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Fanfiction ► Welcome home Sora.



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Oathkeeper33

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Here's the rest of the chappy. Enjoy guys!:D

Sora gasped for breath. Nothing he or Riku were trying was working. There was one attack left to use, but he and Riku had to save that for a last resort because of the collatoral damage it would cause. 'Darn you realistic...ism?' He charged in again, blown away for the fourth time and surrounded by a ring of heartless and dusk. Sora ignored them, focused on Ansem. He chucked his keyblade at him, grinning. It cut Ansem's arm, which began to slowly bleed. He caught his keyblade, now starting to get angry.

"SORA! WATCH OUT!" Kairi screamed, obviously scared.

He ran away, dodging little blasts from the floor. Spinning around, he fired a blast that blew away 50 heartless in one swing. He grinned. 'Cake.' He turned away again to face Ansem.

"I think it's time you explained some things Ansem. Why are you here? What the hell is going on?"

Ansem grinned. "I'm here for the keyhole. The one you never sealed. Destiny Islands will soon be mine!"

A dark spasm opened in the ground and Ansem descended into it. Sora dove into the spasm head first, cutting down flying heartless in front of him. He looked up to see Riku falling right behind him. He touched feet to the floor, looking to Ansem, now transformed into a massive heartless. Sora laughed.

"No collateral damage here! Let's go Riku!" Sora yelled, running towards him.

They ran into each other, except when they collided, a flash blinded Ansem. When he opened his eyes, he saw a teenager with spiked up silver hair, black clothes and yellow eyes.

"You fused?! What the-?" Ansem yelled.

Soku (Hehe...mixed names...) ran in and cut him off with his Oathkeeper and Riku's keyblade. He rained a flurry of blows on Ansem and flung him into the air. Soku jumped up, slicing Ansem with both keys. He jumped to the floor, backflipping and holding Oathkeeper in the air and pointing it at Ansem. A massive beam shot from the blade, shining on Ansem. Ansem, however did not notice Sora and Riku had seperated at Riku was flying inside of the beam. Riku cut Ansem several times, and Ansem dropped to the floor, dead.

Sora and Riku high-fived. A door stood closed at the end of the spasm. Sora and Riku both held Oathkeeper's handle, and a beam shot from the end, sealing Destiny Islands.

They flew back to the surface of the island, and reunited with the ones they loved. Riku and Selphie started kissing, and Kairi and Sora did as well. They smiled, and joined in a group hug. Their island was finally safe from danger.
 
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Daniel Faraday

you fucking...FUCK
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1.Damn you and your words. Make them make sense. First you begin in a fanatic whirlwind of kisses and sex (WTF?), then slip back into your regular, ametuer sort of style, no offense. What the hell is up with you, man? Stick to one way or the other, ya?
2.You make my heart smolder with exploding. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad; first you exhibit rather good skills (way above your usual par) and then...."I am a genaric character. I fight for justice and good and da shizznet" said (Insert any character here. I really ****ing don't care who, they're all the same). Although the second still isn't all that bad (I actually write like that a lot...), the fact that you possibly stole this from another person really distresses me. Plagurism can really kick your ass, be careful. Of course, if that really is your own work, try to stick to that sort of quality, it was pretty refreshing,to be honest.
3.Plot holes. Your story's like a highway running through Nigeria, it's festering with so many pot holes and bumps that I don't know what to make of the story. Is it cryptic expression, or just you being careless with loose ends? Clear that up, will you?

Now....back to Resident Ev-....Oh, shit, homework. Whoops.

~Fenris Etheral
 

Oathkeeper33

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Aww...Fenwis wikes my stowy...It wasnt plagerism...i steered away from the first part cuz i didnt look at the other story before writing it...oops...well, now that thats cleared up, i had a little writers block thingie today...thus my qualitie goes down...
 

Oathkeeper33

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sorry to double post...k im writing another chappy...here we go!

Sora stood at the edge of the pier gazing out at the falling sun with his hands in his pockets. He was overwhelmed with sorrow, all the parents were now deceased and how were they going to live? Just Selphie, Kairi, Riku, and him. He sighed. Realizing all this in one day was hard for him. He was tired, hungry, and thirsty, not really in the mood for so much bad news. Kairi and Selphie were sleeping in the clubhouse. Sora sat down taking his hands out of his pockets. He looked into the twilight with his clear blue eyes, reflecting now on what had happened all day.

Riku put blankets over the two girls. He laughed softly as Selphie sniffed it when it was put on her. He kissed her fore head and walked out of the club house. He noticed Sora, sitting on the pier gazing into the twilit sun. He walked down to the pier to meet his friend.

Sora rubbed his eyes. Tears fell down his face, one after another.

"Damnit damnit damnit! Stop crying dammit!" He yelled at himself.

Riku sat next to him, throwing his arm around his crying friend.

"Sora. It's okay man. Cry all you want. You've been through a lot."

Sora smiled through his teary eyes, putting his head on Riku's shoulder, and now sobbing a little. He stood up then, wiping away the tears.

"Come on Riku...let's spar...I need to relieve my anger."

"Alright...follow me..."

They walked to the secret spot, and once there, Riku through a wooden sword at Sora. Catching it gently, Sora noticed the name etched in the hilt in chicken scratch writng.

It said "Sora" on the hilt. He smiled. Memories flowed into him. He teared up again, only this time joyfully. Things would be better. He'd make it that way.

Riku smiled.

"You've really grown Sora."

"I know."
 
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Daniel Faraday

you fucking...FUCK
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Jesus....you make me do so much work, yeah?
How to begin....I suppose my only real problem with the first paragraph is how disconnected it is. First he makes a single baset, then puts the ball down and finds Kairi making a necklace. Because he wants to let her be, he goes back and makes another basket or two, watching Selphie draw and Riku fish while he does so (WTF? How do you watch someone sketch, of all things, while you're playing basket ball? And fishing! Why in the hell would you want to watch someone perched on a dock with a stick dangling into the sea?). He then contemplates his sorrowful existance and how things would be better without him (EVANGELION'D!!!) and finally toppels backwards onto the lofty sand. Whoopdy doo for him. Although the description is pretty good, I really couldn't give a damn about any of these events with the exception of the psychological rumination. In fact, scrap the fishing and drawing thing then work the musing into the 'yay, I ****ing love basketball' part and you'll be good.
Second paragraph....Riku catching fish=fine and dandy. Riku talking to himself while staring at Kairi=creepy (At school today, didn't you say Kairi was 17 here and Riku was 18? Dude, pedophiles really aren't cool.)
Then...The next three paragraphs are so spontainious, I could add three pages inbetween the last one and this most recent, and it would still work. Add a bit of transitioning.
Sora spots a boddle, leaves Kairi where she is and rushes off to read the contents. He doesn't want her to notice, but he doesn't say a word to her as to why he all of a sudden drops her. A few flaws in your reasoning, huh?
Mickey's message sounds a bit too calm. So the holes that slowly suck the life from the cosmos themselves have been opened. If it's not too inconvient, you think you could drop by sometime so the ****ing universe doesn't get enveloped in the ether of destruction and darkness? No, no, you don't have to hurry, just get here before we're all trapped in an epilogue of existance.
Cheers,
A Mouse who rules over a kingdom comprised of bumbling and almost frightningly optimistic animals, computer programs, pirates, animals, heroes, and princesses. Oh, we've got dwarves, too. Seven of them with hidious mono-psychological conditions. WTF is up with that, anyways? (I've got a few Disney issues...)
Last sentance...pretty cryptic, leaves everything sort of hanging. Best part of the chapter, in my opinion. Extend it a bit, though...Like...
"Dammit..."Sora squinted pessimistically at the mesage, hoping the words would fade into darkness, and all would be normal again. However, the fine ink stayed plastered to the paper, so he slammed the bottle to the ground and shouted, "Riku! We have to go, man. Tomorrow!"

So....yeah. Nothing much else to say...Keep going, I guess, this is good experiance for you.

~Fenris Etheral
 

.:oh_your_hott:.

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Fenris Etheral said:
So the holes that slowly suck the life from the cosmos themselves have been opened. If it's not too inconvient, you think you could drop by sometime so the ****ing universe doesn't get enveloped in the ether of destruction and darkness? No, no, you don't have to hurry, just get here before we're all trapped in an epilogue of existance.
Cheers,
A Mouse who rules over a kingdom comprised of bumbling and almost frightningly optimistic animals, computer programs, pirates, animals, heroes, and princesses.

Lmfao. That SHOULD of been the letter.
 

Oathkeeper33

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huh? crappit...hold on deleting chappy...aright! Deleted. I'll change my plot...if i can think of sumthin, I'll write anuther one tonight. Thanks guys.


~Oathy
 
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