Help/Support ► Well shit...

[LegendaryHeroLCB]

Hey guys. I'm not really type to do this kind of thing but I've opened up enough to sort of get this out because I really don't know what to do about this.

About two years ago, I met this girl (name not going to be given) and its because of her that so many things about me have changed for better and worse (mostly better). In a nutshell, this is the girl that I still think about up to this very day. We were together for about a year after finally understanding what we meant to each other and just had a great time. Even though things would eventually go sour (and get chilled out), we still had that connection that made our relationship special. In all honesty, I can safely say that I felt love towards this girl. Even now as I'm writing this I'm remembering everything that we did together. It makes me smile on the outside, but I'm hurting now because of recent events.

Because of the emotional scarring that hit me when we split, I sort of hit a brick wall and started to do the only thing I knew how to do when I'm upset: lash out and beat myself up. For a long time I was the shining example of Panzy. I acted like one, let crap go when I would never do it, shit grades, declining relationships with other friends (got most of that worked out) and became something that I absolutely hate myself for: a sort of abuser.

I was so angry at what happened to me and the things that I did (being a bitch basically) that lead to our split that I just took all my rage out on anyone I could find some type of reason for letting loose. Eventually, that anger would turn to the very girl I cared about so dearly for and I ended up hurting her (emotionally, I'd kill myself if I ever hit her) for ditching me for a guy I knew deep down in my gut (and turns out I was right) was a manipulator. After that, we stopped talking for a while. the thing is, I separated myself from her and everyone I knew because I couldn't face myself knowing that I would have no problem saying terrible things (and in one case I pretty much considered killing the same guy that "stole" her from me, feel ashamed up to this day). Funny thing is, she still held on to the grace that she has today and never gave up on and waited. I eventually made contact with her but it wasn't the same.

Even though I smiled and laughed with her I still had all these horrible emotions bottled up. I wanted her to feel what I felt so bad that I was willing to buildup our relationship to what it was before our split just to break it off (this time me being the one who calls it off). Turns out that while my plan was working itself to its big finish, I couldn't bring myself to see her cry again (I've only made her cry one time and that really kupoed me up) because of something that I did. I separated from her again becaue I was so afraid to tell her how I really felt.

Eventually, I came to and told her everything. I was about to punch myself too because she would only respond with forgiveness. I've never met a girl like her and sure as hell never will. Then school finally got in the way big time and we stopped talking to each other on a frequent level. She kept living her life and kept living mine. But every now and then I would look at something and remember some moment we shared.

But now since we've finally gotten into contact with each other again, I'm just straight up stuck. She's been working really hard lately on something I would never dream she would do. She's preparing to start training with the Marine Corps. and I'm just beyond myself with shock and disbelief. With all these things going on in the real world and how she's at such a young age (one year under me) I'm just confused as to why she'd want to go into something like this.

I sort of fell like it was my separation from her has in some way motivated her to come to such choices but in my heart of hearts that just feels selfish as kupo. I want to confront her about it but I can't figure out a way how to. It's so bad that I'm actually supporting her when I'm actually praying in the back of my head that she drops this. This whole thing has really got me thinking about the kind of person I might be and my true feelings about this girl.

So I'm pretty much just reaching out and asking: what do I do?

 

[luna008]

its normal for you to want her not to do this, you're worrid about her safty. but your also encouraging her to do what she wants and thats for the best.just keep doing what you are. its going to be tough, but you two will get through this, no matter how things will play out! but if you really want to confront her about this, just start by asking why she decided to go into the marines and go from there.

as for what kind of person you really are, i wont lie, you did seem kind of panzy-ish and taking it out on others was wrong, but you're just human. we all get like that at times. what you're doing now, and the things you've done to try to fix the situations, that out weighs the bad things. and atleasti can tell you really care for this girl if not love her.

so just take things one day at a time. im sure it'll all work out just fine!

 

[LegendaryHeroLCB]

I appreciate the advice but this is one of those things that I feel like I should stop her from doing at like all costs but like I said before it's so hard to think that way when I've pretty much vowed to be understanding of her choices. It sounds desperate but I don't want her to be shipped to some faraway place where who knows what the hell is happening to her and she comes back a totally different person.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

ditching me for a guy I knew deep down in my gut (and turns out I was right) was a manipulator

This is where I stopped reading, because I felt like I had learned enough. You do not need this girl in your life. Walk away.

 

[King Sora X]

On some levels, I know what you're going through. I've had a few girls that left me for some a-hole prick. It hurts, and sucks even worse. It's not uncommon that you would have thoughts of harming the guy physically, and making her feel the emotional pain you went through. I also can understand your feelings towards her joining the army. I can't stand it when my cousins go there, but if it's their choice(in this case, the girl), then you have to ask yourself if this what she wants. I'm not going to lie to you and say some shit like "make her stay whatever it takes".

I think in the end of it all, you really have to dig deep, and find out just how much you love her. If she's working so hard to get into the Marine Corps to just get into it, then this must be something that she wants to do.

I do have one question. At the end of your post, you didn't mention anything about the guy she left you for. I take it this means he's out of the way? Seeing as how you two are on semi-speaking terms.

 

[Nutari]

This is where I stopped reading, because I felt like I had learned enough. You do not need this girl in your life. Walk away.

You sound a lot like me. Walk away bro. I had not a similar experience, but every now and again, I think about my ex who exposed me to a lot of things. She did something like this except she left me because she grew bored, and her B.O.B. could do the work I didn't want to.

Anywho, I'm all about second chances, and I think at the moment, it wont happen. If you were content with waiting you should be content to wait until she returns, or she isn't it. There are so many dimonds out there, you just have to find them bro.

 

[LegendaryHeroLCB]

This is where I stopped reading, because I felt like I had learned enough. You do not need this girl in your life. Walk away.

In all sincerity, I actually accepted the idea. If things really are the way they might seem, I'll be ready to handle it. At the moment, though, I'm still too stubborn to actually go through with it.

On some levels, I know what you're going through. I've had a few girls that left me for some a-hole prick. It hurts, and sucks even worse. It's not uncommon that you would have thoughts of harming the guy physically, and making her feel the emotional pain you went through. I also can understand your feelings towards her joining the army. I can't stand it when my cousins go there, but if it's their choice(in this case, the girl), then you have to ask yourself if this what she wants. I'm not going to lie to you and say some shit like "make her stay whatever it takes".

I think in the end of it all, you really have to dig deep, and find out just how much you love her. If she's working so hard to get into the Marine Corps to just get into it, then this must be something that she wants to do.

I do have one question. At the end of your post, you didn't mention anything about the guy she left you for. I take it this means he's out of the way? Seeing as how you two are on semi-speaking terms.

In a nutshell, he and I had it out on recurring occasions. Aside from burning jealousy, I was trying my very best to get him to show who he really was. After a while I gave up on the conflict for a bit since she wouldn't listen and he just kept carrying on. The part that sucks is that I was so strongly convinced that he was an asshead, I didn't actually have clear-cut proof. Fortunately, he confessed to sneaking around behind her back after he abandoned her. If I see his ass on the street he's living in a hospital (in the back of my head I still consider the consequences and I wouldn't do well in prison of assault and/or attempted murder).

You sound a lot like me. Walk away bro. I had not a similar experience, but every now and again, I think about my ex who exposed me to a lot of things. She did something like this except she left me because she grew bored, and her B.O.B. could do the work I didn't want to.

Anywho, I'm all about second chances, and I think at the moment, it wont happen. If you were content with waiting you should be content to wait until she returns, or she isn't it. There are so many dimonds out there, you just have to find them bro.

I appreciate the insight. Since we're still on the Just Friends level, I've still been going out with other people, sort of "scouting" I guess. Part that sucks is 1. They're pretty much close friends now that I really don't want for anything else and 2. Never feel the same way.

But if push comes to shove, I'll look for someone else.