Okay, so before you go and judge me, take a good read, and then make your mind up whether or not I'm an attention whore.
Okay so in the past week or so, I've been thinking of what has happened to me in the last year and a half.
First and definitely most important, I graduated high school, and that was the most important to me. Secondly, I've been productive in my writing, and graphic design, and that too is something that makes me happy. Now here is where the bad part kicks in. The final thing that happened to me this year and ahalf was that I got my heart broken and not yet healed from it.
It was in the winter of 09, and I was "dating" this girl that I met through my sister, and everything was great. To be frankly honest, I thought that I found someone who really understood me, and really got me - and I did. Even though that was true, there was one bad thing with all of this: her Ex. She was going through mixed feelings for her EX and I. Your probably thinking I was the rebound or something. So, yeah that might of been true, but I really didn't care at the time. It wasn't until one horrible night that she informed me that she was pregnant with his child. And right then and there, I was totally crushed. It was then that I felt so lost, and had no perspective of anything. It was at this time of my life that I came to terms that life wasn't worth living and all that crap.
It's been over a year since all of that has happened, and even to this very day, I still think of the sorrow and despair she put me through, and I'm even thinking of the very thing that scared my whole family to death, and not to mention all of my friends(those i felt comfortable telling, anyways). Just yesterday, I found myself going through my dresser for a knife that I keep in there for protection just in case someone tries to break in or something xD. I always come so close to cutting my wrist, but I always chicken out at the last second. But I fear that, one day I might actually cut my wrist, and I'm scared to death about the consequenses, and what they might hold for my family and friends. I love them all very much, and I always have to put on a "mask" of sorts to just keep them from asking question after question about if I'm alright or not.
What I'm really asking is that, am I going crazy or something? To tell the truth, I'm really lost.
Okay so in the past week or so, I've been thinking of what has happened to me in the last year and a half.
First and definitely most important, I graduated high school, and that was the most important to me. Secondly, I've been productive in my writing, and graphic design, and that too is something that makes me happy. Now here is where the bad part kicks in. The final thing that happened to me this year and ahalf was that I got my heart broken and not yet healed from it.
It was in the winter of 09, and I was "dating" this girl that I met through my sister, and everything was great. To be frankly honest, I thought that I found someone who really understood me, and really got me - and I did. Even though that was true, there was one bad thing with all of this: her Ex. She was going through mixed feelings for her EX and I. Your probably thinking I was the rebound or something. So, yeah that might of been true, but I really didn't care at the time. It wasn't until one horrible night that she informed me that she was pregnant with his child. And right then and there, I was totally crushed. It was then that I felt so lost, and had no perspective of anything. It was at this time of my life that I came to terms that life wasn't worth living and all that crap.
It's been over a year since all of that has happened, and even to this very day, I still think of the sorrow and despair she put me through, and I'm even thinking of the very thing that scared my whole family to death, and not to mention all of my friends(those i felt comfortable telling, anyways). Just yesterday, I found myself going through my dresser for a knife that I keep in there for protection just in case someone tries to break in or something xD. I always come so close to cutting my wrist, but I always chicken out at the last second. But I fear that, one day I might actually cut my wrist, and I'm scared to death about the consequenses, and what they might hold for my family and friends. I love them all very much, and I always have to put on a "mask" of sorts to just keep them from asking question after question about if I'm alright or not.
What I'm really asking is that, am I going crazy or something? To tell the truth, I'm really lost.