• Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

White Ice and Cold Ashes



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

Nyangoro

Break the Spell
Joined
May 18, 2007
Messages
12,503
Awards
5
Age
32
Location
Somewhere 2D
Her destination lay on the lowest floor—the darkest, most isolated room this place had to offer.

This line struck me as odd. The formatting makes me think you are describing the floor, yet the word "room" seems to indicate that the description belongs to the destination. It's nothing major, but it does sound a bit awkward.

Other than that, I didn't notice anything in particular. This is a very well written piece. Your detail is fabulous, and the story passed at just the right speed for flash fiction. Overall, an excellently done work of fiction.

As for the symbolism that you wanted people to find, the only thing I can think of is that these two characters are, in fact, two parts of the same person; and the logical self has been wrestling with the emotional self for years until she was finally able to suppress it completely (effectively killing it off).

Of course, if by "symbolism", you meant that you were alluding to some other story, I'd have no clue, lol.
 
Last edited:

Almagest

New member
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
143
Location
The City of Roses
Hurray! A comment! Finally! It only took...what? The 37th person? =P

This line struck me as odd. The formatting makes me think you are describing the floor, yet the word "room" seems to indicate that the description belongs to the destination. It's nothing major, but it does sound a bit awkward.

Oh, that does sound awkward now that I'm reading it over again. The room is the destination and it's on the lowest floor, but I phrased it rather poorly =P

As for the symbolism that you wanted people to find, the only thing I can think of is that these two characters are, in fact, to parts of the same person; and the logical self has been wrestling with the emotional self for years until she was finally able to suppress it completely (effectively killing it off).

Ding ding ding! Give the man a prize! =D That is indeed the symbolism. Kudos to you! *gives cookie*

I wanted to write about the conflict between mind and heart, and I was torn between creating a poem or a short story. I wrote the poem first, but I wanted more description so I wrote this short story. =P I'm thinking about posting the poem too.
 

Siren

brutally homeless and fluffy
Joined
Feb 19, 2006
Messages
2,335
Awards
2
I like your sense of voice with this one. Good story, and it's told well; unfortunately I didn't try to pick through it for the symbolism, so thank god for Nevermore, right?

One thing:

anti-chamber.

I believe that the term is 'antechamber' or 'ante-chamber' or something of the sort.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top