....
Yeah, first off, I might as well say that all the characters seem really OOC, none more so than the Dog. Though I know writing fanfics IC is hard for some, so I won't dwell on that.
Second, your grammer and spelling are atrocious. Momentarily skipping over normal rules, you need to capitalize more, such as Sight and See and Wall and Dog and Life and Death, in accordance to Garth Nix. Then there's normal spelling mistakes, like Saraneth, peril, and fate. And grammer, like adding commas and apostrophes. And then author mistakes, like writing a number instead of the whole word or using cheap shortcuts like b/c.
Last but never least, is flow. You have very little Sometimes- actually, a lot -I couldn't understand your sentences at all. I tried re-reading them, but they're so screwed up it's a wonder the others can.
And don't use the word okay. It's purely an Ancelstierrian expression, not used in the Old Kingdom or by any of its inhabitants, whether they be human or a free-willed blend of Charter and Free Magic ((note the capitals?)).
I guess it's not the worst plot idea I've seen though, but a good plot without good everything else is like the sound of a bell-ring without Saraneth to summon it and compell readers into liking.
Eh ... this isn't a personal attack, I swear. *hugs her Abhorsen Trilogy protectively*
