Fanfiction ► The Angel Of Sacrific

[theblade ofwater]

Ok, so i have my story but i want you to read the first part to see if i have something here. So tell me what you think.


A world of darkness shrouded in mystery, offers extreme power like no other.
A world of light, for the good, righteous and justice.
The decision was mine alone.
My head and heart not knowing which side was to be my true nature, grant me to be the emissary of both light and darkness.
My abilities now know no bounds.
A Great Master, Yen Sid, puts balance to my powers and gives me a mission of truth and justice. I must help Sora defeat the evil of this world.
A Great Keyblade known as The Unknown Fate, chooses me as its Wielder. To cut through the enemies and create my own path and Destiny.
To either become a Weilder who can stop great evil and terror in his path, or bring Destruction, Carnage and Despair to all.
I Am The Angel Of Sacrifice

unknown fate the unknown fate by ~thebladeofwater on deviantART

 

[The Riddler]

wow, very good introduction to your character. you seem to know what your doing, ill be keeping watch on this.
you seem to have mispelled Sacrifice on your thread name. easy mistake i guess but make sure you dont make them in your story.

 

[theblade ofwater]

Re: The Angel Of Sacrifice

ok, just finished the first chapter tell me how i did. just to remind you this is the first time i did this so im sorry if you dont like it.


chapter one
There he stood, looking at what he became. Wondering what happened he thought back. The voices calling out to him. They said, the choice is up to you. You must now choose your destiny.
He could not choose to go light or dark, so he stood there with a look as if he would never move. Finally the walls started to move in on him. A whirl wind then started around. Screaming and yelling. Until silence. Since he did not choose he was granted the power of both. His mind was racing with the thoughts to destroy all mankind and to save the world from the merciless darkness . Wandering all over holding his head. Trying to hold in all his power. Faster and faster he kept spinning. Until all of a sudden…….. Darkness! He then woke up wondering what happened. A voice from nowhere says “ Have a nice sleep did you?” ,master Yin Sid stood in the door. Waking up he looked around. He was chained to the bed. What is this he raged. I’m holding you for your own protection, he said. I will train you. Put some balance to your powers. You will train me?. Wow wow wow what the hell is going on. What powers are you talking about you crazy old man he asked in a rageing voice. Well when you didn’t choose the side of good or evil you got both he explained. Now you are here so rest up tomorrow you begin your training.
He left the room and locked the door. There he lay on his bed all tied up. But from a glimse of his eye was a light. The sun was going down and the glare was comeing from a mirror in the corner. So he turned his head looking at himself. Thinking “what have I become’’!! looking there half of his body dark other half light. Half of was a demon. The other an angel. Then he let out a yell that broke the mirror. The image haunts him to this day. So he went to bed waiting for the next day to start. Bright and early the next morning he awoke in an dorm area where the was no light. Welcome to the training facility. A robots voice said. Yes welcome indeed. Lights come on. Welcome to my facility were your training will be held.
Ok, old man this is really starting to piss me off. Come now we will begin! Suddenly robots the size of doors came at him. Then BOOM he is hit flying across the room. Now now you can do better than that said yin Sid. Go on go on use your blade. The robots form around him going for the kill. What blade are you talking about I have now weapon. YOU MUST SUMMON IT QUICKLY! OR BE DESTORYED! He flings his arm out in front of him. What is this he said with confustion. I feel a power rageing though my arm like a wild fire. Suddenly a blade come to his hand. WOW what is this. It is your blade yin Sid explained. Now use it to vanquish those that oppose you. In a flash he feels an unknown energy racing though his body. So he jumps in the air with blade in hand. Come down with a force never seen before. The robots are destored with one fatal blow. Now you see that was not so hard was it? asked yin Sid. No I guess not.I think ill name it the Unknown Fate. He then fell to his knees screming in pain. What happening to me!! With darkness filling up the whole place. Owe my word yin Sid exclaims. It is your darker side its is trying to take over. don’t let it my son! Don’t let it!




NEXT CHAPTER…………. THE WAY OF CONTROL!!!!

 

[Nelo Angelo]

clint that is awesome. just make sure you space em out with paragraphs and make it even more longer.
good job.

 

[Haku]

Its alright so far just do like Nelo said and then I'll get a full insight of the story.

 

[theblade ofwater]

Ok, will do ill do it next time when i write chapter 2. but thanks i feel i did good i hope i keep doing well on it

 

[Ban Mido]

It's good, and as they said, you need to leave spaces between paragraphs.

 

[Ultima Star]

It's really nice..I'm going to keep reading it

 

[theblade ofwater]

chapter 2 will come tomorrow. ill add it to this reply. so i have it in my head so it will be on after i study for midterms

 

[theblade ofwater]

Heres chapter 2 hope you like this one to.





CHAPTER 2


There he laid on the floor in pain. Wondering what’s happing, I don’t understand. He could here a faint voice in the background. But mostly he here an evil laugh.

Suddenly he sprang up. With a dark smile on his face. No yelled yin Sid, I must do something. So he starts to press a few buttons on the panel in front of him.

Some doors down below fling open and more powerful robots come out. My son if you can here me use up as much energy as you can.

No one tells me what to do old man. He said in a disfigured and dark voice. But for the fun of it I will destroy these toys of yours.

He then go around and around. Weaving though the robot like a needle though thread. Robot parts going everywhere. This power I love it. He thought to himself. He then stopped and finished of the final robot. With a slice to the head. The robot fell with a big explosion. The darkness cleared the room. Then he fell to his knees. Then went unconches.

{ 2 days later} He wakes in his room but he is not chained up. He was walking though the room a little dizzy. Opens the door and see yin Sid down the hall. He yell “old man wait for me!’’ he chases after him and turns the corner. There is darkness in the hall. A mysterious voice tells him “ you are the one I have summoned. A dark hand reaches for him. He yells. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Then back in his room in his bed in a cold sweat. It was only a dream he sighed with relief. Yin Sid comes in. good morning my apprentice. Yeah what’s so good about it. Everything my son. Come we will get something to eat you need it for tonight. Wait what’s tonight he asks yin Sid. You will know in do time.

Later that night they are out side. Wait man last time I did training with you I went crazy. That was then this is now my son. Last time you used only one of you powers. The trick with you is you have to use both at the same time. You must focus on them both said yin Sid. Are you ready you try it? I guess.

Ok, now summon your blade. He summons his blade. I think I could get use to this. He laughs in delight. Now these targets will come at you. Focus both light and dark energy’s in your blade and strike.

So he tries both sides of him start to glow white and dark. The first wooden enemy startes toured him. He dodges it then rebounds with a nice split to his head. But nothing happens.
What’s going on old man its not working.

Your not focusing enough. Use all the energy you have on the attack says yin Sid. What ever old man.

So he tries again. He gets a running start. Jumps and hits his target going though it this time. WOW he yells. You did it my son. Yin Sid starts running toward him but then stops. What is it? asks angel I have a feeling I don’t know what it is. He turns around there in the trees was a dark shadow.

The figure then jumps thought the air. HE IS COMEING TOWARD YOU MY SON RUN!! .yell yin Sid. But angel doesn’t move. Yin Sid then starts running toward angel. The shadow starts to descend.

The master then pushes angel out of the way and takes the blow meant for angel. They fight and fight while angel watches from the side. Then go to the ground with yin Sid on bottom. A blade then come from the shadow and goes to yin Sid’s neck. You are a fool! Trying to train this being says the shadow. He is half mine so I should get him! You will get him over my dead body! Says master yin Sid. He kicks him of and sends him in the air. Master uses magic to open a portal. Master jumps in the air and kicks the figure in it. He is gone for now says yin Sid. that’s is enough training for today.

The next morning angel wakes up early and makes breakfast. Then brings it to Yin Sid in bed. Yin Sid wakes up and eats. Angel asks will there be anything else I can get you MASTER? No my son he says. Later that day angel goes into yin Sid’s study where he was to ask a question. Master may I ask you something. Of course my son ask away. What did that guy want from me? That question will revel itself to you in time. But go on now have fun I am giving you the day off. For what? asks angel. One my son I am tired. Two I am not going to train you day after day you need rest. Go have some fun. Ill be here if you need me.

So angel leave to have fun. He walks out of the castle to go into town to see what’s there.

I wonder what’s in town today? he asks himself. Walking down an abandoned road. He whistles a tune to himself. Out of now where comes a clod of dirt. Ha ha ha ha ha
I told you I would be back the shaded figure was back. This time yin Sid is not here to defend you. You and me face of right here and now!!





Chapter 3

The show down! Use what you have learned or be consumed by darkness.

 

[Nojerom]

whoa. sweet action, Clint, it's awesome.

 

[theblade ofwater]

whoa. sweet action, Clint, it's awesome.

thanks i have the whole story in my head. i just need to have time to write it out

 

[Nojerom]

oh, boy do i know where you're coming from there. =]

 

[theblade ofwater]

oh, boy do i know where you're coming from there. =]

lol....................im bored

 

[Nelo Angelo]

hmm...that was definetly interesting, you got good somthin good goin on here.
you need to remeber to put speech marks and seperate the speeches with paragraphs so we know who is talking. And take your time. dont rush the story. use punctuation in the right places too. clint you are gonna get beter. keep at it my friend. good job.

 

[theblade ofwater]

chapter 3 hope you like this one too



Chapter 3


There he stood looking at this figure. Now you will be mine! Said the shadowed figure. Who are you what do you want from me. Asked angel in a timid voice. What I want? what I want?! You are half mine so I own you said the shadowed figure. What! Asked angel. Yes you are mine, if you don’t come with me I will kill you said the shadow. Angel just stood there scanning the shadow wondering what will he do. The was no detail to the shadow but only a body covered in darkness. Then the shadow said, I will give you the choice you come with me or be destroyed.

Angel then sat down in the dirt with a smile on his face. Well, have you chosen? Ask the figure. Yes and I choose……… [time froze] what is going on? Asked angel. Then suddenly he started to split in two. His dark side was coming out then the light side came. Now both of his sides where out facing each other. While angels body was there on the ground still as a statue.

What are doing asked the dark side. You need to let me out and make the decision. No, said the white side. You now I will never do that plus neither of use have the power to go out unless we are called by the master. And he has not summoned either one of use. So we will let him choose. So they both go back into angels body and stay until they are called.

[time continues] …… I choose to stay with my master. So you can leave now says angel. Owe well you would have been an excellent student. But now you will die. The figure starts coming toward him with his blade in hand.

Then angel summons his blade. I WILL NOT BE THE ONE THAT’S DIES HERE! Says angel. Seconds before the shadow comes close to him. angel lunges his legs at him useing his arms to push himself off the groung and sends him flying in the air. Angel rebound and uses what his master taught him so far. With a fatal hit he send him to the ground. That had to do something says angel. Still in the air. But underneath the smoke was the figure. Then the figure lunges at angel. He is still in the air and has no way of dodging it.

When a light from nowhere comes and slams the dark figure down. They fight left and right. Each one taking an incredible amount of damage. When the light figure speaks and say go now angel run. No, says angel I want to help. No says the light. You must learn to control your powers first. Now RUN! Angel runs back to the castle where the master was.

He busted open the door. MASTER MASTER! He yelled though the halls. I’m in my study my son. Says master. Ok I was on my to town……. Angel explains what happened to master. When he is done he asks ok master who are these to figures. What do they have to do with me?? I will tell you my son but we must go though training first. NO NO NO
I want to know now says angel. You will but you have to wait some time. Says master. Ok so the day ended and they both went to bed. While angel was sleeping he was dreaming. He was in his bed but it was till night. He got up and walk down the hall. Turned the corner. But when he turned there was a bright light in the hall. It was the same dream he had but it was not the darkness this time.

It called out to him. You are half mine you must come with me to survive. No will you answer me what is hell is going on. You and the darkness keep telling me the same thing. No there is no time come with me. Then thought the window to the side the dark shadow was there. They start to fight. Noooooooooooooooo I want to know now.

He then wakes up in his bed. No I was so close. Angel then walks down starts to get some food when he saw master yin Sid. Good morning my son. Good morning master. What’s my training for today? I have an adventure for you. Says master. You do? says angel yes I need you to take my gummy ship. Go to twilight town, there is a road take that road to a cave. In that cave there are 2 key blades the blade of light and dark. If you get to them and seize them. Your powers will be balanced out though both blades.

But, master what about the figures that I have been running into. They wont bother you says master. Put this on. What is it says angel. It is a tracker scrambler. They have been tracking you. Until you get the blades they wont bother you. Ok, so I am off for twilight town. Says angel. But my son says master. Beware there are heartless out there that can take your heart. So don’t let your darker side take over. Then the heartless will be attracted to you. Says master.


Next chapter The outside world. What a different place

 

[Nojerom]

oh oh, Clint that was so awesome.
[confusing at times cuz there were no quotation marks...]
but freakin awesome!!

 

[Nelo Angelo]

ok nice job clint, the story is goin great, i like it.
but you need to be wary of your grammer and spelling. you need speech marks to seperate the conversation so we know who is saying what. and check your spelling to. if you have word, type it there and use spell check to check for spelling, thats the way i do it, but im a good speller anyway.

heres an example of your first paragraph in a good form:

There he stood looking at this figure. "Now you will be mine!" Said the shadowed figure.
"Who are you what do you want from me?" asked angel in a timid voice.
"What I want? what I want?! You are half mine so I own you!" said the shadowed figure.
"What!" proclaimed angel.
"Yes you are mine, if you don’t come with me I will kill you" said the shadow.

Angel just stood there scanning the shadow wondering what will he do. The was no detail to the shadow but only a body covered in darkness. Then the shadow said, "I will give you the choice you come with me or be destroyed."

alright clint, keep goin man, good job.

 

[theblade ofwater]

ok, my bad nelo i just wrote it before i saw you reply so i will try it next chapter. i need alot of practice. so here it is



Chapter 4


He packed his bags and got ready to leave. He went to his master and asked master do you think I am ready to go? You will be back you just need those blades to help you in your training said yin Sid. But there is one move I will show you before you go.

So, he took him out side next to his ship to show him a move. No try thing yin Sid said. He went to the side and got a stick. Now first said yin Sid. You need to spin yourself like this. He started to spin in a rapid circle. Now he said jump and in the air and summon your blade. Land and raise it out in front of you. The speed and agility were amazing. Now you try said yin Sin. Ok, said angel. Angel states to spin and spin. He did what his master told him. Now you’ve got it. I am sending out a robot.

The robot came out and attacked but could not touch him. Now my son use your tip toes to move said yin Sid. Angel did as he was told and went for the robot. To robot got sliced like a tomato in a garbage disposal. Angel starts to slow down. Well done my son says yin Sid. Now here are the keys I will see you when you return. So he sets of for twilight town.

Angel starts the engine. He was a little nerves about leaving. But he knew that those figures would not get him because he is wearing the tracker scrambler. He takes of thought the air. Looks back to see his master waving good bye.

He looks forward and see an open sky. Then in a blink of an I was on his way though the sky. He was very nerves on what he might find out there. Plus the thought of what is master said was still in his head. “ but remember my son there are still heartless out there. don’t let your darker self out. Then they will be attracted to you.’’ Ugh said angel. This will be a long trip I can already tell.

So before he left the planet he sees to figures in the corners of his eyes. On light one dark. Owe no thought angel. I thought they could not find me or track me. His heart started to beat rapidly. He started to loses control. Looking franticly for the weapons on the ship. He then turns his head to look. Phew it is only a flock of ravens and doves. Wait a minute! He thought back to his study’s in school. Ravens were the sign of depression. But next to it was a flock of doves. Hum I don’t know what doves symbolize. owe well I am off for twilight town. He then left the plant on his mission.

Wow said angel space is so cool. Wait heartless don’t now how to drive there cant be any out here. Ha ha ha this will be easy. While I am up here I can think. So he thinks back to what might those figures want from him. Well one is light the other is dark. So maybe they want to be a servant to them. To help them in the chance to do what they want. I don’t know well said angel.

It was sure weird of those birds to wonder up there. Suddenly there was so crashing noises coming from behind him. What the hell is that! It was 3 squadrons of heartless. No way they can fly. Well crap got to loose them.

He tries to figure out how to shoot. Come on why didn’t master show me how to work this stupid thing. Said angel. Well looks like I will have to confuse them. So he starts to fly in and out though them. Doing circles every which way he could.

Crap this isn’t working! He said, GOSH WHY DOSNT THIS WORK! He yelled banging hi fist on the controls. When they fired suddenly. YES! Then trying his flying technique again he shoots at them. All of them fall.

Well that took more time then it should have. He said. Twilight town in range. The computer said. Finally now I need to get out of here. Would you like to warp speed to the plant asked the computer. Yes please said angel. Landing now it said. He crawled out of the cockpit and walked out on his own.

Now with this tracker I can find that cave. He looked left and right all he saw was trees and a dirt road. Well look like I am going that way said angel. So he walk down the path. He is on it for hours. Walking walking for hours can be tiring seeing the same thing over and over. Man I wish I could find something to do. Then out of now where he heard voices.

Ouch that hurt said a voice. Good you deserve it said another. It was coming from behide a thorn bush. Well looks like I am going in said angel. He wanted something to do to occupy himself. So he got though the bushes as well as he could.

When he got though he looked though it. There were 2 people standing the both with blades drawn. One was male the other female.

Now you will now my power said the guy. Owe yeah we ill just see said the girl. The guy was very evil looking. He had red eyes and black hair. He had a crimson cloak and black shirt and pants. Owe my said angel. The other, the girl had dark brown hair and green eyes. She look so sweet and incident.
Why was this evil person messing with her. They both were facing each other. Blades in hand about to strike. When the male person starts to move toward the female with his blade. Owe no I need to act fast said angel! So he leaps out of the bushes to block the attack. He succeeds the male says what in the world!? Quick run before he gets free said angel using all his might to hold his keyblade. What do you think you are doing says the girl. You have now Idea who you are dealing with says the guy. The guy swings around and knocks angel down. We were practicing you idiot they both say.

But I though she was in trouble says angel. No I am fine says the girl. Even if I was I can hold my own. Owe well I am very sorry for intruding. Its cool man says the guy. honest mistake they both say. Hi they say. The girl speaks up. My name is crystal. The guy and my name is neloangelo. But call me nelo. Ok that’s cool and my name is the angel of sacrifice. But just call me angel. Ok that’s cool so why are you training anyways? Asks angel. We have a competition this week so we are getting ready.

So I really am sorry for getting in the way says angel. No it fine they both say. So what are you doing here asks nelo. I am here to get the blades of light and dark out of the cave in town. WHAT!! Says crystal. Are you crazy? No one has left there alive! Dude you are crazy to even think of going there says nelo. Well I have to says angel. If I want balance to my power. Ok that’s a little to weird for me I am out of here says crystal. Are you coming nelo? Yeah lets go says nelo hesitating.

So I guess we are going are separate ways says angel yeah. Well It was nice meeting you says angel. You to says nelo and crystal. As they walk away angel going in one direction crystal going in the other nelo stands and watches angel walk away. Crystal stops and turns to see nelo watching him. What are you doing nelo asks crystal we have to get going. I know as he turns to walk crystal stops and looks. That guy, I I hope he knows what he is doing she thought in her head. As she turns she runs to catch up with nelo so they can finish there training.



Next chapter…….. The cave what am I going to do now?

 

[Nojerom]

*trumpets play*
and guest starrs:

*drumroll*

Neloangelo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *audience goes wild*

hehehe......

nice chap, Clint, me-liky.

oh and dude. you always forget to proofread.... you want help with that?