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HELLO TO ALL MY AWAITING PEOPLE!
I first wanna apologize for not posting the Zexion story sooner...T^T
(Sorry if this isn't good,I had a hard time figuring out a story for Zexion. -_-)
Well...HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!
Zexion flipped another page. He carefully studied all the different spells and illusions spelled out in the Lexicon. He was so into the Lexicon that he didn't notice two people come up behind him. He didn't notice the brown bag that was raised above his head. Then thh brown bag was pulled over him.
"What the--" Zexion couldn't finish his sentence. The bag was securely knotted at the top. Zexion kicked and screamed. A hard kick in the ribs silenced him. All Zexion could do was sit quite and be dragged to where ever. What the hell is this?! Some kind of stupid prank? When I get out of here,I'm going to-- Zexion's thoughts were shattered when the bag was un-tied and Zexion was flung out. He landed on his stomach and bumped his chin.
"Oww...." Zexion grumbled. He sat up and rubbed his chin. He glanced around at his suroundings and gasped. He was in a dim room. The walls were covered in dark wallpaper and the floor was black carpet. In front of him,was a huge flat screen t.v and words were moving up on the screen. Next to the t.v,was a coffe table,and on it was a microphone. Oh,heck no...
"Hey,Zexion! You made it!" Zexion stood up and gasped. Grinning from ear to ear,was Axel. He held the microphone.
"W-what the hell are you doing here?!" Zexion asked. Axel laughed.
"I'm here to show off my wonderful voice of course! Got it memorized?" Axel handed the microphone to Zexion,but Zexion backed away.
"No way,Axel. No way," Zexion backed into a couch and sat down. He shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest. He rocked back and forth. He hated karoke. He had enough bad expirences as a teen. Enough that it scared him away from karoke. Axel came toward him.
"Are you seriously scared of singing? It's okay! You can just go last!"
"I don't wanna go at all!"
"Eh,whatever!" Axel shrugged it off and took the microphone. Then,a door to the left of Zexion opened. Larxene,Xion,Roxas,Demyx,and Xigbar filed in. They said hello to Zexion and took a seat next to him. Zexion's eyes widened and he stared at the other organization members next to him. Larxene flicked him in the head.
"What's wrong with you?" Larxene asked. Zexion didn't say anything and just covered his face with his hands. Xion tapped Larxene on the shoulder.
"Is he okay? What's wrong with Zexion?" She inquired. Larxene shrugged and turned to face Axel,who started to sing in a cracked voice.
"Oh,my god! TELL HIM TO SHUT UP!" Larxene demanded,covering her ears. Demyx and Roxas laughed and Axel turned the volume up. He started dancing and singing,then his foot got tangled up in the microphone cord and he fell. Everyone broke into laughter except Zexion,who was silent. Demyx came up next. He sang his favorite song,"Under the sea". Axel and Xion groaned. Zexion's ears perked up. He raised his head to look at Demyx,who sang in an annoying high-pitched voice. Zexion plugged his ears. Xigbar noticed him and laughed.
"See,Demyx? Zexion don't like your voice,either!" Zexion nodded. Demyx finished up his song and sat down,beaming.
Demyx's hopes when down and died. He started to cry. Xion and Xigbar glared at him.
"Dude,know why'd you have to go and--"
"YOU'RE A GREAT BIG EMO MEANIE HEAD!" Xion cried,hugging the crying Demyx. Zexion glared at Xion.
"AT LEAST I DON'T DIE AT THE END OF THE GAME!" Zexion countered. Silence. Larxene softly punched Zexion in the arm.
"Good job,"she whispered,"You got her back." She ruffled Zexion's blue hair and laughed. Xigbar stiffled his laughter,as so did Roxas and Axel. Xion turned beet red and ran out the room,sobbing.
"Weeell,she's out! Let's continue!" Larxene sneered and pushed Xigbar to the front.
"Oh,it's my turn? WOO!" Xigbar took the microphone and then started to sing in a wonderful oprea voice. Everyone was moved to tears. When Xigbar finished,everyone clapped.Even emo Zexion. Then Larxene came up.
"Oh,no...." Axel facepalmed himself. Zexion glanced at him.
"What's wrong?" Zexion inquired.
"Larxene's going to sing her FAVORITE song...."
"What is it?"
"Oh,no...." Larxene cranked the volume to high and started to sing. She sang horribly and she was high-pitched like Demyx. Zexion and Axel covered their ears. When she finished,she grinned and sat down. Zexion removed his hands and his ears were ringing. She turned to Zexion and in a sweet voice said," Your turn." Zexion shakily got to his feet and slowly made his way to the front. He took the microphone in shaky hands and chose the song "Apologize". He sang in a beautiful voice. When he finished,everyone clapped.
"Niice,Zexion! Better than Larxene!" Axel said,glancing over at Larxene. She glared at him and shocked him,burning his red hair. Everyone was happy,except Xigbar. He was crying.
"Xigbar! What's wrong?" Demyx asked. Between sobs,he said,"Zexion...THEY PLAYED THAT SONG WHEN MY MOM DIED!" Then he bolted out of the room,with Demyx following. Axel and Larxene broke into laughter,Zexion said nothing.
Umm... it was okay, I guess, but definitely nowhere near your best. There were some grammatical errors, punctuation errors, the description needs better flow, some of the characters could have been captured better and the humor lacked its usual appeal. As for the dialogue, it seemed to lack personality the majority of the time. Overall I can't honestly say that I enjoyed it to much.
I'm telling you this because I want you to able to see your mistakes...
You're far from a bad writer but you seem to be repeating the same mistakes over and over lately, look at my previous posts and keep them in mind while you write.
Grammatical Errors: Then thh brown bag was pulled over him. Next to the t.v,was a coffe table know why'd you have to go and--
If you look at my previous posts you'll see some of the punctuation errors that you make and a few of my suggestions for description and other stuff...
I'm pointing this stuff out because you have a huge amount of potential as a writer,you've written some magnificent stories before, you just need some refinement
It may seem harsh but would you rather me tell you that I thought it was good when I didn't really think that,
I understand that you may have had a hard time with Zexion's story, don't worry though it happens to every writer... I get writer's block all the time
Wow, talk about awkward. Leave it to Zexion to pick the one song that was played at Xigbar's mother's funeral. Oh well, you live, you learn. Anyway, good job, and I look forward to more. I would really love to see a Lexeaus story next.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I've waited so long for you to write stories about the others! Cannot describe my level of excitement. If you need ideas for the remaining members (who are they though? I've lost track), I will be perfectly glad to help