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Fanfiction ► The Articles of Literacy



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Thelonepickle

I don't like bugs!
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
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THELONEPICKLE PRESENTS:

The Articles of Literacy

Brought to you in astounding Technicolour!

You don't have to read it all, just the parts you want to learn about. I'm assuming that you came here to learn; not to tell me that you're not going to read it all the way through. So, have fun and learn somethin'.

Table of Contents:
INTRO: Pickle's Scared
System Requirements for Literacy
Warning
Grammar: Commas
Grammar: Periods
Grammar: Quotation Marks

Grammar: Apostrophes
Grammar: Colons and Semi-colons
Grammar: Spacing
Grammar: Capitalization
Grammar: Contractions and Other Tricky Words.
Grammar: Prepositions--Remembering the Scorpion.
Grammar: Question Marks and Exclamation Points.
Grammar: ARE... AND IS. New!
Word Choice: Adjectives and Adverbs
Word Choice: Replacements For "Said"
Word Choice: Common Mistakes
Word Choice: Pronouns, Nouns
Recap: The Anatomy of the Sentence
Skill Building (RP): Kissing Asterisks Goodbye (and other Writing Crutches)
Skill Building (FanFiction): Script Style: BAD. Updated!
Skill Building (Both): Mary Sue? Gary Stu?
Role Playing Etiquette
Grammar Dictionary. Or a link to a good one. XP

INTRODUCTION: Pickle's Scared
Okay. I've been lookin' around the fanfiction forum, and lookin' around the Roleplaying section, and I gotta tell you: I'm scared. It's getting REALLY freaky around these places, and I'm not talkin' about the Mods.

I'm talking about the illiteracy.

((OMG PLEASE DUN BAN ME I WAS KIDDING!!11BBQ!OPACTIYAT25%!!!loL!))

Ahem. Seriously! It's scary! I have actually seen posts much like the following. But in an rp.

i have sene tipos like this in rl life.4 u 2 udnerstadn how bad it is,u shud tyr 2 imagine this in an rp.scary,no?

^THAT, my friends, is NOT roleplaying or WRITING at all. THAT is the manifestation of laziness and lack of creativity in our world today. Would you want to make awesome videogames for these people? No? Me neither. So, I'm gonna explain a few things on grammar. Call it spam! Call it unhelpful! Call it Barbera! I have to get this off my chest.
System Requirements For Literacy:
  • Shift key.​
  • Backspace.​
  • Spell Check (possibly).​
  • Period key. Lookah's like this: .​
  • Comma key: ,​
  • Apostrophe key: '​
  • Quotation marks: "​
  • SPACE BAR. IT'S YOUR BEST FRIEND NOW.​
  • ENTER. It says: ENTER.​
  • A brain. <--If you are not sure whether or not you have one, you OBVIOUSLY DON'T. GO FIND YOUR MOMMY AND ASK HER WHY SHE HATES YOU.​
WARNING:
I DON'T LIKE SCRIPT STYLE. I DON'T LIKE ASTERISKS. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ANY OF THE THINGS IN THIS GUIDE, DON'T FLAME ME. I'M WARNING YOU HERE AND NOW THAT THERE MIGHT BE THINGS IN THIS GUIDE THAT YOU DON'T LOVE.
Grammar: Commas.
Alright. Now that we're past that introduction thing, we can get started. We'll begin with commas. Commas are your friend. You need them. A lot. They can conjoin sentences, seperate adjectives, and they really help you to make things clear and wonderfully scented. Here are some rules about commas.​
  1. There is one space after a comma. Watch. "She left the room, wishing that she had remembered her Noodle Costume. Now, she had to wear a pink dress."
  2. If you have two adjectives, you seperate them with commas. "She was a tall, ugly pumpkin-face." Like that. Adjectives = Describing words. Pretty, ugly, short, tall, foolish. Stuff like that.
  3. If you are listing things in a sentence, use commas. "I need water, food, space suits, oxygen, and lots of slim-jims for my trip to the moon." The comma before the and is not always necessary, but we like it there.
  4. If you are joining two sentences, there is ALWAYS a comma before the conjunction! EX: "I need a car, but I don't need keys." "I need a car, and I need keys." "I need a car, so I'll need keys." See? Conjunctions: And, but, so, etc.
  5. Look at the following sentence. "You will need a suitcase when packing." Say you don't like that. You could change it to: "When packing, you will need a suitcase." The thing is, you HAVE to have that comma there. Otherwise, it would be, "When packing you will need a suitcase", which, if you read without that distinct pause, will cause you to collapse from talking too fast.
  6. INTERJECTIONS: "Wow, I didn't expect that!" "Well, that's really annoying." "Look, I've got nothing to say." <--The first words are all examples of interjections. Wow, well, and Look. You need a comma after an interjection, UNLESS THE INTERJECTION IS A SEPARATE SENTENCE. You usually do that when showing more emotion. EX: "Wow! I didn't expect that!"
  7. NAMES: If you're writing a name in the sentence, you may have to use a comma. "Sora, I don't want to hear it!" "I don't want to hear it, Sora!" "Listen, Sora, I don't want to hear it." You'll have to use a comma depending on where you put the name. Just remember that. It will save you someday. NOTE: Do NOT use it in cases like these: "Sora looked beyond the horizon." You'll end up saying, "Sora, looked beyond the horizon," which doesn't make any sense in any country. Anywhere.
  8. When describing something. Look: "Sora, a young boy from Destiny Islands, didn't notice his shorts were too short until an old man told him." Or "A young boy from Destiny Islands, Sora, didn't notice his shorts were too short until an old man told him." Get it? Got it? Good.
  9. When linking fragments, you do NOT use a comma. "His sword and his shield would help him." "His sword" is NOT a sentence by itself, so you do NOT use a comma before the and for it. Pretty simple. "His sword would help him, and his shield would aid him as welll." Both are sentences, so you have the comma before the and. Again: Pretty simple.
That's all on Commas. Congratulations.

Grammar: Periods
No stupid jokes, please. >_< We're talking about GRAMMAR here, not something..else. Anyway. Grammar rules. I didn't think I'd have to say this, but apparently, I do. I've already gotten some stupid messages about it.
  1. Spaces: There are two spaces after a period. "He spoke to me. I never wanted to eat cheese again." Two spaces.
  2. This is just kind of a "Pickle Rule". You dun have to take this one to heart, but you SHOULD. If your character is talking, and they pause, and you want to add a few dots... Use three. "I only have nothing........Nothing belongs to me." THAT MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR MY EYES OUT. Three is good. Three is nice. Anymore, and the periods are gonna go on strike. It'll be scary. We'll be all run-ons, all the time.

    EDIT: According to GuardianofHearts, it IS grammatically correct to use three periods in between sentences, but when ending with them, you use four. Looky.

    "I spoke...To him...." <--GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT.
  3. Short choppy sentences are not always good. If you're writing stuff like this: "He went to the ball game. He didn't score a point. He was upset. His mother disowned him.", you might as well conjoin a few sentences, right? "He went to the ball game, but he didn't score a point. He was uspet; his mother disowned him." See? Much nicer. Just a note.
  4. Don't be afraid to STOP the sentence. Run-ons are BAD. Too long of a sentence, and people will HATE you. "Waiting in line, he sat around for a while, and wishing that he had a dog to eat, the boy realized something; he hated how long this sentence was, and he wanted to kill it, so he bought a dog, ate it, and ended the sentence, but it will go on, because I really want you to die right now." <--BAD. Not actually ILLEGAL, but it SHOULD BE. So there.
That's all for "dots". Pat yourself on the back.

Grammar: Quotation Marks
Quotation marks seem to be tricky for some people. Whether it's in a fanfiction or in a roleplay, I'm seeing some big mistakes.

"He stopped liking the seaweed from that day forth. "Turning around, he left.
^This is wrong. This is wrong because quotation marks must WRAP around the sentence. Your comma and period spacing rules still apply, but this time, you have quotation marks before (or maybe after) the spaces. Here, I'll show you an example.

Red: Bad.
Green: Good. ((Thank Pickles XP))

" I wish you would let me clip those hedges, mother! "The boy said.

"I wish you would let me clip those hedges, mother!" The boy said.

See how the quotation marks stick to the beginning and end of a sentence like tape? Yes. Very good. At the end of an out-loud sentence, you space ONLY AFTER THE QUOTATION MARKS.

This has been a very short section. Enjoy. :3
Grammar: Apostrophes
Apostrophes are really very interesting. As in: I hate them. They're annoying. There're two in this "paragraph" right now. I don't know why I said that. Well, here is the main thing you have to know about apostrophes.​

Use apostrophes when conjoining words. There are + Apostrophe = There're. Winter is + Apostrophe = Winter's. A lot of people make the mistake of confusing plural words with this stuff. For instance: He found the magic lamp's. That's wrong. That's like saying: He found the magic lamp is. They meant "lamps". Another example would be: Soras gonna kill you. You just said that there are more Soras then we knew about, and they are going to kill you. You meant to say: "Sora's gonna kill you." As in: "Sora is gonna kill you." See? It's pretty simple if you break down what you're trying to say.

EDIT: Brought to my attention that:

I didn't REALLY mention POSSESSIVES! Easier to say than it is to spell. XP
Okay.

Possessives are like this. Sora's dog. It's a dog that belongs to Sora. Her name is Kairi. >_>

"Sora's a dog". <--You just said, "Sora IS a dog."

"Sora's dog." <--The dog that belongs to Sora.

"Sora's a dog." <---Sora IS a dog.

"Soras dog." <--Mulitple Soras and something to do with a dog. That is not a sentence.

Repeat this, now. POSSESSIVES ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS AS PLURALS. POSSESSIVES ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS AS PLURALS!

As you saw above, "Soras dog" is NOT the same thing as "Sora's dog".

There can be plural possessives, however, so watch.

The friends' dogs. If it's plural and/or ends in an S, you put an apostrophe AFTER the S. Not before, like with singular-non-essy- possessives.
Ex: Sora's dog. Roxas' dog. The friends' dog. Get it? Got it? Good.

Roxas's dog= Roxas is dog. Not gud.
Roxas' dog= The dog that belongs to Roxas- *cougcoughPencecoughcough*

Another short section. Have fun with those.
Grammar: Colons and Semi-colons
First, we'll start out with the colons. If you're making a list of things, you can sometimes use a colon. For instance: "He needed the following: Logs, mushrooms, a fire extinguisher, and a muffin tin." Perfectly acceptable. Other times, you'll have a dramatic character who wants to be taken seriously. "Remember this: I am not on your side." Also acceptable.

":" <--Colon.
The other thing you need to know about colons is this: There are two spaces after them. Also, make sure that you capitalize the first letter after a colon. That's about it on them.

Semi-colons are a way of conjoining sentences. ";" <--Semi-colon. For instance. You have three sentences: "It annoyed him, and neither of the two were happy. His mother grounded him. He didn't like it." With semi-colons, it turns into this. "It annoyed him, and neither of the two were happy. His mother grounded him; he didn't like it."

That's probably as far as you'll need to go into semi-colons around here. So, don't worry.

You just wrapped up colons and semi-colons.

Grammar: Spacing
This is basically a recap-section on spaces.

One space after a comma.
Two spaces after a period.
Two spaces after a colon.
One space after a semi-colon.
Quotation marks before spaces at the end of speaking sentences.
No spacing in between quotation marks and the sentence.

That's about it. ^-^ Be happy.
Grammar: Capitalization

Here are the things you capitalize.​
  • The word "I".
  • Names.
  • Titles, if they do NOT have a "the" before him. "Mother, Father." "The mother, the father."
  • The first word in a sentence.
  • If your quoted sentence ends with an exclamation point, period, or question mark, you capitalize the 'Said he', "She said", etc.
  • The first word in the title of something, but do NOT capitalize "of, the, a," etc. unless THEY are the first word in the title.
That's the end of the Capitalization sect.

Grammar: Contractions and Other Tricky Words
Contractions are words like: They're. They were mentioned briefly in the "Apostrophes" section.

Some common contractions:
Couldn't = Could not.
Wouldn't = Would not.
Shouldn't = Should not.
Shan't = Shall not.
Can't = Can not (Cannot).
Won't = Will not.

What do they all have in common?! AN APOSTROPHE IN BETWEEN THE N AND T. Say it now. "Between the N and T!" "Between the N and T!" PLEASE remember this. It makes my eye twitch when people don't. >_<

Homonyms: Words that sound the same but are spelled differently and mean different things.

Here: To BE somewhere. "I am here."
Hear: To HEAR something with your EARS. "I hear ya!"
There: Look there!
Their: That's their dog!
They're: They're looking for the dog!
Hare: A bunny rabbit like creature.
Hair: Dead skin cells pushing out of your scalp and head-like thing. Get it?
Where: Refers to a place. "Where are you?"
Wear: Wear this, please. Or "I'm going to wear it out if I wear this necklace too much!"

Get it? Make sure you're using the RIGHT word, okay?

THIS IS THE END OF THE GRAMMAR SECTION. I WILL POST MORE WHEN IT IS NOT ELEVEN THIRTY P.M. Got it? Get it? Good. >_>

Sorry if this was boring, but it really does help. You don't have to read everything; just the stuff that applies to your weaknesses. Have fun.​

Update: 04/16/06

Grammar: Prepositions-- Remembering the Scorpion​

The scorpion ran _______ the cactus.

Under, over, into, around, inside, outside, etc. Just remember the scoripion and the cactus.

Grammar: Question Marks and Exclamation Points.​
Just a few rules here. First: ONE WILL BE FINE. You need no more. If you want to show a lot of emotion, don't post: "OH MY GOSH HE DIED!!!!!" said Marie." Post: "Oh my gosh, he died!" Marie cried out.

"Are you telling me that you want a divorce?????" Romeo said. <--Wrong.

"Are you telling me that you want a divorce?" Romeo asked, shocked and confused.

After an interjection, as previously mentioned, you may decide to split the sentence.

"Wow, you're good," Pickle said as Kat wrote a novel in three seconds.

^Not bad, but it doesn't show much emotion.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Sora said, poking the pizza Donald had conjured out of nothing.

There you have it, guys. That's all you have to know on this. =D

Grammar: Are and Is.

You know, this section could technically go into Word Choice, too. But I'm too lazy to add that part to teh title. =3

Okay. Are and is. This is kind of hard to explain without using the word "freakin' " over and over again, so bear with me. =3 'Kay?

If the SUBJECT is SINGULAR, use IS.

He is going to the store to buy RENT.

He are going to the store to learn how to be of the speak proper, jes?

If it's PLURAL, as in, MORE THAN ONE PERSON, you use ARE.

We are going down the hall.

We is going down the hall.

Bad:
We is
They is
There is (not always. Just, like: "There is lots of stuff to mess up on!)
I is
You is
She is
etc.


Good:
We are
They are
There are
I am
You are (because "you" is considered plural, even if you're only talking to one person)
She is
etc.


I didn't really go in depth on this subject. If I need to, let me know, but it's kind of a: "ZOMG, DUH! WHY ISH I OF TEH BEEN DOIN' DIS OF TEH WRONG SO MANY TIMES?!?!??!!?" thing. ._.

Word Choice: Adjectives and Adverbs

This is the fun part. =P If you're like me, and you're an absolute grammar freak. Yeah. So, anyway, adjectives are describing words. Here, look at this. I've made a little rhyme for you to remember.

Adjectives are describing words.
They describe nouns and such.
Adjectives DESCRIBE THINGS, FLAMMIT!

Wasn't that nice? I thought so. :3 Remember it. Anyway, let's look at a sample post with NO adjectives. I'll one up, because I'd get banned if I quoted someone. =D

He looked at her with his eyes. He kicked her with his foot. She said "Ow!"

Now, let's add some pretty adjectives.

"The tall boy looked at her with anger and hatred in his eyes. He placed a kick to her stomach with his booted foot. She fell back, letting out a yelp of surprise and pain."

It just doubled in length, at least. Magic, no? YES. >_>

So, what do adjectives do? That's right. THEY DESCRIBE THINGS, FLAMMIT! Very good.

Here I'll list some adjectives, just to... List some adjectives.... <--Four periods at the end like that, if you're gonna show the pause. Didn't know it? It's an added-on rule. CHECK THE PERIOD SECTION. XP



Anyway.

He caught her in his iron grip.
Her cobalt eyes sparkled in the dim light.
His hideous face shone in the horrible, unforgiving darkness. <--A COMMA BETWEEN THOSE TWO ADJECTIVES. Remember that.

So, let's have a list of adjectives, now that you know what they are.

Tip: IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN, USE A DICTIONARY. http://dictionary.reference.com/ Get it? Got it? GOOD. >_<

Adjectives!

I'll just put some common ones that I use. They can usually be applied to more than one area, okay?


Sparkling(ly)
Dull(ly) (Dulling) (Dullingly)
Glistening(ly)
Glowering(ly)
Pale(ly) (ing)
Beautiful (EW)
Wonderous
Full
Fat
Thin
Skinny
Whole
Light-heartedly
Heavily
Determined
Sadly
Hoarsely
Foolishly
Lifelessly
Vividly
Vibrantly
Haughtily
Angrily
Maliciously
Hurriedly
Quietly
Loudly
Hysterically
Evilly
Haunted
Huge
Large


Etc., Etc. I'm pretty bored of that now. XP You get the idea. NOTICE: "LY" and "ED" are in there a LOT. If it ends with "LY", it's usually an adverb, which can modify an adjective. If it makes you feel better, just say, "It's usually an adjective". Still, just try to remember that adverbs modify adjectives, too, sometimes.

Thus, we end adjectives. =D Have fun with that.

Word Choice: Replacements for Said​

Everyone uses "said" That's not a bad thing.

It's a horrible thing.

Everyone uses said all the time. ALL THE TIME. It makes me want to tear my eyes out. People will use caps lock and use said, when they COULD just use NORMAL letters, maybe an exclamation point, and the word "yelled".

Here are some replacements for this gloriously annoying word.

Angry Said:
Snarled
Hissed
Growled
Said testily
Barked

Note: If you're gonna use said, which you may, SOMETIMES, use an adjective with it. EX: Said coldly, said fiercely, said evilly.

Laughing Said:
Cackled
Laughed
Said laughingly.

Crying Said:
Sobbed
Wept
Cried

Loud Said:
Boomed
Screamed
Yelled
Cried out
Howled
Screeched
Said loudly, Said boomingly, etc.

Quiet Said:
Whispered
Muttered
Murmered
Said quietly

Answering Said:
Replied
Retorted
Answered

Asking Said:
Questioned
Inquired
Asked

Other:
Reprimanded
Chastised
Reasoned
Thought out loud
Spoke up
Piped up
Chimed in
Repeated
Echoed
Mocked
Offered
Suggested
Demanded
Commanded
Observed
Pointed out
Brought up
Listed
Explained
Interrupted
Cut in
Agreed
Disagreed
Went on
Threatened
Pleaded
Begged
Scolded


There you go. There are more, of course, but those are the basics. So, you should only have to say "said" about... I dunno, once every... five paragraphs? Yes, that's about it, if you're going to say it a lot.

Adverb: If you see something with a "ly", it's probably one of these. Adverbs describe verbs and adjectives. Looky here. "Happily swimming." <--Describes a verb. "Eerily fearful." <--Describes an adjective. There ya go!

Adjective: Describes a noun, pronoun, or noun. "It was a beautiful, shining noodle." <--Describes a noodle. There ya go.

Thus, we end this portion.

Word Choice: Common Mistakes​

A lot of people make mistakes. It bugs me. I make mistakes. I, however, am allowed to make mistakes, because I am what you call a hypocrite. We can do anything we want, as long as we don't get caught. You, however, are good, literate people, and you are NOT hypocrites. ((Even though we're cool)) You are going to make as few mistakes as possible.

-WATCH OUT FOR HOMONYMS. They hate you. You hate them. Just make sure you're using them right.
-Do NOT make excuses for a mistake. Just edit.
-Separate OOC Tags CLEARLY from the rest of your writing piece.
-Press the enter button. If your character speaks, you press enter, usually.

"Susie, I hate you," John explained. "That's all there is to it."

"But, John-!" Susie started. John held up a hand.

"No buts about it, Susie! I can't handle this anymore," he interrupted.

Get it? Got it? Good. If your whole post is one paragraph, and you have about twenty five sentences in it, people WILL KILL YOU. THEY WILL KILL YOU AND DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE.
-Kiss Caps Lock goodbye. Remember that I am allowed to use it solely because I am a hypocrite. Remember that.
-Don't use the same adjectives, nouns, WORDS too many times consecutively.

The boy sobbed. "But Mama," the boy sobbed, "we have no time for this!" Sobbing, the boy sobbed, "Mama, why do you hate me?!"

LISTEN, KID. MAMA HATES YOU BECAUSE YOU WON'T FIND A FLIPPING THESAURUS. THAT'S WHY. So, unless you want to end up like the Sobbing Boy, use different words.
-STOP. USING. ASTERIKS.

That's about it. If you can remember those key things, you should be doing alright.

Word Choice: Pronouns, nouns​

Noun: A person, place, thing, or idea. The boy, the supermarket, the knife, the murder.

Pronoun: He, she, they, it, them, etc.

Pronouns replace: DUN-DUN-DUN! PROPER NOUNS.

Proper Nouns: Names of places and such. The Bible ((Loldunsueme!!11Lol!!!)), Herald, The National Bank of Oregon, Aunt Carrismatia.

So, take a look at this.

He looked at her, and they looked at each other. Then he looked at him, and he looked at him, and they both looked at the other, and they all looked at each other.

^CONFUSING. However, this is just as bad.

Herald looked at June, and Herald and June looked at Herald and June. Then Herald looked at Thomas, and Thomas looked at Herald, and Herald and Thomas both looked at each other, and Herald, Thomas, and June all looked at Herald, June, and Thomas.

^WILL CAUSE ANGRY MOBS OF FERRETS TO EAT YOUR ORGANS.

You should have a healthy balance of pronouns and proper nouns in your sentence.

Herald looked at June, and they looked at each other. Then, Herald looked at Thomas, and Thomas looked at him, and they both looked at the other, and then all three looked at each other.

^Slightly better, but don't you want to kill the person for all those "ands", "lookeds", and "stupidity"?

Herald glanced at June, and the two stared at each other. Then, Herald glared at Thomas, and Thomas looked at him. Both glowered at the other. Then, all three stared appraisingly at each other.

^GOOD. Look back at what we started with, and see how far you've come. It's a REALLY simple improvement. Even though I think someone should break the silence for these three stiffs, it's a decent little sentence-cluster.

Thank you for listening. >_> Not smoking.

Recap: The Anatomy of a Sentence​

The dog looked at Melissa, and she in turn stared lovingly at her dog; they were happy.

"Fluffles," Melissa cried. "Don't ever leave me!"

Nouns
Propernouns
Capitalize these: First letter in a sentence, first letter in a pronoun, etc.
Subjects of the Sentence
Predicate (Verb and beyond) of the Sentence
Adjectives
Punctuation
Conjunctions
Pronouns

^THERE. Pretty much everything we discussed, except I didn't go into verbs. XP YOU SHOULD KNOW. If you make me write a section about it, I will hunt you down. :3 Gah. If you absolutely don't know:

Predicate: The verb and rest of the sentence. Usually after the subject.
Verb: Anything you can do. Live, be, swim, run, eat, etc.

Skill Building: Kissing Asterisks Goodbye (and Other Writing Crutches)​

Hello, friend. We meet again. This time, however, it is not on happy terms. For this time, I have to explain a horrible threat to you. I present to you, the ugliest, most horrible, most undeniably illiterate thing in the entire universe.

The asterisk. It comes in the shape of a six-pointed star-like snow-flake. Majiger. It speaks to you with a harmless, funloving German accent. It is: This thing.

*​

Horrible, no? No?! What, are you telling me you don't know how people misuse that little star?! Well, I've got news for you. Take a look at THIS.

*walks to the center of the universe*

._. People do that. They think that's good. They write like this:

"ohno,u didnt'" *walks to table* *throws drink* "take that, @#%#%@#$#@~!"

THEY POST THAT, AND THEY TRY TO CALL IT LITERATE. THEY DO! HORRIBLE. So, I'm presenting to you a...something-step program. And I will introduce it with a GREEN title.

THELONEPICKLE'S SOMETHING-STEP PROGRAM TO GETTING OFF ASTERISKS

._. That was dramatic.

Now, step one. Admitting you have a problem.

Please, look at your posts. If you have ever used asterisks in the ways that I stated above, please slam your head against the-

No, no, Pickle. Remember step four. NO violence. NO violence.

Ahem. Please look at your posts. If you have ever used asterisks in the ways that I stated above, please note that this is NOT literacy. You have a problem. I want you to look at this paragraph.

"No," whispered Sora, grabbing the remains of his friend in between his long, gloved fingers. His palms were sweaty inside the white cloth-covers, and he could feel the beads of perspiration running down his back. He whispered the word over and over again to himself, until he was screaming it. It helped nothing. The Playstation 2 remained broken.

Now, look at it with asterisks.

"No," *Sora whispers* *Grabs broken PS2* *is all sweaty* "NO NO NO NO NO!" *PS2 is broken*

Now, just for fun, look at it in script style.

Sora: No! *Whispers and grabs broken ps2* No, no no,nonoNO NO NO NO!

>_< UGLY. UGLY UGLY UGLY. So, you admit it. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

Step 2. Reading up on your grammar skills. NOW, WHERE COULD YOU DO THAT?! IT'S NOT AS IF YOU HAVE AN ENGLISH BOOK, OR MAYBE A GUIDE TO LOOK AT. MAYBE IF YOU COULD FIND SOME ARTICLE THAT EXPLAINS LITERACY. Wouldn't that be nice? *cough*

Step 3. Resisting the relapse. RRRRrrrr... Anyway, you may go into an rp and see asterisks, you might be tempted. You might even wanna go back. You might even have a gun to your head that says: USE ASTERISKS.

Just don't. =D Remember that you are part of something much greater now. And embrace it. And such.

Step 4. Posting in literate rps only, and setting objectives for yourself. Under 1000 posts? According to the lucious Rules de Morph, you only have to post one paragraph. But YOU can do better, can't you?

Over a thousand posts? You're no ametuer, right?! You can do this, right?! Go for FOUR. FOUR beautiful paragraphs. Very good. You are wonderous, okay? XD

Step 5. Graduating. You only engage in literate rps, you have never used an asterisk since you read this, and you constantly drink Starbucks. Or not. Whichever. But you are magnificent, and I needed a fifth step. Congratulations, Non-N00b! J00 win!

That basically works for any other writing crutch. Admit, Research, Resist, Set standards, and Live. Follow the steps, and you will be fine.

Thus, we end the Writing Crutch Portion.

Update: 04/18/2006

Skill Building (FanFiction): Script Style: BAD.​

I told you, didn't I, that I don't like script style? Well, I'm going to talk about it here and now, whether you like it or not. GuardianOfHearts is also gonna write a SMALL something (HINT HINT, GOH!) about this topic, which I will post here.

Script style can really kill writing, in my opinion. Just take a look at this:

"I'm sorry," the girl whispered, tears pouring down her face as her curls of hair bounced behind her. Her shoes made a clip-clop noise as she hurried down the cobble-stoned street, rushing to cast away her fears and run from her troubles. The blonde boy just stood behind her, wondering what he would do without her.

Script style:

Girl: I'm sorry! *cries and runs away*
Boy: ???????

._. Really. That's what happens to it. That's why I'm against it, personally. I mean, it's fine for stuff that's not too serious, but if you're actually trying to get somewhere, you should be descriptive and care for your writing. It's like a plant, sorta. I'm not going to go into that metaphor, though, so just deal with it. XD

UPDATE: 04/20/06 The famous GoH is here to giff j00 a lesshun in gramm"er".

Hello my fellow forum-goers.The generous Pickle has allowed me to write a section of the Articles regarding my biggest vexation: Script format.

Without pointing any fingers, I’m going to bash it all together. Script format is lazy, insulting, idiotic, and completely unsatisfying.

People tell me that it’s easier, or that it doesn’t matter if a story is in script format because it doesn’t matter how it’s written if it has a good plot. I find this inane. Anything can have a good plot, but how can a reader fully expect to enjoy it if they’re only given the bare minimum of content?

Wake up and smell the new-car fresh world of literacy, people.

Even if a script-writer is literate, it’s still just isn’t enough. There’s so much that you can’t put into a script. Description is a key component to any good story, whether it be for sensory or inner evaluation. Yet even this important feature is often found to be lacking in most scripts.

Here are some examples, which, I am sad to say are quite close to many genuine scripts I’ve had the displeasure of reading:

Sora: no axel what r u doing?!!!! *runs to axel and hits w/ kyeblade*

My friends, pardon me for saying, but what the fork is that!?

There are actually people on this site who not only actively read such trash but have the temerity and, quite frankly, idiocy to comment that ‘this is gr8 keep it up!!!!!!1'.

Now, let’s pretend that another, more literate author, writes this over:

Sora: No, Axel! What are you doing!? *He runs to Axel and hits him with Oathkeeper*

That, though much better than the first one, is still just okay at best. Let’s take that more literate sentence and kick the script aspects to the curb while adding in new features:

Sora gaped at the red-haired Nobody, unable to comprehend what he was seeing. "No, Axel!" he exclaimed anxiously, jumping forward, "what are you doing!?" Summoning Oathkeeper to his hands, he rushed at the fire-wielder and struck him full-force in the side, throwing him back to the wall....

Now, I want you to read that and honestly ask yourselves which one is better. After answering it {hopefully with the right response}, then ask which one you would rather read.

If you think, "The script" because you say it’s easier to read, than I have no patience for you. Because why the fork are you even bothering to go through all this trouble to read it anyway if you’re that lazy? How the heck do you get through life when you don’t even have the desire for satisfaction and enjoyment as an incentive to read a well-written paragraph?

Alright, now that I’ve said my share on that topic, let’s move on to the next subject:

Plays.

After reading my previous rant, you might now be ready to say, "Well, then it’s the script of a play. Therefore, it’s acceptable".

Excuse me?

Let’s get one thing straight: Plays are visual and interactive.
You don’t go to Broadway to be simply handed the script instead, do you? I sincerely hope not. No, you sit down and watch people act it out.

You agree, don’t you?

Then why do you read scripts?

Truth be told, I have read scripts before and thoroughly enjoyed them. In my literature textbook, I read "The Miracle Worker", which was the story of Helen Keller. It was originally a play, and then, I believe, a movie. But that’s the thing; the writer didn’t create it to just be read as a script. He wrote it to be acted out.

And not only that, but the scenes were described in much more elaborate detail so that the monologue could be completely understood- because it was not intended to be read, but watched.

If you want to write in script format, then the only way you’re going to get into my good graces is if you act it out properly- properly! -then video tape it and send it to me. Then I’d say, "Well, you wrote a play. Good job. Now your next step is to novelize it. =) "


Skill Building (Both): Mary Sue? Gary Stu?​

I just want to point out a few things that seem to accidentally cause Mary Sues to sprout out of our brains. A few casual flaws that seem to multiply into a "perfect" character. There are plenty of Mary Sue quizzes and such. But here are some guidelines.

Your character might be a Mary Sue if:
-She has no flaws.
-Boys have always followed her around.
-She has the whole "mysterious past" thing.
-She had a terrible thing happen to her and still hasn't recovered, but since she met ((insert jerk's name here))...
-Her eyes are two different colours, and they glow and change with emotion, and she's also part mermaid and OH SO SPECIAL! Anything like that.
-She has impossible scars. Like, two coming down from each eye, symmetrical, looking like she's crying. That's stupid.

^Anything pretty much related to that. FLAWLESS CHARACTERS CANNOT GROW. They can only go downhill.

Now, for guys.

Your character might be a Gary Sue if:
-He has scars on his face.
-He has no flaws.
-Girls fall over him.
-He has a "mysterious" past.
-He has a weapon that makes the Gunblade look like a super soaker. One that makes Masamune look like a bendy straw.

^Stuff like that. It's horrible. Your character is perfect and can't grow! If they're perfect and god-moding-full, everyone will hate you, and they won't have any fun. Just a warning. Also, stories with perfect characters won't go anywhere. It's true.

Role Playing Etiquette​

Well, I used to flame. A lot! D:< But I try to keep it under control. Especially in the RP section. Especially since Morph is a mod now... o.o; So, I thought I'd post some nice little guidelines here. =D

  • No Flaming! If you're having a problem with someone, take it to pms, and notify the leader of the rp! It's only right!
  • No Whining! Again, if you're having a problem with someone, follow the same steps for flamin'!
  • If you're rejected, leave! You can probably ask the leader why you were rejected (if they didn't say so), but other than that, you have no reason to be there anymore, right? XP
  • Be nice to others. If they're not literate, direct them to somewhere (or someone) so they can get help! You started out as an illiterate baby once! Unless you're some kind of Riku Replica! The point is, just be nice to others.

Don't yell at me for preaching to you when I used to flame. Remember that I am a hypocrite, so I'll preach whatever I want. ^-^ Have fun, you kids!

Grammar Dictionary. Or a link to a good one. XP​

http://dictionary.reference.com

^Should be helpful. :3

I hoped this helped you guys out. I'm done for now, unless I find something worth adding. GoH will be posting her parts in Script Style and Mary Sues pretty soon. That'll be it for now.
 
Last edited:

Freya

Roger ELizabeth DeBris
Joined
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<3 I worship you.

I'm so tired of people not typing correctly.

If you join a forum, that's how you communicate, what is the point of joining if you can't floopin' type!

Yay! You rock.

- Peace
 

TheClamWhisperer

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*adds page to favorites*

Thanks for creating this thread for us illiterate prats! ^_^ *puts dunce hat on head* This will come in handy when writing fanfics and what not. Great job Pickle!

-The Clam Whisperer...

^ three dots =D
 

Katattack

Thank You Jonathan Larson
Joined
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Recounting my exploits as an Anarchist. =D
Ah redz it! Ah redz it gud! Ahnd ah learned sooo verry much.....

*Slaps hillbilly Kat*

This is great, Pickle. I learned some stuff! More than I've learned in my English Class this whole year.

*Too lazy to add to favorites*

...Button... so far... up on screen.... Can't... reach!
 

Daniel Faraday

you fucking...FUCK
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o_O

Have I ever told you people how much I love Easter?
Cause, you know, I love it. A lot.
This makes it all the better XD.

By the way, I've never seen any mods around here, so how do you sticky things? Internet adhesives? Digital tacks?...Staple gun?
Er...forget that last one.
Anyways, get someone to sticky this, and things might get better, ya?
~Fenris Etheral, gnawing on a large chocolate mammel.
 

Oathkeeper33

New member
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o_O... This is almost as scary as that one fifteen page e-mail Fenris sent me on why my grammer was literarily incorrect and showing me how to improve. Definitly sticky this, could be helpful for those dumb newbs out there. I support you Pickle. Way too many fics that have stuff like:

Sora: Holy shitzors! ia goinz to da keyblade!

Riku:Shizzle fo no mo hjksdhgurysdthkjskarfgisdhgd.

etc.

Now, is that what we want? Hell no. Not ****ing ever. So get those noobs a ****ing dictionary, and tell em' to take a language class! That's meh resolve.
 

darkisaac

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I am really amazed you have enough free time to write this...seriously...


On another note i applaud this attempt at helping others in this forum to practice proper grammar.


Unfortunately, the chances of these illeterate people actually reading that whole article are minimal.

Cheers though! and good luck on your quest to enlighten others.
 

Darkened Heart

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XD Pure genius. This must most definitely be stickied.

I've never done the double-space after periods and colons, though. . .And my Microsoft Word tells me that putting 'pause dots' in this format. . .<- is bad grammar.

Anyway. I think the main problem is that a lot of these people come from the infamous chatroom, and they think that a forum is basically the same thing, when it isn't. In a forum, you actually have TIME to type PROPERLY.
 

Battlecry

Who the hell do you think I am!?
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Darkened Heart said:
Anyway. I think the main problem is that a lot of these people come from the infamous chatroom, and they think that a forum is basically the same thing, when it isn't. In a forum, you actually have TIME to type PROPERLY.
Pssh. .-. I type properly in chats.

"r u goin 2 disko?"

"cha i go 2 ur disko l8r." .-.
 

Katattack

Thank You Jonathan Larson
Joined
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Messages
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Location
Recounting my exploits as an Anarchist. =D
Sorry to double post, but this can't fall to the second page. It's sad to see that people have already ripped off your great idea, Pickle.

But I won't drop any names. Though, anyone in the rp section could see who I'm talking about.
 
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