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Fanfiction ► Silence Approaches Chapter one



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nate_shuuya29

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Chapter one

The War for Throne

“Hey, you stupid Mongrel, Get the hell away from my turkey. I’m gonna beat you.” There was a loud clanging noise.

I groaned and stretched and yelled out, “What the hell is going on David? Why are you yelling at four in the morning?”

A short pudgy man with a bald head and a gray beard walked into the room and bowed to me saying, “I am sorry milord. Someone let Orion in, and he was eating my turkey. The crash came from a photo that crashed to the ground when I came around the corner. Please forgive me, your lordship.”

I sighed and looked toward the door. A bright gold dog stuck his head into the room, his tongue sticking out of his mouth in a doggy grin. I bent down and whistled, Orion came walking into the room and plowing into me. Making me fall back onto my head and licking my face. When he stopped I turned toward David the Cook and said, “David, I told you to call me Tavi. I don’t like being called, ‘lord’. You know that. And I am the one who let Orion in.”

“Oh, I am sorry… Tavi… I did not mean to disturb you. I thought someone else had let him in. I am sorry. I will not disturb you again.” The fat old cook slowly exited the room. He waddled like a duck, it was funny to watch.

Tavi turned on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. Today was a Thursday, and it was the day of Prophecy. It was the day when the tear in space would allow the Gratorians back into the dimension and on to the planet of Throne.

Throne had been the home to the Gratorians many Millennia ago, and then the great destruction came. It destroyed most of the Gratorian race and sent the empire back in technology several thousand years, and when they finally restored their power they wanted to take back their home planet, Throne, which had become inhabited by many human like animals, and some who used to be humans.

When the Gratorians came back for Throne they met great resistance by small people, but weren’t challenged. When they came to a small valley with a small village in the center they thought it would be an easy battle. They were wrong, and when they had reached the center of the city, they were ambushed. The people of Throne had formed and alliance, and a huge battle was fought, but the Gratorians had the upper hand.

At the center of the battle, when the fighting was reaching its peak, a lightning came from a blue sky and struck the King of The Gratorians, Exodiar the Strong. His mind was taken over by some man from the future. He told a tale about how the Gratorian world will crumble if they take over Throne. Instead he takes the Gratorian army on Throne, which is the whole Gratorian army in the entire galaxy, and it included men and women.

The army was thrown into another dimension by the strange man from the future, and the Gratorians were given a prophecy. In One Hundred years, a portal would open to Throne and the war would be started again. There was no guarantee of their winning, but the Gratorians were a warring race, and the King, who was still Exodiar, wanted revenge against the people of Throne.

Me, well, I am Taviar Iracna Grator. I am the Heir to the Gratorian throne, the first and only son of, his majesty, Lord Exodiar.
My mind drifted through all of these things as I slowly fell back asleep with Orion lying across my legs, his large body making my feet go numb.



The alarm clock struck 7 A.M and making a loud ringing noise. It instantly woke me up. I groaned and tried rolling over, but the large weight on my feet forced me to stay on my back. I groaned and grabbed a pillow laying it against my face and yelling into it. I hadn’t gotten near enough sleep. Today was the day the war started, and I would need all the strength I could get.

I sighed and sat up, even with the weight of a hundred and fifty pound dog on my legs would not keep me away from my job and what was to be an amazing day. When I sat up I grabbed a dog bone from inside my drawer next to my bed and through a dog bone off the bed. Orion jumped off the bed quickly and bounded after the dog bone.

I pulled my legs up and started rubbing them and getting the blood flowing back through my legs. I stretched my neck and arms, trying to get my body from being numb and aching. Yesterday and the whole past week had been crazy and hectic. Life has just been really weird. It’s always been a little weird, but the past week has been CRAZY. I’ve had to start getting ready for the war, I’ve been strategizing with dad a lot , so I haven’t had much time with my ‘friends’ and our plans.

I yawned and got up out of bed all the way as Orion came bounding back toward me. I smiled and walked into the bathroom. I hopped into the shower and turned it on. It was nice and warm, the perfect way to wake up. I yawned and gulped in water, and started choking. I started laughing a little, and began choking up more water, “damnit.”

I got out and walked to my bedroom. I put on my special uniform. I slid on my Greaves. The outside was made of brown leather; the inside was made of a type of technology that could deflect laser bolts and energy attacks and weapons: The bottom part, which was the part touching his arm, was made of a soft silk that breathed easily, and didn’t make him sweat. Next were the shorts. They were tight black pants that squeezed his legs, but they felt nice and breathable.

The last part of his outfit was a tank top that squeezed his chest, but felt really good. It was soft and easy to move in. All of his clothes were colored black, and they were meant for stealth. Above this he had to wear his royal armor. It was just a large breast plate, and black leg plates. It was comfortable, and made me look scary and formidable. It felt nice to look scary. Not like I usually did.

My face is nice and kind. My eyes are a bright blue, my hair is blonde, and goes down to my shoulders. It is very curly, and gets on my nerves a lot. I am about 6’2” and I weigh pretty close to nothing. I am not that big, but I am very muscular, for as much as I weigh. My eyes and mouth just ooze kindness, my mouth always quirks up into a smile, no matter what type of mood I am in.

The final thing that I put on was my helmet that went on my head. It was black, and it had a dent in it. The plume was black, and I didn’t really like it. It looked ugly. I liked my mask. It’s something important to me, but you’ll find all about that later. For now you don’t need to know much about my mask and that part of me.
 

Snow

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Your use of 'I' and 'he' was a bit confused near the end, at this part.

I got out and walked to my bedroom. I put on my special uniform. I slid on my Greaves. The outside was made of brown leather; the inside was made of a type of technology that could deflect laser bolts and energy attacks and weapons: The bottom part, which was the part touching his arm, was made of a soft silk that breathed easily, and didn’t make him sweat. Next were the shorts. They were tight black pants that squeezed his legs, but they felt nice and breathable.

The last part of his outfit was a tank top that squeezed his chest, but felt really good. It was soft and easy to move in. All of his clothes were colored black, and they were meant for stealth. Above this he had to wear his royal armor. It was just a large breast plate, and black leg plates. It was comfortable, and made me look scary and formidable. It felt nice to look scary. Not like I usually did.

As you can see, you alternated between 'I' and 'he', making me confused. I came to the somewhat weird conclusion that Orion was somehow changing with him, but it made no sense. In the end, I think you just made a mistake.

Otherwise, the story was actually quite good, although I suggest that you try not to start paragraphs the same way, especially with the four straight paragraphs beginning with 'I'.
 
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