realized that I get this feeling with almost all my classes. This is in no way exclusive to just Math. I get this whenever I'm in English; When I'm in Social; When I'm in Science; and most of, if not all of, my optional classes. The only two that really makes me think, ( much to my enjoyment, ) is my Computer Programming Class, and my Philosophy class.
Both of the aforementioned classes make me actually feel excited about going. They not only make me think, problem solve and talk, ( like the other monotone classes, ) but they make me do it on a level of intelligence that just makes me ecstatic, and glad to be there. It's a wondrous feeling.
But, the other classes, that usually make up the other five of my six in a day classes. I can't stand them. I can't stand being in the class. I feel so damn suffocated by the work, and it isn't from the difficulty of the work. I feel that way because there's no thought process involved for me. I sit there, and just repeat the answers, ( which I had just heard from the teacher moments ago ) back. And holy crap, I do well when I do this? That shouldn't at all be.
Now, what do I really want? I simply want to do work that's going to make me think. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I want to work, think, and discuss on an intellectual level. I simply can't stand the environment I'm placed in at school.
And because I can't stand it, I almost always have the hardest time getting myself out of bed, and into school. This has been the biggest concern for me with both my parents and teachers. I'm failing most of my classes because of this. My parents and teachers treat me as if I'm nothing more than the 'dunce' kid, and look down at me.
And this leads into the second and third of this series of independent, ( but also loosely connected, as a paradox. )
I rarely socialize with real people, and I generally feel underappreciated. I will sometimes act goofy with some 'friends' at school, ( in the boring classes, ) but after the bell rings to go home, I usually stay at home, rather than hanging out with them. My mother disapproves of this greatly, by the way.
And I actually already know why I don't just kick it with them. They don't interest me on an intellectual level. I may hang out with them during class and school, but I do that because I usually just want to get away from the dull work. You guys have no idea how much I would enjoy a nice stimulating conversation about the philosophical ideals of Aristotle; discussing poetry; having a dialogue about politics.
The only person whom I've found I can discuss such things with on a semi consistent basis is my dad. And even then, it's a very rare occasion. If I manage to have any conversation with anybody, this is usually the highlight of my day.
There is a severe lack of any intellectual thought in real life for me. The only place where I find this is online. This has so far been the only place where I can just IM up one of my friends, and ask him an in-depth question, and get a diverse answer in return. I also really enjoy my job here at KHI on the Inferno, because my job has me creating a universe for our players to go through, and I usually make sure that universe has as much depth as possible.
But, problem is, my mother disapproves of my lack of a real social life. As far as I can tell, she thinks it's as simple 'lol int3rnetz ad****shun'.
And this goes into my feeling of under appreciation. No one in real life sees the 'intelligent' me very often. They see the lazy, class-skipping, loser Denver they've always seen. They've tried once or twice to get me to open up, but what the hell do I say? What do you say to someone who you feel just looks down on you as inferior?
It's just so damn infuriating sometimes.
I'll think I'll stop this here for now. But as a summary for those who tl;dr:
Lack of intelligent work at school making suffocating me.
And...
General lack of social life and under appreciation.
