Byline: Tommy S.
Well, I thought I should finally give some well-deserved attention to the world of movies and ask you what YOUR 2007 films are. And how appropriate indeed, considering that this year has already been, and will continue to be, a historic year for movies, especially compared to last year, from which I can name maybe three or four "must-see" films. One of the reasons why I didn't even bother to watch the Academy Awards this time around. 2007, however, has taken movies to a whole 'nother level.
2007 has already been cleverly named the "Battle of Sequels 2" (with the summer of 2004 being the first BoS), for obvious reasons. But that, *chuckles*, is only the half of it. So allow me now to present my own "2007 in Film," ordered chronologically by release date.
Bridge to Terabithia (February 16, Walt Disney Pictures)
I'll be quite honest here. I read the book back in the day, and I just had to see this film for myself. Josh Hutcherson and AnnaSophia Robb are such delightful little actors, aren't they?
Black Snake Moan (March 2, Paramount Vantage)
The last time I saw Samuel L. Jackson was in the sick-as-hell "Snakes on a Plane." What is it with this guy and snakes? Yeah, and I definitely didn't complain about Christina Ricci being in this film.
300 (March 9, Warner Bros. Pictures)
The highest-grossing film of the year so far has also been the most epic. Another adaptation of Frank Miller's legendary graphic novels, this film was, overall, pretty damn good, but it can't touch Sin City.
TMNT (March 23, Warner Bros. Pictures)
Hello? The first Ninja Turtles film since 1993? I'm just glad this film finally made it to the big screen after spending God-knows-how-long in development hell.
Grindhouse (April 6, Dimension Films)
Reason #1 to see this film: Tarantino, Rodriguez. Reason #2 to see this film: Charmed's Rose McGowan. Reason #3 to see this film: *see reason #1*
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (May 25, Buena Vista)
Depp, Knightly, and Bloom are back in the final film of the tril. Hey, we're looking at something that will almost surely be featured in a future Kingdom Hearts installment.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (July 13, Warner Bros.)
A Friday the 13th release for the fifth film in the Potter series? What, are they crazy? Well, I hated Prisoner of Azkaban, but Goblet of Fire was just good enough to suck me back in. Grrrrr.
The Simpsons Movie (July 27, 20th Century Fox)
Haven't decided if I wanna see this yet. Must check ratings. Seriously, I haven't watched an episode of The Simpsons since Season 12, the last year the show was still, at the very least, bearable to watch. I'll definitely tune in for the "24" crossover, however. Speaking of which, it was great seeing Kiefer Sutherland plug that ep as well as talk about getting humped and squirted on by a female orangutan (spelled this right, did it phonetically) on Leno tonight. (If you missed it, you prolly also missed Masi Oka's return on Conan. He talked about Future Hiro. We also saw a clip from next week's "Heroes.") Haha, I went completely off-topic.
Rush Hour 3 (August 10, New Line)
The boys are finally back in the third installment of what must be the funniest action-comedy series of all time. It'll be great to see Chan and Tucker back together after all this time. Now if only Harold and Kumar would hurry up and go to effin' Amsterdam already ...
======================================
And now I present to you, MY rejects! Yeah! These films were seriously considered by me, but then decided against!
Epic Movie (January 26, 20th Century Fox)
I decided against this after I remembered that Scary Movie and Date Movie are examples of films that make me wanna regurgitate whatever happens to be between my stomach and my mouth at the time.
Hannibal Rising (February 9, MGM)
I decided against this after realizing that I hate every film since "Silence of the Lambs" that has featured the character of Hannibal. Go figure.
Dead Silence (March 16, Universal Pictures)
This looked like it could finally be a good horror/thriller (yeah, not many of those lately, huh?) Unfortunately, the ratings spoke otherwise. Looks like no scary-ass puppets for me.
The Condemned (March 16, Lions Gate Films)
Oh no, I've incurred the wrath of Vince McMahon. Despite what WWE will have you believe, the majority of the critics who have already screened this film did NOT have positive things to say about it. My apologies to the Bionic Redneck, but looks like I'll be missing out on some Stone Cold action.
Spider-Man 3 (May 4, Columbia Pictures)
... pick your jaws up from the floor, please. To be as frank as possible, I hated Spider-Man 2 and found it be possibly the most overrated movie in the history of wide-release films. I haven't liked the series' adaptation of Spider-Man to begin with, and I think Tobey Maguire is all wrong for Peter Parker. But that's just me. Oh yeah, and I find the plot of the movie to be about as interesting as Spidey 2's was. Seriously, I can't believe anyone would put this series over the X-Men film trilogy. Unbelievable. The first X-Men film alone pretty much defecated on everything else that came out that summer.
Shrek the Third (May 18, DreamWorks)
I enjoyed Shrek 2, but not enough to make me wanna see another one. That's all I have to say.
Fantastic Four: RotSS (June 15, 20th Century Fox)
Yeah, I was excited about the first film b/c of Julian McMahon of Charmed and Nip/Tuck fame. After the first film, I swore never to watch any possible sequels. And here we are.
Godzilla 3D to the MAX (September 12, Toho)
If this movie doesn't end up flopping, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Hitman (October 12, 20th Century Fox)
I really haven't enjoyed the video game series THAT much to see another unpromising VG adaptation. The batting average of VG adaptations hasn't been very good recently, for those of you keeping score.
Saw IV (October 26, Lionsgate)
Haha, I was talking about overrated before. I saw the first Saw (pun unavoidable) after feeling the effects of all the insane hype surrounding it. Wow ... if the original was the "best" film from the series, then I wonder how bad the sequels must be. Just wow.
Beowulf (November 16, Paramount Pictures)
Hmm, I wonder how they can make an entire movie out of one single poem. Oh yeah, that's right. The "poem" is about as long as Hell is hot. Seeing this film would be like reliving the hell that was 7th Grade English all over again.
Alien vs. Predator: Survival of the Fittest (December 25, 20th Century Fox)
Uhh ... I watched both AVP and Freddy vs. Jason literally back-to-back a few years ago. I was convinced that absolutely neither should ever get a sequel. But here are. Wow. Once again, just wow.
==================================
BTW, these were all of the songs I listened to during the duration of writing this thing (I lip-sang):
Try - Hayden Panettiere
It Ends Tonight - All-American Rejects
Here (In Your Arms) - hellogoodbye
Survival of the Sickest - Saliva
To Be Loved - Papa Roach
Everyday - Bon Jovi
Human on the Inside - The Pretenders
I Dare You - Shinedown
The Memory Will Never Die - Default
Together - Krystal Meyers
I think I also may have listened to some Carrie Underwood. Not sure though.
Well, I thought I should finally give some well-deserved attention to the world of movies and ask you what YOUR 2007 films are. And how appropriate indeed, considering that this year has already been, and will continue to be, a historic year for movies, especially compared to last year, from which I can name maybe three or four "must-see" films. One of the reasons why I didn't even bother to watch the Academy Awards this time around. 2007, however, has taken movies to a whole 'nother level.
2007 has already been cleverly named the "Battle of Sequels 2" (with the summer of 2004 being the first BoS), for obvious reasons. But that, *chuckles*, is only the half of it. So allow me now to present my own "2007 in Film," ordered chronologically by release date.
Bridge to Terabithia (February 16, Walt Disney Pictures)
I'll be quite honest here. I read the book back in the day, and I just had to see this film for myself. Josh Hutcherson and AnnaSophia Robb are such delightful little actors, aren't they?
Black Snake Moan (March 2, Paramount Vantage)
The last time I saw Samuel L. Jackson was in the sick-as-hell "Snakes on a Plane." What is it with this guy and snakes? Yeah, and I definitely didn't complain about Christina Ricci being in this film.
300 (March 9, Warner Bros. Pictures)
The highest-grossing film of the year so far has also been the most epic. Another adaptation of Frank Miller's legendary graphic novels, this film was, overall, pretty damn good, but it can't touch Sin City.
TMNT (March 23, Warner Bros. Pictures)
Hello? The first Ninja Turtles film since 1993? I'm just glad this film finally made it to the big screen after spending God-knows-how-long in development hell.
Grindhouse (April 6, Dimension Films)
Reason #1 to see this film: Tarantino, Rodriguez. Reason #2 to see this film: Charmed's Rose McGowan. Reason #3 to see this film: *see reason #1*
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (May 25, Buena Vista)
Depp, Knightly, and Bloom are back in the final film of the tril. Hey, we're looking at something that will almost surely be featured in a future Kingdom Hearts installment.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (July 13, Warner Bros.)
A Friday the 13th release for the fifth film in the Potter series? What, are they crazy? Well, I hated Prisoner of Azkaban, but Goblet of Fire was just good enough to suck me back in. Grrrrr.
The Simpsons Movie (July 27, 20th Century Fox)
Haven't decided if I wanna see this yet. Must check ratings. Seriously, I haven't watched an episode of The Simpsons since Season 12, the last year the show was still, at the very least, bearable to watch. I'll definitely tune in for the "24" crossover, however. Speaking of which, it was great seeing Kiefer Sutherland plug that ep as well as talk about getting humped and squirted on by a female orangutan (spelled this right, did it phonetically) on Leno tonight. (If you missed it, you prolly also missed Masi Oka's return on Conan. He talked about Future Hiro. We also saw a clip from next week's "Heroes.") Haha, I went completely off-topic.
Rush Hour 3 (August 10, New Line)
The boys are finally back in the third installment of what must be the funniest action-comedy series of all time. It'll be great to see Chan and Tucker back together after all this time. Now if only Harold and Kumar would hurry up and go to effin' Amsterdam already ...
======================================
And now I present to you, MY rejects! Yeah! These films were seriously considered by me, but then decided against!
Epic Movie (January 26, 20th Century Fox)
I decided against this after I remembered that Scary Movie and Date Movie are examples of films that make me wanna regurgitate whatever happens to be between my stomach and my mouth at the time.
Hannibal Rising (February 9, MGM)
I decided against this after realizing that I hate every film since "Silence of the Lambs" that has featured the character of Hannibal. Go figure.
Dead Silence (March 16, Universal Pictures)
This looked like it could finally be a good horror/thriller (yeah, not many of those lately, huh?) Unfortunately, the ratings spoke otherwise. Looks like no scary-ass puppets for me.
The Condemned (March 16, Lions Gate Films)
Oh no, I've incurred the wrath of Vince McMahon. Despite what WWE will have you believe, the majority of the critics who have already screened this film did NOT have positive things to say about it. My apologies to the Bionic Redneck, but looks like I'll be missing out on some Stone Cold action.
Spider-Man 3 (May 4, Columbia Pictures)
... pick your jaws up from the floor, please. To be as frank as possible, I hated Spider-Man 2 and found it be possibly the most overrated movie in the history of wide-release films. I haven't liked the series' adaptation of Spider-Man to begin with, and I think Tobey Maguire is all wrong for Peter Parker. But that's just me. Oh yeah, and I find the plot of the movie to be about as interesting as Spidey 2's was. Seriously, I can't believe anyone would put this series over the X-Men film trilogy. Unbelievable. The first X-Men film alone pretty much defecated on everything else that came out that summer.
Shrek the Third (May 18, DreamWorks)
I enjoyed Shrek 2, but not enough to make me wanna see another one. That's all I have to say.
Fantastic Four: RotSS (June 15, 20th Century Fox)
Yeah, I was excited about the first film b/c of Julian McMahon of Charmed and Nip/Tuck fame. After the first film, I swore never to watch any possible sequels. And here we are.
Godzilla 3D to the MAX (September 12, Toho)
If this movie doesn't end up flopping, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Hitman (October 12, 20th Century Fox)
I really haven't enjoyed the video game series THAT much to see another unpromising VG adaptation. The batting average of VG adaptations hasn't been very good recently, for those of you keeping score.
Saw IV (October 26, Lionsgate)
Haha, I was talking about overrated before. I saw the first Saw (pun unavoidable) after feeling the effects of all the insane hype surrounding it. Wow ... if the original was the "best" film from the series, then I wonder how bad the sequels must be. Just wow.
Beowulf (November 16, Paramount Pictures)
Hmm, I wonder how they can make an entire movie out of one single poem. Oh yeah, that's right. The "poem" is about as long as Hell is hot. Seeing this film would be like reliving the hell that was 7th Grade English all over again.
Alien vs. Predator: Survival of the Fittest (December 25, 20th Century Fox)
Uhh ... I watched both AVP and Freddy vs. Jason literally back-to-back a few years ago. I was convinced that absolutely neither should ever get a sequel. But here are. Wow. Once again, just wow.
==================================
BTW, these were all of the songs I listened to during the duration of writing this thing (I lip-sang):
Try - Hayden Panettiere
It Ends Tonight - All-American Rejects
Here (In Your Arms) - hellogoodbye
Survival of the Sickest - Saliva
To Be Loved - Papa Roach
Everyday - Bon Jovi
Human on the Inside - The Pretenders
I Dare You - Shinedown
The Memory Will Never Die - Default
Together - Krystal Meyers
I think I also may have listened to some Carrie Underwood. Not sure though.
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