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I've read the first couple chapters, and noticed that you're getting slightly better with details. It can be hard to add some feelings into the characters sometimes, but you still did an alright job.
How does she seem so relaxed. Fang nearly killed her two hours ago but she isn't wary. Supposedly they don't trust each other but she must trust him somewhat otherwise she wouldn't allow him to train us. Next break we get I'll have to ask her. Just as I think this Tobias breaks off. Though he looks full of energy he mutters, "I need a break."
Fang frowns but doesn't comment. Instead he walks over where Ember is. I also walk over where she is and mutter, "I need to ask you something." I glance up at Fang who shrugs and walks away. Ember looks over. "Yeah?"
"How can you trust him?" She frowns. "I don't." I shake my head. "You have to otherwise you wouldn't be letting him train us." "Trust is hardly the word." I look up at the sky. "Okay, even if you didn't trust him you aren't even the slightest bit wary."
"Sight isn't the only indication of movement. Just because I'm not watching every tiny move he makes doesn't mean I'm not listening for the slightest sign of attack." I sigh. "Look, I just think we should know why you two don't trust each other or do trust each other." Ember remains expressionless. "I don't see anything wrong with telling you what happened. As I explained earlier though, about certain promises, I made one."
"And what was the promise?" I ask sarcastically really doubting the truth behind this. "That either one of us would tell anyone that event until we both agreed or until one of us dies. The event that happened holds information that is very important and if the wrong people understood the truth behind it, a lot of innocent people would die." Ember explains and I see a very faint flash of Amber in her eyes instead of the normal color. That's the darkness she was talking about. What could've happened? I think dimly.
____Tobias's point of view (These two events occur at the same time.)
I take advantage of Fang being alone and walk over to where he is leaning against a tree. Not bothering to start off simply I ask, "How can you both be so relaxed?" Fang shrugs. "I don't know what you mean." He says calmly.
Forcing myself to be equally calm I say, "A couple of hours ago you nearly killed her and now you are both acting as though nothing happend." He grins. "Did you expect us to be arguing nonstop? Besides, we are still being cautious which if you saw what you should you'd realize. At every unsuspected sound the other prepares to either fight or defend. We don't trust each other."
"You're still here." I say inquiringly. "Should something happen to her and me then I don't want you two being completely helpless to the coming events." The way he says it makes me wonder if something is going to happen. "Is something going to happen?"
Fang shrugs. "No clue. But with them coming back and with the darkness, no one knows what happens if the darkness completely overcomes one. However I believe we simply fade out of existance like a Nobody does."
"Earlier, you said something about a particular event. What was that event?" I ask watching for any sign of lies. For the first time Fang's calm appearance falters. "It's not up to just me. I don't really care if you two know. But, I assume Ember explained the promise concept, I made a promise. One I'm not strong enough to break. We both have to agree to tell someone. Or one of us dies." I don't speak but instead let my gaze drift over to where Raine is talking to Ember.
"So if she agrees?" "I never said I agreed. I don't see anything wrong with it because you two aren't going to convert to the darkness." It sounds like he's going to continue but he shrugs and starts to walk away. "We oughta continue training."
I nod and walk over to where he is and we start to spar again. I'm not attacking as hard as I was however. I wonder why that is. I think seeing that Raine and Ember are also sparring.
______Ember's point of view
We all stop sparring whenever we hear the tires scrape against the gravel in an effort to get up the hill. Now how am I going to explain neither parents being here. I glance in Raine and Tobias's direction. Maybe I'll get lucky and she won't ask.
Whenever the car stops she opens the door much more graceful than earlier today. She walks out into the yard with long strides. Her long, black hair cascades in front of her face so all you can see is the large, clueless blue eyes.
"So did you kids have a good time?" She asks pleasantly. "Yep." Raine and Tobias reply. "Yeah." I reply. Fang nods. She looks over at Fang. "So I take it you're Fang? That's an odd name." Fang shrugs. "Yeah." He says. I half grin. Wonder if she'll ever get any tact.
She looks around. "So where's your parents?" She asks. Before I can speak Fang does. "They went out to do something. They were supposed to be back by now but they aren't." "Okay. Do you want me to stay here until they get here?" "No it's okay. They should be back in less than an hour anyways."
Raine and Tobias hop in the car. "See ya." Tobias says though the open window. Raine also says bye and Mrs. Craft gets in the car and leaves. Fang shrugs and starts running down the driveway to his house. Hm. Guess I'll try watching tv. Nothing better to do at the moment. I think walking into the house and turning on the tv just when I hear a loud clang in the garage.
Thanks for reading. I'll post another chapter sometime tomorrow afternoon.
This chapter is in Ember's point of view. It's kinda short but I'll probably post another chapter tomorrow night.
Chapter Nine
What the heck was that? I move toward the garage swiftly. Another loud clang sounds whenever I open the door. Thoughtlessly I summon my Keyblade and start to walk down the stairs. Not turning the light on I continue looking around. It smells like gasoline got spilled. I can hardly see anything aside from the shadow-like shapes of boxes that I've never went through.
I see a movement to my right out of my perhipial vision and turn around leaping back as I do so. Lashing out I defeat the Heartless. Everytime I defeat a Heartless another appears to take its place. After another twenty Heartless I go to defense instead of offense.
I smell smoke and falter in blocking. I feel the claws but I don't register it. Quickly and thoughtlessly I defeat the Heartless moving along. Last time Heartless attacked Kristen showed up. I wonder who it is this time. Moving into a branch off of the main garage I see a black figure crouched by a box.
"So you figured out that it wasn't just the Heartless here. Took you long enough." "Why are you here?" I mutter putting out the fire using a ball of ice from the tip of my Keyblade. I've heard that voice before. Where was it though? I search through my memories struggling to remember. "Don't you remember who I am?"
It's a male's voice. Okay why can't I remember. Is he playing with my memory? "Why are you here?" I ask again staining to keep my voice calm instead of annoyed. "Do you know who I am?" I mutter under my breath then answer. "I've heard your voice before. Why are you here?"
"Hmm. So you don't remember. That's interesting. We've never met yet you claim to have heard my voice before." What the heck? Is he lying? I know I've heard that voice before. He stands up starting to move forward. I tighten my grip on the Keyblade. "Don't try to fight me. You are too weak." I don't speak. "Why don't you let the darkness take over? It is winning."
My memory makes the connection at these words and I freeze. This is... I don't have time to finish my thought as the figure lunges forward quickly. I barely have time to block. I'll have to retreat for now. I think starting to back up with each block. Right whenever I falter in blocking he breaks off the attack desummoning his Keyblade.
What? I don't move. "Now isn't the time. You and Fang, are in for an interesting fate. Tobias and Raine also." Ugh! How does he know their names. Who is he? He turns around and disperses into a portal of darkness. I stand where I am confused by the words. I walk back up the stairs and get a drink wondering if I should tell the others.
Well here's chapter ten. It's in Raine's point of view. This happens from the time that Raine, Tobias, and Fang leave Ember's house.
Chapter Ten
Argument
Once the car is out of the driveway Mom turns halfway around in her seat. "Did her parents ever show up when you were all there?" "Yeah. Her Mom was in the house most of the time. We were outside most of the time."
She turns back to the road. "Please don't lie to me Raine." "I'm not." I protest. Mom shakes her head. "You think I haven't suspected it? She doesn't have her parents does she?" I don't speak not knowing what to say only glad that Tobias is in the backseat. "That's confindential information." He mutters quietly.
"If it's true you know I'm going to find out. I'll have no other choice but to call the police." She sighs. Tobias doesn't speak though I can see he's at a lost at what to say. Just as clueless I say the first thing that comes to mind. "She wouldn't be there. She'd run."
"She's a kid same as you two. She wouldn't be able to hide for long." She says without any regret. "What's wrong with you." I ask grimly. Mom had never acted this way before. "You haven't noticed?" "Noticed what?" Tobias mutters. Mom shakes her head. "Nevermind then."
"Noticed what?" Tobias asks again less polite this time. Mom looks in the rearview mirror momentarily. "Her eyes change colors. So do your Tobias." Tobias loses all politeness. "So what? We're freaks then? What are you then? You're the one that's being judgemental over an insignificant fact." "No. You aren't. I'm just worried. How long has she been on her own?"
"How are we supposed to know?" I mutter. How am I supposed to tell her to get out? I glance back at Tobias. Looks like he's thinking of the same thing. "Forget it." She mutters rolling down her window. "Tobias, you're going to have to stay at the house for a little while. Your parents aren't home yet." "It's fine. I'll just go home. It isn't the first time I've been home alone."
Mom shrugs and pulls into Tobias's driveway. Tobias gets out quietly mouthing the words. "I'll call." To me. I nod slightly whenever he shuts the door and jogs up to the door. Grabbing the key he walks in. I turn looking at the floorboard. I snap my attention up though whenever Mom screams swerving into the ditch.
Whenever I look around I see a black figure with glowing yellow eyes. A Heartless? I open the car door against Mom's protests and summon my Keyblade. So much for secrecy. I defeat the Heartless and see another movement in the trees surrounding us. Shrugging I walk towards them. Conveniently on the ground is a piece of paper. In big letters are the words, "You have an important role in the fate of this world." The letters are written in green pen. I stare at the words for several minutes before I shove it into my pocket and go back to the car.
Mom gets on the phone and calls Dad while I sit down on the grass thinking. Should I tell the others?
Thanks for reading. Next chapter will be a lot longer.
Okay I know this is getting kinda repetitve but it does have a point in describing the characters a bit better. This is from Tobias's point of view in the beggining.
Chapter 11
As soon as I get in the house I look around instinctively. Great. I'm paroniod. No one's around just call and relax. I move over to the phone by the kitchen and dial the number. It rings five times and I get ready to hang up. At the last second a voice answers.
"Hello? Is this Tobias?" What? I don't answer slightly confused. I hadn't even said anything. I don't even know who this is. "I'll take that as a yes." I take the phone from my ear and get ready to hang up when the voice yells. The voice is deep but airy. Like someone with allergy problems. "Don't hang up! I'm trying to help you."
I freeze where I am. The phone drops out of my hand like it's slippery. I don't make the effort to pick it up. Instead I stand there listening to his words. "If you continue the path you're on They will destroy you. They're merciless. It doesn't matter that you are only a kid. You wield the Keyblade and are considered an adult in our world. Either join them or leave the situation alone before there's no turning back. If your friends are smart they'd do the same."
"Who are you?" I nearly shout though it sounds as though I'm whispering to my own ears. I hear the reciever click off on the other end and bend down to pick it up. Whenever the voice comes back on I jump back in surprise. "You're role in fate is a short one if you continue. Don't waste your life. You still have a choice in the matter."
I stare at the phone still lying on the brown, carpet floor. "Where's Ember?" I ask barely audible. "Who?" "Ember." I repeat. "I don't know who you are talking about kid. Take my advice. I don't want to see you dead before I get to meet you." "What are you even talking about. Who are you?" I whisper the first part and shout the last part. "You know what I'm talking about kid. They won't let you survive. Stop fighting back. Any that do will only die." At the last word the voice cracks and the nothing happens for several minutes.
I wait for ten minutes before picking up the phone and clicking it in the stand. "What the heck's going on? Is there more to this than I thought? Are Fang and Ember lying to us? What really happened?" I speak outloud though I try to convince myself otherwise. But what other answer is there? Regardless they are keeping something from us. If calling won't work in a few minutes I'll have to go there. Get the answers.
Shaking my head at nothing I walk into my room and take a few breaths after plopping down on my water bed. I stare at my walls and all the posters I have up. Everything I thought were fantasy are all turning out to be true. Within just a few days everythng got turned upside down. I don't even know if I like this or if I hate it. I ponder over this for several minutes. Heck. Maybe I should listen to the voice's advice. I don't want to die.
____ Fang's point of view
Once at my doorstep I look up at the sky. I've got a good hour and a half before it's completely dark out. I guess I'll go ahead and go hiking. Walking instead of running I go out into the woods out behind my house. Choosing the same tree I always do I swing myself up a few meters and lean back against the trunk of the tree. A Willow tree that has been here since My family moved here.
I close my eyes but the same memories swirl around my thoughts tinting them with the hatred and sadness that comes with them. The same ones that haunt my dreams and my every action. Instead of dwelling on this I focus on the sounds of nature around me.
The racoons and squirrels are the easiest to hear. The wind starts picking up after a while and I listen to the leaves rustling in the breeze. Withine a few minutes after the wind picks up though a quick downpour starts to come down like hail.
Lazily I get down and walk back to the house not bothering to pull up the hood of my hoodie. Just barely through the hail-like rain I hear a ruffle of leaves to my right and jump to the side right when a ball of flaming fire hits the spot I was at.
A shrill female's voice speaks from the shadows. "Huh. You dodged. That's not any fun." Fun for who? I half-grin. "Who are you?" I ask calmly scanning the shadows for any sign of movement. Where is she? "That's an original question." The voice answers.
So there's going to be word games involved. Hm. Never much cared for words. I jump out of the way again whenever another ball of flames lands right where I was. It's getting harder to pinpoint where they are coming from. "Who are you?" I mutter again dodging another flame.
"You know, you really should have more manners whenever you're playing with fire." The voice says amused at her joke. "And you should really be more carefull of where you shoot the fire at. You aren't messing with a puny kid." I mutter lunging forward to the spot I saw the shadow move. I gasp whenever I feel the grip on my wrist with my Keyblade. Within half a second my arm is pinned behind me and I'm helpless.
"You really should be carefull of your enemies. Let them get behind you, and you're in trouble. So I guess that would mean you're in trouble doesn't it?" Her voice is no longer shrill but threatening and dead. That was a quick change in strategy. "Am I supposed to be scared of you? You're nothing but a little girl aren't you?"
She pushes my arm up higher to an extent that would break a normal person's arm. Thank God I'm double-jointed. I don't feel the pressure much. "I guess you aren't quite a weakling though. I may actually have to try." She laughs sarcastically. "You think you can kill me?" "No, I never said anything about that. I simply said I may have to actually try. Meaning escape from you grip. By the way, I'm Fang."
"You do realize that with one movement I could kill you?" I can tell I'm ruining her "fun" so I continue. "Do you realize that I also wield fire and could just as easily kill you?" I mutter "But I want to know why you attacked me and why you haven't let go of my arm yet?"
She shoves my arm away and I staighten walking away a few paces. "So why are you here?" She grins grimly. "That was your warning. If you continue to meddle in their affairs then they will kill you in the worst way you can imagine. Especailly you. Yes, they know you still exist." I don't say anything. Instead I just nod whenever she sharply turns away and walks into the shadows of the trees.
"That was interesting." I mutter walking back to the house now pulling my hood up as the rain turns to sleet quickly amounting to millimeters. Opening my door I sit down on the couch. Huh. Wonder when everyone's gonna meet up again. Either way I need to find a way to get invited. This could be important. That or we'll have to sneak meetings in during the night or early morning. Hm. This could be complicated.
Thanks for reading. I'll post another chapter later tonight about nine.
This chapter is from the point of view of Kristen from the group Raine, Tobias, and Ember met a few chapters ago, in the begginning at least. It takes place a few days after the last chapter.
Chapter 12
"So you've sent the threat to all four of them?" Vlador asks his voice commanding. "Yes. Each of them know about the threat involved." I answer in a calm voice. "And what did they say?" "Nothing regarding the threat. Tobias knows it was us that passed the threat along. Raine doesn't know of anything. Fang doesn't know it's us. He thinks it's one of the others trying to kill him. Ember thinks she's heard the voice before."
He looks up from his thoughts at my last words. "How could that be? Who did you send?" His voice rises only slightly. "Shannon." I answer confused by the sudden interest. "I want you to do a check. Make sure he is not going against the group. If he is-" "I know what to do." I interrupt looking away. "Good. Leave." He says making a dismissive gesture.
Soon you won't be the one in charge Vlador. Then you'll have more respect for your colleages. I think walking out of the room. I freeze at his voice though. "I do hope you don't intend on going against the group yourself, Kristen." His voice has a slight sound of agitation and suspicion. "I would never Vlador." I answer keeping my voice steady. He grunts, "Good," again and I walk out the door.
How... Unless. Grr. We were supposed to take over together. Did she betray my trust? I ponder the question for a while then dismiss it ruefully. She wouldn't do that. Not after... I stop whenever I run into her. "Oh, hi Catherine." I say looking up from the ground. "Hi Kristen. What'd Vlador say?" How does she know of the discussion? "Oh fine." "Does he suspect anything?" "No. Not yet at least. Want to take a walk?" I ask deciding to ask her staight out once out of the castle-like building. "Sure." She says smiling. Was that, a twinkle I saw in her eyes? I'll have to proceed carefully. Maybe she isn't as trustworthy as I thought.
We walk out the large doors and out into the clearing in the woods. Catherine turns around sharply grinning in a way I've never seen. "You honestly fell for it, Kristen. I didn't think you were that gullible. Too bad you won't be around to see the plan put in action." I jump back seconds before she lunges forward with a spear produced out of seemingly nowhere. "I know what you are, Kristen. You aren't supposed to exist." What does she mean? Ugh. Where is all this strength coming from. Have to escape. I think moving away quickly. I hear her following though.
_____Takes place at the same time. Ember's point of view.
I run through the house trying to escape the black creature that chases me down the hallway and down the stairs. Closing the door of the garage behind me I try to get the pictures of my parents death out of my mind. Out of breath I feel a kind of anger I've never felt before. Gasping I feel the anger giving me strength unlike any I've ever felt before. Out of nowhere a key-shaped sword appears in my hands.
Not knowing how I know I open the door slashing at the black creature. The simple effort leaves me weak but I continue back to the living room where we were all sitting. The only thought in my mind that they aren't gone. They can't be. I think urgently.
I jerk awake sitting up. That's the third night I've had the same dream. But everytime it isn't what my memory tells me. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and look at the alarm clock by my bed. 2:56 a.m. "Might as well get up. Won't get back to sleep if it's like the other nights." I mutter tiredly sliding out. Yawning I barely notice the note sitting on the stand where the alarm clock is.
"What the heck?" I mutter grabbing the note folded up to where it's almost impossible not to see. Unfolding it I read the messy writing.
In the morning at 6:00 a.m. go to the Pink Bridge. I'll be waiting there. If you don't show up around that time then I will find you.
The note stops mid-way through the next sentence. I look farther down on the paper and see the words in darkened, capital letters. IT MAY BE TOO LATE I look at the words for several minutes still half in my dream. "Who can even get in here let along would know about the Pink Bridge. Why there? The place has been deserted for years..." A sudden burning on my hand makes me drop the paper.
I clench my hand in a fist for several minutes but the burning doesn't stop. "What the heck?" I mutter again. I walk through the kitchen and into the living room. Opening the door I squint from the cold wind with the mixture of snow. "That's odd. It's in the middle of Louisiana." I think blinking slightly. The burning stops suddenly and I open my hand to reveal a wierd sign on my palm. I look up shaking my head. I must be dreaming. I think looking back at my palm. The sign is still there getting darker blue until it looks like a tattoo.
Thanks for reading. I'll try to post more often but I might not be able to.
Here's a couple chapters. This is the last time it's gonna be repetitive but it does have a point.This is in Fang's point of view in the beggining.
Chapter 13
Yawning I sit up. "I haven't been able to sleep for more than an hour for the past three nights." I mutter to the air. Getting up I glance at my alarm clock. 2:50 a.m. This is getting annoying. Looking out the window I see that it is somewhat windy out. Sighing I move out of my room and down the hallway.
I cross through the kitchen and living room to the front door. Unlocking the two locks I step out. The cold wind stops suddenly though it feels as though the temperature drops five degrees. "Sheesh. It's Louisiana and it's twenty degrees." I mutter after looking at the thermometer. Shrugging at nothing I walk back in locking the door behind me.
"Fang? It's been three nights now. Aren't you tired?" I look over to see my mom leaning against the wall half asleep. "Oh. Eh, not really. Thought I was being quiet. You can go back to bed." I mutter moving back to my room. "Fang? Why are you having those two come over here tomorrow?" I shrug. "You aren't-" I cut her off. "No. They'd kill me before I got the chance. I can't explain until I know enough. But it is possible that they are coming back with a new idea in mind."
I see the worry in her eyes and look away. It was that bad back then. "The darkness is getting stronger is it?" Why can't she be gullibe like Raine's mother? "I can control it." I mutter moving back to my room. She moves back to her room from the sound of her footsteps. Sighing I get ready to try and sleep whenever I see a folded paper by my alarm clock. Grabbing it swiftly I unfold it and read the words,
Pink Bridge, Today, 6:00 am. Show up or I'll show up there. Hurry. My advice may be too late.
Reading over the words several times I jerk back whenever I hear the creak in the floorboard from my mom walking in. "Something wrong?" She asks. "Huh, oh, uh, nothing." I mutter hiding the paper in my pocket while turning around. "Then what's on that piece of paper you just put in your pocket?" "A poem." I mutter. Yes, a poem though I hate writing. I used to be quick and good at lying. "You hate writing." She points out.
I shrug. "It's not important. Just don't be surprised if I'm out in the woods in the morning." I answer calmly. "Sure." She says leaving the room again. "Care to explain why it's snowing outside in the middle of summer?" "What?" I ask turning around and look out the window. What the heck? Okay. Can't worry about that now. It's not the first time. I take the paper out of my pocket and read over it again but before I finish I drop it. A burning starts on the palm of my right hand.
Thanks for reading. I'll either post later tonight or sometime tomorrow.
Ten minutes till six. Hm. Guess I better leave. I silently slide out the door locking the door behind me. The snow is still coming down and there's about five inches on the ground. "What the heck? We've never got this much snow from natural causes." I mutter walking down the steps of the front porch. The snow crunches noisily under my feet.
After five minutes I reach the Pink Bridge. No one is around. I scan the shadows for any movement or sign of anyone being around. Five more minutes pass by and I hear a car coming down the road. Making a quick decision I slip into the woods positioning myself so that I can see the car but whoever can't see me.
The car cruises to a stop at the side of the bridge. A figure opens the door slamming it shut. I don't move for several minutes. The figure looks around then stares at the spot I'm crouched down at. Finally the figure calls out, "I know you're out there. Get out." Silently I walk out of the woods. He looks to the woods opposite of where I was. "You too." He shouts. Whoelse? I glance in the general direction and see Fang emerge from the bushes. Huh. Wonder what this is about.
"Now that we are all here, I want to explain a few things." I shove my hands in my pockets trying to hide the blue marking. Out of my perhipial vision I see Fang doing the same. "First of all, my name is Rudi. I know about both of your pasts so don't try to lie to me please. It'll just waste time. I am not a wielder." He pauses. "I also know about the marks on the palm of both of your hands." Huh. Wonder if he had anything to do with it.
"Do you know why they appeared?" "No clue." Fang mutters. "No." I mutter. "Well, just letting you know, I have nothing to do with that. Nor do I have any clue what it means or why it happend. However I do want to warn you of something important. If you have any intentions of surviving, leave Tobias and Raine alone. Don't teach them anything more about the Keyblade."
"Why? They have to know how to protect themselves." I ask immediately. "How does that have anything to do with us surviving?" Fang asks. Rudi raises his hands as though in surrender. "I don't know the answer to why I just know." "How?" Fang asks clearly annoyed. "I can't tell you that." Rudi answers. "All I know for sure is that the group that you were with originally, they are planning on starting a Keyblade War. Many will die if you two don't stop it."
"A Keyblade War?" I ask. "Over what?" Rudi shakes his head. "That I'm not sure about either. Actually I'm clueless. I think that is why the mark appeared on your hands. One red and one blue. I don't know what the colors could represent or anything. It could be the difference between light and darkness for all I know but with you two that isn't exactly possible. By the way, Kristen is dead."
"Huh?" Fang asks surprised. I look up. "Are you sure? How?" "I'm about one hundred percent sure. How, I'm not sure about. I'm sorry but I must leave now." Rudi says already turning to his car. He gets in and starts the engine. I move to the side. Fang shakes his head. "This doesn't make sense. That's what we stopped last time. Why is it happening again so soon?"
"I take it you haven't been getting sleep for the past three days either?" I ask absentmindedly looking at my palm. "No more than an hour." I nod and glance at my watch. "Seven. Felt like maybe five minutes but an hour went by. Raine and Tobias'll be at your house in thirty minutes. Are we going to tell them the truth now? They'll find out eventually." Fang sighs. "Might as well."
