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Another good chapter ^---^ Really going to be interesting seeing more of Iochu ^_^
You realize this isn't a word, right?Chapter 1: New Horizane
Ugh, bad grammar."Take this and this....and wowowowowo" two of the villages younger children had decided to take up a sword fight against one another.
Awkward sounding.Though time and time again there elders told them to stop acting like warriors all the children just would never stop.
Oh boy.It wasnt a bad thing its just there parents wished they would take things a little more serious.
His best what?"ha ha ha ha ha are you okay Talen?" Mark asked as his best got back up from tripping on the unseen root.
Holy Run-On Batman. Seriously, break these sentences up, they're awkward and forced otherwise."Ya just didnt see it coming I almost won to" Talen said as he shifted his red short hair out of his face looking up at his friend filled with embaressment over the small accident a small pout could be seen on his face.
Holy fuck son. How can you not see the issues with this sentence? They practically bleed."Well maybe next time come on I hear your brothers finally getting back today from the market place with the other grown ups" Mark said starting to run back towards the village.
Huge Sentence Fragment.Putting the fake swords back with the other carved weapons and putting up the tarp over them to keep hidden from imaginary bad guys.
Nevermore: Yet again dont have spell check but shall use the link for help.
Annoyance:Like I have said I am not perfect. Will take Ellipsis fact to heart though.
Get, and use, a program that has one.Nevermore: Yet again dont have spell check but shall use the link for help.