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Fanfiction ► The "Twilight" Reports (An Org XIII fanfic)



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Organization_42

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Summary: Organization XIII reviews the first movie in The Twilight Saga. No, really, it's exactly what it sounds like.
Beta Author: Madammina

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Twilight. This isn't meant to be taken seriously at all. Also, please note that this story is based on how I think the various Org members would react to Twilight, not my actual opinions on the series.

The ‘Twilight’ Reports

Xemnas

In an attempt to understand the mysteries of the human heart, I recently decided to engage myself in some of the cultural things that the human heart takes pleasure in. For example, the world of “Earth” has become engulfed in strong feelings for a series about vampires and werewolves, entitled The Twilight Saga. And so, to conduct an experiment, I purchased tickets to a screening of the first film adaption and began to watch it in earnest. It tells the tale of an emotionally insecure but inexplicably bold human girl named Bella, who falls in love with an unstable vampire named Edward Cullen. His heart longs to kiss her, but his teeth long to eat her, and that serves at the main conflict throughout the story. There are also more primitive vampires running around, hoping to eat her too. Overall, it was this conflict between the two vampire groups that intrigued me the most.

Like the Cullen family, our Organization possesses the knowledge and the memories of our former lives, thus, it becomes our responsibility to control the lesser Nobodies and keep them in line. Like the Cullens, we each possess a unique gift that we must use, first and foremost, to benefit ourselves and progress towards gaining power over the human heart. The parallel seemed so obvious to me that I wondered at first why the film spent more time concentrating on the insignificant human girl. Then I looked at my surroundings, and realized that apart from my Organization, the entire theater was full of insignificant human girls and their exasperated boyfriends. I quickly deduced that this movie was specifically catered towards them, not true outcasts. Disgusted, I almost left the theater immediately, but far be it from me to admit a failed experiment. And so I forced myself and my colleagues to watch the rest of the film in its entirety. What a shame that the Cullens didn’t even attempt to enslave the humans or the group controlled by that vampire, James. That could have presented a well-deserved lesson to all my minions, including the ones that shot me angry looks as we left the theater.

Xigbar

Oh dear. I had a feeling that we were in trouble as soon as we passed the giggling girls with pictures of the male lead on their shirts. I knew we were in trouble when one of them looked at me and I heard her whisper to her friends, “Oooo, he’s got golden eyes, just like Edward!”

So…was Xemnas trying to make us feel grateful that we don’t have emotions? Nah, of course not. If I know Xemnas, he thought he was being really clever by introducing us to material that really gets the human heart a-thumpin’. In theory, the plan made sense. In theory. But now I’m starting to think that ignorance is bliss. Well, at least one thing can be said about this movie: it’s entertaining. The thing hadn’t lasted for twenty minutes before Luxord and I started betting on how many times Bella Swan would put herself into a life-threatening situation. Boy, did I get rich when she went off into the woods by herself to tell the vampire that she knew his secret and wanted to be his girlfriend!

So…what? I’m supposed to write a review now, or something? This is no great work of cinematic art, but hey, it was better than a night of staring pointlessly at each other in the Gray Lounge. And I got to listen to music that wasn’t coming out of a sitar, for a change. But I tell ya, it’s missions like this that are going to spell the downfall of Organization XIII. Just wait and see.

Xaldin

This is precisely why I believe that only fools should take love seriously.

Vexen

My, what a deliciously entertaining film! Our Superior showed wisdom indeed when he took us to see it! It is a step-by-step guide on how to manipulate people with hearts, particularly young women with hearts. Just set a beautiful man in front of them, allow him to whisper sweet nothings into their ears, and voila! What I found fascinating was how easy it was for the vampire, Edward Cullen, to lure Miss Bella Swan into his arms, even after he told her the truth about his identity. One would think that Bella would have the sense to promptly avoid contact with him, but he had her wrapped around his little finger! I shall have to look into this as we move forward with the Replica Project. Perhaps human memories, particularly the feelings of love and loyalty, would give the incoming replicas a stronger sense of duty and purpose as they serve our Organization. We certainly have plenty of golden-eyed, handsome men with grisly pasts at our disposal. Who would have thought that the sympathy vote could prove to be so valuable? Well done to the filmmakers, I am most impressed with the lessons you have bestowed upon me!

Lexaeus

I pitied the women in the audience when we went to see the Twilight film. They know nothing of love or what it truly entails. But that was not the point of our collective experiment. Actually, I am at a loss when I try to determine what the point actually was. But at least Vexen appeared to be enjoying himself, and he is our best scientist, so I am certain that everything will work out for the best.

Zexion

This film would make me weep for the future of humanity, if I could weep or had any sentimental feelings towards humanity. Then again, I suppose my issues with the story had more to do with my lack of emotions rather than poor filmmaking skills. I simply cannot be moved by the plight of a pack of hormonal teenagers. Sometimes I wonder whether I missed out on anything special by never having the chance to grow up in the normal way, but judging from the tortured looks that often appeared on the characters’ faces, I didn’t miss anything. What a shame.

This mission must have been a warning from Xemnas about the dangers that can come with possessing a heart. Indeed, it was a well-taught lesson. When we finally regain our own hearts, we must express caution, so as not to become overwhelmed by newfound emotions. Although the movie seemed to counter this message, because nothing particularly bad happened to Bella after she started dating a monster. What nonsense. If only our dangerous experiments on the heart had been as successful as her dangerous attempts to kiss a boy who wants to suck her blood.

Also, I wish the Superior had warned us ahead of time that this film was an adaptation of a novel. I usually like to read books first before I watch the movie, and now I shall have to do the opposite. Oh well; at least the cover looks interesting.

Saïx

This first installment in The Twilight Saga certainly provided an in-depth look at the human heart. Our Superior was wise to suggest that we view it as a learning exercise. The film takes us through nothing less than an emotional odyssey, as two teenagers develop feelings for each other and proceed to deal with the problems of forbidden love. While its focus remains primarily on romance, it also deals with the pain of self-restraint through the vampire, Edward Cullen. I found his attempts to withhold his emotions to be truly fascinating. Did he know how lucky he was to be able to feel something for Bella Swan at all? This was an interesting movie.

THE FOLLOWING WAS EXTRACTED FROM SAIX’S HIDDEN JOURNALS:

I just finished another report for the Superior. He made us all watch the most ridiculous human drama and expected us to review it. I filled my account with as much glowing praise as I could manage and submitted it to him, but that was the most difficult assignment that I ever had to complete. I could actually feel my IQ points dropping as I watched that stupid movie. Couldn’t Edward have just eaten the girl and be done with it? What was so special about her anyway? She reminded me of that puppet of ours- weak, useless, and somehow adored by everyone. I don’t pretend to understand romance, but this seemed to be beyond anyone’s comprehension. All it did was convince me to continue the plan with Axel…and maybe put things into motion a little faster.

Axel

WOW. I have not laughed so hard at a movie since…I don’t know when. It’s not like we watch movies that much in the World That Never Was. So I wasn’t really sure what to expect from this mission. But WOW, it was stupid. Demyx and I were cracking jokes the whole time, and Saïx kept glaring at us, but hey, it was two hours of mindless teenage angst! What else were we supposed to do? Yeah, this was definitely the most fun that I’ve ever had on a mission. Thanks, Superior!

THE FOLLOWING WAS ALSO EXTRACTED FROM AXEL’S JOURNAL AT A LATER DATE:

A couple of months ago, I wrote that watching The Twilight Saga with the rest of the Organization was the most fun that I’d ever had on a mission. Well, I take that back. Watching it with Roxas and Xion was the most fun that I’ve ever had on a mission. It was Saïx’s idea, because they didn’t get to watch it originally, and I think Saïx was determined to make sure that all the members had to sit through that piece of horror. Or maybe he was just trying to torment Xion again. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s absolutely hilarious to sit with Roxas and Xion while they try to figure out the meaning behind all the cheesy, angsty romantic dialogue. I think Roxas is convinced that this is how dating really works. It’s a good thing that they won’t have any dating opportunities in Organization XIII…unless they start dating each other…oh no…if this movie becomes my real life, I think I might “accidentally” fall off that clock tower in Twilight Town.

Demyx

Man, this movie was weird! I thought this was going to be a fun, easy mission, but those two so-called lovebirds need to seriously chill out, you know? They’re all like: “I’d rather die than stay away from you!” How depressing is that? Well, I haven’t felt depressed in years, but that’s beside the point. The music is pretty much all indie stuff too, with lyrics about the PAIN and the GUILT and the ANGST of FORBIDDEN LOVE. Bo-ring! Actually, some of it’s pretty good, and I liked the theme, called “Bella’s Lullaby,” or something like that. But is that really what girls are into? Sparkly boys who threaten to kill them and then play songs for them on the piano? Back in my world, girls used to fall all over me, but it was because I could play a wicked rendition of “Little Less Conversation,” and wink at them at all the right times. At least, I thought that was it. Or maybe it was because my guitar could sparkle in the sunlight. Weird. Anyway, I guess it was a good movie, but I don’t get why girls like it. I guess that’s why I’m not a girl.

Luxord

As I watched this entry in The Twilight Saga, I quickly deduced that a girl like Bella Swan would make for a terrible poker player. She survived the plot through pure luck and paid very little attention to the risks involved with her actions. Her dilemmas could have been easily avoided, but her character is the type that insists on walking unprotected through dark alleyways and confronting potential monsters in lonely places where she cannot hope to seek help. She would have died before we reached the halfway point of the film if she had not associated herself with other, powerful friends. It got infuriating after a while, especially because I kept losing munny to Xigbar when he would correctly predict Bella’s actions. I would think, Surely, she won’t do that. Surely, she cannot be THAT stupid! And within a matter of seconds, Xigbar would be reaching out for more munny.

No matter. He loses to me in all of our other matches.

Marluxia

This film had a great deal of potential to it. Actually, I think I would have enjoyed it much more if I had possessed the heart to feel sympathy for Bella’s plight. But at least it was helpful to me as I develop my plan for using Naminé to lure Sora to the Organization. Apparently, boys love protecting girls and girls love being protected by boys. Yes…I shall have to look into this…maybe I will force Naminé to watch the movie and spark some ideas in her mind when she inevitably changes the Hero’s memories.

Larxene

It sucked. Don’t ever make me watch it again.

Roxas

I had a hard time understanding this movie. When the Organization first saw it, I was still in what Axel calls “zombie mode,” so I didn’t get to go. But after several months, Saïx decided that I needed to finally complete that mission, so I ended up making Axel and Xion watch it with me. But somehow, they made it even more confusing. When I watched the people on the screen, they acted like they were sad, angry, and upset most of the time, but Axel couldn’t stop laughing. He even fell off of the edge of his chair at one point. I didn’t think it was nice to laugh at people who were having problems, but I guess that’s Axel for you. Xion seemed to like it and she kept glaring at us whenever he started laughing and I started asking questions. And boy, did I have questions.

Why did the girl want to stay with the vampire so badly if he kept saying that he was dangerous? Why didn’t he stay away from her if he thought it was too dangerous? And what was so dangerous about them being together? Nothing bad happened until the bad vampires showed up, but they were already hunting people before the boy and the girl started hanging out together, so it was just a coincidence, right? Besides, if the guy kept saving the girl’s life, that would mean that he was good for her, right? Not dangerous. And what the heck are vampires? And how is this supposed to help us build Kingdom Hearts? Do we need to collect vampires’ hearts too? I sure wish Axel would stop laughing every time I ask him these questions.

So, um, I guess the movie was okay. But would it kill the Organization to give me an assignment that doesn’t leave me feeling completely confused, at least once?

Xion

Oh my goodness, I loved this movie so much!! That was the most fun that I’ve ever had on a mission, except for the ones when I got to team up with Axel or Roxas. Anyway, Twilight was really cute and really sad! See, there’s this girl named Bella, who’s the new girl, and everyone’s staring at her and treating her like she’s really special, even though she doesn’t feel like she’s special at all. And I can really relate to that, because I’m the newest member of the Organization too, and everyone treats me like I’m special because I have a Keyblade, but I don't really feel special at all. My friends worry about me all the time, even though I wish they wouldn’t. And Bella’s like that too: she’s just a normal girl, but all the guys ask her out on dates and ignore her attempts to say that she's not interested. Well, at least she doesn't have to worry about Saix. Actually, that was one thing that kind of bugged me. Bella complains a lot about how bad her life is, but it looked a lot better than mine. At least she doesn't have anyone threatening to eliminate her until the bad vampires show up.

Anyway, she finally meets her Edward, and he is such a nice, tragic boy! He’s actually a monster, but he doesn’t want to be, so he tries to live a normal life as much as possible. And oh, he loves Bella! So that’s what love is! I wish I could have a boyfriend like Edward: someone strong and caring who could protect me from Saïx and the rest of the Organization. Besides, I know that I get into more life-threatening situations than Bella does. Oh well, at least I have Axel and Roxas, and I wouldn’t trade my best friends for anything! And sometimes Riku can be nice and helpful.

Hey…I just realized something…Riku has golden eyes and he’s a mysterious, handsome boy, just like Edward Cullen! Maybe he’s a vampire and that’s why he defeated me so easily! Maybe he loves me and that’s why he keeps going back and forth between avoiding me and being friendly.

I need to look into this.

~ THE END ~​

A/N: Thanks for reading! And reviews are always appreciated!
 

madammina

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Once again, spot on and really made me laugh. I'm fairly sure this is how they would all react.
 

TwilightRiku_13

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Oh my God, that was so great!!! Man, Xemnas is so cruel; out of all the bad movies out there, he had to pick that one to see. Anyway, all of the reveiws were spot on in regards to the personality of each member. My favorite review was definitely what Saix wrote in his personal journal; when I saw that movie, I definitely felt my IQ lowering as well. Anyway, great job, and I look forward to more.
 

Organization_42

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Thanks guys! :D I'm glad you liked it!

Man, Xemnas is so cruel; out of all the bad movies out there, he had to pick that one to see.

ROFL, well, in all fairness to Xemnas, as I tried to imply in his report, he honestly didn't know what he was getting them into. He just thought it would be a good way to understand the human heart. Little did he know that some things are better left not understood...
 

King Sora X

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I agree with Madi, I do think this is how EXACTLY they all would react when reveiwing this movie. I personally loved Xigbar's review. He didn't care for the movie, but at least he got butloads of cash >D

Great job. :)
 

KingdomKey

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It was funny reading there reviews on a movie like that ^_^ you did a great job and i couldn't help but lol at there reactions to the movie.
 

Horizon's Knight

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That was soo funny. Saix's, Axel's, Xigbar's, Xaldin's, and Larxene's were the best. I'm not a Twilight fan, as I am a guy, but the way the Organization reviewed a movie is a great and very funny concept. I personally think you should make more Organization XIII movie reviews like things this one!
 

Chill

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I laughed a HEAP while I was reading spot on! I enjoyed the fact that Axel couldn't stop laughing whhile he watched the movie.

BRAVO!BRAVO! ;-)
 

Organization_42

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WOW guys, thank you so much for all the reviews! :D

I personally think you should make more Organization XIII movie reviews like things this one!

If you want me to, I have been thinking of writing some more, particularly High School Musical and Toy Story 3 (don't take that the wrong way; I loved both movies and I think TS3 is the best movie of 2010, but making the Org watch it...lol...).

I didn't like Xion's "reaction". I don't think Xion would like Twilight. Maybe Aqua, but not Xion.

I think both of them would. (But Aqua would then go on to dislike "Breaking Dawn" because of all the nonsense that takes place in THAT book...) Aqua's proven that she's a romantic at heart because of how happy she was when Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora got reunited with their princes, so she'd probably get sucked into the Twilight craze initially.

But I really do think that Xion would like Twilight, and it has nothing to do with my opinion of her or the series (sort of), because she's sweet, innocent, and naive when it comes to things like romance. She never experienced anything like that in the Organization, so hey, if she watched a movie where a handsome boy wanted to protect a pretty girl from danger and attend to her every whim, she'd probably just go along with that, not scream, "THAT IS TOTALLY UNREALISTIC! AND VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!" Besides, I had pretty much everyone else in the Org bashing the movie; I felt that SOMEBODY had to like it. :)
 
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