Fanfiction ► When the World Crashes

[Erebus Kronos]

Hello all! I made this some time ago and chose to post it. This is just the intro and the first chapter. If you guys like it I shall post the second chapter. =3 I'm still editing the chapters so they are not fully completed yet but their something to go off on. Enjoy and happy reading.

When the World Crashes

Intro:

What if? What if your world came crashing and you lost everything? Your home, family, and friends. All lost in an instant. What if you were consumed by the thickest of the darkness of the world for years and more years to come? What would you do? Would you care or would you just shrug it off like it was nothing?
That is what happened to the two brightest kids on the planet. Never looked down on anyone, it didn’t matter who they were. Their whole life changed in an instant…everything they knew was gone in under a second. Separated for years not knowing the other was alive. One of them, Zi, hardly showed his emotions in the open. He acts as though nothing had happened to him. But inside there is a growing pain and cry that he never wants to let out. It kills him inside every time he thinks about it. After all the events the events he sets out on a quest trying to find his long lost friend. The rest? Well you’ll find out for yourself…

Chapt. 1: The Beginning of an End

Two taps of running feet could be heard off in the distance in the town market. It sounded like a group of teenagers causing trouble. You could see little silhouettes in the distance but it couldn’t be seen clearly. One of the towns’ people looked off in the distance, and saw these two kids running, but before he knew it one of the kids passed him and another one, a young girl pushed him and he fell onto the ground. “Hey you stupid kids watch where you’re going!” He screamed at them as he got up and cursed under his breath more. The kids were Zi and Tai were running threw the market, running into everything that was in their way. More of the towns’ people started yelling at them to stop before they do real damage.
The two didn’t care that much at all, in fact they didn’t really notice them at all. Zi was laughing as he ran; he had a big proud grin on his face. He glanced over his shoulder to see if Tai was still behind him, he had pisses her off by eating her lunch on purpose because he had nothing else to do and wanted to spark something. Tai was nowhere in site, it’s like she gave up. Then suddenly he heard a yell of anger, and then he looked back behind him. He saw that there was a cloud of dirt everywhere behind him, he really couldn’t see much. But then in a flash, there was Tai running out of the dirt cloud and creating more as she sprinted angrily. Tai was closing in on Zi quickly. “Get back here Zi!” Tai shouted at him, “So I can beat the snot out of you!” she had a really pissed of look on her face. Zi got a little worried as he looked at her face, “Not a chance! You’re going to try and kill me!” He said still laughing at her.
The two sprinted out of the market and onto the beach. The sun was setting and the sky was a dark shade of purple and shades of yellow and gold. It looked as though it were dawn. You could see their black childish looking silhouettes in front of the sun on the sandy beach running and messing around around. Zi looked over his shoulder again to see if he could see Tai, he saw she had stopped to catch her breath. He stopped running and looked back and laughed to himself as he watched her as she crouched down and put her hands on her knees to rest for a moment. Then he saw that she picked up something in the sand. He tilted his head in confusion. Then Tai stood up and looked at him with a mysterious grin. She only gives that grin when she has a plot up her sleeve.
“Hey, Tai! You give up?” He shouted to her as he started to walk towards her and laughed as he was proud of himself. “Shut up!” She said as she looked at him and smiled and sarcastically laughed as she tried to hide her anger towards him. “What are you planning?” Zi said cautiously to her as he hesitated to take another step towards her. “Nothing…” She said as she started to walk calmly towards him acting like nothing was wrong. Zi got really confused and scratch his head trying to figure out what she’s going to do to him as she passes by him.
The he felt a hard smack on the top of his head; it sounded and felt like he ran his head into a brick wall. He fell to the ground, not yet figured out what had happened yet. He held the top of his head and took it off to see if there was any blood. Then he saw a rock drop to the sand. It looked like she pulled it off a mountain because it was so rugged and sharp. Tai stood there and laughed at him after she gave him a large bump on his head. She was the proud one now, it was no longer him.
He was a little upset about that but it was covered up by the throbbing pain on his head. Every time the wind blew his hair it stung ever worse. He moaned for a minute, wanting to lie down on the sand and just sit there for an hour or two. He soon moved around and stumbled to his feet. Then he looked at Tai angrily and slouched over holding his head and pointed his finger at her. “That was not fair! I didn’t hit you when I ate you lunch now did I?!” He shouted at her as he clenched his teeth and wanting to hit her back. Tai laughed at him as he got angrier and angrier at her every second. She tried to ignore him and looked at the sky. Zi noticed that Tai’s face suddenly changed as she looked into the sky, it was a look of confusion.
He held his temper for a moment and looked up at the sky. He noticed there was a tiny strand of black leaking out of the sky. It was wavy like a piece black string was stuck in the sky trying to get away by dancing. He stood up straight and concentrated on it more. He thought it didn’t look like the night sky, it was way too dark. The night sky didn’t appear like that all; it was all new to them. They just stood there and stared. The wind started to pick up a bit more. The strand became bigger and multiplied and took the shape of clouds, and soon almost covered the sky.
Along with the clouds came the thundering dark purple that flashed every other second that billowed inside them. There was also flashes of dark blue lightning, then the wind picked up even more violently as the sky became pitch black. The sun was still showing but barely, the clouds spread to cover it up, little beams of light from the sun flickered as it tried to give the planet warmth. “The darkness! The darkness!” The people screamed. People started to panic as the last gleams of the sun were covered by the dark clouds. The people now started to run into their homes for protection.
When that happened, everyone screamed in shear terror. But Zi and Tai ignored every single last one of them, they were too consumed by what was going on in the sky, it was like they were mesmerized of what was going on around them. Everything happened so fast. Then suddenly, everything went silent and freezing cold. Zi felt Tai grab onto his shirt. He looked down at her, “We need to leave.” He said calm but had a sort of panic in his voice. He looked down at the sand and saw a foot away that the sand was turning black and then disappearing.
He heard a big crash and crumples all around them so he looked around and saw mountains, homes, and everything else in sight and nothing was wrong. He looked on the mountain where their homes were. Then again everything went silent for a moment then everything caved in and dicinagrated. Then everything started again, thunder, lightning and the wind. Zi grabbed Tai’s hand and started to run.
They didn’t run far the ground was black and they were stuck. It was as if someone or something was grabbing a hold of them and pulling them down. Zi looked down at Tai. “What’s going on?!” Tai said as she had a tears started rolling down her face. “I don’t know.” He said in a panic and scared. Then the clouds of darkness rushed causing a big gust of wind over them and both of them were tugged apart violently from one another.
“Tai!” Zi screamed out as he started to panic. As he scanned around with his eyes franticly as he tried to get free of this cloud trying to consume him. He got one arm out but the other was stuck. Then he heard a faint voice scream his name and Tai’s hand reach out at him. “Tai!” He screamed as he was glad to see her and still scared of what was going on. He reached out for her hand and touched her finger tips and scrambled to get a hold of them to try and save them both. Zi grabbed one of her fingers but then Tai’s hand dicinagrated into a black mist. “Tai!” Zi shouted as tears rolled down his face.
Then he was tugged into the dark cloud and everything went pitch-black around him, and he disappeared. He was falling; it felt like it would never end. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t hear anything except his racing heart beat as it sounded like it was going to pop. A cloud surrounded him and then disbursed into tiny little strands as he continued to fall. Then it all stopped, and everything went blank.
The Earth was consumed by the darkness, the planet was no more. It couldn’t sustain all the wars and battle going on. All the hatred was collected and compressed in the atmosphere. The compression of hatred expanded to the point it broke and killed the planet.

 

[ViVi94]

Awesome story, A tip, after each paragraph, skip a line, it makes it easier to read.

 

[snowdog]

^ Agreed.

Hey TD! Told you I'd post!

It's a nice start, I hope to see lots more <3

 

[Erebus Kronos]

Hey thanks guys. I'll post the second chapter later.

 

[Haku]

Its a great start so far, I look forward into seeing more of what happens.

 

[Shadowysights]

Wow, very good, keep it up! Just space out the paragraghs next time like ViVi suggested

 

[Erebus Kronos]

Okay heres the second chapter. I double spaced it this time.


Chapt. 2: Awakening

Zi awoke lying down in a place that wasn’t normal to him. He struggled to open

his eyes; he blinked a few times to regain his vision that was taken from him. The

sky was a dark cloudy grey and black and so was the ground. It looked though

as if he was floating in mid-air, but he was lying on an invisible ground. He

flinched his hands to see if he could feel the ground, he felt nothing. He sat up

and tried to look around but everything was such a blur, the black and grey

clouds were moving around.


The dark place made him dizzy too much so he put his hands over his eyes, and

shut them. The remembered what had just happened. His mind revealed bits and

pieces of what happened; they were all in random order. Then all of the flash

backs stopped for a moment, Zi’s hand started to shake and he started to sweat.

Then he remembered about Tai and what happened to her. He stood up and

franticly looked around. “TAI!” He screamed out and waiting for and answer back,

but nothing did, not even a tap. He started to cry to himself as he fell on the floor

with his hands buried in his face. Zi cried himself to sleep, he was all alone.


He woke-up a couple hours later and whipped the dry tears from his eyes. He sat

up and looked down at the cold floor before he stood up once again, and glanced

around. He saw clothes lying on the ground along with some sort of sword. He

saw a shadowed figure and ran towards him, he thought it might be his hope for

a way out of this place. “Hey wait!” He shouted as he ran faster towards the

figure. The figure disappeared into the darkness, like he was never there in the

first place. “Where am I?” He shouted as his voice started to trail off and echo

out, “What’s going on!” He shouted again and again as he got more and more

frustrated and soon lost hope of getting out of where ever he was. He looked

back and the clothes and sword and walked towards them. He picked up the

clothes and noticed that they were his exact size.


He looked back at the darkness where the figure had disappeared. He didn’t

realize that the clothes were for him. He put the clothes down and looked at the

sword. He bent down and tried to pick up the sword. He barely picked it off the

ground; it was too heavy for him. He noticed that some of the people who fought

in the tournament at his home town used these in their battles. He put it down

gently and looked at the symbol on the sword and studied it. It was nothing he

had seen before; it had four makings on it. The markings were made of some sort

of blue gem, he knew that they meant something but didn’t know what though.

He glanced over at the clothes again and then started to put them on.


He put on a dark blue shirt that looked rugged, and the on top of that a black

rugged shirt, it made him feel like he was at home because his family was poor.

He tucked the two layers of clothes into the tan cargo plants and put the two

chains lying on the floor threw the some of the belt loops in his pants, the chains

crossed one another, he thought that they would look cool and keeps him

balanced out. He put on the gloves that had the finger tips cut off for grip and the

other parts of his gloves for shock absorbent. He then put on the boots set out

for him, they looked like military boots with three buckles for his shine and two

buckles for the tops of his shoes.


He looked at the sword again and tried to pick it up again. He tried his hardest to

try and pick it up again, his arms started to strain, but then the gem on it started

to glow brightly. He took his hands off and covered his eyes, the sword feel to

the ground but didn’t make a sound. The gems on the sword that glowed brightly

had started to dim down.


“What was that all about?” He said to himself as he took his hands of his eyes.

He tried to pick the sword up again and he again just barely picked up off the

ground, his arms strained even worse and pulled a muscle, but it didn’t glow

again. He tried to swing to slash it into the air, but when he tried he lost his grip

and the sword went flying and skidded to a stop on the ground. He was worn out

already from that one swing. He looked at the sword and started walking

towards it; he could barely lift his arms. He looked up into the black sky.


“I’ll train hard to get out of here. I swear, I’ll come looking for you, and I will find

you. I promise.” Zi said into the open hoping Tai could hear him. But there was a

doubt in the back of his mind, that she was gone.


A years have passed, “I’m frick’n 12 and this sword still is heavy!” He said as he

rested the blade on his shoulder and his other had on his side. Zi shook his head

and lifted the sword off his shoulder put it out right in front of his at an angle so

the aerodynamics would be on his side. He trained everyday, the sword he

practiced with became lighter and lighter every time he used it, but not by much.

He bulked out a bit from wielding the blade around for hours a day. What was

odd to his that he never grew out of his clothes. It was like the more he grew the

clothes would grow with him. He never was hungry, his stomach had froze and

he never felt hungry any more he staid healthy.


Everyday was the same, sleep and train. There was no sun with the clouds and a

slight breeze; there was no moon with the stars. One day he sat his sword on

the ground and whipped his sweat off his forehead and dropped to his knees to

rest for a moment. “I’m not good enough!” He shouted to himself as he punched

the floor and a couple droplets of sweat came with it. He lied down and put his

hands behind his head so he could relax for a bit before he starts training again.

He shut his eyes and took a nap for a bit, he awoke in a jolt, something that

startled him. He stood up and looked around but no one was there. He had a

serious look on his face, and then he shouted: “Who’s there!” He stood up and

listened, but got no response. He just tossed it off like it was nothing, just his

imagination playing tricks on him.


He picked up his sword and just stared at it for a couple moments. “I wonder

how much damage this sword can really do.” He said to himself. “It is not a

sword; it’s a heavy blade.” A deep voice said as it laughed. Zi jumped in shock

then went to a defensive stance. “Who are you?” He shouted, and quickly

glanced around to spot someone. “Who I am is none of your business.” The voice

said. “Fine then! Where am I?” Zi said on his guard. “In the realm of darkness of

course. You were brought here when you planet was destroyed.” The voice said

as he laughed a little again. “Your little friend too was brought here as well.”


“You mean Tai?!” Zi said in excitement as his hope was lifted and his eyes

widened and he had a big grin on his face. “I’m not alone!” He thought. “Yes her,

she’s here, but she left because she was hand chosen by the Queen.” “What do

you mean chosen! Where is she?!” “She’s with the Queen, that’s all you need to

know for now.” “Who’s the Queen?!” “You’ll see soon enough boy.” Zi clenched

his heavy blade tighter and clenched his teeth.


“You have been training well.” “Yeah I have! To kick your ass!” Zi said to try and

track the voice out from the shadows. “You’re sure cocky now. That’s good, if you

want to be a warrior.” Zi stayed quiet for a moment. “Ahh, so that’s why you train

nonstop now. That’s a good way get stronger.” The man laughed. “Don’t worry;

you’ll be out soon enough.” The voice trailed off. “What do you mean?” Zi

shouted out, but he got no reply. Zi got angry as he thought about Tai as the

man said she was hand picked. “I’m coming for you!” He said to himself.


Four years have gone by since the encounter with the voice from the shadows.

He was training as usual; it has become a habit for him now. But today was

different, but he didn’t know it. He did a few jabs and kicks, and then he sprinted

to his heavy blade a few feet away. He skidded to a stop as he picked up his

heavy blade. He put his hand in front of him and slowly put his heavy blade

behind him and stopped midway. He looked like he was about to sprint. He bent

his knees and looked up into the air, and then he launched into the air. He put

his other hand behind his back so both of his hands would be on the grip on the

blade.


He took in a deep breath and exhaled as he chopped straight down with all his

force and the quickly swung it to the right for the second attack, then he turned

the blade around to the heavy blade would be parallel to his forearm. Then he

jetted downward; the blade started to shake and rattle against his arm. The

blade shook loose and Zi lost his grip and the sword and it flew up into the air

behind him. He looked behind him to see wear the sword went but crashed down

onto the ground on his face. His hand twitched for a half second then he quickly

got up, and got angry.


“Damn sword! I-” His heavy blade cut his off as the flat part hit the top of his

head and knocked him onto the floor again. “That piece of crap!” He shouted

while holding his head. He shrugged his head pain off and he stretched out for a

bit and then touched his toes, and when he looked up he saw a gleam of light. It

was very dim but it was light! He started to walk towards it in curiosity. Then the

light grew stronger, he squinted to get a good look at it as he got closer to

it. “What the-?” Zi said in not knowing what to do.


“It’s time!” The voice from the shadows said just before everything light up, a

flash. Zi covered his eyes from the blinding light. When he tried to open his eyes

a sharp pain reeked through his body. He was in darkness so long that the new

light he was exposed to turn his eye golden yellow. He took his hands away from

his eyes and squinted and looked around. He saw all different sorts of colors, and

was confused. He saw trees, flowers, grass, and rocks. “Whe-where am I?” Zi

said softly to himself. He felt a soft breeze against his cheek and the rustling of

the trees. Then he glanced around and noticed that he was free from the

darkness.

 

[Haku]

Another great chapter, I really want to know where the voice from the shadows was from can't wait to see what happens next!

 

[Erebus Kronos]

Eh, this thread is dieing on me. I'll post a couple more chapters later.

 

[Dark-Disciple]

I'm sorry for taking so long to read this, but lately it's been getting very hectic down here as I try to get everything settled so that I can leave for vacations and I just haven't found time for anything...


.
As I was reading the first chapter though, I felt that there was a lot of repetition in words and some parts just didn't seem to flow with the rhythm of the story. However, the core structure of it is pretty good, and the main storyline itself depicts the events quite well.
For the First chapter, just work a bit with the details and the passing between things being said and the inside thoughts of a character, and you are golden...
Overall it was a pretty good start and I really liked the way you introduced the main story. ^_^

For the second Chapter: The spacing between the paragraphs served pretty well and it helped a lot to add to the flow of the story.
I highly enjoyed this chapter specially for the suspense you gave it.
I also enjoyed the small fighting scene you placed at the end and I believe that it was really well executed, and I congratulate you for that.
The end specifically caught my attention because the way that you make the reader anxious of what happens in the next chapters. Keep it up...

Taking the chance that the story is still young, The only thing I will advice you on is to not overdo the cliffhangers. Keep this in mind when you are developing the next couple of chapters for this is one of those double edges swords in writing...


Ok, so far, it's developing into quite a kickass story. Keep it up T_D I'll be looking forwards to the next chapters and I strongly suggest that you don't let this idea die....