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frisson

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and I happen to be in love with my best friend but I sincerely wish I wasn't because he's like a brother to me and I told him because I'm pretty courage like that and felt he deserved to know and now we barely talk but it's mainly me keeping my distance because I feel he's only trying to be nice to me and I can understand the awkward letdown you might feel when you realise the bro that had your back was really just staring at your arse. But it's not like that. I just feel it'd sound like bullshit if I tried to put it any other way. He was the only one I could vent to, share my real problems with, and vice versa. But this time he was the problem, and I had nobody else to tell but him. He might have shared it with my other good mate (I don't blame him), who coincidentally hates homosexuals. Really, a lot of my friends do, and when they find out that'll probably be it for me. I personally don't like it myself, I've tried dating girls, hoping I'd eventually find the one I'd fall in love with, but nothing. I don't want to make gay friends because I've never liked a single gay person I've ever met. I cringe at the notion of "gay pride". I feel like I've been denied something so critical to my life.

inb4 "cool story bro" and "well they're not your real friends if they won't like who you are hurr" I know them, they've been there for me, for things admittedly less "worse" than this. They might accept it, but it won't be the same afterward. Obviously. But I'm just saying I wish things didn't have to change, I wish I at least had control of this one thing.

oh well dats the beauty of lifee it doesnt go da way we plan hohoho
fuck you.


plus it's also going to suck because "faggot" was one of my favourite pay-outs and you know what fuck it I'm still going to use it.
 
S

Shadow Soldier

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Re: So I'm Gay

Ok, so what's your problem?

Fuck kid, you're 18, you honestly think you're not going to find someone out there? You talk as if you'll never find true love.
 

New2Ya

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Re: So I'm Gay

Based on my experience in life in general, people are never the same. So I guess you shouldn't be worried about not meeting any guys that you find attractive AND are gay. They exist. Hell, everything exists.

As for that friend, you brought yourself in a tough situation dude. First off, you told him something that you knew would change things for you. He is pretty cool about it, yet you can't deal with it now. So yeah, you can do as you please in this case. Sacrifice your friendship because you're scared that things will be different, or deal with the fact that you made that decision and see where it leads.

He is cool about it, that's a fact, as far as I can see. And that's what matters most, no? Those other friends are not friends if they don't accept you the way you are. Period. If he is your friend, which he really seems to be based on his reaction, he will support you.

My advice? Don't think too much and just go meet up with him and talk about it. Tell him you really feel awkward now and don't want things to change and make clear to him that his behind is not the center of attention for you. Just make a little joke, tell him that you were scared he'd think that. Be honest in this case. He'll be able to take it, for sure.
It seems that this friendship won't break because of this. But it's your decision whether to take action or not. It's not his decision to make, he has already tried to reach out to you.

It's your turn.
 

Dogenzaka

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Re: So I'm Gay

I can understand the awkward letdown you might feel when you realise the bro that had your back was really just staring at your arse.
I admit, I laughed.

I can understand that this would be awkward for both of you, and honestly, if it'd been me, I would have just swallowed my secret and held the burden myself rather than risk upsetting my friend.

But now that it's been done, I guess the best you can hope for is for him to understand you and your feelings, and hopefully you try to reserve your feelings to yourself and respect his space and try not to do anything too creepy while you're around him in order to keep him comfortable. If he could still be friends with you, and if you could respect his space in midst of your attraction to him, I don't see why the both of you couldn't still be friends (awkward as it may be).

I'm sorry I don't have better advice.

I personally don't like it myself, I've tried dating girls, hoping I'd eventually find the one I'd fall in love with, but nothing. I don't want to make gay friends because I've never liked a single gay person I've ever met. I cringe at the notion of "gay pride". I feel like I've been denied something so critical to my life.

This is really deep, and I'd imagine it would be how a gay Christian might feel.
The best I can say is that, whoever you're supposed to be with, is out there even if you don't see them when you're only 18 years old. Chances are, girls and guys at this age aren't mature enough to understand your situation or anything. I'd wait until you find some friends who are willing to cope with your feelings and problems, and you might even find a girl who is willing to take you as you are.
 
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