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Nice Guy Syndrome



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Wehrmacht

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based on my limited understanding, i would imagine that women don't really want to date a man who ISN'T "nice", but rather that they want men who are assertive, confident, and mature and a lot guys who would simply describe themselves as "nice" don't fit the criteria (because really, you are probably kind of bland if that is the first adjective you'd describe yourself with)

it varies, some "nice guys" really are just nice guys who don't attract a lot of women because they don't have "swag", but a lot of "nice guys" just bitch about being friendzoned or whatever and they don't understand that women aren't really obligated to give them anything in return for it, they're self-centered and they just get more and more bitter because they don't understand that people can't help who they're attracted to, and for whatever reason a lot of the time that may not be you. it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you or her, just that you don't elicit the same reaction from her. however, if you don't make your intentions clear and are just hanging around them in hopes of getting laid, you're not really a friend, and you're not very nice. there isn't really such a thing as a friendzone imo unless you let there be one, if she's not interested you can just be like "bye" and go do your thing. it's blunt but it's much more honest and better for both parties in the long run.

i'm probably talking out of my ass here (at least partially) because my experiences with women are pretty much null, i've never had a girlfriend or any sort of romantic experience whatsoever. the only girl who's ever been interested in me was someone i knew from the internet ' 3', and i don't do online dating so that didn't work out. i've had feelings for women before but due to poor self-esteem and/or social awkwardness i never really did anything about it. dunno if i'd classify myself as a "nice guy" in that sense. i used to get sulky and bitter when i thought the lack of reciprocation was obvious (not because I felt like I was entitled to anything from them or because I felt that they were somehow at fault, but just a needlessly negative and emotional response), but i really don't anymore because i know that it doesn't mean anything bad about me as an individual.
 

Ðari

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You don't want a nice guy. You want a "kind gentleman".

Nice to me is just another adjective that explains a conditional facade in these case that men use to gain be it some passage, informal friendship, or some obvious ulterior motive.

Honestly, the nice guy is pretty much always "friendzoned" and constantly falls into that psychological pitfall of an inability to assert correctly (and effectively) which leads to a steady mindset of despondence, acceptance, and just serious lack of self-esteem/respect. Women are more critical in the sense they want an assertive, positive-matured, gentleman [their definition of "nice"] that knows how to treat and respect them as more than just conveniences or sexual windows.
 

Muse

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I've known a few guys with this mindset. It gets really tiring. No one's obligated to have a relationship with you just because you gave them a hug that one time when they were sad. And if you honestly think that you are owed something by being friends with someone, you need some help.
 

scubasteve

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based on my limited understanding, i would imagine that women don't really want to date a man who ISN'T "nice", but rather that they want men who are assertive, confident, and mature and a lot guys who would simply describe themselves as "nice" don't fit the criteria (because really, you are probably kind of bland if that is the first adjective you'd describe yourself with)

it varies, some "nice guys" really are just nice guys who don't attract a lot of women because they don't have "swag", but a lot of "nice guys" just bitch about being friendzoned or whatever and they don't understand that women aren't really obligated to give them anything in return for it, they're self-centered and they just get more and more bitter because they don't understand that people can't help who they're attracted to, and for whatever reason a lot of the time that may not be you. it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you or her, just that you don't elicit the same reaction from her. however, if you don't make your intentions clear and are just hanging around them in hopes of getting laid, you're not really a friend, and you're not very nice. there isn't really such a thing as a friendzone imo unless you let there be one, if she's not interested you can just be like "bye" and go do your thing. it's blunt but it's much more honest and better for both parties in the long run.

i'm probably talking out of my ass here (at least partially) because my experiences with women are pretty much null, i've never had a girlfriend or any sort of romantic experience whatsoever. the only girl who's ever been interested in me was someone i knew from the internet ' 3', and i don't do online dating so that didn't work out. i've had feelings for women before but due to poor self-esteem and/or social awkwardness i never really did anything about it. dunno if i'd classify myself as a "nice guy" in that sense. i used to get sulky and bitter when i thought the lack of reciprocation was obvious (not because I felt like I was entitled to anything from them or because I felt that they were somehow at fault, but just a needlessly negative and emotional response), but i really don't anymore because i know that it doesn't mean anything bad about me as an individual.

this is a good post. seven voldemorts out of 29 crunk booties
 

Nostalgia

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I'm gonna go out on a limb here and defend the nice guys who are suddenly antagonized for complaining about the friendzone.

For the real nice guys, it's not about getting laid. It sucks being friendzoned in general, but it's a lot worse when you have serious feelings for the girl. It's fair and justified to call bullshit on a situation when you're the one who treats her exactly how she claims she wants to be treated, and then she still goes for tall, dark, and douchey. She's not obligated to reciprocate your own feelings, but if she prefers to be emotionally abused over dating a guy who isn't necessarily her physical type, then she deserves all of the abuse, with zero sympathy whatsoever. I'm really getting tired of this societal norm that states that everything a girl ever does is justified because girls are more sensitive and their feelings always have to be taken into account. Guys are just pigs, so pay them no mind. That's the consensus on this issue, and it's beyond ridiculous. Being friendzoned is an issue, and girls are to blame for it because the vast majority of them cry and weep when douchey doesn't treat them properly, which they have no right to do if they only chose him only for his looks or athletic appeal. So while they can't force themselves to have feelings for their 'friends', I don't see the value in attacking the guys who have just had their figurative hearts stomped on again and again, wondering why they can't just get a break. I'll never be a sexist because I know that not every girl falls into this category, but I have no respect for the ones who do.
 

Muse

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Heartless Bitches International - "Nice Guys = BLEAH!"

This is relevant.

There is a difference between being a nice guy and being nice. A nice guy is someone who, typically, only befriends a girl because he wants her sweet gams. Someone who is nice is, well, pleasant and kind. There is a difference between the two.
 

Superschlock

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Unfortunately, I fall exactly into the category of the nice guy mentioned on Wikipedia. When I really like a girl, I just end up being friendly and trying to get to know them better, though apparently most girls don't like to start relationships off that way. But it's not some clever ploy to get with them, I genuniely want to know them and am just trying to show that I am a, well, nice guy.
 

Nostalgia

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Heartless Bitches International - "Nice Guys = BLEAH!"

This is relevant.

There is a difference between being a nice guy and being nice. A nice guy is someone who, typically, only befriends a girl because he wants her sweet gams. Someone who is nice is, well, pleasant and kind. There is a difference between the two.

Actually, I do agree with this. Although I didn't mention it before, I'm not defending guys who pretend to be nice just so they can get ass.
 

Jesus

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This whole nice guy thing makes you wish that a guy could just go straight up to a girl and be like "you seem nice and I wanna kupo you". I would pay to see that.

Of course that might get boring after the first few hundred guys
 

scubasteve

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i agree that it is kind of insulting to a girl to befriend her and then when you find out she is not interested you end the friendship. the thought has never crossed my mind, mainly because girls don't turn me down hahaa, but also because if i'm into a girl, it doesn't take me very long to let them know. it's silly to sit and wait and expect things to happen. but i've seen people do this to girls, and it's really childish. but i also agree that there are legitimately good guys who get screwed over. there are also legitimately good girls who get screwed over. everyone gets screwed over. bad things are going to happen in life, but it's not the things that happen to us that define us. it's the choices we make. it's how we react to these hardships. you can either rise above them, or you can succumb to them. the choice is yours, idiot.
 

Taylor

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^went out and had sexual relations with at least three women and other assorted minorties because of this post you can all do it too if you just had the mindset :/
 

Taylor

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just realaized i misread the point of the post so now i have to be a father


thanks steve enjoy your nega-rep :/
 

Zul

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i'm a nice guy, i'll show you a real tunnel snake









(removed and explained below)
 
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stephaknee

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I don't think the nice guys that the article and wiki page refer to consciously fake being nice to get into someone's pants. I have encountered this first hand; nice guys feel like they deserve the girl simply for being nice and then blame her when she is not interested and end the friendship. Someone that I thought was a very close friend essentially called me a whore because I started dating his friend and it irritates me to no end.

And the distinction between "jerks" and "nice people" isn't so black and white. Jerks are often very charming. It's not like men are being emotionally abusive to these women on the first date; it is something that slowly creeps in on you. And abusive relationships are /very/ hard to get out of. Yes, girls in those situations do complain to friends, guys and girls, about how awful their boyfriend is. But ending the relationship is often not an option. This does not make anyone a slut, stupid, a bitch, a cunt. It makes them vulnerable.
 

Nyangoro

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I can kind of agree with his article to a certain extent, I suppose.

I imagine that there are "nice guys" who are exactly as he describes.

However, it seems to me that he uses generalizations to describe what "nice guys" want just as often as he says that said "nice guys" use generalizations to describe what women want.

Hell, he even goes so far as to imply that the entire motive for the guy to be "nice" is so that she will reward him with sex; which says, to me at least, that he thinks that sex is all that men think about. It's like he goes out of his way to defend women (who almost seem to be made out to be victims of some grand emotional ploy) when "nice guys" could be defended in largely similar ways.

But who knows, this could just be me being defensive, since I also view myself as a "nice guy." However, I guarantee that I don't act nice simply so that I can snag some pussy. I act nice because I think that's, in general, a really good way to treat people; and because I value emotional intimacy more than physical intimacy.

Yes, there are a select few guys out there who actually value the emotional more than the physical :p
 

Ophan

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The Nice Guy Syndrome....lol

At one point in my teenage life i had that very self centered thought that because i did something nice, i deserved something in return, though necessarily it had nothing to do with nabbing pussy. Later in my life i just mellowed out and came to reality that i'm generally nice when in physical (face to face) contact with people, but not so much when it comes to my thoughts. Like an actual human being i've made advances for sexual favors, i've had dirty thoughts, and i've flirted just to flirt and nothing more. I've turned down women who may have been perfect for me, and have fawned over women that i perceived as sexy, and would have never shown to my mother. That's not to say that i don't have a side to me that wants a real relationship, as i have in fact gone the romantic route not looking for anything entirely sexual, but seeking something or someone that would make me happy in the long term...and this is me being brutally honest. I purely accept the ugly, alongside the beautiful, and the bad among the good, and i've yet to meet anyone who perfectly eclipsed one side over the other even if they say they do.

In return, i've received the same bullshit attitudes (that i too may have given) from women whereas they didn't want a relationship, chose a complete douche over me, or they flirted just to flirt, etc. etc. And quite honestly i'm perfectly fine with it. Not that sometimes it doesn't make me sad, but again i've come to terms with the reality of the world.

If you feel like you're a nice guy (which you might as well just drop that title) just understand that it's possible to get fucked over even for people who aren't so nice. Shit happens and later on you learn to deal with it.
 

Nutari

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I tend to fall into the "nice guy" catagory. But it isn't as glorious as it would seem. Nice guys get a) left overs from thier friends (gross) or b) crazy chicks who shouldn't be allowed to think about a guy. I feel as if I am a step above nice. MOre gentlemanly at times, but I occasionally feel as if I am just a "nice boy". Vs, a "nice guy"
 
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