I need crit and I need it to be good. Don't give me that "Nng, it's good but it sucks" BS. Just tell me what is good about it, what strikes you, what you loathe to the point of wanting to commit suicide. Do you like a line but think it needs less? More? Do you hate the whole poem because of this, this, and this?
Blah...
Artificial Flavoring
The buzz of city neon,
A hymn to the skeletons of summer's mosquitoes,
Permeates the chilled air.
Silver turrets scratch the sky,
And synthetic sunlight hides the stars.
Nightly monsters roar past sanctuary,
And your only comfort
Is a streetlight night-light
While poverty takes the form
Of America's most beloved slaves.
Abandonment is your only neighbor
And your only companions
Are on the other side of eternity.
Cinnamon spiders form the walls around you,
And the air is thick with cancer.
The stairway to Heaven
Is just beyond reach.
Too high to climb
Yet too tempting to ignore.
Blah...
Artificial Flavoring
The buzz of city neon,
A hymn to the skeletons of summer's mosquitoes,
Permeates the chilled air.
Silver turrets scratch the sky,
And synthetic sunlight hides the stars.
Nightly monsters roar past sanctuary,
And your only comfort
Is a streetlight night-light
While poverty takes the form
Of America's most beloved slaves.
Abandonment is your only neighbor
And your only companions
Are on the other side of eternity.
Cinnamon spiders form the walls around you,
And the air is thick with cancer.
The stairway to Heaven
Is just beyond reach.
Too high to climb
Yet too tempting to ignore.
