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Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts: Override



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sand_drew

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Chapter 1: Beginnings

NOTE: This is my first ever fan fic, so please tell me if I've made any mistakes. It is set not long after the events of KH2.

“It has begun”

The words echoed across the space, rebounding endlessly.

“Again?”

“Yes”

“Then we must prepare”



Laughter echoed across the plaza of Twilight Town. The cause of the laughter, a young teenager and his two companions, strode up from the Station heights and into the Station Plaza. The first teenager was a spiky brown haired male dressed in baggy black pants and a black shirt. The second was another teenage boy with loose white hair, denim jeans and a white and yellow shirt. The third was a young girl with red hair the same length as the second boys and in a pink dress.

They strode peacefully across the busy people filled Plaza towards and through the double glass doors of the Station. Halfway across however, something happened which changed the situation completely; this occurrence was the appearance of Nobodies. The slender almost shapeless forms of several Dusk’s rose from the ground with the long spiked forms of Assassin’s accompanying them.

Screams filled the air as the crowds swiftly dispersed, people fleeing into the station or down Station Heights. The youth and his two friends stayed put though, the crowds swarming past them as the spiky haired boy swung his hand, an enormous key appearing. The grey haired teen repeated the action, summoning a twisted, organic looking sword, and the girl did the same calling a giant key, distinctly different from the first boy’s.

Together the trio lunged at the assortment of Nobodies, hacking and slashing, dodging away from their attacks and than running right back into the fray. But regardless of every Nobody that fell, their numbers never dropped, more and more came, surging free from nothingness. The Nobodies seemed to have a purpose though, their movements and actions separating the trio, forcing them away from each other before stopping.



Above this battle two figures floated, one clad in black robes, the other in white robes.

“Ready?” asked the one in black.

The white robed figure nodded and shifted his form, positioning himself precisely above the spot in the middle between the two boys and the girl. Then he moved ever so slightly, his body bent so as to remain in position but allow a clear line of sight. to the spot below.

This movement was followed by one last series of motions, jerking his arm back he called a key blade of his own, strange and unique in its design with four intersecting hand guards and four separate lengths of the shaft, coiled around each other and he then proceeded to push forward with his arm sending the key blade plummeting to the ground below.

The key blade fell quickly, always facing directly downwards, light gathering at it’s point. The light formed into an orb, sending small, bright beams of light off and into the shaft and handle behind, eventually forming a cylinder of brilliant luminescence encasing the entire object. This entire process occurred in the few seconds it took for the weapon to reach the ground, at which point the cylinder exploded in a flash of incredible light and the blade’s head became stuck in the ground.


The trio stumbled with the force of the impact and turned to face the key blade startled and confused as to the source of the sudden explosion. They were even more startled when moments later the white robed man dropped to the ground, grasped the handle and pulled the blade free of the ground. One of the teenager’s stepped forward and yelled at the man “Who are you?”

The man’s mouth, the only part visible from under the hood creased into a small smile and he leapt up, saying one simple sentence before he did “The chain is broken”
 

State

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I didn't finish reading the whole thing, but, my eyes were attracted to a single thing most writers don't do very often, making a lot of details. Yes, even I, myself, who is telling you this, can often leave minor details instead of making it look like a real thing.

You, my friend, what makes your fan fic FAB-BO-LOUS is the way to detail everything! It makes me feel like I'm reading something else! My friend, for a beginner, you seem to the potential of something more than the color green.
 

Passion

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I actually think it lacks some detail that it NEEDS, but its still enough detail that is manageable.
Interesting beginning. Can't wait to read more from you (just add a smidge more detail and you'll have it made!).
 

State

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I actually think it lacks some detail that it NEEDS, but its still enough detail that is manageable.
Interesting beginning. Can't wait to read more from you (just add a smidge more detail and you'll have it made!).

Well, the beginning needed some detail like, it was a deep voice that told the words, or something like that.
 
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