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Now, normally I would just post this in the OOC/signups, however all this talk of a critique thread and such made me want to see what people thought of it first. Said RP I've been working on is fantasy/science fiction sorta deal. So~ I'd like someone to put it under a critical microscope.
Spoiler Show"Long, long ago...When this world was just made, there was a strong god
called 'Hyne'."
"And, and..."
"This god was very, very strong, but after fighting a lot of monsters, he
became very tired."
"So he made 'people' like you and me to do all the work, and the god went to
sleep."
"So he took a nap?"
"That's right. However, the god was very surprised when he awoke. Surprised
that there were so many people."
"Yeah, there are so many people in this world."
"Hyne decided to reduce the number of people by taking away the children."
"You mean...children like me...?"
"Uh huh. Scary, isn't it? ...Of course, everyone was scared then, too."
"And so, the battle against Hyne began. Even though the people were small,
they all got together, and finally cornered him."
"Wow!"
"Hyne didn't know what to do. Out of desperation, he gave half of his body
to the people and ran off with the remaining other half."
"He can do that?"
"Well, he was a god. Anyway, it turns out Hyne tricked the people."
"The half that Hyne ran away with was the half that had the stronger magic."
"Wow...So we still can't find the other half that ran away???"
"Hmmm...It might be close by, actually. It might even be watching you."
Thats the story I heard as a young child. A story as old as time itself. Adults would tell the tale to scare young children, thinking nothing of it. Little did they know that the so called myth they were telling was not as far fetched as they thought. For you see... Hyne is all too real.
But to truly understand Hyne you must know a bit more regarding his motives. Apparently it was Hyne's job on this planet to maintain an order of peace and serenity. At first, he thought to do this by creating an army of monsters too serve as his strong arm. It is unknown as to how he created them, but he did, and immediately he realized his mistake. The monsters were out of control, and their numbers were staggering. Hyne tried to amend this lax in judgment himself, taking on the daunting task of eliminating the monsters. Centuries passed, and he was barely able to lower the monster's population to a fraction of what it once was. This took a tool on his body, and he knew he had to rest. However there was still work to be done. And so using some of his own power he created humans, after-wards falling into a deep sleep.
4000 years later he awoke, and was shocked. The humans had expanded far beyond his estimates. For some reason this caused great fear and distress to him. He couldn't have anything be more impressive than he was, no matter what. In order to lower the human's population he began to strike at their future, the children. What he was meet with was a strong united force from them. He was defeated, and close to death. As a last resort he detached half of his body as sacrifice and fled.
It's been about 5000 years since then, and humanity has changed greatly since then. Countries have risen, some have grown while others vanished. Great leaps in science and magic have been made, and the result is a near Utopian society. However not all is right in the world, terrorist attacks have been made on government installations, and there are rumors of a cultist group which tells of the coming of a new god...