Help/Support ► How do you let someone down gently?

[Soleil]

Okay, there's this girl at my old school who's either the same age or a year younger than me. We chat on MSN messenger almost everyday. She has this crush on a certain boy who is much too old for him (He's like twenty five for God's sake). She asked me if I thought that her crush loved her. Truth be told, I really, really don't think that he likes her. I mean, he's like twenty five and she's twelve or thirteen! He's too old for her! How do I let her down gently?

Two advice threads in one week?

God I have all sorts of problems going on in my life...

 

[Cid Highwind]

wow, middle school girls liking adults...i have no idea what this girl is thinking, just wow. i mean, i have some girls in high school that like college kids, but middle school girls?

well, this might seem a little mean, but i would tell her that he thinks she's a cool person, but he wants to be with people his own age. so do you know this person? if you do, you should ask how he feels about them two, and hopefully he doesn't want anything to do with her, or else that could be a problem.

 

[kairigirl]

Has she ever crushed on a teacher before?

Especially around the middle school age, girls will look at a teacher and think he's gorgeous. And then she gets into her head all these fantasies about him and her together and so ends up crushing. Miserably. All because he happens to be very cute. And why is he viewed as so cute to her? Her hormones are raging. At that age, you believe you're mature and so think the guy will like you, and it's not going to happen.

That's what this is. She likes an older guy probably because he is gorgeously cute, and so hopes that he likes her. She trusts you right? Then tell her exactly what you think. Do you really think he likes her? Tell her what you believe to be the truth. She'd probably rather be stopped right now from liking him a ton than to find out later, by him, when her feelings are raging about how gorgeous he is, that he doesn't like her. I'd tell her the next time you get the chance.


(Though..no..there is no way to let someone down gently. <-< She may even be angry at you, but you can at least say you tried, at least she knows someone cares for her (you, that is).)

 

[KH2Lover]

Dude your life sucks.........I had a week like this.

So get this:

My friend likes this girl and everyone knows he likes her. He gave her like everything. So anyway, I found out that that girl likes me. I don't know if I really like her or not but I think I might. But if we start doing stuff together, then I feel like I'm stabbing my friend in the back. HELP!!!!!! What do I do??

AND, on top of that, my other friend is super depressed because the person he likes ignores him all the time and he LOVED her but she didn't love him. So, today, he gave up.

Sounds like sitcom drama, eh?

and then there was:

My friend loves this girl and they liked each other (not like serious) but my friend made a wrong move and hurt her feelings. Bad. So, he loves her more then she can imagine, which isn't exactly a good thing. Anyway, so he tried to get his mind of it by cutting his thumb with a pocketknife. He showed me the blood on it today. So, now I have to talk to his girlfriend to see what happened. He won't talk to anyone (or even look at anyone) and he says that that's how he's going to be for the rest of his life.

HELP!!!!!!! I don't know what to do!!! I know his girlfriend's older sisters.

PLEEEEASE HELP!!!!! HE'S ONLY 9 FREAKING YEARS OLD!!!

So I feel your pain. I have a situation like this. My friend likes a girl, she dumps him, he cuts his thumb up about it. We are two peas in a freakin' pod.

 

[Soleil]

Dude your life sucks.........

Aw, hell yeah it sucks! I get two problems in one week. First my loved one dies then this mess. *Sigh* At least it couldn't get any worse...

 

[KH2Lover]

Que rainstorm!

jk

Trust me, I've had weeks like this......maybe not as advanced as someone dying.....

 

[Athletics Legend]

just say that hes too old for u..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

[Devious]

Definately what Kairigirl said, there is no way for you to let her down gently. But you need to at least try to sugarcoat it. Say something such as "You do realize he's in his 20's?" or rather try and direct her to the conclusion that she has no chance (legal or otherwise) of being with this guy. Use misdirection, and by that I mean direct her to the conclusion and away from him. I sound mean for saying this but if that happens, she'll be even worse off than if you told her straight up.

And I need to let you know... Murphy's Law is a

Spoiler Show

bitch

... Murphy's Law states: "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time,"

So pretty much... Murphy's Law is... As I said in that spoiler box... A

Spoiler Show

bitch

Disclaimer: If you are offended by the spoiler box, I apologize for my language, but generally, that is what Murphy's Law is...

For the Record: The Murphy's Law comment is about your other Help & Support threads... The definition applies to those.

 

[Zaraki]

just say hes to old for her and if she goes out with him she'll really be putting him and herself in ALOT of danger

 

[Cid Highwind]

exactly, no 25 year old goes out with a 12 or 13 year old. she is going to be raped.

 

[Lycanthrope]

Weird. My mom just watched a show like this, except it was a young boy loving an adult female...

Anyway, you should tell her that she should be somewhat realistic of the age gap. I mean, 12 or 13 years in between? That'd be one weird relationship... Just, tell her the truth. She (might) respect you if you are honest.

 

[Davy Jones]

Never say things can't get worse. This is the thing that proves Murphy's Law.

On to the problem. As previously stated, a twelve to thirteen year age gap is only acceptable if your an eccentric billionaire actor or actress. You should just tell her the truth. There isn't an easy way to break things like that to someone, but you know that her life will be messed up worse if you don't tell her. Try to be as congenial as possible, then just walk her through the problems with her relationship. You can even tell her that their are more people out there for here to love (even if it is a bit cliche).

- I am sorry if this snippit was not helpful. My philosophy can only go so far.

 

[violent_anger]

work the word 'pedophile' into your explanation about how she has no chance with him...