Gomen!, Sorry for the lateness. Midterms caught me up, but alright I've reread the first few chapters and I'm wicked confused. You have a tendency to change tenses. It's like you're trying to talk in a past and future tense all at the same time, and it's not working. I think I've got what you're trying to say, but you'll have to pick a tense. Parallelism is key into making this story flow.
I'm going through and editing it into what tense I think it is, but I think it'd be a better idea if you did it because I don't want to accidentally change the connotation of your sentences. A lot of the beginning your alluding to things, but it's rather weak. My break starts next weekend I can totally just IM with you back and forth sometime during then and we can get this story better than ever. ^_^