Limini Rain ~

[Neku99]

Limini Rain~
Neku99​

Rain, rain, rain
It was raining again
And I was walking by the wet road
I had this umbrella but I forgot my name

It was so frustrating yet I knew It didn't matter
Cause if you where just pencil on paper
You couldn't ditch the never ending scenes
Of what this artist's wants in a sheet of paper

But I was different and he was too
Cause he told me to walk but I didn't want to
I said no and he understood
It was raining so he game me a hood

It wasn't really my fashion to wear a hood
So I asked him to draw me an umbrella
And he did and I felt good
Then he told me to walk and I happily did

Then I asked him my name
But he didn't know
So I told him to make me one
And he happily drew my name on the sheet of paper
​

Limini Rain~​

 

[tangerine]

No form, no meter, no real structure outside of repeating four stanzas. It reads more like story rather than a poem. As a story, it's fine and nice. As a poem, it's just a free style mess. Other than that, there are a few grammatical mistakes that I'm sure you'll pick up on easily if you read through it yourself.

If you want to pursue writing poetry, I suggest you research proper structure, form and meter through Google to help you get going. The beauty in poetry comes from the restrictions. The point of having these restrictions is to express something purely, which is attainable through the difficulties attributed with finding to correct words to fit in one line and in all subsequent lines to flow. Free style poetry is ugly and plain. It doesn't matter what the content is in free style poetry, because the arrangement is pointless and distracting if you're just going to write it like a story with a few rhymes added. It will be difficult to adjust to at first, but that's the point.

Note: This is not a direct criticism to just you. The same applies to nearly every thread in the poetry section of this forum. That shows that many people simply aren't informed of the rules of poetry when they first attempt it, so it's okay right now that you aren't informed as well--as long as you learn from it.

 

[Annoyance]

It'd be preferred if you posted in the correct section.

[edit: moved. please don't make a new thread.]

 

[Neku99]

No form, no meter, no real structure outside of repeating four stanzas. It reads more like story rather than a poem. As a story, it's fine and nice. As a poem, it's just a free style mess. Other than that, there are a few grammatical mistakes that I'm sure you'll pick up on easily if you read through it yourself.

If you want to pursue writing poetry, I suggest you research proper structure, form and meter through Google to help you get going. The beauty in poetry comes from the restrictions. The point of having these restrictions is to express something purely, which is attainable through the difficulties attributed with finding to correct words to fit in one line and in all subsequent lines to flow. Free style poetry is ugly and plain. It doesn't matter what the content is in free style poetry, because the arrangement is pointless and distracting if you're just going to write it like a story with a few rhymes added. It will be difficult to adjust to at first, but that's the point.

Note: This is not a direct criticism to just you. The same applies to nearly every thread in the poetry section of this forum. That shows that many people simply aren't informed of the rules of poetry when they first attempt it, so it's okay right now that you aren't informed as well--as long as you learn from it.

whoa! slow down dude...or dudet(if that's even a word)...uhm well thanks for your very detailed criticism to my poetry. Uhm I kinda just made this in like 15 minutes at 3:00am in the morning. But meh! I just wanted to express my feelings. If my poem looks freestyle then that means my mind is freestyle and very confused. But thanks for the critique cause basically you knocked the hell out of me . In a good way ^.^

It'd be preferred if you posted in the correct section.

[edit: moved. please don't make a new thread.]

Oops sorry for posting it here I didn't notice there was a poetry section.

 

[Annoyance]

Just double check next time. I enjoy organization. And I respect the fact that even though you weren't expecting tangerine's usual lengthy critique you didn't get made. Good job. :3

 

[Neku99]

Just double check next time. I enjoy organization. And I respect the fact that even though you weren't expecting tangerine's usual lengthy critique you didn't get made. Good job. :3

hehehe no prob I'll remember next time....

wait so tangerine's critiques get longer O. O oh my ._.

 

[tangerine]

It depends on how much I think needs to be said. I've given a lot longer critiques before. I just try to be as thorough as possible in order to help people improve. :}

 

[Neku99]

well it's a great to see someone doing this things. I respect that dude keep doing good stuff ;D