(Double Post...)
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Review
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I'd think it'd be quite obvious that Master Xehanort not do anything about Xando's capture. Xando's showing some real weakness right now...He should have overpowered those rebels by now and should have ceased the futile resistance in the name of his father. He had the little servant girl practically eating out of his hands and didn't once ask her to open his cell...! Get ruthless, Xando... Yeah, Xehanort did right, this should have been a test of Xando's capabilities, and so far, Xando is failing, sitting comfortably with the enemy, chilling...
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Criticism
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Though I've read both 1 and 2, I've found points to make only in Chapter 1.
Chapter 1
- There were a few misspelled/misused words; enough to note anyways (dessert vs desert, spit vs split).
His yellow eyes showed neither mercy nor compassion.
- Why would his eyes be showing mercy or compassion; what did his son do to which Xehanort should show such an emotion in the first place. Perhaps being a little more vague would suffice.
i.e.
His yellow glare was hard, as if to pierce through his own son.
This does more of a job by avoiding implication; this doesn't imply that Xehanort should have been merciful or compassionate.
A group of figures cloaked in brown walked slowly towards the wreckage. They had seen the ship crash into the mountain and decided to search for survivors. But now, looking at the ruin, there was no way anyone could have survived.
"The craft exploded on impact," said one of the figures, "the entire thing went up like kindling. If someone survived the crash, then they burned to death.
Something to consider; here, I'm assuming all of the brown cloaked figure witnessed the accident. So, in essence, the talking figure seems reiterative, as in he's seemingly stating the obvious to his comrades. I figure this is just a way to connect with the audience, but I've come to the fact that sometimes the audience doesn't need to be connected with as exensively as we writer think that they do. In short, you probably could have saved yourself a line or two by doing away with the figure's dialogue,
OR added a bit of early personality to the figures by have one respond to that line.
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Overall
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That it's. We find that Xando's not nearly as cold as he was made out to be. Probably his true nature has been long overshadowed by his tyrannical father; the shadow cast is way too engrossing for the young prince to initially break free of. Perhaps, within these two chapters, I have witnessed the light which protrudes through Master Xehanort's dark shroud to touch the dark prince...?