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Fanfiction ► Short Stories about Orgie XIII



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AxelYoYo

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Hey ya'll. This story's been off for several MONTHS( yess,yeess, I know) but I'm getting back to it. Since Hamster Lord motivated me(thank you!), I'm happy enough to want to write these stories again. And without further ado...

~Lexeaus's Story~


Saix entered the Grey Room, his eyes fixtated on the big eye sitting in the corner of the room, his back against the glass window. He looked like he could break it- and he could've, if he sta any longer. The new member saw Saix under his hood and got up, his heavy hands making a low THUD as he stood up. Man, he was big. Needed to lose some dang weight.... The new member went up to Saix and saw that he towered over him. Saix looked up at him with no emotion on his face. He scribbled something on his clipboard and said,"You. Give me your name."

"Er...shouldn't you know that?" the member asked, raising an eyebrow. Saix's eyes turned stone cold.

"Yes I do, you idiot. I just need you to tell me it, so I know you know your own name," Saix explained. The new member gulped. Stupid head....,he thought.

"Um...Lexeaus,sir." the big guy said, removing his hood. Lexeaus had light brown hair styled into jagged spikes on his head, all pointed in one direction. His face was pointed and straight and his brown eyes were looking down on Saix.

"Me and you are going to be training together. My rules are as followed;
One, do not piss me off. Two, follow everything I say. Three,you screw up, I will whack you with my huge sword and four, you mention the names Axel,Demyx,or Xigbar, I will rip you to shreds. Got all that?" Saix said in a smooth, quick voice. Lexeaus wondered why the guy didn't laugh at his own words. God, he was so uptight! Lexeaus felt like cracking up right then and there, but he knew if he did, Saix would definintely kill him. Saix turned his attention to his side and raised his hand. A whirl of dark smoke appeared and Saix walked right into it. Lexeaus's widened and before Saix's arm went in as well, he grabbed it, yanking him out. Saix cried out in surprise and anger.

"What the hell are you doing!?" he cried out, yanking his arm free.

"Th-that black thing swallowed you up,sir!" Lexeaus said, pointing towards the disappearing smoke. Saix sighed with frustration and shook his head, covering his eyes. "That smoke was a portal, taking me and you,dimwit, to another world, where I'm training you." Saix said, holding his hand up again and the smoke appeared again.

"Oh," Lexeaus muttered and rubbed the back of his head. He felt like such an idiot. If his mother saw him like this right now...she would smack him across the head! Lexeaus didn't like the thought of that and so he followed Saix out the portal. He was starting to hate this uptight kind of man, slowly. He so bad wanted to ruin that...that stupid hair of his and laugh in his face about it. He wanted to crush him between his hands and throw him through the glass windows at the Castle.

The two men arrived in the Sandlot of Twilight Town, always completly deserted. Saix went over to one side of the field and brought his large,blue axe. Lexeaus stared at it with a bewildered stare. How had he done that?

"Saix...How'd you do that? Can I do that too?" he asked, wonderment in his voice. Saix rolled his eyes and nodded. Lexeaus puckered his lips and held out his own huge hand and shut his eyes tightly. For four minutes, he did this. Then he sighed and opened his eyes.

"Damn, I can't do it!" he cried in frustration. Saix scoffed loudly and put his own weapon away.

"Xemnas was right, you are a dimwit. You're all muscle and that's it. You don't have what it takes to be with us. You can't even summon your own weapon." Saix opened the portal once more and right before he left, Lexeaus snapped. He lunged at Saix.

"SUPER LEXY KICK!" he screamed, landing a kick in Saix's throat. He flew back, landing on his back in the sand. "Ugh...." he groaned. Before he could get up, Lexeaus prepared another attack.

"POWERPUFF LEXEAUS PUNCH!" Lexeaus landed three punches into Saix's bloodied face. Saix was freaked out now.

"Lex---"

"SHUT UP YOU UPTIGHT SMURF!" Lexeaus interupted. Saix's head flew back down as the Lexeaus slapped him across the face five times, saying,"SMACKITY,SMACKITY,SMACKITY!" Saix's throat was being held tightly by Lexeaus's and he had a hard time getting words out. Just in the nick of the time, on his last breath,he said,"I'M SORRY! YOU ARE NOT A DIMWIT AND YOU PASSED PRACTICE!" Saix rasped. Upon hearing this, Lexeaus removed his hands and jumped up and down, squealing in delight. Saix stared at him the whole time, his hand on his throat. Idiot....

"WOAH! THERE'S AN AXE IN MY HAND!" Lexeaus yelled in delight as a red and black axe appeared in his large hand. Saix got to his feet, woozy, but alive,just in time to get smacked across the face by the large axe. "Unh!" and he fell, bloodied and knocked out. Lexeaus took no notice, just swung his axe around happily.
 

Hamster Lord

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Hmm. Xaldin playing around in his room with his spears and destroying his room and cutting of some of his hair accidentally with the spears?
 

Dawn Rebirth

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0.0 I'm really sorry Yo-yo, but I honestly don't see how they acted in character at all. One, Lex is no where near an imbecile. Two, Saix doesn't loath Axel, Demyx sure (Xigbar not positive). Three, Lex joined the organization before Saix, he's even one of the founders. (The others being Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, and Zexion)

But as for detail, sure you did pretty well :)
 

Hamster Lord

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Yeah, but this is her story lol. She can make the characters as dumb or smart and as strong or weak as she wants and change the plot from the games a lot too.

Not trying to start a fight though
 

AxelYoYo

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I made it random cause well,last night, I was a bit deliorous from how tired I was. And cuz I like it this way.
 
D

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0.0 I'm really sorry Yo-yo, but I honestly don't see how they acted in character at all. One, Lex is no where near an imbecile. Two, Saix doesn't loath Axel, Demyx sure (Xigbar not positive). Three, Lex joined the organization before Saix, he's even one of the founders. (The others being Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, and Zexion)

This pretty much sums up what I have too say about the organization member's behavior. Lexaeus is a deep thinker and one of the first 3 organization members, he's a founder and far from a dimwit. Maybe try re-going over the organization member's backgrounds. I can't honestly say that I liked this one that much.

I'm saying stuff about the org member's behavior because in the past short stories you were true to each member's personality in one or the other and played off of their personalities well. Like when you had Saix acting like a dog when near Xemnas.

It seems like you rushed the story too me, I know you can write much better.

I know, it sounds like I'm being harsh. But I'm only saying it because I know that you're a fantastic writer.

On the positive side, I did like some of the things you added to Lexaeus like his attacks XD It was like seeing Lexaeus come out of shell.
 
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TwilightRiku_13

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Okay, I really didn't like that one. I mean, the detail was good, but the characterization was all wrong. Lexeaus is not an idiot and does not act like that, and Saix is cold and heartless, but how he came off was really screwed up. I did like the ass-kicking that Lexeaus gave Saix though; that made me laugh.
 

KingdomKey

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Your story's are hilarious! Every time I read one I find myself laughing. So good job and keep it up, also your a great writer. :)
 
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