Help/Support ► Getting over her. . .

[Stavvy]

Ok, so last week was Homecoming. Two weeks before that I asked this girl out that I had liked for a long while. Turns out that she already had a bf, but I didn't know about it because he was in collage. She said that she would've said yes if she wasn't already taken, which is good and bad. . .

My problem is that I can't seem to get over this. . .fondness that I have for her, and see her as a friend. . .I'm constantly wishing that she could be mine, but at the same time happy that she has someone. . .but then the way that I felt about her, and it just keeps going like that. . .

Remember, this is the first person I've liked, like this, since my last gf, which was about a year ago. . .

I also feel like I'm drifting into a depression because everyone around me has a gf/bf, while I'm still alone, and feel like I'll eventually die alone.

I know that you guys are going to say, "Don't feel like that, you'll find someone." But at this rate, I won't. Trust me. . .

 

[Duality]

Weird to see you on the advice-asking end Stavros. Nonetheless, I'm glad to help (if I can).

She said that she would've said yes if she wasn't already taken, which is good and bad. . .

Hmmmm....well, I mean...if a girl is actually a good girlfriend....she wouldn't have said this...so on that alone, I would have second thoughts about her. No matter how great she is...you just don't say that while you are in a relationship. I mean what would she say to other guys if she were with you? I don't mean to be rough, but I would rather have you think it probably wasn't a great idea to go out with her anyway.

Remember, this is the first person I've liked, like this, since my last gf, which was about a year ago. . .

A year is a very short period of time. It takes people decades to find the person whom they love. A crush isn't hard to find. A year is honestly not a big deal.

I also feel like I'm drifting into a depression because everyone around me has a gf/bf, while I'm still alone, and feel like I'll eventually die alone.

That's an ideal example of peer pressure. Are they real relationships? Ones that could last a lifetime? Would they give up their lives for one another? Would they do anything to keep their partner happy? I think not.

Now, assuming you actually are 15, you really should not be thinking of dieing alone... I mean, hell, you are 15. I know that will be an agitating response. But you say "at this rate" you'll die alone? You've been alive for 15 years, potentially 2-3 of which you actually developed hormones... So.... 2-3 years of looking for a partner is really a good idea of whether or not you'll find someone.

Mature relationships can't exist if the two people are not sexually mature. Which is why I waited till I was around 17/18 (relatively sexually mature - not by strict scientific standards). And boom, love hit me. (I hate to bring up myself as an example), but I want you to know that waiting is not a big deal. In fact, I find myself incredibly lucky to find someone at such a young age.

Ignore the depression Stavros. You're 15. There are more fun things to do and enjoy. Stressing ain't one of em.

 

[Annoyance]

I know exactly how you feel.
So much that I don't really know what to tell you else than get over her before more pain begins.

 

[Stavvy]

Duality, you never said anything about my first problem, well you did. . .but not how to fix it. . .

And maybe some of the things that I daid (dieing alone) is exagerating, but I haven't liked anyone enough to ask them out until her. I just feel detached at school, like none of this matters. . .I'm constantly wishing for a better time, but that never comes.

 

[dr.korytco]

Duality, you never said anything about my first problem, well you did. . .but not how to fix it. . .

And maybe some of the things that I daid (dieing alone) is exagerating, but I haven't liked anyone enough to ask them out until her. I just feel detached at school, like none of this matters. . .I'm constantly wishing for a better time, but that never comes.

Woman, a good time? Well occasionally but all the rest of the time it is just head games...you be drinking with your buddies at the bar on the weekends out of trauma hahahaha...well possibly and when you are older

Listen do not get so attached to her 1st off. She did not want to hurt your feelings so she said if she was not already taken. She has a bf obviously. If not a bf -gf why not just friends. Sure it will be awkward but you always must leave things behind to move forward .. If not her BF why not just a friend ? Plently of women out there. I know how you feel , I did this about 3 times in high school. It hurts it really does but once you realize that she never meant to hurt you , you begin to realize that you are just doing this to yourself and once you consider she has a bf you realize you are not meant to be with her in that way. It could be worse you could have classe(s) with her every day and see her outside of school everyday...THAT IS REALLY HARD. Laughing and kissing her bf, having a great time while you are a social awkward figure in a corner alone...yah...good times....

Putting yourself done is not going to get you anywhere , where you went wrong you asked a girl out who had a bf...just make better conversations, get to know the girl better next time and you wont make that same mistake, case solved

Remember to move forward you must always leave things behind, in this case it is your negative feelings. YAWE

 

[Stavvy]

Trust me, those negative feelings won't leave, I've tried.

There's too much wrong with me for that.

Anyway, I know that she has a bf, I saw him yesterday at the band compition. . .but that's beside the point.

I suppose I will have to just suffer through the pain and just try extremely hard to just be her friend. . .but, God, that's hard to do. . .

 

[Miss Murder]

Dammit, Stavvy, didn't I already talk to you about this? You remind me of a certain song I happen to know, and am currently listening to.

Anyway.

Is there anyone else who you know that you are attracted to? Oh, well, there's another thing you can do too. Wait for her to break up with her boyfriend. Relationships can't last that long.

As for that dying alone thing, it may be exaggerating, but you shouldn't even be thinking about the future right now.

"The past is the past,
the future is uncertain,
and all that matters for you right now is the present."

Once she breaks up with her boyfriend ( it's bound to happen sometime ) then try and comfort her in her time of need. Then, try and be her boyfriend after a while and after she's had time to recover somewhat.

 

[dr.korytco]

Trust me, those negative feelings won't leave, I've tried.

There's too much wrong with me for that.

Anyway, I know that she has a bf, I saw him yesterday at the band compition. . .but that's beside the point.

I suppose I will have to just suffer through the pain and just try extremely hard to just be her friend. . .but, God, that's hard to do. . .

Dont try to get rid of negative feelings, that just gives them attention, simply try giving positive feelings attention by doing things you enjoy. Work towards a goal in this case a different girl perhaps than the one that troubles you mate. The secret is to get your mind, heart off of negative energy and to seek out positive energy while doing so.

You 2 simply were not meant to be , if there was a funny bone in your heart, it would be the cause of your grief right now. Life is funny sick at times like this, things happen, feelings are misunderstood or misplaced, the sooner you realize that , the better. You can move on.


I am much like you, I used to believe that there was too much wrong with me to go on living a normal life but truth be told , out of all life's challenges and opportunities the main thing wrong with you right now is that you do not believe in those opportunities and yourself. You need to let go without carrying the drama with you and you need to not suffer but to start to find ways not to suffer. Being her friend would make you realize that you were meant to just be friends, but your heart will always tell you else wise. That is normal for a man, in fact maybe you should just stir away from her all together ...maybe. Maybe.

It is hard trust me , I know. You will be fine though and I am always here to talk with you.

IT is never as bad as it seems , that rule is almost gold to me by now because it has always been true, may not sound profound to you but one day it is going to for at least a moment and that moment will last the rest of your life.

 

[Stavvy]

I"m not the kind of person who could just turn away from someone for a somewhat trivial reason.

*sigh* This sucks. . .meh, music helps. . .

 

[dr.korytco]

I"m not the kind of person who could just turn away from someone for a somewhat trivial reason.

*sigh* This sucks. . .meh, music helps. . .

Nothing trivial about this, if their was a quiz I doubt the answer to the question

"Should i waste time being hurt by someone whose destiny is blatantly separate than mine"
A. Yes, I should go on destroying myself for someone who does not care about me
B. No, that is a bad idea for logical reasons

In my opinion the incorrect answer would be A.... I would go with B myself , but that is just me.

 

[Stavvy]

The thing is, I know that she at least cares for me a little, otherwise she wouldn't be able to be anywhere near me.

Maybe some time away from her would do some good, but she's in my 5th hour with about 90 other people. . .

 

[dr.korytco]

The thing is, I know that she at least cares for me a little, otherwise she wouldn't be able to be anywhere near me.

Maybe some time away from her would do some good, but she's in my 5th hour with about 90 other people. . .

Everyone is social able and friendly at least a little, you sound like you are crushing. I did alot of crushing at your age as well. Do not fool yourself

Also alot of women love to be in control over men, they will flirt while dating and play around to feel special and appreciated do not be fooled by the media and small masses that have not yet grown up and matured..trust me women are not as sincere or non-sexful as they make us believe. It is hard to walk away from her or not try to get closer to her around that 90 people crowd is it not? Even when you do nothing inside it feels like you are doing a lot to yourself . When you get home you are just depressed though as opposed to that such nature.

I understand, I have been in your shoes now I am here as I am because I learned from it . You can to and one day advise others . I hope I am helping you but as long as you reply I will not give up. I once spent 5 to 6 hours advising someone on the net.

Time away may do you good , but make sure you get away, understand? Do not spend time away , wasting away as you dread over her.

 

[Stavvy]

Yeah. . .

Meh. . .I'm kinda done talking about it for a while, gotta think, ya kow?

 

[dr.korytco]

I understand and care. Do not be a stranger. I know how it feels, that is why I care so much.

 

[Danica Syer]

Okay, first off your NOT alone in the you "don't have the bf/gf" department, in your case gf department. And yes it's hard to get over somebody, I'm still trying to cope w/ that but this isn't about my problem, its your thread after. Okay first off, just try to get over her and realize that you are just friends for now, now that may seem hard but it's better having her a friend then not your friend huh? She's your friend right, well just try and be happy for her though it may be hard....think about being single and are you sure she's the one you want to go out with for now? Can't you well......I don't know, try to at least get through life because you can't just stay sad forever, where would you life lead to, if you kept staying this way, I mean there are plenty of fish in the sea but I don't know, do you get what I'm trying to say? Don't keep feeling depressed about it, you'll make the situation worser. And just for now, cope with it and try be optomistic (though that can be hard) and spend some quality time with other people who will help you and stuff Well, hope this helps.

 

[Darkness Princess]

We kinda touched on this Stavvy. Specially the whole dying alone thing and the whole you cant get over her.

I'll say it again, I know you care about her and it has been a year since you've really liked someone but you cant keep dwelling on this, the longer you think about her and the what if's the harder it is for you to get over her.

IF you guys are really meant to be then it'll happen. Worrying about it and constantly going back to it will just make things worse.

 

[jazznam89]

You have slight symptoms of OCD or somewhat give off a vibe of it about this certain person. This is just another experience and many to come that you'll go through in this cycle called life. Though dwelling on the past and what can no longer be attained see this as an emotional lesson if you have to. You're not alone this area of 'getting over someone' phase, the fact you've brought it open for advice and converse is the first step.

As you get older, you'll know she could've been the one amongst many girls/women but in the end these are all just memories and experiences. Feeling and thinking like this is a stepping stone to your own emotional reasoning and awareness.