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This is my first time writing in a while. (Vignette)



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stephaknee

Hakuna Matata
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Apr 17, 2004
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Hai. I wrote something. It's supposed to be very short but it still feels incomplete and I'd like some thoughts/suggestions

She felt the vomit bubble through her stomach, an acidic stream of bile and regret erupting through her esophagus. Tears of frustration and confusion and self-pity welled at her eyes. She laid her forehead on the cold porcelain, desperate to feel connected to anything around her. With a sad smile, she tried to make peace with the reality she was fighting this battle alone. She willed herself to be strong and brave; she did not need anybody else. She was above that. An aggressive sob revolted through her body in protest.

How did she get here, to this place in her life? Why had she allowed herself to make so many mistakes? Feelings of anger, betrayal, self-loathing tore through her chest. They crippled her more than the unabating contractions in her uterus.

She always dreamt of having a baby. Yearned for it. But this? This thing festering in her womb was not a baby. It was some creature, some alien. It was uninvited. It repulsed her. She wanted to claw it out, stomp on it like an insect. She shuddered knowing this monster lived inside her. Sustained life off of her. It invaded her, pierced her without permission. It laid siege on her body; it mocked her illusion of autonomy. It now controlled her.

He drove her to this. The person she once trusted. The one she thought could save her. She hated him. She hated that he could not even pretend to care about her. That he could not even console her. He was proud of it, in fact. Delighted he could dissociate himself from her anguish; annoyed that she felt so much. But he hid behind that mask, she knew. Emotions were as foreign to him as this baby was to her. Together and alone, they erased each.

This baby was only half-human. Only half-feeling.

She touched her stomach. A twinge of uncertainty met her hand. This was her connection to him. With sadness she conceded that it did not belong here. It was a ghost inside of her. An apparition of broken promises and a severed bond. A knot tied together with frayed rope, one finally torn. She did not want this or him.

She closed her eyes. Swallowed her pill. And she let it all unravel.
 

KingdomKey

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From the moment I started, I couldn't stop reading it. In some ways I wish it were longer, however, this short piece was very gripping, down to the last detail; leaving me very satisfied. The girl is very brave and I feel very sad for her too.
 
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Gram

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;A; How gripping yet so sad. That poor girl, I dont really know what to say....except great job. I dont usually read but you have captured my attention.
I know you said you thought it was incomplete but personally I feel its perfect as it is.
 
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